Survival of the Soul
by Lady Saffir
Summary: The trauma suffered by Bella for three years has left lasting mental scars. Surrounded by the support and love of the Cullen family, Bella begins to grow and finds out there is more to life than simply surviving.
1. Chapter 1

Survival of the Soul

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R

Chapter Rating: PG

DISLCAIMER: I do not own any character associated with the Twilight universe.

"Life is suffering" Buddha

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.■ Maria Robinson

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The family knew something was up when the large delivery truck arrived at the house with a king sized bed. Emmett and Jasper had shrugged at each other, mouthing, 'not me' and smirking. Carlisle had looked to Esme, wondering if she had ordered a new piece of furniture, frowning when she shook her head. Every head turned when Alice bound over to the doorway and thanked the delivery men for such prompt service.

"Alice? Is there a reason you ordered us another bed?" Jasper questioned. Perhaps his wife had foreseen they would break the bed the next time everyone else was gone?

"It isn't for us," the serene answer floated down the stairs. Alice already had the frame up the stairs and was piecing it together in an empty room on the third floor when the rest of the family arrived.

"Alice, if it isn't for you and Jasper, and I'm assuming it isn't for Emmett and Rosalie or Esme and me, why did you order a bed?" Carlisle questioned.

"I don't know. I just saw that we would need it," Alice admitted, straightening up and beaming at her husband. "Jazz, sweetie, could you and Emmett please bring up the box spring and mattress?"

Jasper nodded slowly, he and his brother disappearing down the stairs and returning seconds later, placing the set on the completed frame. By now the rest of the family had dispersed, used to Alice's odd requests and actions in regard to a vision. This vision seemed to be troubling his wife more than usual. Her feelings were fluctuating between happiness and sorrow, anxiety laced throughout. What had she truly seen, and when would she know exactly why they needed another bed?

"Alice?" he asked softly, walking over to place a hand on her shoulder. She turned to him then, wrapping her arms about his waist and burying her face in to his shoulder. "Alice, what did you see?"

A shudder ripped through his wife's body. "Someone important to our family," she whispered. "But we don't know her yet. We might never know her. I keep seeing the bed, sometimes with her in it, other times empty. I think it's going to be a close thing, us finding her in time," Alice confided, her hands clenching the fabric covering Jasper's back.

"We'll find her, Alice," Jasper soothed, sending a wave of calm to the distraught woman in his arms. "I promise you we will."

That had been two days ago.

Alice tore in to the living room, yanking on her shoes as she yelled for her family. "Carlisle, Esme, Jasper! We have to go - NOW! HURRY!"

In the blink of an eye her family was in the room, Emmett and Rosalie included. Only Edward, out hunting the past three days, was unaware of the tension the family had been living with.

"Emmett, you and Rose need to go the store, get things like broth, milk, juice, crackers," Alice ordered, yanking on Jasper's arm as she hurried him to the garage. "No complaints, Rose! Just do this, please," she begged, reaching back and pulling Carlisle and Esme after her. "Carlisle, we're taking your car. Get us to Seattle as fast as you can."

A quick look at his daughter's face had Carlisle nodding grimly, pealing out of the garage and whipping through the turns of the drive at eighty. They were on the interstate before anyone spoke.

"Alice, what did you see?" Esme asked, twisting to look at her adopted daughter.

"Death," came the quick reply. "Some of the Volturi, Aro included, are in Seattle to deal with a rogue. There's someone there we need to save," Alice stated, her face going blank as another vision took hold. Her breath hissed out in anger at what she saw. "I'm going to rip him to pieces," she muttered.

"Who, Alice? And where are we going?" Jasper questioned.

"The outskirts of Seattle. I'll tell you when to turn, Carlisle. And we're going to save a young woman named Bella."

Esme gagged at the smells emanating from the house. It was surrounded by woods and well away from any prying eyes, the structure itself in disrepair and looking to be in danger of collapsing in on itself. Despair and misery permeated the air, palpable even to those who weren't sensitive to the emotional climate. The silence surrounding the structure was unnerving, not even the wildlife dared make any noise.

"Alice?"

At Carlisle's voice Alice allowed visions to take hold, shuddering as they progressed.

"We want the second floor bedroom to the left of the stairs. She's in the closet. We have one minute before Aro and company arrive and begin cleaning up," she stated. "Ignore everyone else in the house. Jasper, you'll need to provide as calming an influence as you can. Carlisle, you'll need to be the one to open the closet."

"Closet?" Esme questioned as they were speeding up the stairs.

Alice nodded grimly, allowing Jasper to take point as he opened the bedroom door.

The house was quiet around them, the other occupants going silent as they sensed vampires entering the building. The fast beat of their hearts betrayed their anxiety, the quickened breathing coming in pants. The air swirled with the unique scent fear produced.

Jasper struggled with to control his emotions and block out the feelings of the humans around him. Alice had said he needed to provide calm but the emotions being inflicted upon him made this a difficult task. 'Calm, calm' he chanted to himself, forcing his mind to empty of any negative thoughts. With a deep breath he finally settled and was able to project calm in to the room.

Carlisle nodded, motioning for Esme and Alice to stand back. Regardless of the fact that it was a human behind the doors, he wanted to take no chances. He studied the dirty wood door before him. There was a small air vent at the base and numerous chips and dents were scattered over the wooden surface. Dried smears of blood were interspersed, one barely congealed. Carlisle smoothed away the frown he wore, slowly opening the door.

The girl huddled on the floor blinked rapidly, one hand near her face as she attempted to see who was before her. Her brown hair was dirty and greasy, her clothes overly large and in danger of falling from her shoulders. A multitude of emotions flashed over her face before settling on fear.

"Bella?" Carlisle spoke softly, crouching down so that he was at eye level with the girl before him. She simply stared for a moment before nodding shortly. Her gaze flitted to the three other vampires in the room quickly before settling back on Carlisle's face.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen and this is Esme, Alice and Jasper. We're going to get you out of here in just a minute, okay?"

Another short nod.

"Are you hurt anywhere?"

A quizzical look met this question, Bella's head tilting to one side as she thought over the question before nodding reluctantly.

"No time," Alice whispered, turning to face the doorway. Carlisle rose smoothly, stepping forward as Aro appeared in the doorway, Jane at his side.

"My friend!" Aro exclaimed. "This is quite the surprise. What brings you to this miserable place?"

"Alice had a vision that we needed to be here," Carlisle answered.

"Did she now?" The Volturi leader murmured. "And what did she see?"

"That we needed to save this young woman," Carlisle gestured behind him.

Aro drifted further in to the room, edging to the side in order to get a better view of Bella. "Child, do you know what we are?" he questioned suddenly.

Bella nodded again.

"Then we have a problem," Aro addressed Carlisle. "She knows what we are and you know the rules."

Alice stepped forward, ignoring the warning hiss from Jane. "If you'd like to see, Aro," she invited, one hand extended out confidently. The dark haired vampire took her hand easily, his eyes gazing in to the distance as he processed everything he took from Alice's memories.

The room was tense for one long moment before Aro exhaled, turning to smile at the head of the Cullen family. "Ah. Shall I offer my congratulations in advance, then? Another daughter," he trailed off, smiling at Esme before heading towards the door. "Come, Jane, we have others to take care of," he stated, gliding soundlessly out in to the hallway. Jane gave a parting glare at the Cullen family members before following her master out.

Carlisle exhaled, exchanging a look with his wife before turning back to the human still huddled on the floor.

"Bella, can you walk? We need to leave."

Brown eyes widened at the statement. Silence followed before the young woman nodded her head timidly, looking away, shaking her hair forward to cover her face. She struggled awkardly to gain her feet, using only her left arm to push up from the floor. Concerned with the difficulty Bella seemed to have with such a simple action, Carlisle looked her frail form over, hissing when his gaze zeroed in on the awkward angle her right arm laid as it was cradled against her chest. The sound froze Bella as she crouched on the floor, distress etched on her features as she waited to be punished for her delay in standing.

"Alice, get my bag out of the car," Carlisle murmured, kneeling down to better assess the damage. "Bella, I'm a doctor. May I look at your arm?"

An indifferent shrug met this question.

Carlisle took this as assent, gently running his hands over her arm. He looked up to check to see if this caused any pain, only to find his patient had closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall. His fingers, though gentle, still pulled a whimper of pain from the girl huddled before him. She bit her lip against the sound, choosing to keep her eyes closed as Carlisle fashioned a brace around her arm.

"Bella, I'm going to pick you up now," Carlisle informed his patient, waiting for a slight nod before slipping his hands behind her back and under her knees. He lifted her slight form, frowning to himself. Her weight regardless would have been inconsequential to him but he was hyper aware of the press of her bones against her skin. They would have to work on improving her nutrition when they arrived home and took care of her injuries.


	2. Chapter 2

Survival of the Soul Chapter 2 By: Lady Saffir Chapter rating: PG Story rating: R/NC-17

AN - A big thank you to Megami76 for being a wonderful beta and putting up with my many emails. :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters from the Twilight universe.

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." Eleanor Roosevelt

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The quiet murmur of voices pulled Bella from her slumber. Opening her eyes, she found the room lit only with natural light that filtered through a window that encompassed an entire wall. Her attention was pulled from the gently swaying trees outside to the other occupants of the room when her name was called.

"Bella?"

The soft voice offered no insight as to the speaker's frame of mind, yet the young woman flinched as if expecting pain. Turning her head she again found herself staring at a god come down to earth. The vampire before her was the most beautiful she had encountered, his blonde hair smoothed back from his forehead, pulling attention to his unusually colored eyes. His body was perfect of course, and Bella spared little attention to that. It was the eyes that captivated her. What did it mean for a vampire's eyes to be golden and not fiery red?

"How are you feeling?" The man pressed.

Her mind pulled forth a name. Carlisle. This vampire had said his name was Carlisle and that he was a doctor. That couldn't be right though, unless he was referring to the sort of games he enjoyed. James and Victoria had always enjoyed watching when Jonathon came over and 'examined' her.

A shudder ripped through the frail woman's body, her eyes closing against the memory.

"Are you in pain?"

Answer! Her mind screamed. Don't make him ask you a third time and punish you. He was new and unknown and you have no idea how he'll react to your disobedience, Bella's mind insisted, forming the words she needed to speak.

"No, I'm fine," she whispered, turning her eyes away to stare at the wall.

"Why are you lying?" The other tall blonde man asked from his position by the door. The tense set of his shoulders and tightening around his eyes made her nervous.

"I'm fine," Bella insisted, her mouth going dry as he stepped away from the wall.

"Jasper," Carlisle cautioned, twisting in his seat to stare at the other man. Any further words were lost as Bella gasped when Jasper stepped in to the light.

She could see the crisscrossing of scars over his arms and neck and knew those to mean that this was a fighter. Perhaps he was this coven's enforcer? She couldn't control her body's fight or flight response to this threat before her. Her heart tripped over itself then began a jackhammer pace, her breathing accelerating as well. She must quickly find out what behavior was acceptable so as to give him no reason to look at her again.

"Bella, this is my son, Jasper. You have nothing to fear from him or anyone else in our family," Carlisle soothed, slowly standing and moving to the side of the bed. "Would you like to sit up?"

Bella nodded mutely, struggling to pull herself into a sitting position. She flinched away from the feel of Carlisle's hands under her arms assisting her to a better position. Satisfied, he stepped back, sitting down once more.

"Thank you," Bella whispered, looking down and picking idly at the blanket covering her.

"Are you sure you aren't in any pain?" Carlisle asked again. Bella caught the look he gave the man he called Jasper.

"I'll be okay."

The door opened, interrupting Carlisle before he could press for a truthful answer from his patient. Esme entered, carrying a tray containing a variety of foods. The smell of the broth perfumed the air, causing Bella's stomach to gurgle loudly.

"Good, you are hungry. I was afraid the morphine might have made you nauseous," Carlisle stated. He moved aside to allow his wife to place the tray on Bella's lap. It was painfully obvious to the vampire occupants of the room that Bella tensed as Esme drew near, her breathe held and body unnaturally still. The already fast beat of her heart thrummed even faster.

Esme, ever the mother, couldn't resist trying to ease some of Bella's fears. "You're safe," she murmured, stepping back to stand next to Carlisle. "No one will ever harm you again, Bella, I promise."

Bella glanced up at Esme as she spoke, quickly looking back down at the tray before her. There was wariness and fear in her eyes, Carlisle noted, but he thought he had perhaps caught the faintest trace of curiosity in her gaze.

The head of the Cullen family settled back into the chair he had been previously seated. Esme pulled a chair up next to him, and Jasper moved back to his position by the door. "Why don't you eat and I'll explain everything," Carlisle suggested. He waited for Bella to swallow the first spoonful before beginning.

"As I've told you, my name is Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife, Esme. You've met two of our children, Jasper and Alice. We have three more, two sons and a daughter - Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie. We live in a place called Forks, Washington and have been here for a little over a year."

Carlisle paused to gauge Bella's mood, satisfied to see that for the moment, her stomach appeared to be handling the food. Perhaps her nutritional status wouldn't be so hard to correct after all.

"I'm sure you are concerned about our diet," he started, ignoring the jerk in Bella's hand that sent broth sloshing over the edge of the bowl. "Let me assure you that we do NOT drink from humans, only animals. This allows us to blend in and interact with humans on a daily basis. Our diet also affects our eye color as I'm sure you've noticed."

The comment had the intended effect of pulling Bella's attention away from her food and causing her to briefly meet Carlisle's gaze. The frank interest in her eyes had the seated vampire smiling. Good. She hadn't been totally broken. Hopefully with time and patience they would be able to help Bella regain her faith in the world and put the past behind her. The smile quickly fell though as she dropped her gaze, her shoulders hunching as if expecting a blow.

"As a rule, we don't keep secrets in this family for a multitude of reasons. The first and foremost being that Jasper, Alice and Edward have special talents that make lying or hiding something impossible. Jasper can not only sense other's emotions but can influence them."

At this, Bella immediately looked over to Jasper, the fear in her eyes evident.

"Yes, Bella, I can tell you're afraid, but you have no reason to be," Jasper soothed, sending a wave of calm towards the bed. "No one will harm you."

The hunch of Bella's shoulders loosened and she spoke for the first time without prompting.

"That's a very scary talent," she whispered, peeking up through her eyelashes before looking away.

"Yes, it can be," Jasper agreed. "I can influence your emotions, but you can influence mine. I'm something of an emotional sponge."

The attempt at light humor worked, discernable through the tiniest lift of the corner of Bella's mouth, which was seen by all.

A light knock on the door heralded Alice's arrival. The petite woman slipped through the open door, looking at her husband with reproach when he grabbed her wrist to halt her path to the bed. The couple communicated wordlessly, their long familiarity allowing them to have an entire discussion with only facial expressions and body posture. Alice finally sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Fine, Jazz, I'll take it slow," Alice muttered. "But I'm telling you she can handle more than you think. I bought some clothes for you to change in to," she added, turning back and addressing Bella. "Now that you've had some food I'm sure you'd like to get cleaned up. I'll go start the bath and Esme can help you with your hair."

The authoritative tone was not lost on Bella and she looked to Carlisle and Esme to see how they would handle being ordered around by a subordinate. They merely looked amused, for which Bella was grateful. She had no desire to be in the room if a fight broke out.

Jasper excused himself from the room and Carlisle stood to follow his son, stating, "When you're finished, Bella, I would like to further examine you and see if you have any other injuries that require treatment, if that's alright with you."

Bella nodded mutely, wishing she could say no but afraid to upset Carlisle. Alice came dancing out of the bathroom, exchanging a quick look with Esme before heading out the door and closing it behind her.

"Why don't I help you wash your hair first then you can relax as long as you'd like in the tub," Esme suggested, placing Bella's dinner tray aside before pulling back the blankets. "I know that I find a nice warm soak and some alone time with my thoughts to be a wonderful way to unwind," she continued, placing a light hand under Bella's elbow as she slid to the edge of the bed.

They began the slow walk to the bathroom, each hyper aware of the other. Esme was quite certain that Bella wished nothing more than to be left alone and would love to refuse her help but for now seemed unable to voice her opinion. They would work hard on building her trust of them, as well as her self confidence.

Bella was afraid that she would be more clumsy than usual and draw the female vampire's ire. Victoria had never had any patience for her slowness or aptitude for having accidents and her punishments were more likely to be something embarrassing rather than painful.

Both vampire and human paused inside the bathroom door to look at the bulky cast adorning Bella's right arm. Extending from elbow down to her palm and wrapped around her thumb, the plaster left Bella only able to wiggle her fingers. At the same time, the two women reached the conclusion that assistance would be needed in removing Bella's clothing.

"Let's get you out of these things and into the bath, shall we?" Esme asked lightly. The shirt was easily removed thanks to its large size and was immediately thrown in the trash. The sweatpants sagged around Bella's waist and required only a slight tug before they puddled on the floor.

Esme couldn't contain the gasp that escaped her lips upon viewing Bella's naked form. Bruises coated her skin in a rainbow of colors, testifying to the abuse she had endured. The dull brown and purple of new bruises overlapped the yellow-green of older injuries, making a macabre patchwork quilt of the skin.

"Oh, sweetheart," Esme's tortured whisper had Bella blushing, wishing she had been able to undress and bathe without assistance. A few seconds of silence stretched out before Esme spoke again. "Is the water warm enough?"

Bella bent and trailed a hand through the water, nodding in response before gently easing herself down into the sunken tub. A hiss of pain escaped as the water met with her injuries before she could stop the sound in her throat. Afraid the woman with her would take insult to her complaint she flinched, looking up for the blow she was sure was coming.

Instead she found Esme's face full of compassion and empathy, her eyes bright with the tears she could not shed. "Oh, sweetheart," she repeated, lowering herself to sit on the wide lip surrounding the tub. "Oh. I'm so sorry we couldn't have found you earlier and spared you this pain."

It had been years since another human being had looked up Bella with such kindness and never had a vampire acted in such a manner. Tears began to pool in her eyes, her breath hitching as she fought to keep from showing her emotions. Why would this vampire who didn't know her look at her with such warmth and understanding? Was it a trick to lull her in to a false sense of safety? Even as she thought that she was shaking her head against the idea. No, this vampire seemed to truly care.

Though Esme ached to pull the young woman into her arms and comfort her, she realized it was too soon for Bella to truly be comfortable with such an action. Instead she reached for the cup Alice had placed on the floor, dipping it into the water and beginning the process of wetting Bella's hair, intentionally allowing some water to trail over her face and hide the tracks of the tears.

At Esme's urging, Bella turned to face the wall so that the older woman would be able to easily reach the long tangle of hair that trailed down her back. Silence fell; the only sound produced was that of the water sloshing around the tub.

"Carlisle began to tell you a bit about our family so I'll continue," Esme began suddenly, unable to take the silence that allowed her thoughts free reign. Later, when trust had been established, she would share her past with Bella. For now though she would attempt to stay in the present. "You've met my daughter Alice. She and Jasper are married," Esme paused, smiling at the surprised sound Bella made, "and have been with us for many years. Alice's talent is that she can see the future. It makes it very hard to give her a surprise gift," she added. "She also loves to shop, which I'm sure you'll find out. She has a tendency to be a bit bossy because of her abilities but don't be afraid to tell her no."

Bella nodded, knowing she wouldn't say no. Her life would be easier if she simply did exactly what they wanted, she was sure. She just needed to find out what they expected of her.

"Emmett and Rosalie are also married. Emmett loves nothing more than to tease his siblings and give Rosalie whatever she wants. He's...big," Esme hesitated on how to describe her son. "But he won't hurt you. Rosalie loves fashion almost as much as Alice but also loves to work on cars. She's the mechanic in our family."

Esme rinsed Bella's hair thoroughly before starting the process over again. It was one small way she could care for this newest daughter and she rather hoped Bella found the action as soothing as she did.

"Edward has been with Carlisle the longest, a few years before Carlisle saved me." That was all she would say about that for now. "His biggest passion is music; we'll have to show you his CD collection. He plays the piano flawlessly and loves to read. And like every other male in the world he loves anything that goes fast."

The relaxed way Esme spoke of her family was lulling Bella into a calm state, the gentle rub of fingers massaging her scalp easing some of the tension from her body. Silence fell again but this time it was more peaceful, holding none of the tension from earlier.

With a sigh, Esme reached for a towel, her task complete. Gently drying Bella's hair she deftly wrapped the wet tresses up, securing the towel on top of her head. "There," she stated. "Your hair is clean. Do you need any help with the rest?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

Bella shook her head, her glance quick as she murmured, "Thank you".

"You're quite welcome," Esme replied warmly, standing and heading for the door. "Take as much time as you'd like. When you're done, just call and I'll help you dry off and get into your clothes." So saying, she slipped through the doorway, gently closing it behind her.

Carlisle was waiting for her in the hallway, his strong arms wrapping about her slender frame as she shook with horror and pity. "What they did to her, Carlisle," she whispered so soft only her husband could hear. "They were monsters. She's covered head to toe in bruises. My god, why would anyone do that to a child?" Esme's voice quivered with anger. "It's going to take a very long time before she starts to heal from everything done to her."

Jasper appeared suddenly, one hand tentatively reaching out to rest on Esme's shoulder. Calm stole through her body, her breathing slowing and quieting. Esme turned her to head smile in thanks, not willing just yet to leave the comfort of Carlisle's arms.

"You've already started her on the path to healing," Jasper refuted Esme's prior statement. "Her feelings," he hesitated, attempting to put in to words what he had felt emanating from Bella. "She's already started to trust you, even if she isn't aware of it herself. She'll look to you for comfort," he nodded to Esme before transferring his gaze to Carlisle, "and you for rules."

"What Jasper's trying to say," Alice interrupted, joining the conversation, "is that Bella needs parental figures and she'll be looking for you two to provide that." Her gaze blanked for a moment as she stared in to the future. "She's heard you call us son and daughter but we'll need to emphasize the fact that we are a family and that the five of us do view you as our parents. Her understanding that will allow her to see us as her siblings and that she is part of this family."

Carlisle stared at Alice thoughtfully for a moment before nodding. "Very well. What's next?"

"Bella will call for you in five minutes, Esme. Once you've helped her back to bed, you and Carlisle should go over house rules and routine with her." Alice zoned for a moment before coming back to the present. "Edward won't be home till the middle of the night, so she'll have to meet everyone else tomorrow." She blinked. "And more food might not be a bad idea, especially if you're going to give her more pain killers, Carlisle."

Carlisle ran a hand through his hair, pushing a stray piece back off his forehead. "Anything else?" he asked, regretting the question when Alice gave him such a sweet smile he knew there was trouble coming.

"Get used to hearing 'mom' and 'dad' yelled through the house. And remember, all the teenage hijinks we get in to will help Bella acclimate to this family."

Together, Esme and Carlisle sighed, already afraid of what antics would be ensuing.


	3. Chapter 3

Survival of the Soul By: Lady Saffir Chapter 3 Chapter Rating: PG (language)  
Story Rating: R/NC-17

AN- A big thanks to Megami76 for looking this story over and having wonderful ideas and suggestions.

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe.

⌠Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.■ Leo F. Buscaglia

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True to Alice's vision, Bella called for Esme's assistance in drying off and dressing. Esme was a bit concerned with Bella's balance as they slowly advanced from the bathroom to the bed, the former stumbling twice in the twelve feet separating the bathroom door and the bed. Carlisle entered at the same time Bella slid underneath the sheets, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms about her legs. She warily eyed the blonde vampire, noting the stethoscope around his neck and yet another tray of food in his hands.

"If you don't mind, Bella, I'd like to do a quick exam and make sure you don't have any other injuries that need treatment," Carlisle stated softly, not missing the flinch and look of fear that crossed Bella's features. "I will tell you everything I'm going to do before I do it," he promised. "May I sit on the bed?"

The speed of Bella's heart picked up as did her breathing but she nodded in agreement, her arms slowly unlocking and falling to her sides. Carlisle evaluated his patient's expression before deciding to listen to her heart and lungs through her shirt, rather than ask if he could place the bell of the stethoscope against her bare skin. "I'm just going to listen to your heart and lungs for a moment," he promised, waiting for a nod. Her lungs were clear and her heart, though fast, beat steadily.

"Next I'm going to feel your pulse in your wrists." Another nod occurred before he followed through on his statement.

Carlisle kept his exam minimal, not wanting to put undue stress on Bella. She was hesitant to lift her shirt slightly so that he could exam the bruises on her abdomen and back but did so with an encouraging look from Esme.

The physical part was over but now came the more complex ordeal of appraising her mental state. Time would only tell how much psychological damage Bella had endured in her captivity but Carlisle hoped to gain some insight in to the human he was now responsible for.

"Bella, can you tell me your full name and how old you are?"

"Isabella Marie Swan," she whispered, staring down at her lap.

"And your age?"

"I...I don't know. What is today's date?"

It was perhaps foolish of Esme to be happy with the fact Bella had asked a question. Further thought on the matter had her realizing Bella had only asked the date in order to fully answer the question Carlisle had posed to her and thus hopefully avoid punishment for failure. Her heart constricted again at the tortures she could only imagine this young girl had endured.

"Today is April third, two thousand and seven," Carlisle said.

Bella thought for a moment before answering. "I'm sixteen," she finally answered. She turned her head to stare out the window as Carlisle continued with his line of questioning.

"When is your birthday?"

"September thirteenth."

"How long were you held prisoner?"

"Three years."

"Do you have any family that might be looking for you?"

Bella turned her head back to meet Carlisle's gaze, her eyes dull with grief.

"No, he killed them," came the broken reply.

Esme was unable to stop herself from moving to the bed, the urge to comfort too strong to deny. Bella turned her head to watch her approach, closing her eyes when one cold hand was placed hesitantly on her shoulder. Tears continued to fall unabated down her cheeks. She was afraid to open her eyes and see the revulsion sure to be in the eyes of the vampires in the room with her. Why would they be any different than James and Victoria?

The touch of cloth against her face lightly brushing away the moisture shocked her eyes open. Carlisle had moved closer without her knowing and was gently blotting her tears, his own eyes full of grief.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "If he weren't already dead I would kill you for him myself."

The pronouncement obviously meant more to Esme than it did to Bella as she gasped in surprise, her own gaze torn from staring at the crown of Bella's head to that of her husband's. To hear him say such a thing was quite unexpected. He was already beginning to love her as she was, Esme realized.

The look in Bella's eyes was hard to decipher as she glanced between the two vampires. The curiosity could land her in trouble but she just had to ask.

"Why do you care?" The low tone jerked the married couple's focus back to the human before them. She looked as though she regretted speaking, her shoulders hunching once more from the expected blow.

"Sweetheart," the endearment fell easily from Esme's lips as her hand rubbed gentle circles on Bella's back. "We care because we consider you to be a part of our family now and what hurts you hurts us. We only want you to be happy and healthy and will do everything in our power to make that happen."

Carlisle picked up the conversation. "We know you've suffered at the hands of vampires and understand that it will be a while before you can begin to trust us. We'll do whatever it takes to help you build your faith in us. Esme and I hope that you will feel comfortable speaking with us regarding anything and you have our assurances that we will hold whatever you tell us in confidence. I told you before that this family doesn't have secrets but we do respect each other's privacy," he assured Bella, lightly touching the back of her hand with his fingertips.

Bella nodded in acceptance, sniffling to quell her tears. Carlisle and Esme were content to let her calm herself and Bella found it odd to be allowed the luxury of working through her emotions without fear of retribution. In the past she had been forced to keep her emotions in check and only present a calm facade regardless of the turmoil she was feeling.

This novelty brought a fresh round of tears. It was almost a half an hour later before her eyes dried and she was able to stop sniffling wetly every few minutes.

"Better, darling?" The coldness of Esme's hand on her back was no longer a surprise and almost a comfort, if Bella allowed herself to think in such terms. She simply nodded yes, wiping away the last traces of her tears with the palm of her hands.

The sound of the door opening had Bella looking up, surprised to see Carlisle re-enter the room. She had been unaware of his departure. He held in his hands a steaming coffee mug. Bella accepted the offer of the mug, curling her hands gratefully around its warmth and inhaling the lightly aromatic steam that floated off the top of the liquid.

"Tea," Carlisle informed her. He was for once grateful that their human charade required them to buy food at regular intervals. While they usually gave the food away to shelters, Esme had been unable to make her usual weekly run yet to the shelter in Port Angeles so their cabinets were well stocked.

Bella took a hesitant sip, wrinkling her nose at the bitter taste. The action wasn't even complete before Carlisle was back, a container of sugar held in his hands. "I didn't know how you'd take it so I didn't add anything," he apologized, lifting the lid off the sugar bowl and presenting it to Bella along with a spoon.

Bella gratefully took the proffered sugar, adding two heaping spoonfuls before stirring. Her second sip garnered a much better facial expression and she relaxed back, forgetting that Esme was seated behind her. She tensed as soon as she made contact with Esme's body, afraid to move and risk insulting the vampire yet afraid to stay in her current position. Her body tensed, waiting for Esme's reaction.

"It's alright if you want to lean against me, Bella, I don't mind at all," Esme assured the young woman. "It's also fine if you'd rather lean back against the pillows. They are a bit softer than I am," she stated, a smile evident in her voice.

"I'm...fine," Bella said, surprised to find that she truly was. She was still afraid of provoking the vampires in the house but the man and woman before her seemed...decent. It was already hard to imagine that they would punish and torture her like James and Victoria. She forced her body to relax as she took a larger sip of tea, the warmth making her close her eyes in pleasure.

Bella was unable to see the emotions that flowed over Esme's face as she calmly held the human against her and stroked her hair but they were plain to her husband. The intensity of the love she showed wasn't surprising, nor was the suddenness of its appearance. Esme's ability to love and see the good in everyone was one of her more wonderful attributes.

As much as he was loathe to break the peaceful moment, Carlisle wanted to give Bella more pain medicine and get her settled in for the night. He recalled Alice stating they should go over house rules as well, though he scoffed at the idea. There was only one rule that had to be obeyed and that was to keep their secret from other humans. The rest were more guidelines, really, and it was laughable that Bella would break many of them.

"Bella, before you go to sleep we'd like to discuss what we expect," Carlisle began, knowing his words would cause tension but unable to find a way to say what needed saying without bringing Bella's fear back.

Bella's eyes popped open, looking at him with fear before flickering down to the quilt draped over her legs.

"First, this is your room. If you are in here with the door closed we will respect your privacy, but you can't hide in here all the time. After a few weeks we'd like to see you downstairs with the rest of the family. The same goes for eating. We don't expect you to trust us immediately but once you're comfortable being around us you should eat in the kitchen."

"Feel free to decorate in here however you see fit, but we do expect you to keep it neat," Esme added. "When you're ready let me know and we'll go pick out furnishings that you like."

Bella nodded, staring in to the depths of her mug. Her own room and she could decorate it however she wanted?

She squashed the joy the thought brought her, unwilling to get her hopes up so soon. She would wait and see what else they required and how well they kept their word first.

"Feel free to go anywhere in the house. We'll point out which rooms are bedrooms and the shut door policy applies there as well. We'll work on getting you caught up on your schoolwork so that in the fall you can attend high school like a normal girl," Carlisle stated, ignoring the startled look he received.

They were going to let her leave the house routinely? No, that couldn't be right. Why would they risk her running away or telling other humans that vampires existed? They didn't seem like the type to lie though....

It was too much to think about right now, Bella decided, pushing the thought of being out with other humans from her mind.

"Alright," Bella agreed. "What...what am I expected to do?" This was the question she had been dying to ask. In exchange for everything they were doing for her and giving her, what would they have her do for them?

Husband and wife exchanged a look before Esme answered. "For now simply focus on feeling better and improving your appetite. Once you feel up to it we'll look at the household chore list and see what we can find."

That was it? They were doing so much for her and all she had to do...was eat? It wasn't right.

"I'll cook for myself."

The softly spoken words were like music to Esme's ears. It was a small thing, but Bella was re-negotiating with them already.

"Why don't we take it day to day," Carlisle compromised. "We won't rush you in to anything but you won't rush yourself either."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was nearing ten o'clock at night when another knock sounded at the door. Esme had just finished coaxing Bella to eat more before going to sleep and Carlisle had given her some Percocet to help with the pain in her arm. She was therefore rather relaxed and, for the first time in years, warm, comfortable and without too much pain.

Anxiety came flooding back as the door opened to admit the largest vampire Bella had ever seen. It wasn't just his physical height but also the rather large muscles that rippled across his body at the slightest movement. She instinctively went very still, afraid to even breathe.

"Emmett!" Esme scolded, turning to face her son. "What are you doing?"

The quick grin that brought out dimples on the dark haired vampire's face was quite disarming. It was a smile full of mischief and without malice, and Bella found herself relaxing infinitesimally.

"Aw, mom, I just wanted to meet Bella before she went to sleep," Emmett's booming voice could only be described as matching the rest of him. "It isn't fair that Jasper and Alice got to meet her already. Hey, Bella, I'm Emmett," he continued, not allowing Esme or Carlisle a chance to interrupt. "Anybody give you any grief or upset you, you tell me and I'll kick their ass for you, got it?" The loud laugh that followed this statement did not detract from its truthfulness.

Bella simply nodded, her eyes wide, as she watched Carlisle berate the bear of a vampire.

"Emmett, that could have waited," Carlisle admonished. "There was no need to come in here tonight for that. Save it for when she goes to school and you can terrify the other boys in to behaving."

"Excellent idea, dad," Emmett cracked his knuckles, grinning at the thought of the mental torture he could inflict on his fellow schoolmates. "I'll get Jasper and we'll start planning out our big brother routine."

He flashed another grin at Bella before stepping back in to the hallway. Even through the closed door his voice was quite distinct as he bellowed, "Jasper! I get to be the unreasonable one!"

"You already are the unreasonable one," came the yelled reply. "No one expects any different."

The quick smiles and exasperated shakes of both Carlisle and Esme's heads told Bella this exchange was normal in this house. She relaxed a bit more, the drugs beginning to work their magic. She burrowed further under the blankets and quilt, enjoying the luxurious feel of soft cotton against her skin. Of their own accord her eyelids began to fall, her blinks becoming longer and longer as sleep began to drag her under.

She was only vaguely aware of a cold hand smoothing hair back from her face and a whispered, "Sleep well," that came from above her as she sank into the welcoming darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Carlisle closed the door softly, removing his hand from the knob before he crushed it. His hands fisted, the anger he felt towards the now dead vampire unabated from earlier. What was done was done, he reminded himself, consciously flexing his hands to release the tension they held. Anger would not help Bella now, only patience, understanding and love.

Beside him, Esme seemed to be having the same talk with herself, the frown line marring her brow smoothing out slowly. She let out a quick breathe before turning to her husband. "Time to go have a talk?"

Carlisle nodded in agreement and together they headed downstairs, softly calling for the rest of the family to join them in the dining room. He took a seat at the head of the table with Esme on his right. The spot to his left was vacant, as Edward usually sat there. Emmett and Rosalie completed that side while Alice and Jasper were seated next to Esme, respectively.

"Alice and Jasper have filled you in on the condition we found Bella?" Carlisle asked, waiting for an answering nod from Alice. "Good. We can discuss how we will proceed then."

"I still don't see why we had to be the ones to take her in," Rosalie sulked, glaring at her husband when he patted her hand.

"It was that or let her be killed," Carlisle refuted. "Alice saw that she would be a part of our family which is what allowed us to be there in time." He continued, "Time is something we will need to give Bella, as well as space. She has suffered not only physically but also mentally at the hands of vampires, so it may take her some time before she views us in a favorable light. I fully expect each of you to be understanding and compassionate during this time."

"We've given Bella some house rules and now it's time to explain what we expect from the five of you," Esme spoke up.

"What? Rules? Ah, man," Emmett grumbled, quieting at the look Esme and Carlisle gave him.

"Guidelines, then, if they help you think better of them," Carlisle said wryly. "We don't expect you to tiptoe around the house and avoid making scenes, but please keep in mind that Bella seems to equate any negative statement on our behalf with physical punishment, so please try to be civil around her for the time being."

Alice broke in. "Get in the habit of saying 'mom' and 'dad' fairly regularly. She needs to see that we truly are a family. I am going to be very upset if any of you further worsen her self-esteem," she added, looking pointedly at her sister.

Rosalie took offence to the glare Alice sent her way. "Why are you looking at me? And do you expect me to compliment her all the time?"

"No, but if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything," Alice shot back.

"Girls," Carlisle interrupted. "Perhaps it would be best to just say that we should live by the golden rule and leave it at that, shall we?"

"I can't wait till she goes to school with us. When are you planning on enrolling her?" Emmett asked, smiling again at the thought of playing older brother.

"Not this year, Emmett."

"Aw, man, I gotta wait?" he complained, huffing in annoyance.

"Yes. We'll try to have her ready to attend school when next year starts. Jasper, if you could have Jenks make the necessary documents," Carlisle directed, waiting for Jasper's nod of agreement. "I think that's it for now. Just please, please be patient with Bella in the mean time."

The Cullen 'children' nodded, scattering to various parts of the house when Carlisle announced they were finished. Rosalie headed for the garage and her favorite thinking spot, Emmett to the living room to catch a recap of the day's sporting news and Alice and Jasper to their room. Carlisle headed to his office to study a patient's chart to prepare for surgery the following day. Esme was unable to resist heading back to the third floor and checking on Bella, even though she had left her only ten minutes before. She found her deeply asleep, curled on her side into a tight ball. Fearing she was cold, Esme retrieved another quilt and spread it gently over the sleeping girl.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Alice poked her head in to Carlisle's office about an hour later, grinning at her father figure when he looked up. "If you want to explain things to Edward without us around, you need to be at the edge of town at two-sixteen so you can meet him." With that she ducked back out, not giving Carlisle time to respond.

He shrugged and looked at the clock. There was enough time for Esme and him to step out and hunt, but would Bella be okay if they weren't here?

"She'll sleep through the night!" Floated through the air as Alice saw his decision to hunt.

"Thank you, Alice," Carlisle murmured, bookmarking his spot before going to find his wife. 


	4. Chapter 4

Survival of the Soul Chapter 4 By Lady Saffir Chapter Rating:  
Story Rating: R/NC-17

AN A big thank you to Megami76 for providing her wonderful beta services. :) Also, thank you so much to everyone who has left a review. You make my day, and I hope that I am able to continue to capture your interest in this story.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any rights to the Twilight universe.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." Mary Ann Radmacher

"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles, and kindnesses, and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort." Humphry Davy

*********************

_Edward, I need to speak with you_ Carlisle thought as he picked out the faint sounds of the Volvo's engine in the distance. Less than a minute passed before the silver car glided to a stop in the middle of the road, perfectly positioned to allow Carlisle to slide easily into the leather passenger seat.

The car leapt forward at the slightest touch of the gas pedal. Edward took a second to study his father's profile before turning back to the road. "What happened while I was gone?"

"Alice had a vision of a human we needed to save," Carlisle began, recounting with his thoughts everything that had occurred.

Edward hissed as he realized the implications. "So now we have a human living with us? One that you will eventually have to damn to this life?"

"Yes." Carlisle chose not to contest their theological disagreements in order to discuss more immediate concerns. "For now, though, we need to focus on helping Bella heal from her various wounds."

They were now pulling into the garage, Edward searching for the mental signature of the human. He could only hear Esme and concluded that the human (Bella, his mind whispered) was sleeping. It would be tomorrow afternoon then before he was able to assist Carlisle and Esme in providing the care and comfort Bella needed.

"What does Jasper say?" Edward asked as they walked in to the living room. Esme appeared at his side in a flash, wrapping him in a welcoming hug. He gladly returned it, inhaling deeply as he detected what he assumed was Bella's scent. It was wonderful, he noted, lavender and freesia mixed with a hint of something else, sniffing again before focusing on Carlisle's words.

"She's wary of us, naturally, but seems to be willing to accept some comfort from Esme. Any show of initiative on her part seems to be followed by fear, so I can only assume she was beaten for speaking out," Carlisle ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

Edward tightened his arm around Esme as her thoughts saddened. "It's the past," he soothed, unable to stand seeing Esme upset over anything. "We'll help her get better. With such a wonderful mother she can't help but heal quickly," he smiled, wishing he had Jasper's ability to erase any sad emotions.

_Thank you, Edward._

Edward acknowledged Carlisle's words with a short nod. "Where is everyone else?"

"Out hunting. We decided it would be best not to tempt ourselves now that Bella is living with us," Esme said. "Once we're used to her scent then we should be able to extend our time between trips, but for now we should err on the side of caution."

"If what I smell is Bella then that is a very good idea," Edward admitted, making no effort to hide his actions as he leaned down to smell the scent clinging to Esme. He had spent three days hunting, yet the burn in his throat was as potent as if it had been weeks since he'd last fed.

Esme stilled in his arms. "Edward? Will this be a problem?" she asked anxiously, exchanging a look with her husband. What would they do if anyone in the family had a problem resisting Bella's blood?

"No," Edward vowed, his smile sincere. "I won't let it be a problem."

Edward was regretting the rashness of his promise as he progressed down the hall to his bedroom. The human's scent was permeating the air on the third floor, the mouthwatering smell of freesia and lavender drifting lazily from underneath the closed door. He swallowed harshly, holding his breath until he was safely in his bathroom, the door shut and the shower on, driving the smell away.

The dull light filtering through the curtains woke Bella from a deep sleep. It was the first time in years she had slept through the night so soundly. Rolling to her side, she took some time to think through everything that had happened to her.

She had all but given up hope of ever escaping the tortuous life James and forced on her. Every day, the thought of ending it became just a little stronger, a little more tempting. She had been nowhere near accepting such an action, she knew, but at the same time she had to acknowledge the lure.

And now...if she were to believe them, believe...Carlisle and Esme, she was safe. She would never have to fear punishment, never be hungry or cold or watch her actions again. The thought was staggering and quite daunting.

Staring out the window, Bella braced herself to face the day. No doubt she would be expected to interact at least with Esme and Carlisle, if not the other members of the coven. They called themselves a family but she had a hard time reconciling the word with a group of vampires. Surely they were only a family as long as their wishes did not conflict.

It was the thought of conflict that had Bella's heartbeat accelerating. She had seen the fights that James and Victoria had engaged in, and seen the damage caused. During one such time, two other humans had been killed, ripped to pieces when they were caught in the middle. She had no desire to be anywhere near a fight when it broke out.

The knock on the door interrupted Bella's thoughts, her heart stopping before resuming its tripping pace.

'Yes?"

The faint whisper was loud enough for Esme to hear as she opened the door slowly. She had been waiting for hours for any sign that Bella was awake, hoping they would be able to muddle through the day. With the children at school and Carlisle at work, Esme was afraid something would happen that she wouldn't be able to handle.

"Good morning," Esme said softly, stepping just inside the door.

Bella struggled to push herself in to a sitting position, the bulky cast on her arm impeding the movement. She was grateful Esme stayed by the door and allowed her to complete the action by herself. She was determined to be as independent as quickly as possible so that the Cullen's wouldn't be bothered by her slowness.

"I thought I would see how you were feeling this morning before I brought you breakfast," Esme stated, gripping the doorframe to keep from moving closer to the bed.

"I'm fine," the soft words were spoken hesitantly.

"What would you like for breakfast then?"

"...I don't know?"

The response came out as more of a question but Esme was willing to take anything.

"We have Cheerios, Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes and Raisin Bran," Esme rattled off a list of cereal. "I'm afraid we don't have anything like eggs or bacon, but if you'd like, I can certainly run out and get some for you."

"Cereal's fine."

"Would you like to eat up here or come downstairs?" Esme asked, rushing to clarify before Bella could answer. "No one else is home so you won't have to talk to anyone."

Bella mulled over her options. She could eat up here but then Esme would not only have to bring her food but also clean up after her. If she ate downstairs she could minimize the amount of work Esme had to do, as well as see what the house looked like.

Curiosity and a desire to be less of a trouble had her replying, "Downstairs."

It had been a difficult struggle for Esme, watching Bella hesitantly traverse the stairs. The hand rail was on the right so Bella was unable to grip it for balance, instead choosing to hug the wall down the two flights of stairs. Esme had trailed behind, hands outstretched and ready to dart forward to stop Bella from falling.

In the end though, they had made it downstairs safely and now Bella was seated at the island, pouring Fruit Loops into a bowl and awkwardly handling the milk jug. Esme was unsure as to whether she should leave Bella to eat in peace or sit with her and make conversation. She wanted to encourage her daughter to get used to being around vampires that meant her no harm, but was also afraid of pushing too far, too fast. She decided to stay through breakfast, at least, and gauge Bella's reactions before deciding on the rest of the day.

"It will be nice to have someone else in the house with me during the day," Esme said, smiling at Bella when she looked up. "With Carlisle at work and the children at school, the house just seems too big sometimes."

"School?" Bella asked, hunching her shoulders and wincing. Questions last night hadn't seemed to bother Esme or Carlisle, but she had interrupted. Esme was sure to be unhappy about that.

The flinch hadn't gone unnoticed by Esme. She immediately deduced why Bella had reacted so and hurried to assure her such behavior wouldn't result in punishment.

"It's alright, Bella," Esme soothed, waiting for her gaze to be met before continuing. "You'll find in this house we have a tendency to all talk at once. It's poor manners, I know, but you get used to carrying on multiple conversations and having others interrupt you. Emmett and Alice are especially bad about that," she laughed.

"As for school, yes, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie all attend the local high school. The younger they act, the longer we can stay in one place. Sometimes Emmett and Rosalie act like a young married couple and live apart from us for a few years, but all of us usually stay very close," Esme continued. "Carlisle works as a surgeon at the county hospital and I restore old homes and furniture."

Seeing Bella was almost finished, Esme moved on to discuss their plans for the day.

"If you'd like, you can watch some TV or a movie. We have a huge DVD collection as well as all the movie channels. I don't know if we have anything you'd be interested in reading but we also have a rather large library," Esme offered, cleaning up breakfast before Bella could insist on doing so herself.

"Um...TV, I guess."

That had been almost two hours ago. Esme had shown Bella in to the living room, pointing out the DVD cabinet and showing her how to work the numerous remotes before excusing herself upstairs to her study. She had banished herself there in order to give Bella some time alone, but had been unable to resist going downstairs every half hour or so and checking on her.

This last time had found Bella asleep on the couch, curled on her side while the movie Pride and Prejudice played on in the background. Esme pulled a throw from the back of the couch and gently placed it over the slumbering girl, tucking it in at the edges.

Moving to an armchair, Esme pulled out a favorite book, opening it randomly and reading, content to wait for Bella to wake when she was ready.

It was forty-five minutes later that the sound of car tires turning on to the gravel drive came to Esme's ears. She smiled, recognizing the Mercedes engine as it purred through the winding drive, coming to a stop before the house. The rustling of bags piqued her interest and she set her book aside, flitting to the door and opening it as Carlisle crossed the porch.

"'What are you doing home in the middle of the day?" Esme asked, leaning up to greet her husband with a kiss.

"My patient found it relaxing to discuss his children while we were prepping, especially about the things they loved to eat and the sheer quantity of food they went through," Carlisle began, heading in to the kitchen and setting the numerous bags on the counter. "So I spent most of the surgery thinking of things Bella might like or would need and building a list."

Esme tsk'd him playfully. "You should have been thinking about the surgery. And isn't today your day to present a case study to the residents?"

Carlisle grinned. "I was thinking about the surgery. And yes, I was supposed to present today but I told Dr. Leonard you were home ill and I wanted to come check on you. He was more than happy to take my place and hopes you feel better soon."

"Tell him thank you for me," Esme smiled, looking through everything spread out on the counter. "Did you leave anything on the shelves?" she teased. There was a wide assortment of lunch meats, cheeses, and spreads, along with various bags and boxes of chips and crackers. To drink there was a bottle of almost every soda available as well as packets of mixes for other drinks.

"I thought it best to get a wide assortment until Bella is comfortable telling us what she likes," Carlisle protested. "How has the morning been?"

"It seems to have gone well," Esme started, leaning in to Carlisle as she spoke. "She woke up around nine and wanted to come downstairs for breakfast. Afterwards, she started to watch a movie before falling asleep on the couch."

"She will probably sleep a good deal for a while, until her body heals," Carlisle said thoughtfully. "Has her arm hurt at all?"

"Not that she's mentioned to me," Esme stated. "And I haven't seen any sign that it's been bothering her."

"Hmm. Alright, then. If it starts to hurt try giving her some Tylenol first before the Percocet," Carlisle ordered. He pulled Esme to him for a brief kiss before heading back out. "I'll be in the office the rest of the day if you need anything."

The numerous glances Bella gave the clock were not lost on Esme. It was now two-thirty in the afternoon and she was sure that Bella was wondering what time the others would be home. Her heartbeat and breathing had been steadily increasing as the minutes passed. Esme spoke up, hoping to give Bella some measure of peace.

"School lets out at two forty-five," Esme said softly, giving Bella a soft smile when she looked up, startled. "They're usually home by two fifty-five."

Bella stared at the clock, unsure of what to do. She knew Esme and Carlisle wanted her to interact with the others but she wasn't sure she could do that right now. It was one thing to sit here quietly with Esme. She seemed to be content with the silence and had a very soothing presence.

It was one thing to be with a lone vampire. She could easily watch Esme and choose the actions she thought would be the most pleasing to the other woman. To keep track of six vampires, three of whom were male, was too much to think about right now. She would slip up and anger one or more of them. Bella shuddered, thinking of the multitude of things the big vampire or the blonde one could inflict upon her.

"May I go upstairs?" Bella asked softly, refusing to meet Esme's gaze.

"Of course, darling," Esme replied, setting her book aside. "Do you need help going up the stairs?"

Yes, Bella thought, wanting badly to say the word.

"No."

"Alright. Call me if you need anything."

Esme listened to Bella's progress as she slowly made her way up the stairs, wishing she knew exactly how to comfort the human and gain her trust. Time, she supposed, sighing wistfully. She had all the time in the world and all she wanted to do was turn the clock forward to the time that Bella would no longer cringe and fear asking for things. The thump and quiet cry of pain broke into the older woman's musings. She flashed up the stairs, appearing at Bella's side before she could right herself.

The teenager was sprawled on the staircase, her wounded arm beneath her on the stairs. Her blush of embarrassment did not keep Esme from seeing the tears of pain that leaked out unwillingly.

Bella looked up, her eyes meeting Esme's for a split second before being downcast once more, her shoulders curled inward, waiting for the expected blow. She had tried so hard to make it to her room without incident, hoping to keep her klutziness hidden as long as possible.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, stumbling to her feet and leaning against the wall. "I tried to not fall."

Esme stared at Bella's bowed head, grief and anger warring in her heart. She knew all too well what her daughter was feeling. She too had been beaten for things beyond her control, had been degraded and made to feel worthless. She reached out hesitantly, tucking the dark spill of hair behind Bella's ear.

The action surprised Bella, pulling her head up to meet Esme's eyes. The warmth and understanding shining from the older woman's eyes was staggering.

⌠Sweetheart, I'm not upset with you. No one in this family will be upset over anything that is an accident. You fell. All I'm worried about is whether or not you're hurt." Esme moved closer, tipping Bella's chin up to look closely. "Are you okay?"

Bella nodded slowly, sniffing and scrubbing at the tears still tracking down her face. The words she had been longing to say earlier forced their way out of her throat, her voice catching as she gathered her courage.

"Can...can you help me?" Bella whispered.

Esme's smile was warm and full of love. "Of course."

Edward was amazed at the amount of anticipation he felt as he steered the Volvo through the woods to the house. Alice, and Emmett, surprisingly, were full of thoughts and plans for Bella. Alice had looked ahead and saw that she and Bella would be good friends so she was anxious to lay the foundation of their relationship.

Emmett's thoughts were protective in nature. He had been skeptical of a human living with seven vampires but was willing to go along with Alice's vision. The amused thoughts had turned serious when he had seen the multitude of bruises covering Bella's body and watched her cringe away from Esme, of all people. His declaration to Bella the previous night had been completely serious.

They were in the garage now, Rosalie immediately heading over to her car and popping the hood, intent on staying in the garage and not interacting with the human if at all possible.

Jasper trailed his wife in to the house, an amused smile on his lips as he let Alice's good mood infect him. Emmett was directly behind him.

"Hey Ma, we're home!" he yelled, grinning at Esme when she appeared before him.

"Emmett, there is no need to yell," she admonished, laughing when he picked her up for an enthusiastic hug. "What was that for?"

"Just doin'my part so Bella gets the whole family vibe," Emmett replied, craning his neck to look into the living room. "Where's the squirt?"

"Thank you. Bella is upstairs in her room."

"Aw, man. When's she going to come downstairs?"

Esme fixed Emmett with a stern look. "I don't know and I don't want you pestering her. Let her come to you."

Emmett huffed but recognized the resolve in Esme's words and stance.

Shaking his head at the change Bella had wrought on his family in less than twenty-four hours, Edward headed upstairs, intent on listening to some jazz music while letting Bella's thoughts wash over him. Her mind was sure to be an unhappy place, he thought.

Passing the closed door Edward was surprised to hear only the occasional turning of a book page. No thoughts bombarded him that did not belong to his other family members. Curious, he went to his room, turning on the sound system before softly calling for his sister.

"Alice?"

She was at the door before her name was finished, an expectant look on her face.

"Why do you need me to talk to Bella? Why don't you just knock on the door yourself?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It would be better, I think, for her to find another woman waiting for her than a man. Carlisle suspects she was raped, given her reactions to men. I don't want to upset her," Edward explained. "Besides, I know you want to discuss shopping and clothes with her."

Her brother's smirk had Alice sticking her tongue out. "Fine, I'll go talk to her. Why don't I introduce you too? That way she'll know who you are."

So saying, Alice reached out and grabbed Edward's sleeve, pulling him into the hall with her. Two doors down she stopped and knocked, calling out, "Bella? It's Alice and Edward. Can we come in?"

The heartbeat on the other side of the door stuttered before starting a tripping pace. The sound of a book being set aside and feet shuffling to the door heralded it opening, Bella's wide eyes the first thing Edward noticed of his newest sister.

She was almost as pale as they were, Edward noted, taking in her heart shaped face and long tangle of dark brown hair. Her features were ever so slightly disproportionate, her brown eyes deep and unreadable as they took in the two vampires standing in the hallway.

"Alice?"

"That's me," Alice chirped, waving a hand at her brother. "And this is Edward. He has the other bedroom up here. I was – "

Bella gasped, cutting Alice off. Emmett had appeared behind Edward, his eyes light and his grin wide.

"MOM! ALICE IS BOTHERING BELLA!"

Bella winced at the volume his shout reached, flinching back. She didn't want to be the cause of trouble. "No," she protested when Esme appeared in the hallway. "She's not bothering me, I swear."

Edward had been hoping that by hearing Bella's physical voice, her mental voice would become clear to him. Such was not the case. He shook his head, frustrated.

"I can't hear her," he stated, answering Esme and Alice's thoughts.

"Um…I said, she's not bothering me," Bella repeated. She had never heard of a vampire having hearing trouble before. What kind of damage would cause such impairment?

"I can hear you," Edward replied, exasperated. "But I can't hear you," he said, tapping a finger to his temple.

Bella looked to Esme for answers.

"Edward can hear other's thoughts," Esme replied.

"But not Bella's. Hmm, I wonder why that is," Alice mused, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "No matter, we have more important things to discuss."

Edward agreed that the fact he couldn't hear Bella's thoughts was trivial next to a bigger problem. Her smell last night, caught from Esme's clothes and from the air around her room, was insignificant compared to now. With the door open and the blush staining Bella's cheeks warming the air, Edward found himself swallowing back the venom suddenly pooling in his mouth. He was in control, but only barely. The urge to pull her to him and breathe her in was strong, causing him to step back quickly, retreating to his room and ignoring the questioning thoughts his family was sending him.

How was he going to cope with having mere feet from him a human that had the most appealing scent he had ever smelled?


	5. Chapter 5

Survival of the Soul

By: Lady Saffir

Chapter 5

Chapter Rating: PG-13

Story Rating:R/NC-17

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any rights to the Twilight universe, just this humble plot line.

AN - A big thanks for Megami76 for being a wonderful beta and sounding board.

"Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family" Dan Castellaneta

"Families are about love overcoming emotional torture." Matt Groening

* * *

Bella had retreated back to her room after Esme had shooed Alice and Emmett away, huddling on the bed and staring aimlessly out the window. She had thought that Carlisle was the most handsome vampire she had ever seen. When she had opened the door to find Alice standing there with Edward, her mind had instantly booted the patriarch of this family to second on the looks list. With his unruly auburn hair and lanky build, Bella had to admit he was more than handsome, he was beautiful.

And he apparently wanted nothing to do with her, she thought, hunching her shoulders at the memory of his glare when she'd spoken. She had insulted him, she knew. She had hoped to maintain a low profile until she knew how everyone wanted her to act. That was a moot point now. She would have to work hard to show him she was sorry.

Her mind turned back to the perfection of his features. Obviously there was no way he could find her attractive. It had always been made painfully clear to Bella that she was barely tolerable in the looks department. Only the taste of her blood had made her worth keeping around. If he was committed to never tasting human blood as Carlisle had said then she had nothing to offer him except her body.

Revulsion at the thought of being touched, even by the Adonis in this family, ripped through Bella, her entire body shuddering at the thought. No. He could hate her for as long as she lived but she refused to barter her body for anything. James had whored her out, made her participate in things she wanted no part of. That would never happen again.

Just the thought of James had Bella cringing, remembering the beatings and torments he loved to inflict upon her. Tears fell fast on to the sleeves of her shirt, the darkening patch of fabric growing ever wider as the teenage girl cried silently.

* * *

Jasper clutched at his chest, his breath coming in short gasps. He had thought to check on Bella's emotional state, see if she had calmed down after Emmett surprised her. The undiluted pain and anguish that greeted him was staggering.

"Jasper? What's wrong?" The alarm in Alice's voice pulled the other house occupants to their bedroom, everyone crowding in and staring with anxious eyes.

"Bella," Jasper pushed through clenched teeth, trying to focus long enough to push the heavy emotions away and replace them with something lighter. "She's…something's upsetting her."

Esme took a step towards the door, pausing to look at Alice. "Should I go to her?"

Alice paused from rubbing comforting circles on her husband's back, eyes blanking as she looked forward.

"No. Let her work through this. She'll know that we've spied on her and that will make her distrust us," she stated, going back to thinking and feeling as many loving, warm thoughts as she could to help Jasper work through the emotional pain.

Thought it pained Esme to agree, she abided by Alice's vision, bowing her head as she closed the door.

* * *

Bella woke to the light knocking on her door. Her crying jag had left her physically exhausted, so she had crawled under the blankets, curling up and allowing the dream realm to steal over her. The light outside the window was dimming, the bedside clock reading five-thirty.

"Bella, it's Alice. Can I come in? I promise I'm alone," the softly trilling voice carried easily through the closed door.

Bella moved to open the door, tripping once and stumbling for several steps. She opened the door to find Alice on the other side, a look of anticipation on her face.

"What…what can I do for you?" Bella asked.

"I was going to ask you that," Alice laughed. "I was hoping I could help you make dinner."

"Um…sure." A vampire that wanted to cook? Was this house full of vampires with odd quirks like that? Not wanting to anger the mate of another vampire in the house, Bella reluctantly agreed to Alice's request. In truth, she had planned on skipping dinner, far too used to only eating every couple of days.

Leaving the safety of her room, Bella ventured out in to the hallway, heading slowly down the stairs with Alice at her side.

"I was actually going to make you dinner but saw that I'd give you food poisoning if I tried to fix everything. So then I looked to see how it would go if I just helped and the outlook is good," Alice laughed. She flowed down the stairs gracefully, her movements making Bella painfully aware of how slowly she was moving.

Esme was already in the kitchen, the center island covered with sheets of paper.

"I wasn't sure what you would like, Bella, so I printed off several different recipes just to give you an idea of what we could make. If none of these appeal to you we can find something else," Esme stated, moving over to make room for Bella to peruse the offerings.

After staring at the recipes for several minutes, Bella gave up. She didn't know what half of the ingredients each one called for were. A recipe for lasagna caught her eye, giving her an idea. She hated to ask for something that wasn't offered. Esme didn't seem to mind her asking for things though.

Bella looked sideways at Alice. If she could see the future then she probably already knew what Bella was going to ask for. She didn't seem bothered by the thought of one of the recipes not being picked so maybe it was okay to ask for what she wanted.

"Can I just have spaghetti?" Bella asked softly, looking to Esme for approval.

"Of course, sweetheart."

The answer, given easily and warmly, relaxed the tense set of Bella's shoulders. Alice was already moving to the fridge, taking out a package of hamburger and some butter.

"Two pieces of garlic toast, Bella?"

* * *

Bella was surprised to find how relaxed she was through dinner. Esme and Alice had stayed in the kitchen with her, chatting casually while she ate. Both women had included her in the conversation but were also content to simply talk, allowing Bella to observe their easy interaction. It was obvious the affection the two held for the other, the quick laughter and teasing doing much to keep Bella at ease.

It was as they were cleaning the kitchen that Bella met the last family member.

Rosalie was preceded in to the kitchen by Emmett, his large shoulders hiding the woman behind him. Bella had turned to offer a tentative smile to the hulking vampire, trying to make up for her earlier reaction to his appearance.

"Bella! I'd like for you to meet my wife, Rosalie," Emmett said, turning sideways to pull Rosalie forward.

Bella cringed backward at the hostile look directed at her by the blonde vampire. Her stance showed her distance, the arms crossed over the chest and one foot out in front showing her distaste for the moment.

The hostility radiating from Rosalie did not detract from her beauty. If anything, it accented her features, her blonde hair framing a face that was snarled in anger.

"Rosalie," Esme warned, stepping forward to place a comforting hand on Bella's shoulder.

"I have to accept that you've brought a human in to our home," Rosalie spat, glaring at Bella. "But I do not have to like it and I certainly don't have to play nice."

A flurry of conversation erupted as Edward and Jasper appeared in the doorway.

"Rosalie," Emmett begged, kissing his wife's hand beseechingly.

"We didn't expect you to play nice, just keep your mouth shut," Alice hissed.

"Perhaps we should discuss this calmly," Jasper began.

"Don't you dare play with our emotions," Rosalie growled. "If you don't like the atmosphere, leave."

"Don't talk to Jasper like that!"

Esme stepped in, refereeing between the two sisters. "Girls, don't yell at each other. Alice, I'm sure Rosalie didn't mean-"

"I meant what I said, Esme."

"Come on, Rosie, let's just say hello to Bella then go upstairs," Emmett pleaded.

Edward stayed in the doorway, an amused smirk on his face as he watched his family argue. Their thoughts were quite interesting, and he wondered if they realized Carlisle was pulling in the garage and about to interrupt the fight.

His gaze landed on Bella, who was huddled back against the counter, her eyes wide and fearful. His amusement abruptly vanished. He seriously doubted that Bella saw this as simply a sibling argument. Her eyes were darting back and forth between Esme and Rosalie, her heartbeat and breathing fast. What color she had in her face drained and Edward was sure she was about to faint. Feeling oddly protective, he interrupted the fight.

"That's enough," he stepped in, the roughness of his voice momentarily silencing the room.

"I agree," Carlisle said, his sudden appearance coming as a shock to everyone but Edward. "I thought we had discussed acceptable behavior."

The quiet censure in Carlisle's voice was enough to keep Rosalie from voicing her opinion. Esme immediately turned to Bella, taking her hand and patting it gently, ignoring her flinch. Alice moved to Jasper's side, her glare disappearing as she looked at Bella apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Alice said. "We didn't mean to argue in front of you."

Bella chanced a quick look around the room, gauging the mood. No one seemed terribly mad, aside from Rosalie's dark looks. Carlisle moved so that he flanked her left side, while Esme was on her right. His presence was reassuring, as the others seemed to accept his authority and respect him. Jasper and Emmett were quick to add their apologies, their smiles appearing sincere, as were their words.

"Rosalie," Edward growled, not liking the vitriolic thoughts his sister still harbored.

"I will not apologize to her for arguing with my family," Rosalie growled, rolling her eyes as she watched Bella cringe back at her words. "You," she said, pointing a finger at the human partially hiding behind Carlisle, "need to realize that just because we argue doesn't mean we're going to resort to physical violence. We're a family. We fight. Grow a backbone," she sniffed, stalking out of the kitchen.

* * *

The dreams began that night.

Bella had retreated back to her room shortly after the kitchen fiasco, curling up by the wall of glass to stare out at the stars as they appeared in the sky. The house was mostly silent, only the occasional shout from downstairs as Emmett cheered on his baseball team.

She had spent three hours thinking over everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, still unable to believe that she was safe. Sleep had begun to pull her eyelids down around nine-thirty, leading her to pull the quilt from the bed and wrap it around her where she sat. There was something soothing about staring at the nighttime sky without any lights to detract from the beauty.

The slide in to the dream world was so subtle Bella was unable to realize it was simply her mind trying to give her an outlet to work through everything.

She was back in the tiny closet, huddling in on herself to try and stay warm. If he was in a good mood, James would allow her a blanket. Today, however, she had slipped and fallen down the stairs, banging her head sharply against the wall. He had punished her and locked her in the closet, making sure to remove anything that could provide comfort. She was hungry and thirsty and desperately needed to use the bathroom but knew it was folly to even think of leaving her confinement. The building pressure of her bladder had her crying out softly, stifling the sound by biting on her knuckle.

* * *

Edward paused the CD currently playing on his sound system, waiting for the whimper to repeat. He could hear Bella shifting restlessly, her vital signs giving evidence to her distress. The quiet sound repeated, pulling Edward from his couch and out in to the hallway where he met Esme and Carlisle.

Esme's thoughts were jumbled; her concern and need to provide comfort to Bella at war with her knowledge that Bella would be hesitant to allow herself to be consoled. Carlisle's thoughts were just as concerned but more practical, accepting that Bella would more than likely have nightmares as she came to terms with everything that had happened to her.

"You can't get anything from her?" Esme asked, staring at the door as another whimper sounded.

"No," Edward ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "She's completely silent to me."

"We'll just have to play this by ear then," Carlisle said thoughtfully, gesturing for Esme to knock on the door. "I don't think she would take much comfort from me right now."

Esme knocked lightly, repeating the action a bit louder when Bella simply cried out in her sleep. "Bella? It's Esme."

"Please…." The soft entreaty was enough for Esme as she opened the door quickly, crossing to the corner where the teenage girl huddled in a heartbeat.

"Bella? Is everything okay?"

"No…please…I-" the words were choked out as Bella slept on, her hands fighting to free themselves from the tangled mess of the quilt. "Please," Bella whispered again.

It was too much for Esme. She continued to call Bella's name while shaking her shoulder gently, wondering what she would do if Bella didn't wake up.

Bella could hear a warm voice calling her name through the closet door, entreating her to come out, promising safety. Did she dare believe the voice? If James found out she would be punished even more. Sharp pricks of pain throughout her body decided for her. Timidly reaching up and grasping the handle, she pushed the door open slightly, blinking her eyes against the sudden light.

Esme sighed as Bella's eyes fluttered open, confusion clouding the deep brown before clearing in surprise. "It's alright, sweetheart, you're safe," Esme whispered. "You're safe and he can never harm you again."

A dream? She wasn't back with James? She was…safe.

"What were you doing on the floor?" Esme asked softly, unthinkingly reaching down to help Bella to her feet. The hesitation was only slight before Bella accepted. The two slowly made their way to the bed, Esme fluffing the quilt back over the sheets.

"I wanted to look at the stars," Bella replied, crawling under the sheet Esme held up.

Esme's heart was full of joy as Bella let her help her up and in to bed. Tucking the sheet and quilt around Bella, Esme kept her voice even, knowing the strong emotion would only be heard by another vampire.

"We'll find a way to make it a bit more comfortable for you next time," she promised. "Would you like for me to sit with you a while?"

Yes. Hold my hand and keep the bad dreams away, Bella ached to say. It would be an impossible task, she knew. Besides, she had taken up enough of Esme's time. Surely she would want to spend time with her husband. Not to mention her other family members, whom she would not have to watch her every action.

Instead, Bella shook her head no, closing her eyes to keep from watching Esme leave.

Edward had retreated to the hallway when he saw Bella accepting Esme's help. His vantage point allowed him to stare unabashedly at Bella as she spoke to Esme. The tiny furrow of her brow and the tightening of her eyes showed her anxiety. He was sure she wanted to accept Esme's offer to stay but was unable. He almost spoke up to encourage his mother to stay but held his tongue. Bella would learn to voice her wants and needs in her own time.

* * *

Esme pulled Carlisle down the stairs to their bedroom, curling up on a settee in the corner, her feet tucked beneath her.

"You were expecting the dreams," she stated.

"Something like that," Carlisle agreed, sitting down next to his wife. "Most people who experience traumatic events often have such dreams. It's the mind's way of working through everything."

"What else can we expect?"

"With every person it's different. Some have an easier time coping and adjusting to the change in lifestyle. Others act out and have periods of intense anger. She might even experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We won't know for a long time which route Bella will take," Carlisle sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Even after she's gotten used to us and our way of life, she might still have triggers. Something will happen that will make her regress to her previous behavior, such as expecting punishment for something she thinks is unacceptable."

"We'll need to be very patient with her," Esme whispered to herself.

"Yes."

"Is it better for her to be continuously exposed to behaviors that previously would have caused her to be punished?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she doesn't like confrontation or arguments. Would it be better to have us argue openly in front of her, or should we try to present a calm façade?" Esme questioned. "Earlier is a prime example."

Alice appeared in the doorway. "We have to act like a real family would," she stated, stepping in to the room uninvited. "And that means arguing and bickering and teasing each other mercilessly. Besides, do you really think Rosalie and Edward can keep from arguing with each other for extended periods of time?"

"Keep me out of this, Alice," Rosalie warned, her voice carrying down the hallway easily.

"Too late," Alice trilled. "You're involved whether you like it or not."

"I agree with Alice," Edward added, still in his room. "Bella needs normalcy, and a normal family doesn't not argue."

"It would be a moot point," Alice added. "Edward's going to be short tempered with all of us for a while."

Whatever she saw had Edward groaning and Emmett demanding to know what was going to happen.

"Alice, don't you dare," Edward warned. "I won't order your present."

The petite vampire was about to retort when she was interrupted by Carlisle.

"I thought we had agreed that whenever a couple was in their room, the rest would ignore whatever was said. I would like to point out that Esme and I were having a private discussion in our room."

"You were going to make the wrong decision," Alice stated confidently. "Bella will get used to us in time."

"Thank you, Alice."

Alice chose to ignore the tone in which the words were spoken. "You're quite welcome. Now that that's solved, I'm off to plan Bella's lesson plans. Starting tomorrow she'll have homework just like the rest of us."


	6. Chapter 6

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 6

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating: PG/PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe.

Author's Note – A big thanks to Megami76 for betaing for me. Thanks for catching the blatantly obvious things that I miss. Also, thanks so much to everyone who has read and reviewed. You have no idea how much it means to me to know that others are enjoying this story.

"Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be." Meg Cabot

"Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown."

The next week settled in to a routine for Bella. True to her word, Alice prepared lesson plans, going over the basics of Algebra and setting a list of problems for Bella to work on. English and science were also covered, both being topics that required a student to build upon the previous years' studies. Every morning Bella woke, had breakfast while Esme sat with her, then settled in at the dining room table to complete her 'homework'. In the afternoon she would retreat to her bedroom for a few hours, emerging for dinner and the next day's lesson. Dinner was usually made and eaten with Esme and Alice present, and at times Emmett or Jasper would stop in briefly. By the time she was finished eating, Carlisle would be home. The only two that Bella did not see routinely was Rosalie and Edward. The former took great pains to avoid the human thrust in to her life. The latter shied away from too much interaction with the young woman that smelled entirely too appealing for her own good.

Esme was both pleased and frustrated with the progress Bella was making. She would emerge from her bedroom every morning without prompting, cautiously navigating the stairs. Esme joined her for every meal, chatting about inconsequential things and occasionally eliciting a response from the shy teenager. Bella seemed to be accepting of her and Carlisle's presence, and Alice's as well, but the sudden appearance of anyone else caused the teenager to tense and watch the newcomer warily.

Alice was happy with the way things were progressing, though she wished she had the ability to speed up time to arrive at the point where Bella finally saw them as her family. It was frustrating, carefully controlling her actions and words, knowing that in less than a year she would be able to speak freely to her sister. Frustrating, too, was Bella's wardrobe, or lack thereof. She intended to speak with Esme in a week regarding taking Bella on a shopping trip.

Edward was conflicted. On one hand, he was happy his parents and Alice were happy. Bella continued to blossom slowly under their care, her shoulders less hunched than they had been that first day. Only a week had passed and yet her heartbeat had settled to a more normal rate. He had seen Alice's visions, witnessed that his favorite sister would have a best friend and that Emmett would finally have the younger sister he had always wanted.

His pain and torture arose from Bella's scent. It was intoxicating, the lavender and freesia wafting lazily down the hallway to swirl in his room. It wasn't so bad when he was home for hours at a time and grew accustomed to the dull burn at the back of his throat. The problem came whenever he had to leave for any period of time.

Time spent away from the house, even the few tedious hours at school, was enough to reset his sensitivity to her smell. Because of this, he and Emmett had not been on any extended hunting trips. A stretch of sunny days was fast approaching though, and he knew Emmett was planning on them being gone part of the time.

_Edward, will you walk with me?_ Carlisle's thoughts intruded on Edward's musings.

Edward moved to head down the stairs, slowing down to pass Bella at a normal human speed on the first flight of stairs. His sudden appearance startled her, however, her feet tangling and causing her balance to tip forward.

Edward was in front of her in a flash, his arms cradling her fragile body as gently as possible while he righted her. It was a thrill and a torture for him, holding Bella in his arms for that too brief period of time. Her scent would cling to his skin, he knew, and drive him mad for hours.

"Be careful," Edward said, his tone a bit more harsh than he would have liked. The sheer effect she had on him was staggering. Not wanting to see the fear he knew would be on her face, he quickly fled down the remaining stairs, meeting Carlisle at the edge of the house clearing.

Bella stood, frozen on the steps, as Edward disappeared. His unexpected presence had caused her already pitiful balance to upset, tipping her down the stairs. He had saved her, though, and for that split second that she was in his arms, she wasn't afraid. He wouldn't harm her, she knew. He was too much like Carlisle, she remembered Esme saying, the fondness for her son evident in her voice. If Esme saw goodness in him then it was there, Bella thought, even as she instinctively expected punishment for her misstep.

"Bella, is everything alright?" Esme appeared at the bottom of the stairs, fully aware of the incident that had just occurred. Hopefully Carlisle would be able to ferret out whatever was bothering Edward, Esme thought, as she watched Bella carefully traverse the remaining steps.

"I'm fine," Bella answered automatically, ducking her head and blushing as she rammed one shoulder painfully in to the wall.

Esme held her tongue. She knew it was a futile hope, but all the same she had hoped that Bella would be able to see that she was safe and loved and begin to open up more than she had. Esme had a feeling that Bella only kept the routine of the first day in an effort to appease her, not because she was feeling more at home.

Deciding to speak with Jasper at some point in the night, Esme merely waited for Bella to decide what to have for dinner before moving to help her.

Carlisle glided through the wet undergrowth at Edward's side, knowing it to be futile to attempt to marshal his thoughts before speaking with his son but unable to stop. The stress on Edward's face every day after school was worrying Esme. Something about Bella, Carlisle assumed.

"Yes," Edward agreed.

_What exactly is the problem?_

Edward hesitated, knowing what he said would upset Esme when she found out.

"It's her smell," he started, shoving his hands in to his pockets and staring at the undergrowth. "It's like nothing I've ever encountered before. I'm afraid," Edward admitted. "She's already been hurt and abused. I don't want to do anything that will set back her recovery."

Carlisle stopped, putting a hand on his son's shoulder to halt his progress. He studied Edward's face, wishing he could take the other man's pain away.

"It's the thought that counts," Edward replied, half-heartedly smiling. "I'll be fine. It's actually tolerable the more I'm around Bella."

"You lose your…immunity, for lack of a better word, when you go to school," Carlisle stated.

"Yes. I'm about to fake an injury and require home schooling."

Carlisle felt ridiculous for even thinking what he was about to suggest.

Edward groaned, reading the thought before his father could speak. "I am not carrying something of hers around with me," he muttered. "That seems a little too close to what a stalker would do."

"It was merely a thought," Carlisle said. "I can't think of anything else that would help."

Both men ran a frustrated hand through their hair, grinning when they saw the other.

"Which one of us taught the other that habit?" Carlisle wondered.

Edward shrugged, the humor falling from his eyes. "Don't worry about me," he said, going back to their conversation. "Just focus on helping Bella."

Esme closed her phone, staring off in to the distance. Her face showed her frustration. She was in the middle of restoring a turn of the century home for a client in Seattle, a man who tended to panic and need re-assuring for every little set back and snag. He had called, practically hyperventilating, stammering out that a permit was being blocked. She had to come to Seattle immediately to meet with the inspector and clear this misunderstanding up. She had tried to reason with him, promise to make all the necessary phone calls. She had even told him one of her daughters' was home ill; surely he understood?

It was a good thing he didn't have children, Esme mused. He hadn't understood at all why she would need to stay home with a teenager. Surely her daughter would survive for a few hours on her own, he had stated, clarifying he expected to see her by early afternoon.

"I'll keep an eye on her and Emmett," Edward stated, appearing in the doorway of her office.

Esme turned in her seat, smiling at her oldest. "I imagine she'll hole up in her room the entire time."

"Probably."

Esme sighed, standing and moving towards the hallway. "I don't know how to tell her that I'll be gone," she confessed. "I'm afraid this will harm her recovery."

Unspoken thoughts whirled through Edward's mind, causing him to take his mother's hand in reassurance. "We'll make sure she's fine . She'll most likely take a nap while you're gone, or work on her homework. She'll be fine. Carlisle is only fifteen minutes away if we need him."

The light tap of heels on the wood floor alerted Bella that something was up. Esme never wore shoes in the house. What was going on? Was she leaving?

Bella's fears were confirmed when Esme rounded the corner in to the dining room, her purse thrown over one shoulder, jacket tucked under her arm. She couldn't see the worry clouding Esme's features, her own eyes blurring as fear took over.

"Bella, I'm sorry," Esme murmured, moving to her daughter's side.

"Whe…where are you going?" Bella whispered, her head automatically bowing, her hands clasped together tightly in her lap.

"I have to go to Seattle to clear some business up," Esme stated, kneeling next to Bella's chair. "My client is insisting I meet him at the work site. Bella, I'm sorry. I tried to do this over the phone but I can't. Do you…would you like to come with me?" the offer was spoken quickly, making Bella glance up sharply.

Go with her? Go with Esme to Seattle? She was going on a business trip. Surely her client would be upset if she tagged along though, even if she stayed in the car. But to go…to see the city, to see other humans, humans moving about their normal lives, no idea that things like vampires existed…the thought was more than tempting.

But what if she embarrassed Esme, caused her to lose business because she was unprofessional enough to bring someone along in an emergency? What would everyone else say if that happened?

Bella shook her head no, biting her lip. Esme had spent more time with her than she should have, she knew. It wasn't right for her to be a distraction to Esme while she was working.

"I'm fine," Bella whispered, closing her algebra book. "Is it okay if I go to my room?"

Esme nodded, standing back helplessly while Bella gathered her school supplies in to an orderly pile before scooping them up into her arms. The fear was stamped clearly on her features, her hands trembling ever so slightly.

Should she point out that Edward and Emmett would be home if Bella needed anything, Esme wondered. Or was it better to simply act as if Bella would be home alone? Watching as Bella moved to the doorway, Esme thought it would probably be best to not mention the two men that would be in the house with her. Bella still tended to panic if a male entered the room unexpectedly.

"I'll stop and bring something home for dinner," Esme offered. "How does Italian sound?"

The only response she received was a short nod as Bella hurried up the stairs to her room.

Emmett listened to Esme's phone conversation, a smile on his face. They were on the second of a three day stretch of sunny days. Alice and Rosalie had flown to New York to attend a fashion show yesterday, while Jasper planned to attend a series of lectures at Cornell. That left only himself and Edward, in addition to Carlisle, Esme and Bella. Edward had been so terse with everyone lately that Emmett had hesitated to ask his brother to accompany him on a hunting trip.

Bella had reacted to the news that two of the three females in the house would be gone for several days by holing up in her room except to eat, and the one time Esme had convinced her to watch a movie with her and Carlisle. Emmett had been hoping to spend some time with his sister, to show her that not all vampires were to be mistrusted.

Alice had pulled him aside before she left, frowning before she spoke. "I know you're going to try to spend time with Bella. Just be yourself," she counseled, bouncing up to place a kiss on his cheek.

Remembering that, Emmett hid a smile as Esme came in to the living room, her frustration evident.

"Gotta go to Seattle for a bit, huh?" he asked, looking up casually from the TV.

"Yes. My client is absolutely panicking so I need to meet with him," Esme said. She frowned, looking at his overly relaxed pose critically. "You will behave while I'm gone."

"Don't you trust me, mom?"

"I know that grin, Emmett McCarty Cullen. And I want your word that you won't harass Bella. If she doesn't want to be around you then leave her alone."

"Scout's honor," Emmett promised, raising his hand and smiling his most innocent smile.

Bella was starving. It was one in the afternoon; three hours since Esme had left, promising to return by dinnertime. She knew Edward was in his room, the stereo audible as some female singer crooned along to the soft jazz tune. That left only Emmett, the large vampire that honestly frightened Bella. Intellectually, she knew that the size of the vampire was irrelevant but was unable to keep her fear from spiking whenever he came into the room. Her stomach growled loudly, demanding to be fed.

Emmett looked upwards, smiling to himself. He knew he had only to wait for Bella's stomach to overrule her brain. When she came downstairs he planned to wait until she was finished eating before asking her to go outside with him.

Bella crept down the staircase, her heart in her throat. The TV was playing in the living room, the wall hiding her front sight as she slipped in to the kitchen. She had to pause a moment to slow her breathing, her eyes sweeping around the room, making sure nothing was out of place.

When no one appeared demanding to know what she was doing, Bella moved to the refrigerator, pulling out a package of cheese and some mustard. She quickly assembled her sandwich, practically inhaling it as she stood by the sink, looking out the window to the brightly lit yard.

Emmett watched from the doorway as Bella ate, the wistful expression on her face as she stared out the window betraying her. She hadn't been out of the house that he knew of, and hoped that she would agree to going outside with him.

"Esme will kill you if you frighten her," Edward stated, his voice so soft only another vampire could have heard.

"Not planning on it," Emmett replied glibly, stepping back in to the living room as Bella finished her lunch. He waited till she was almost to the stairs before calling out to her. "Bella, could I talk to you for a minute?"

Bella's heartbeat doubled, her breathing picking up, causing her voice to crack as she replied, "Okay."

Her fearful expression as she rounded the corner in to the room made Emmett's heart break. He couldn't stand to see anyone beaten and downtrodden. Anger flared again at the vampires that had caused the pain and misery Bella was experiencing. Emmett clenched his hands subtly, aching to wrap around James neck and rip his head off.

"Yes?"

Emmett forced his face to relax in to an easy smile. "Hey! I was wondering if you'd want to go outside with me, head down to the river and do a bit of fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Sure. It's a great way to relax and let the mind wander," Emmett responded. "And now that someone in the house eats I won't have to throw them back. So wadda ya say?"

Outside? He wanted her to go outside with him? Bella was torn, wanting to accept, to feel the warmth of the sunshine on her skin. But to go outside…and to go outside with Emmett. Would he take it as an invitation to do whatever he wanted with her? No, she couldn't chance it. Besides…

Bella shook her head, her eyes fearful as she took in Emmett's frown. She hurried to explain her denial.

"I can't," she whispered, looking down.

"Why not? You allergic to sunlight or something?" Emmett joked, frowning when Bella merely shook her head and remained mute.

"You don't want to go outside with me, is that it? I was just seeing if you wanted to go with me. If you'd rather just sit out on the porch that's fine too," Emmett pressed, getting frustrated with Bella's silence. He caught her swift look to the back wall, the longing in her eyes belying her desire.

"Bella, do you want to go outside or not?"

Bella chewed on her lower lip, trying to calm her breathing. Why was he pushing her? Was he trying to get her in trouble? Was he hoping that she would disobey and Carlisle would kick her out? Hoping that if she explained that she knew she wasn't go leave the house he would back off, she hurried to speak.

"I can't," she began, swallowing when he narrowed his gaze.

"And why not?"

"Because…because he didn't say I could."

What? What did she mean?

"Of course you can go outside, Bella," Emmett attempted to reason with her, not understanding why she was growing more agitated.

"No! I can't, I wasn't told that was okay," Bella mumbled. "Carlisle told me where I could go in the house. He didn't say I could go outside so I can't."

Understanding did not bring any peace to Emmett. He was on his feet in a flash, halting his flight to Bella's side when he saw her frightened face. She truly thought that Carlisle would punish her for something like that? She didn't understand that Carlisle was all about the self choice then.

"Bella," Emmett began, "Carlisle won't mind if you go outside."

Bella stubbornly shook her head no.

"Why don't we call him, see what he has to say," Emmett reasoned, pulling out a cell phone and punching in his father's office number before Bella could disagree. The call was rerouted to the department's secretary, signaling Carlisle wasn't in his office.

"Department of Surgery, Anna speaking. How may I help you?"

"Anna, this is Emmett Cullen. Is my dad around?"

"He's still in the OR, Emmett," Anna stated apologetically. "They had a late start. He should be out within the hour though. Shall I have him call you when he gets in?"

"Yeah, please. Put ASAP on it," Emmett instructed, saying goodbye before hanging up. He ran a hand through his hair, eyeing Bella as she huddled on the couch. He could always just pick her up and take her outside….

"Don't you dare, Emmett," Edward said, still in his room. "Esme and Carlisle will kill you if you do anything to set back her progress."

"There's no reason the kid can't go outside," Emmett argued, speaking too softly for Bella to hear.

"We know that, but Bella seems to believe she can't. You'll throw her in to a panic attack," Edward reasoned. "Just wait for Carlisle to call back so that Bella can hear from him herself."

"Fine." Emmett sulked in his chair, only half paying attention to the TV. He watched Bella from the corner of his eye, her fidgets and nervous movements testifying to her desire to escape. Remembering that Carlisle always wore a pager at work, Emmett moved to the computer, quickly accessing the software that would allow him to text his father.

Carlisle was supervising one of the residents in suturing the wound close when his pager went off. One of the nurses unhooked the pager from his waist, reading the message aloud.

"Want to take B outside, need permission. Em."

Carlisle could sense the interest in the operating room staff. It was his usual staff and they were aware of his 'foster children' but he had no desire to announce that they had adopted Bella at this moment. He simply murmured his thanks and went back to advising the best technique for sutures.

The pager went off again five minutes later, the message once more from Emmett.

"Sew faster. Nobody bleeding but getting antsy. Em."

Carlisle rolled his eyes as snickers sounded throughout the room.

"You need to step out a minute, Carlisle?"

"No. Emmett can wait a few more minutes," Carlisle responded. "We're almost finished anyway."

The patient was being wheeled out to recovery when the pager went off a third time. The staff was actively laughing as Carlisle growled, pulling off his operating gown and gloves. Striding out into the hallway he pulled out his cell phone, punching the number to Emmett's cell with a bit more force than necessary.

"Finally!" Emmett crowed when his phone rang. Snatching it up from the coffee table, he checked the caller ID before answering. "Man, how many stitches did you have to give the guy?" he asked, not catching Bella's wince at his flippant tone.

Bella curled in to an even tighter ball as she watched Emmett pace the living room while he talked to Carlisle. His tone was hardly respectful as he blew off what she assumed was Carlisle's chastisement for bothering him at work. She hoped Carlisle wouldn't be too upset with her when he found out why Emmett was calling. She wouldn't get in trouble for being honest, would she?

"Carlisle, how could you do that, man?" Emmett asked, not giving his father a chance to reply. "Why did you have to be so specific?"

Carlisle strode through the hospital corridors, absently nodding hello to fellow staff members. "What are you talking about, Emmett? And why are you bothering Bella? I recall Esme and me-"

"I wasn't bothering her. I asked her if she wanted to go outside with me, and even though it's obvious she wants to, she won't. And do you know why she won't?"

Carlisle sighed. "I'll bite. Why won't she?"

"Because you didn't tell her she could!" Emmett exploded, his voice loud enough that the person passing Carlisle gave him an odd look.

"What? What are you talking about, Emmett? "

Bella whimpered to herself as she watched Emmett pace, his free hand gesturing wildly in the air as he yelled at Carlisle. Why was he so upset she wouldn't go outside without permission? Wasn't he happy that she could follow directions? She had thought she was doing so well, showing the family that she tried not to be a bother and do what she was told. She ate every meal downstairs, didn't she, and finished the homework Alice gave her every day. What else could she do?

"You gave us the talk about how we should act around Bella and to be considerate, and we have. Why didn't you make it clear to her that she isn't a prisoner anymore, Carlisle? I don't think she understands she's free to come and go just like the rest of us. I told her I'd kick anyone's ass that upset her and that includes family."

Bella gasped, the noise distracting Emmett from his rant. His eyes gentled as he looked over to her, lowering his voice to a normal level. "A verbal ass-kicking only, Bella," he promised, stopping to take in her posture. Her knees were pulled to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, her chin resting on her knees. Her eyes were wide and fearful, taking in his every move.

Too late, Emmett recalled Bella's reaction to aggression and violence, even implied violence. He sat down at the other end of the sofa, offering a smile to his little sister. "Here, talk to Carlisle," he said, handing the phone over.

Bella took the phone gingerly, afraid that Carlisle would yell at her. "He-hello?"

Carlisle breezed into the surgery office's suite, taking the phone message from Anna with a nod. Closing the door to his office, he settled into the comfortable leather chair. "Let me talk to Bella," he requested, waiting patiently for the phone to exchange hands. The hesitant hello made him wince in self recrimination.

"Bella, do you want to go outside?" Carlisle asked gently.

Silence stretched out before Bella muttered a soft 'yes'.

"It's okay if you want to go outside, Bella. I never meant to give you the impression that you had to stay in the house. You should go outside and enjoy the sunshine while you can," Carlisle urged.

"O-okay," Bella agreed.

"May I speak with Emmett again?"

Emmett clearly heard every word of Bella's conversation with Carlisle and was already reaching for the phone before she had a chance to hand it over. Their hands accidently brushed, Bella flinching back from the contact. She fled in to the kitchen as soon as his attention was diverted to the phone, causing him to sigh.

He spoke to Carlisle for another moment, then hung up and went in search of Bella. She was in the kitchen, hands gripping the marble countertop by the sink as she looked over the wide expanse of yard as it gently sloped down to the river.

"Bells? You okay?"

A short nod was his only answer. Emmett searched for something to say, listening to Edward for once as he vetoed his brother's thoughts. Emmett finally settled for, "well, I'll be down by the river if you wanna come out," before suiting action to words, leaving the door open as an invitation.

Bella stared sightlessly out the window, her thoughts churning. Carlisle had not sounded upset with her and had in fact encouraged her to do whatever she wanted. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the Cullens to go back on their word, or start treating her like a personal servant. It was hard to wrap her mind around the concept of freedom after three long years. To be able to be herself again seemed like such an impossible goal, yet it was one everyone was encouraging her to follow.

Why had Emmett called Carlisle out like that? What was it to him if she did or didn't leave the house? Why did he care?

Bella swallowed hard, wanting to know the answers to her question. There was only one way to find out though, and it meant asking the big vampire himself. Several times she took a step towards the door, only to halt as fear took control of her limbs. Each tiny step brought her closer to the threshold, the warm spring breeze teasing along her skin. She could see Emmett in the distance, casually perched on a rock by the water, his skin glinting in the sunlight.

She could whisper from here, she knew, and he would still hear her. It was the coward's way though, and she owed Esme and Carlisle to not be a coward. It wasn't such a big thing, she tried to convince herself, to go outside and talk to another person that resided in the same house as she. That lie allowed her to reach the doorway, her right hand gripping the frame as her toes edged against the lip of the frame.

It was only right to thank him for clarifying with Carlisle what was acceptable, she reasoned, standing in the doorway.

It was…okay.

Taking a deep breath, Bella passed through the door, pausing on the other side as her bare feet hit the rough wood boards of the deck. The shock had her freezing in place.

She was outside.

The edge of sunlight as it dappled on the stairs was teasing her forward now, tempting her to step out and feel the warmth on her face. The wind whispered its encouragement with every step, tousling her hair playfully. The leaves rustling on the trees sounded like whispers of acceptance.

The gap between Bella and the edge of the deck and the beginning of the yard slowly closed, each step slow and measured. Her breath was coming in pants, her heart racing in her chest. What would it feel like, to finally have the sun shining down on her, knowing that she could stay out as long as she wanted?

Bella paused at the second to last step. One more and she would be in the sun. She cast a quick look behind her, making sure the door was still open so she could retreat quickly if needed. Reassured, she turned forward, looking to make sure Emmett wasn't watching. Licking her lips, her mouth dry, Bella took one last deep breath before stepping down onto the lawn.

Edward tracked Bella's progress from upstairs, silently encouraging her with every step. He could hear her heart as it pounded in her chest; smell the adrenaline pouring off of her. She must be terrified, he mused, yet she still continued. He heard her pause at the threshold, her breathing coming in quick pants.

_Where is she now?_ Emmett asked

"She's about to step out on to the deck."

Edward cheered silently when Bella finally took that last step outside, his grin wide. Esme would be thrilled when she heard.

_She's going to have a heart attack if she doesn't calm down_

"This is a momentous step for her, Emmett. "

_I know, I know. Wish she'd hurry up though_

"Perhaps having a human in the house will finally teach you some patience."

_Ha!_

Edward listened to the shuffle of steps from below, crossing to his window to spy unobtrusively. He wouldn't see her until she stepped out in to the sun. He found himself silently encouraging her, mentally offering support. The pause between the last step and the next diminished as Bella edged ever closer to her goal. Edward could only imagine the amount of courage this was taking. He could hear Alice in his mind, insisting Bella was stronger than they gave her credit. She truly was, he mused.

He held his breath as she paused on the final step, exhaling heavily when the crown of her head emerged into the sunlight. The shudder that ran through her body caused the sunlight to glint off her hair, pulling red highlights forth.

"She's in the sun," he murmured, wishing Esme was here to witness this.

_Finally! When do you think I can turn around?_

"I would wait for her to call out," Edward suggested, watching as each step Bella took was more confident than the last.

It felt…wonderful, Bella thought, shivering as the heat of the sun hit her skin. The wind had died down slightly, only the occasional current wrapping around her body playfully. The grass felt soft beneath her feet. Bella dug her toes into the ground, tilting her head back to allow the sunlight to play across her face.

For the first time in years, she felt alive.

Edward's breath caught as he stared down at Bella's upturned face. The smile that broke out on her face was matched by his own. She was beautiful, he realized, watching the sunlight caress her features and highlight the delicate shape of her face. He stared, mesmerized, committing every detail, every freckle to memory. He hoped she wouldn't open her eyes, wouldn't see him staring down at her. The smile slipped from his face. She was beautiful, he thought again, and she wanted nothing to do with men. How could he convince her that not all men were beasts?

_Jeez, come on already!_

Emmett's thoughts broke Edward's reverie, pulling him from his thoughts.

"She'll come when she's ready."

_Yeah, yeah, I know, be patient._

Bella pulled her head down, unable to control her smile. She was in the sun, and it felt wonderful. She knew Emmett knew she was out there, yet he seemed inclined to wait for her to approach. It took her several minutes to cross the yard until she stood a dozen feet from Emmett's rocky perch. Each step thoughtful, Bella waiting to pull in another gasp of air before continuing on.

Finally, unable to make herself go any further she stopped, clearing her throat to try and bring back her voice. Emmett turned at the sound, his smile wide and welcoming.

"Decided to come outside after all, huh? I knew you'd enjoy it."

Throat still dry, Bella simply nodded.

"The skin thing doesn't freak you out?" Emmett waved a vague hand towards his face, where it glimmered brightly.

A shake of the head was his only answer.

"You aren't going to have a panic attack or anything, are you?" Emmett was suddenly anxious. Bella's heartbeat was picking up again, her eyes never leaving his face.

Another shake.

"If you're sure. Wanna come sit up here?"

Emmett could see the longing in Bella's eyes, the fear of sitting next to a vampire keeping her from making a choice. He decided for her, hopping down, waiting for her to acknowledge the motion before skirting around her to the house.

"Tell you what, I'll go get a quilt and you can sit up there and soak up some sun. Sound like a plan?" Not waiting for agreement, Emmett turned to the house, only to be brought up short as Bella finally spoke.

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why…why are you doing all this?" Bella whispered, her voice cracking on the first word.

Emmett's smile was wide and sincere. "Because that's what big brothers do; they look out for their little sisters."


	7. Chapter 7

Survival of the Soul  
By: Lady Saffir  
Chapter 7  
Story Rating: R/NC-17  
Chapter Rating: PG/PG-13  
DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer I ain't.

Author's Note - A thank you to Megami76 for doing a wonderful job as beta and helping to make this story better. Also a thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review, even if it is only one or two words. Reviews make for a happy author. ^_^ One last item: chapter eight may be slightly delayed. I have been out of town with my husband for a conference and haven't had my usual writing time. If I post next week it might not be till the 23rd, but most likely it will be the 28th or 29th before I can do so. I promise chapter 8 will be extra long to make up for missing my usual posting date.

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you." Willliam Arthur Ward

"I have had dreams, and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams."

************

Carlisle met Esme in the garage as they returned home, both hurrying in to the house without a word. Esme was both furious and elated with her children. What had Emmett been thinking, she wanted to know. He had encouraged Bella though, gotten her outside. Esme hadn't even thought of the fact that Bella had been stuck in the house since she arrived. How was she supposed to give Bella what she needed if she couldn't anticipate those needs?

"Stop berating yourself," Carlisle soothed, reaching out to pull Esme to him. "This is a learning situation for all of us."

Esme leaned into her husband's embrace, accepting the comfort he offered. "I know. I still feel like I should have realized she wanted to go outside. Are we moving too slow? We were expecting her to take weeks and months to adjust to us. Yet today she initiated a conversation with Emmett."

"I rock," Emmett boasted, swaggering into the kitchen. "You were all afraid I was going to set her back and I actually helped. Go me."

Edward entered behind his brother, rolling his eyes at Emmett's antics. "You obviously don't need help patting yourself on the back," he stated, leaning against the counter. "Esme, I wish you could have seen her," he continued, transferring his gaze to his mother. "It was...inspirational," he decided.

Esme sighed, sitting the take-out bag with Bella's dinner on the counter. "Well, there are many more firsts for me to witness," she decided. "How long did she stay outside?"

"About an hour," Edward answered, turning to hiss at Emmett even as he opened his mouth. "Don't-"

"Bella! Dinner's here!" Emmett bellowed, grinning at his parents. "What?"

"You're having too much fun with having a human in the house," Carlisle stated, moving to hang his coat and scarf in the coat closet. "I don't want to know what you'll do when Bella feels more comfortable with us."

Bella's hesitant steps heralded her arrival downstairs. She paused in the doorway, taking in the group before her. Edward had moved away from the door to allow Bella entrance into the kitchen without having to pass too closely to any other family member. She settled in to her usual seat at the island after first getting a glass of water.

"Hi," was her soft greeting to Esme and Carlisle.

"Hello, Bella. How was your day?" Esme asked, moving to unpack dinner. "I hear you caught a bit of the sunlight. Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes."

"Perhaps tomorrow you can work on your schoolwork outside," Esme offered, handing Bella a plate full of food. "Sometimes the work doesn't seem too bad if you can enjoy your surroundings."

"Okay."

"Alice'll be back late tonight," Emmett interrupted. "Rosalie called this afternoon to say they were heading home early. So your task master will be back in the driver's seat," he teased.

"Emmett!"

The triple cry had Emmett looking around in bewilderment. "What? Alice is setting Bella's lessons, hence she sets the tasks. What'd I say?"

"Thank you, Emmett," Carlisle said dryly. "Aren't you missing the Mariner's game?"

"Shit!"

"Language, Emmett," Esme automatically corrected.

"Sorry, Ma."

***************

Edward sat in the kitchen with Carlisle and Esme while Bella ate, making small talk and picking out the wanted answers from their brains while he thought. The burn at the back of his throat had been diminished these past two days, he acknowledged, due to the fact he had stayed in the house practically the entire time. That would change tomorrow when he and Emmett left for a two day hunting trip in northern California.

Was it worth it? He wondered. He missed spending time with Emmett, with the peace he found in being surrounded with only Emmett's thoughts. His brother rarely thought anything he wouldn't say out loud, a refreshing change. Even though they were hunting, Edward knew his throat would burn as if it had been weeks since he had last drank, when they returned home.

So then...did he abscond with something of Bella's, keep it close to him to keep himself desensitized to her smell? It still struck him as a stalker like action, but it would be better to follow that road then return home and be tempted to spill his sister's blood. Edward kept his sigh small, hating the courses of action open to him. It seemed like he would either have to skip this hunting trip and deal with Emmett sulking or keep Emmett from finding out how difficult he found Bella's scent to resist.

'Edward, is everything alright?'

Edward nodded to Esme, making an effort to focus on the conversation around him. He would think about it tonight, perhaps talk with Carlisle more regarding his choices.

***********

Carlisle waited for Bella to finish eating before apologizing.

"Bella."

Knowing what was coming, Bella looked up, flushing. "Carlisle, I-"

"Bella, I'm sorry."

What? Why would Carlisle apologize? Bella thought he meant to discuss being bothered at work with trivial matters. She never would have thought those words would be spoken. He had no reason to apologize. It was her fault for not understanding him.

"But...it's my fault. I didn't know you wouldn't mind if I went outside," Bella protested.

"No, Bella, it's my fault. I didn't mean for you to take me so literally. I should have realized that you would, and clarified what I meant. I'm sorry that you were afraid of getting in to trouble," Carlisle's words were sincere, his eyes conveying his regret.

"I tried to tell Emmett not to bother you at work," Bella whispered, looking down at her plate. "I know you have more important things to do."

Carlisle hesitated, wondering if what he wanted to do would be acceptable. Deciding to go for it, he slowly reached one hand across the table, gently touching the back of Bella's hand to gain her attention. Her eyes snapped up, meeting his own.

"Bella, nothing is more important to me than family. I don't want you to ever hesitate to call me at work, regardless of what you need. I will always make the time for you," Carlisle vowed.

"That goes for all of us," Edward spoke up. "We're always there for one another, and that includes you."

"Which is why I stopped on the way home and picked this up," Esme finished, pulling out a slim silver phone from her purse. "Our phone numbers are already programmed in."

Bella stared at the tiny silver device sitting next to her plate. Her own phone? Were they planning on leaving her alone more, now that they saw she could handle it? She liked spending time with Esme, though, and Alice was nice too. What were they trying to say?

Esme correctly interpreted the look in Bella's eyes. "We'll be around just as much as before, Bella. We just realized though that we hadn't given you a way to call any of us if you needed to. Besides, every teenager is supposed to have a cell phone these days," Esme tried for a lighter note.

The phone rang at that moment, scaring Bella and causing her to jump in her chair. She looked to both Esme and Carlisle for guidance, swallowing when they merely motioned for her to answer. The display read Alice, she saw.

"Hello?"

If Alice was put off by the timid tone Bella used, she showed no sign of it. "Bella! You finally got your phone! Now I can text you while I'm at school. What do you think about that?"

"Alice, when you're in school Bella is also in school, remember?" Edward called out, easily hearing his sister's words.

"Shoot, Edward's right," Alice muttered. "Fine, I'll text you during lunch. How does that sound?"

Not wanting to do anything that would lessen Alice's excitement, Bella murmured her acceptance, shutting the phone gently when Alice hung up with a cheery, "See you in the morning!"  
****************

Jasper looked over at his wife in the passenger seat, smiling to himself as he felt her emotions. The past two days had made her happy, he knew, being surrounded by the latest fashions and designers. The trunk of the car was testament to her and Rosalie's utter abandon to the world of fashion. Her excitement had spiked however when she saw that Bella had finally received her own phone, the ensuing conversation pulling forth an even deeper well of contentment.

"How much longer?" Jasper asked, knowing Alice would understand what he was asking.

"A few more months, Christmas at the latest."

"And after that?"

"Hmmm...still a bit murky," Alice decided, her eyes clearing of the future as she looked over at her husband. "Too many variables involved. Edward's future is also clouded, and I wish I knew why," she fretted, turning to frown at Rosalie when she snorted.

"He's still not sure if he's going to drain her dry," Rosalie offered, raising an eyebrow at her sister's look of disgust. "What? It's the truth; he admitted it to all of us. He finds her entirely too tempting. He won't be able to last too much longer."

Alice was silent. She had experienced exactly two visions of Bella's future, with variations on each. In one, she was a vampire. In the other...Edward crouched over her frail body, the limpness of her limbs indicating death had come for her. Edward had seen both futures in her mind, his vow to not let the latter happen sincere. That had not erased the possibility however, as well he knew.

She had kept one variation of the future in which Bella was a vampire from her brother, however. The future that showed the two of them passionately kissing under an arbor, the garland of flowers flowing down around them, their wedding bands glinting under a string of fairy lights. That vision would bother Edward just as much as the future in which he killed Bella. And while Alice desperately wished to share that happy possible future with Jasper, she refrained, afraid that if she spoke of it to another Edward would see it in their mind. No, she could tell no one.  
***********

Edward found himself once again watching from his window as Bella stepped out into the sunlight, Alice at her side. They made their way to the table Alice had dragged outside earlier in the day, sitting opposite each other as they completed their schoolwork. He wondered if he should take the opportunity to grab something of Bella's now, while she was outside and unaware.

'Not right now, Edward. I'll let you know when the time is right'

Edward frowned down at his sister as she raised her head to smirk at him. She was keeping him from her thoughts by singing Christmas carols in her mind; something she knew would drive him away. Resigned to wait, he folded himself down onto his couch, aimlessly flipping through various music stations. He was tired of hiding in his room, afraid to leave for fear of slipping and harming Bella. Would more exposure be better or worse, he wondered for the fiftieth time.

His decision was made when he heard Alice speak to Bella.

"I was thinking that Edward could continue on with the sciences lessons, and Jasper could perhaps do the history part. It's better to have more than one teacher," the petite vampire continued, not giving Bella a chance to argue. "It will give you different perspectives on things."

"Okay?"

The hesitation was obvious, but Alice beamed, tossing directions to her brother.

'Come do the science lecture. And why don't you bring your coat down? Bella looks like she's getting cold and I haven't had the opportunity to purchase one for her.'

Edward waffled between amusement at how cleverly his sister had given him a way to keep Bella's scent close, and annoyance at pulling him into a teacher's role.

'You'll thank me this time tomorrow,' Alice stated. 'Now, get down here before she finds a reason to go inside.'  
****************

"Edward's going to bring a coat out for you," Alice informed Bella, nodding behind the human girl towards the house. "We can stay outside longer this way."

Bella bit her lip, nodding in agreement. She had been getting a little chilly, especially when the wind blew. It came as no surprise then when something heavy settled around her shoulders a second before Edward was seated next to Alice, his face expectant.

"Ready for your lesson?"

Bella nodded, absent-mindedly slipping her arms into the sleeves of the dark blue coat while Edward launched into a lecture regarding genetics. A tantalizing scent kept catching her attention however, distracting her from Edward's speech. Tilting her head to the side she hesitantly breathed in, confirming her suspicions that the jacket held the wonderful odor. Was this what Edward smelled like? How had she not noticed this before?

Jerking her mind from following that train of thought, Bella pulled her head forward, focusing once more on the lecture. It didn't matter, she knew. After all, why would he want anything to do with her?

***********  
Edward sat patiently on a rock, waiting for Emmett to finish toying with his meal before eating it. The enraged bear's snarls echoed in the small valley they were in, rebounding back on itself to intensify the sound. He knew his brother would draw the encounter out, playfully wrestling with the bear before finishing it off.

Minutes later Emmett sat next to his brother, his smile wide. "That was fun. Been a while since I've had a big one like that."

"How can you hold all of that blood?" Edward wondered.

"Lots of me to keep full," Emmett replied.

They sat in companionable silence for a moment, Edward allowing Emmett's thoughts to coast along, his brother thinking of nothing serious. When his thoughts did turn, Edward groaned, knowing what was coming.

"You're wearing the same jacket you had Bella wear yesterday," Emmett noted.

"Yes."

"I keep thinking Bella's hanging around, her scent's that strong."

"Yes."

"You going to answer with more than one word?"

"Possibly."

Emmett growled. "Smart ass. Come on, tell me what's up."

Edward hesitated, picking through his words carefully. "Do you remember the two humans whose smell you found irresistible?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Edward merely looked at his brother with exasperation, practically able to see light bulb turn on over Emmett's head.

"That's what she smells like to you? How the hell have you lasted so long, man?" Emmett wondered, thinking back to the two times he had succumbed to human blood. His recall was vivid and perfect, causing Edward to moan and bury his head in his hands.

"Do you mind not thinking so hard about that?" he begged.

"Sorry, bro. Damn, how the hell have you resisted so long? There's no way I could do it," Emmett marveled, smacking his brother on the back. "You must have the control of a saint. Or Carlisle," he added, laughing.

Edward didn't join in the laughter, instead burying his nose in the collar of his jacket. He had another day before they headed home and he wasn't sure the jacket would be enough to keep his sensitivity threshold high.  
***********

The dreams continued.

They did not occur every night, and some nights were worse than others. The family grew used to hearing Bella's mutters throughout the night, some words more clear than others. Jasper tried to give Esme fair warning when the dreams were heading into nightmare territory so that she would be there to soothe Bella back to sleep. It wasn't entirely altruistic, Jasper acknowledged to himself. Bella's anxiety had a tendency to hit him hard, so he was driven to block any negative emotions he could.

Jasper had thought long and hard about simply erasing Bella's dark emotions and replacing them with something lighter, something easier to deal with. God knew the teenager had dealt with enough horrible things in her life. Why subject her to having to relive them? Wasn't that the reason she was now living with them, to obtain a better life?

"You can't do it," Alice had stated, appearing out of thin air. She curled up under her husband's arm, placing a light kiss on his chest. "Your intentions are good, but Bella needs to work through this."

That had been two nights ago, the night that Bella had a particularly bad dream that left her shaken for hours.  
Now she was muttering, tossing in her bed, the words slurred and indistinct. Jasper closed the book he was studying, leaning back in his chair and staring thoughtfully at the ceiling. He knew Esme was in her own study, feel her determination to stop this dream before it could fully realize into a nightmare. He listened to his mother's footsteps fade up the stairs before moving downstairs to find his wife and convince her to take a midnight stroll with him.

**************

Regardless of how many times Esme woke her from the dreams, Bella was never able to convince herself while she was dreaming that her surroundings weren't real. The closed in little closet, her own smell from the lack of bathroom facilities, the cries of other humans, they all haunted her mind, forcing her to relive her captivity day by day.

And every time the angel's voice would come to her, entreating her to wake up, to open her eyes and overcome the dream world. And every time Bella would open her eyes and see Esme and Carlisle perched on the side of her bed, murmuring their assurances that she would never suffer again. Bella had come to view sleep with mixed feelings. The dreams might appear that night, but then so would Esme and Carlisle, driving off the bad memories. She had come to rely on their presence. Every time they appeared, staying with her until she fell asleep again. The continuity was something she had come to crave. Surely they did it because they wanted to, not because it was a chore. Esme's smiling face and Carlisle's calm demeanor did more to reinforce the notion that she was family more than words ever could.

And then came the night when nothing Esme said or did could pull Bella from her nightmare.


	8. Chapter 8

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 8

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating: R (DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! DANGER! Aka, dark themes ahead)

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the wonderful Twilight universe; I'm just playing with the characters.

Thanks to Megami76 for her wonderful input and prompt feedback.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review. You have no idea how excited I get when I get a notice someone has reviewed. For everyone wanting to know where I find the quotes I place at the beginning of each chapter, I use .com They have a very nice feature where you can bookmark your favorite quotes for later use. I know several people were wanting to see how Edward reacted after his extended trip away from the house, and I hate to disappoint, but that doesn't show up in this chapter. In the interest of not writing a story that would put 'War and Peace' to shame in length, I've had to omit some things.

A timeline note. This chapter takes place roughly five weeks after Bella was rescued by the Cullens. And I do mean roughly. No one in the family will tell me exactly how long she's been with them. I find it kind of rude, but what's a girl to do?

"Do you know the terror of he who falls asleep? To the very toes he is terrified, because the ground gives way under him, and the dream begins." Neitzsche

"Sleep is when all the unsorted stuff comes flying out as from a dustbin upset in a high wind" William Golding

"Whatever your past has been, you have a spotless future" Anonymous

**************

Two weeks had passed since Bella had first stepped foot outside. It had rained or drizzled almost constantly since that last sunny day she and Alice had sat outside working on homework, making Bella more aware of the fact she was trapped in the house. The weather had turned cooler, so even though she could sit out on the covered porch and listen to the gentle thrum of rain on the roof, the wind gusting along ruined this chance. Attempts to even sit on the porch wrapped in a quilt had been thwarted on a particularly gusty day, causing Bella's lips to turn blue within minutes and causing Esme to fret that she would fall ill.

Bella took one last longing glance outside before returning back to her work. Maybe her lessons wouldn't be so bad if she could have sat outside with sunlight streaming down. Alice had just started teaching her geometry and she was having a bit of trouble with some of the theorems. Who cared about any of this stuff, anyway, Bella wondered, tempted to ditch the math homework in favor of studying her English. The beep of her phone, signaling a text, had her starting guiltily. She glumly read the message from Alice chastising her for giving up, sighing to herself before going back to stare at the problems before her.

*************

Esme stared at the phone on the corner of her desk, knowing Alice would have seen her decision and would be calling. The phone had barely begun to vibrate before she snatched it up, flipping it open to answer.

"Alice?"

"She'll be fine, Esme."

Esme sighed in relief. "Anything I need to watch out for?"

"Not that I can see. Wait - don't buy the green grapes, get the purple instead."

**************

Bella looked up from her lunch as Esme came in the kitchen, smiling at the older woman as she moved about the kitchen, opening cabinet doors and peering into the refrigerator critically. What was going on?

"Bella, I need to run out to the store and I thought you'd like to come with me," Esme said suddenly, turning to face her daughter.

"Um..."

"I checked with Alice, she said everything would be fine if you wanted to go," Esme continued, moving to sit next to Bella. "I know you're getting cabin fever, being stuck in here all the time. And if you go with me you can pick out what you would like to eat, instead of me guessing," she sweetened the offer. "What do you say?"

Esme was going to take her out with other humans? She wanted her to go? Thrilled and not a little terrified at the prospect, Bella took a moment to think things over.

"What will you tell people about me?" Bella finally asked.

"The truth," Esme started, over-riding Bella's gasp of fear. "That you're my foster daughter and have only recently come to live with us. Anything else will be entirely up to you."

"Won't people think it weird that you have so many kids?" the teenager blurted out, covering her mouth as if to keep more words from spilling out unheeded.

Esme smiled, brushing an errant strand of hair behind Bella's ear. "No. We've set up our story so that basically nothing we do is surprising. So, what do you say? Up for a little adventure?"

Bella nodded.

*****************

Being a Tuesday in the middle of the day, the local Thriftway was hardly busy. This was both a blessing and a curse, in Bella's eyes. Fewer people meant fewer stares, but it also meant she and Esme stood out more. The open produce section garnered them the most looks, as other customers could easily see who was accompanying Mrs. Cullen on her weekly trip.

Bella stared down at a display of apples, blushing as she tried to ignore the interested looks the two older ladies a few feet away were giving her. Pick out some apples, she reminded herself. Esme wants you to pick out some fruit to eat. Blindly grabbing a few apples, Bella quickly returned to Esme's side, hunching her shoulders against the attention.

They continued through the store, Esme requiring Bella's input on nearly every item she placed in the cart. The shopping trip took twice as long as it usually did, but by the end Bella had opened up a little and added things to the cart Esme never would have thought to buy, and declined other items. The real test, Esme knew, would be in the checkout line, when Bella would more than likely be forced to interact with the cashier.

Of the two cashiers currently working, Esme opted for Julie, the older woman, knowing she wasn't as big a gossip as Cathy. That didn't stop the other woman from coming over to help bag groceries though, her questions sounding innocent even though Esme knew her words would be repeated to others as soon as she and Bella were out the door.

"Who's your guest, Mrs. Cullen?"  
"This is Bella. Carlisle and I are in the process of adopting her," Esme explained, ignoring the speculative gleam that entered the other woman's eyes.

"Welcome to Forks, dear," Julie interrupted, smiling at Bella. She was a good looking girl, Julie thought, though she seemed afraid of every little shadow. There was a story, she guessed, but held her tongue, respecting the child's privacy.

"Thank you," Bella softly replied, looking up only briefly to meet Julie's eyes.

"How old are you, Bella?" Cathy asked, loading the bags of groceries into the cart.

"Sixteen."

"My oldest is sixteen, Erica Langley. She's got a couple of classes with your youngest boy, Edward. Always saying how intelligent he is - good looking, too," Cathy added, winking at Esme and missing Bella's wince. "It's going to be a lucky girl that finally catches his eye."

"Mm. I'm in no rush for that," Esme laughed. "He can stay a boy as long as he wants. Thank you, Julie. I'll see you next week," she continued, taking hold of the cart and exiting the store, Bella trailing in her wake.

***************

Bella settled into the passenger seat of the convertible, a shudder ripping through her body as she exhaled heavily. She had done it. She had gone out and interacted with other humans, humans that lived ordinary lives and thought nothing of discussing the mundane over a bag of potatoes.

"Not too bad, was it?" Esme asked sympathetically, gently patting Bella's knee.

"No."

Alice would be making plans for numerous trips now, Esme knew, choosing not to say anything to Bella. Let her enjoy this small accomplishment before moving on to the next.

****************

Bella was helping Esme unpack the groceries and store them in the cabinets when everyone else came home from school, Emmett's loud voice challenging Jasper to a wrestling match preceding them into the house.

"Hey, squirt. How's it going?" Emmett interrupted himself, elbowing Jasper aside as his brother mocked him. "You, I'll get later," he promised before turning back. "What are those?" he asked, pulling the box of Poptarts from Bella's hands.

"Emmett, manners," Esme scolded.

"They're Poptarts," Bella said.

"But what ARE they?"

"Um...breakfast."

"Seriously? Are they good?" Emmett wondered, turning the box over in his hands to study the nutritional information.

"She wouldn't get them if she thought they were disgusting," Edward replied, snatching the box from his brother's hands and returning it to Bella.

Rosalie chose that moment to enter the house. She raised one eyebrow at Bella as she watched the human flush and look away, fumbling with the box in her hands. "All human food is disgusting," she contributed, sweeping through the room without another look.

Bella wished she knew why Rosalie hated her. She had kept her mouth shut whenever the blonde was in the room, careful to not pay any extra attention to Emmett at the same time. She hoped the gorgeous vampire knew that she understood Emmett was her mate and she expected nothing from him. She did understand, didn't she? Perhaps Rosalie wanted her to verbally acknowledge this fact?

Esme pulled Bella from her thoughts with talk of what to make for dinner.

*******************

Bella settled into bed, content with her day. She had finished her homework correctly, had understood the next math lesson (she thought) and had gotten out of the house. She had even participated in the conversation at the dinner table, Jasper and Edward joining the usual group of her, Esme, Carlisle and Alice. Not quite willing to admit she was happy, Bella settled into bed, pulling the quilt around her snugly before quickly falling asleep.

***********

The rest of the Cullen family was assembled downstairs, following various pursuits. It was common knowledge that Bella tended to have nightmares following any progress, so the entire family was hyper aware of her slumber as they waited for the calm to shatter.

*************

The slide from dream to nightmare came suddenly; Bella's breathing hitching even as she cried out.

Jasper couldn't help the gasp that escaped him as his sister's fear spiked through him, slamming into his chest with the force of a battering ram. He was helpless against the sudden onslaught of emotion, falling to the floor, only half aware of the voices around him.

"Jasper!"

"What's wrong?"

"Is it Bella?"

"Alice-"

The babble of voices surrounding Jasper blurred, his breath coming in sharp pants, matching those of the human's two stories above him. Dear god, how did she deal with this? He wanted it out of him, now. Fear, loathing, anger, worthlessness, despair...all swirled through him, a miasma of emotion that clouded his other senses. Out, out, he had to stop this!

He didn't even think as he pushed the emotions out of him and into his surroundings, gratefully pulling in deep breathes of air as he fought for calm. The tide of emotions continued to batter at his mind, making him grit his teeth in concentration. He would not let them rule him again, he swore, letting his head fall back against the floor.

The labored breathing of someone close drew his attention, jerking him out of his stupor. Clumsily rolling on to his side, Jasper was horrified at the scene before him. His family was sprawled in various states about the living room, their features etched with horror.

'No, no,' his mind chanted. Focusing himself, Jasper grounded himself in Alice's features, her body lying at an awkward angle next to his. He couldn't let her continue to suffer. Slowly, piece by piece, he spread calm through the room, gritting his teeth as Bella's nightmare continued above him. They needed to get her out of the dream world, now.

Alice was the first to recover, propping herself against the couch as she regulated her breathing. Next was Esme and Carlisle, clutching at each other as they sat up, looking at each other with horror filled eyes before bolting up the stairs. Bella's cries were coming more frequently, gaining in pitch and intensity, one word repeated over and over.

"No. No, no, no, no...."

The remainder of the Cullen family recovered at the same time, all eyes focused on the ceiling as the listened to Esme frantically try to wake Bella.

"That's what she's feeling?" Edward croaked, his voice hoarse as if he had been the one screaming.

"How is she sane?" Emmett wondered, seconded by Jasper.

These emotions were nothing new to Rosalie. She kept her silence, staring upwards and wishing she could will away the memories they provoked.

*****************

"Bella? Bella! Bella, wake up, please," Esme begged, flying to her daughter's bedside, Carlisle at her side. "Bella, you need to wake up! Carlisle, what do we do?" she fretted, continuing to pat the pale hand in her grasp.

"I don't know. " Carlisle ran a frustrated hand through his hair, moving to the other side of the bed.

"No, please. No, I-"Bella sobbed, thrashing on the bed, unaware of her surroundings.

"Please wake up, sweetheart, please. Please, Bella," Esme continued, holding Bella's hands down as they clawed at the air.

"No...don't....NOOOOO!"

*******************

Carlisle was seriously considering dumping ice water on Bella to wake her up when she sat up suddenly, her entire body shuddering as she screamed out one final no. His wife moved even as Bella was sitting up, positioning herself to catch their daughter in her arms, wrapping her up in a fierce hug. As was his custom, he moved to sit behind Esme, offering comfort to Bella while giving her a buffer. The couple offered calm, soothing words while Bella worked to regain her control.

*************

All of the good feelings were gone. Every single positive thing that Bella had experienced was wiped out, replaced with the reminder of what she had been. How had she ever thought that she deserved happiness? The Cullens had been too kind to take her in. She had wasted their time and their money and they needed to understand why they should kick her out and never have anything to do with her ever again. Why would such beautiful, perfect creatures want her around?

The feelings of worthlessness continued to course through her body, her breathing uneven, tears falling unabated down her face. She didn't want to give up this life. She owed it to Esme and Carlisle though to explain to them who exactly they had taken in to their house.

Esme's soothing words were no balm tonight.

"Shhh, Bella, it's alright. Everything is okay. You're safe, I promise."

"No," Bella croaked, attempting to pull away from Esme's embrace. The cold arms around her refused to relinquish her though, so she settled for talking into the older woman's shoulder, grateful she wouldn't have to see the look that was sure to come into Esme's eyes when she understood exactly what she was holding.

"I'm a bad person," Bella continued, ignoring Esme's attempt to shush her. "It's all my fault. I could have stopped it at any time, could have ended it, but I didn't. So it's my fault," she sobbed, breathe catching in her chest.

"Bella, what happened isn't your fault," Carlisle began, taken aback by the ferocious gleam in Bella's eyes as she turned to face him.

"Yes, it is!" she insisted, the words pouring out. "Every time he gave me the option to end it but I didn't take it. Every time I was punished it was because I didn't perform well enough. I'm slow, I'm stupid, I'm a klutz. The only thing I'm good for is my blood and you don't even want that. Why did you save me?"

The near hysterical note of the last words had Esme flinching, even as she tried to console Bella.

"You aren't slow or stupid, Bella," Esme murmured, rocking the child in her arms. "And I don't care if you aren't as graceful as some. You're Bella and you're my daughter and that's all that matters."

Carlisle was more concerned about other parts of Bella's statement.

"Bella, what did you mean, 'he gave you the option to end it'?" he questioned.

It took a few hiccupping breaths before the teenager could respond, her eyes still averted.

"He...every time, before he..."Bella tried to spit the word out but was unable, carrying on with her confession. "Before he did...it, he would give me a gun, tell me if I...if I really didn't want it, then I'd kill myself. And if I didn't kill myself I couldn't say I was unwilling," she whispered, certain now that Esme would withdrawal her arms in disgust.

"Oh, sweetheart. Oh, Bella," Esme sighed, tightening her hold. "Of course you were unwilling, even with the terms he gave you. No one can think otherwise. It wasn't your fault, do you understand me?" Her tone was fierce now, pulling back to look Bella in the eyes. "Nothing that happened to you was your fault. He was a monster that took advantage of you and abused you."

The sincerity in her tone made Bella want to believe, but...

"But I couldn't do anything right," she continued. "I couldn't please other people so I was punished. There has to be something wrong with me if I can't do it right, isn't there?"

"Bella, I want to make sure we understand you perfectly," Carlisle began. "By pleasing other people, you mean having intercourse?"

A nod was his only answer.

The room was silent for a moment before Carlisle began to speak in a low voice. "Bella, there is nothing wrong with you. The vampire that held you was a sadistic brute and nothing you could have done would have pleased him. He enjoyed your pain and suffering and did everything he could to increase that. It isn't that you did anything wrong or that you wouldn't be able to please a partner of your choice. What he did to you was rape and You. Are. Not. At. Fault."

The intensity of Carlisle's voice, the sincerity in his tone was hard to doubt, and Bella found herself nodding even as a small voice at the back of her mind continued to question otherwise. Her tears continued, the shoulder of Esme's blouse soaked from the onslaught. She didn't notice the cold emanating from the arms holding her any longer, only able to feel the comfort they instilled.

There was something Bella had said that was bothering Esme, her mind turning the words over and picking at them. Unable to keep her silence any longer, she spoke, her voice soft in her daughter's ear.

"Sweetheart, you were so strong to resist the way out he gave you."

Bella was still against her for a moment, her breath ragged from crying. She finally spoke, her words almost lost in their softness. "He promised if I killed myself he'd just find another human to take my place," she started, wiping angrily at the tears that fell down her cheeks. "I was already in hell. I didn't see why I should make another innocent person suffer just because I didn't want to anymore."

With those words she fell apart, her mind unable to deal with the images such talk provoked. She let the soothing murmur of Esme and Carlisle's voices offer her comfort, her exhaust allowing the darkness of sleep to overcome her eventually, even as she continued to cry silently in her slumber.

***************

The living room was silent, five faces turned upwards as they listened to the horrors that poured forth from Bella's mouth, listened to her recounting the constant misery and terror she had lived for years.

"I can't bear this," Jasper suddenly declared, bolting out the door, Alice following quickly behind. His departure pulled the others from their stillness, Emmett and Rosalie choosing to follow suit and head outdoors, leaving only Edward behind.

He could hear Esme crying on the inside, her wish to erase every bad memory Bella had ever had strong, her anger that such men existed in the world reminding her of her human marriage. She cringed away from those thoughts even as she leaned into Carlisle, accepting the wordless comfort he offered.

Carlisle's thoughts were, for him, oddly jumbled, jumping from idea to idea and not allowing any one real topic to settle. He was thinking of the amount of courage Bella must have to live with them, the pain he knew Esme was remembering, the desire to shield the two women in his arms from further pain, with the knowledge that wasn't possible.

Edward pulled back, blocking his parents' thoughts from his own as he stared out the night blacked window. Creatures like the ones that had kept Bella hostage were exactly the sort he had hunted when he had drunk human blood. There was no one to punish now, no one to take his anger and frustration out on.

The crack of the sofa's arm under his tense hand pulled Edward back. He pinched the bridge of his nose tightly, inhaling slow and steadily, concentrating on the ever present aroma of Bella's blood. She was here now and safe, he reminded himself. His anger would serve no purpose but to drive her away. He had to remain calm, remain pleasant. Take Emmett's lead and show her that not all men were out for one thing only.

The thought of following Emmett's actions on anything had Edward snorting, pulling him to his feet as he wandered to his piano. Seating himself, he allowed his fingers to run through the familiar scales, the arpeggios soothing in their mindlessness. Once more picking up Esme's distress, Edward allowed his fingers to pick out the tune of her song, hoping his mother would hear and understand he was trying to comfort her.

There was a faint hint of a new tune on the edge of his consciousness though, teasing him as it flirted around, elusive to his grasp. He could hear small snippets of the song, his hands automatically following the sound, a growl escaping even as the song escaped him.

***********

Esme and Carlisle settled into stillness, their bodies held slightly away from the slumbering human, trying to keep their cold from permeating her warm nest of blankets. Bella was deeply asleep, her tears dried into silver tracks down her face, the grief etching deep lines around her eyes and mouth. One hand was folded against her chest. The other clutched at Esme's waist, gathering fabric from her blouse and Carlisle's shirt into a tight fist that never slacked through the night.

"I should talk with her in the morning," Esme murmured, continuing to stroke Bella's hair. "Perhaps it would help her to know my story, to see that things can change for the better."

"I think that would help," Carlisle agreed, planting a kiss on his wife's shoulder.

"What do we do now, Carlisle?" Esme sighed.

A frown marred the blonde vampire's face. "I'm not sure. I think I might need to speak with one of the social workers or perhaps the hospital psychologist, get their take on how we should proceed."

"Should we have Bella meet with a psychologist?"

Carlisle hesitated. "I'm not sure. The point is for the patient to feel comfortable enough to open up and speak with another person. I don't know how effective counseling would be if she was trying to keep the fact that her abuser was a vampire a secret."

"How did she live through three years of that?" Esme wondered, softly stroking one hand down Bella's hair. "She's a child. And yet, she refused the escape offered her to keep another human from suffering. How many times did she have to resist the temptation?"

The feel of her husband's arms tightening around Esme provided little comfort. Her daughter had faced too many hard choices and fights in her short life. And yet...

"She still had the courage to not only be alone with two male vampires but to talk with one of them, question why he had cared for her comfort," Esme murmured.

Carlisle brushed a strand of hair away from Bella's face. "That's how I know she'll be okay. She's a fighter and a survivor."

*************

Rosalie stared at the clock. It was four in the morning, almost time for Carlisle to leave for the hospital. He was still upstairs though, he and Esme trapped as effectively by one tiny human hand then anything that could ever hope to hold a vampire captive. They would want to be there when Bella woke, to help her begin to work through everything that had transpired last night.

The beautiful blonde vampire tried once more to examine life from Bella's perspective. What had happened to her during her human life had been enough to leave lasting mental scars that had taken years to heal. But to be raped time and time again, to suffer not only physically but emotionally and mentally for years on end? Try as she might, Rosalie couldn't see how anyone could survive such conditions.

And now that Bella's past was truly out in the open, what did it bode for the family, for her and Esme especially? They had both suffered at the hands of men, could sympathize with Bella and offer words of comfort. But to speak the words aloud, to watch the human's face as she processed everything she was being told...

No, she couldn't do it, at least not anytime soon. If Bella was to truly become family then she would find out, but for now Rosalie would keep her past a secret and let the human see only the façade she presented to the world.

She could help Carlisle and Esme deal with Bella though, she reasoned, taking her own phone from her pocket as she went upstairs. They would be better at offering the words needed.

**********

Carlisle frowned, staring at the bedside clock. If he was going to call in to work he had to do it soon. His phone, however, was in his right front pocket and he was lying on that side, his right arm trapped underneath Esme and Bella's combined weight. His left was folded up onto Esme's arm to keep from pinning Bella to the bed. He could have still easily reached the phone with his left hand if it wasn't for the hold Bella had on his shirt, her fingers bunching the cotton into a wrinkled mess. He would rather chew his own arm off at that moment than break her grip.

The sound of footsteps and the door opening came as no surprise. Carlisle fully expected either Alice or Edward to appear with their own phone, one having seen his decision, the other having heard it.

The sight of Rosalie standing in the doorway, phone held out even as she kept her eyes firmly on the headboard, refusing to meet his gaze, was amazing.

"Here," she offered, striding over quickly to the bed and dropping the phone onto the bed. "You can use my phone to call in to work."

She was gone as quickly as she appeared, the door closing with a whisper of sound. Carlisle saw his surprise mirrored in his wife's eyes. What had brought this on? Setting aside his daughter's curious behavior for a later date, Carlisle made the necessary calls to clear out his day's schedule.

*****************

Bella woke slowly, the intensity of her emotions during the night leaving her feeling drained and empty. Her head felt as if it were stuffed with wool, her sinuses still swollen and painful. Sniffing a few times to attempt to clear her nasal passages, she became aware immediately of the smell she associated with Esme. Her eyes fluttered open, not yet believing that the other woman had spent the night. Usually she would leave after Bella fell back asleep and the two would start the day anew, no word of the previous night spoken.

The deep purple of Esme's blouse was loud before Bella's eyes. She had stayed then, but why...

Everything came flooding back with vivid perfection. Her, sobbing onto Esme's shoulder, admitting to everything that had happened to her. Esme, her cool arms as comforting as the words she had spoken. Carlisle, his presence quiet but welcome.

Her right hand automatically flexed, the differing textures of silk and cotton confusing for a moment before she remembered that Carlisle had been wearing a simple cotton button down shirt. He had stayed as well? But why?

"Bella, are you awake?" Esme's soft whisper jolted Bella from her musings. She looked up into Esme's kind eyes, partially expecting to see revulsion but finding only warmth and love.

"You stayed," was all she could think to say.

"Of course we stayed, darling," Esme replied, tightening her hold slightly. "You needed us; what else could we have done?"

"But," Bella floundered, her gaze darting back and forth between Esme and Carlisle. The lightness of the room and Carlisle's presence distracted her from her train of thought. "What time is it?" She asked instead, gasping when Esme replied.

"Eleven-thirty in the morning."

"But you have to work! You're supposed to be at the hospital!" Bella stared at Carlisle in consternation.

"It was more important I be here in case you needed anything," Carlisle refuted. "I had to make sure you were okay."

"But,"

"Nothing is more important than family," Bella was gently reminded, the smile and sincerity in his eyes bringing tears to her own.

The mention of family reminded Bella of the five other vampires that lived in the house.

"They heard, didn't they?" she moaned, struggling to free herself from her blanket cocoon. "What do they think of me?" she asked herself, cringing as she pictured how the others would look at her. They had been so good to her, so kind. And now they knew her secret. The odd thought of how Edward would look at her with disgust flashed through Bella's mind, causing her to flinch away from the image.

"They think that you are a strong, brave woman to endure so much," Esme stated, sitting up and cupping Bella's face in her hands. "They have nothing but respect for you and want to do whatever needs done to help you heal from your past."

"None of us have pleasant pasts, Bella," Carlisle stated, seating himself so he and his wife flanked their daughter on her bed. "We all understand some of the pain you've experienced. No one in this house will look down at you for what you did to survive."

Esme pulled in a deep breath, recognizing the perfect opening for her story. "Bella, I understand better than you imagine what you endured," she began, and launched into her tale.

************

Alice's eyes refocused on her surroundings as the noise from the cafeteria once more filled her ears.

"Esme's telling Bella about her past," she breathed, accepting the comfort that the gentle touch of Jasper's hand on her own could bring. "They'll make it through the rest of the day just fine."

The tension surrounding the Cullen/Hale table relaxed; the others discussing upcoming sunny days and trips planned during the summer months. Alice caught and held Edward's gaze though, the two of them staring at each other intently, Edward growing frustrated at his sister's shake of the head.

_You can't tell her yet, Edward_ Alice insisted. _She doesn't know you well enough to appreciate what you want to say to her. You need to get to know her better first._

The almost imperceptible tightening at the corner of her brother's mouth was as obvious to Alice as if Edward had sighed loudly.

_Go home and play the piano for her_ Alice encouraged. _There's your hint for how to start a conversation with her._

Edward held back another sigh at Alice's cryptic advice.

*******************

Bella dressed slowly, still thinking of everything Esme had told her. It was hard to believe that Esme had tolerated anyone acting in such a manner towards her. It didn't seem at all like the Esme she knew. There was no reason for her to lie about her past, though. It was something that could easily be discovered if Bella said anything to the others - not that she would. There were some things that didn't need to be discussed anymore than necessary.

Esme's parting words before she and Carlisle headed downstairs had stuck with Bella, repeating in her head on a continuous loop.

'_I'm not expecting you to handle things exactly like I did, Bella. I just want you to know that I understand that it will take time before you regain confidence in yourself and that we're here for you.'_


	9. Chapter 9

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 9

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating: G (Is this right? I didn't swear once? I must be sick)

DISCLAIMER: Once more I must proclaim that I do not own Twilight or its characters.

Thanks to Megami76 for taking the time to look everything over and answer my zillion emails so patiently. For those on , I'm sorry for all the formatting issues that have plagued the last few chapters, hopefully those are resolved. I'm tempted to sweeten the pot for those of you reading this on to get you to review. Perhaps if you review the chapter, be it long or a simple, 'I enjoyed this,' I'll give you a sneak peek into the next chapter. Tempting, or just begging? You decide. :) And yes, this might seem like a filler chapter, but there are multiple key scenes in here that will play a role in the story later.

I now have a thread in the Twilighted Alternate Universe forum and will be posting sneak peeks at upcoming chapters and answering questions. Come play with us!

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." Arnold Schwarzenegger

***************

It was very odd, Bella decided, having both Carlisle and Esme in the house on a weekday. They were both in the living room, Esme idly flipping through the television channels while Carlisle appeared to be reviewing some papers. Wanting nothing more than to forget the scenes that had occurred last night and this morning, Bella slipped into the kitchen, intent on grabbing some lunch and settling into her schoolwork. Alice would be home in a few hours and ready to move on to the next lesson, and Bella hadn't yet finished the work assigned yesterday.

Staring at the clock, Bella fretted. She wouldn't have enough time to get everything done before the others arrived home. Should she start with the easy stuff, get the most out of the way that she could, or did she focus on the harder items? She didn't want to be accused of avoiding hard work, but the thought of trying to work through any of her geometry assignment had her groaning.

The chirping of a phone caught Bella's ear, as she listened to Esme answer in a low tone.

"Bella, it's for you," she called, walking into the kitchen to hand the phone off.

Bella stared at the phone for a moment, knowing it was Alice calling to reprimand her for wanting to shirk her lessons. She didn't want to do math today, or even look over the science and history lessons Edward and Jasper had given her. Sighing, she brought the phone up to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Don't worry about trying to focus on your lessons today, Bella. Take the day off, read a good book, watch a movie, do whatever," Alice's bell-like voice commanded. "We skip school all the time so you should have the occasional day off as well."

"Oh. But – "

"No buts, Bella. Go look through the library and find something to read. See you in a few hours!"

The phone went dead in Bella's hand.

************

Carlisle watched Bella awkwardly turn the pages on the book she was reading, her cast continuing to impede her hand use. He wanted to take Bella into the hospital next week for x-rays as well as some blood work but was hesitant to bring the trip up at this moment. She should have an idea of what he had planned though, he argued with himself, to give her time to prepare for the trip. Besides, she had successfully gone with Esme to the store, so the idea shouldn't be too scary, he hoped.

"Bella."

The doctor in him was pleased to note that Bella's heartbeat no longer sped up at being addressed by most family members. She still tended to have the odd skipped beat when Edward would speak to her, and sometimes when Emmett would surprise her, but she was growing used to their presence.

"I'd like to take your cast off next week," he continued, smiling when his daughter looked at him in surprise. "It's been almost six weeks so the bone should be healed."

"It will be nice to have your arm free again, won't it," Esme spoke up.

The two adults shared a concerned look when Bella simply stared down at her casted arm for a moment.

"Are you going to take an x-ray afterward?" Bella asked, looking up to see the surprised expression on Carlisle's face.

"Yes. Just to make sure the bones knitted together properly."

"Oh." Bella was silent for another moment. "Does that mean I need to go to the hospital?"

"It would be easier for me to do the scans there," Carlisle admitted. "But if you like, I can bring a machine home and do it here."

"No. I – I can go to the hospital," Bella stated, chewing on her lower lip. "I don't mind."

"If you'd like," Carlisle said, smiling before turning back to his papers.

***********

Jasper checked the emotional climate of the house from the garage, holding back as his siblings filed into the house. Alice had promised him that she saw no difficulties for them at home, but he still wanted to know what he was walking in to. He was deeply ashamed of his actions the previous night and had already apologized to his family for making them endure the pain with him. He had yet to apologize separately to Esme and Carlisle for abandoning them and not helping to regulate Bella's emotions.

He quickly identified his parents' emotions, the two of them in the living room, contentment radiating from them. As for Bella, she seemed to be…happy? Was this right, Jasper wondered to himself, thinking for a moment he might have confused her emotional state with someone else.

Curiosity pulled him into the house, his steps silent as he approached the grouping of seats in the living area. Though hidden from his sight, it was obvious where Bella was, as Esme would look over at the love seat every few seconds before returning to her show.

Two more steps and Jasper was able to see that Bella was asleep, curled up on the plush cushions of the love seat, a throw draped gently over her form. He had been correct on his initial assessment, he saw, noting the small smile that pulled one corner of his sister's mouth up slightly. She was dreaming happy dreams then. Good. She needed to replace the negative dreams.

"Told you so," his wife sang to him from their bedroom.

Smiling to himself, Jasper continued around the corner to where Emmett was busy setting up for their chess war.

************

The first few minutes back in the house were always the worst. After hours spent away, the tantalizing aroma of Bella's blood sucker punched Edward in the face every time he walked into the house. He had developed a habit of drawing one deep breath, allowing the freesia to invade his senses for one long moment before exhaling and taking more normal breathes. It had worked, so far, allowing him to safely interact with Bella when he finally allowed himself to be in her presence.

As usual, he had fled to his room, taking little in as he sped up the stairs. He knew Bella was downstairs with Esme and Carlisle, and took this time to pause by her bedroom door, closing his eyes against the stronger scent. He would give himself half an hour then head back downstairs, perhaps see if Bella was interested in learning to play the piano. It would be a good way to spend time with her without forcing her to be completely alone with him.

The thought of having Bella's complete attention was oddly nerve wracking, Edward acknowledged, attributing the emotion to Alice's vision of him holding Bella's limp form in his arms than to anything else.

*************

When Edward finally seated himself at his piano, he was displeased to note that Bella continued to sleep. He had thought she would awaken as his brothers continued their war game, the razzing and jibes increasing in volume as they progressed. She had simply rolled onto her other side though, rubbing her face against the seat cushion before falling still once more.

Edward started with Esme's song, knowing how well it pleased his mother to hear him play. He played softly, looking over often to make sure he hadn't woken Bella. He had moved on to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata after finishing the first song, still staring at Bella, knowing as he did so he was being rude. She wouldn't know, but his siblings were noticing his preoccupation, Emmett in particular taking delight in throwing the occasional mental comment his way.

Edward simply focused on blocking the others' thoughts from his own.

The elusive melody from the previous night captured his attention once more, his fingers automatically moving to pick out the tune. It flowed easily, the quiet notes almost weaving a picture in the air. What was this song supposed to be, Edward wondered, his brief glance down at the keys interrupted when Bella rolled over. She sighed once, mumbling something incoherent, before drawing the blanket covering her more snugly about her shoulders.

A lullaby.

The purpose of the song leapt into Edward's mind, his vision now clear as to the meaning behind the gentle tune. Something soft and lilting, lulling the mind into a state of calm and relaxation prior to succumbing to sleep. His fingers only hesitated a moment before continuing on, the melody weaving through the lower notes of the song artfully. He looked up, once, to see a smile break out on Bella's face as she turned her head as if listening to the piano.

Bella's lullaby.

Edward's hands stilled on the keys, the importance of the song striking him suddenly and with force. This beautiful melody had haunted him since last night, teasing his mind as bits and pieces would appear to him, incomplete and broken. He had been more distracted than usual today, itching to return home and wrestle his newest composition into submission.

It wouldn't have worked until this moment, he realized. He needed the inspiration of watching Bella sleep to unlock the final keys to complete the song. He could feel the peacefulness of the song radiating out as he continued to play, his gaze once more focused on the slumbering form so close to him.

The song came to a soft close, the last notes lingering in the air.

Esme appeared at his side, seating herself on the bench next to him as she leaned her head down onto his shoulder.

"That was beautiful, Edward. What inspired it?"

Edward swallowed hard, not wanting to say the words aloud. It would cause the family to find a deeper meaning than there truly was, and most likely cause Bella not a little bit of embarrassment when Emmett teased her about inspiring a song. Esme was still waiting for an answer though, her thoughts turning over what could possibly have caused him to write such a piece.

He settled for tilting his head briefly in Bella's direction, one eyebrow raised as he stared at his mother. The shock in her thoughts was enough to have him laughing, a short bark that turned into a groan when her thoughts shifted in the direction he knew they would.

"Not like that," he whispered.

_I'm sorry, Edward. It's just been so long since you've written something new,_ Esme apologized. _It was beautiful, very peaceful._

"That's how it should be," Edward agreed, replacing his hands back on the keys and playing a soft jazz number.

_Still…._

"No, Esme, I'm sorry. I only wanted something that would be comforting. Please don't read more into this than there is," he begged, monitoring his brothers' thoughts to make sure they weren't paying attention. He was relieved to find they were both wholly focused on annihilating the other.

_You'll find her someday, Edward, I know you will. _

********************

"Bella? It's time to wake up for dinner."

Esme's soft voice, added to the gentle shake she gave Bella's shoulder, was enough to pull her from her dreams. They had been pleasant, for once, Bella knew, but she was unable to grasp more than wisps from her mind. She pulled herself into a sitting position, scrubbing at her face in order to wake more fully. The fading light shining through the back windows caught her attention, making her look around for a clock.

It was six, she noted, a ball of nerves forming in her stomach. That meant the others were home. Esme swore they were understanding and sympathetic, but Bella didn't understand how they couldn't in some way look down on her. She had been a whore for three years, unwilling or no.

'But they know Esme's story' her mind whispered. 'They love her. Surely they won't hold what happened against you.'

Wishing she could believe her thoughts more strongly, Bella swung her legs onto the floor, unsteadily gaining her feet. Esme was there to give her a supporting hand until she found her balance. They walked into the kitchen to find Alice tossing a small salad, consulting a cookbook while a pot simmered on the stove.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Alice greeted her. "Dinner's almost ready. Esme and I made you spaghetti."

The sight of vampires cooking still caused Bella some disbelief. They swore they didn't mind the chore and more often than not made more food than she could possibly eat. She watched Alice for a moment longer, looking for any sign that the petite vampire was upset with her. All she saw was the same dinner routine; Esme and Alice with her in the kitchen, talking comfortably to each other and to her.

************

Bella was confused.

Throughout dinner and the following adjournment to the living area, everyone acting just as they had in the past. Emmett continued to tease her for her clumsiness, Jasper sat quietly in the corner, reading, and Esme and Carlisle sat together, heads bent over some floor plan. There were two changes that seemed odd to Bella. One was Rosalie, curled up on Emmett's lap, idly running her fingers through her husband's hair, her words when she spoke to the rest of the room pleasant.

Then there was Edward.

Since meeting the lone male vampire, Bella could count on one hand the number of times he had initiated a conversation with her outside of her lessons. True, he often sat at dinner with his other family members, but he usually interacted more with the others in the house than her. That was a good thing, though, Bella knew. If he had spent more time focused on her she would end up making a fool of herself.

Like now.

After dinner she had trailed Alice into the living room, curling up on one end of the couch as everyone debated what to watch. Emmett was all for watching the Mariners' game, and in the absence of any other suggestions the TV was switched to baseball. As usual, Bella was hyper aware of the placement of the vampires in the room, so she knew that Edward had stood in the doorway for a moment before moving to sit on the other end of the couch. She kept her eyes firmly focused on the pages of the book before her. Her heart was beating faster though, and she knew he was aware of it. The fact that he shifted slightly in his seat had her blushing. Why couldn't she control herself better? What must he think of her actions?

Edward was never so grateful to be the only mind reader in the family as he was at this moment. He had been standing in the doorway, staring at Bella's neck – cliché, he knew – watching the pulse bound away beneath her skin. In truth, it wasn't so much her blood that had captured his attention, though its pull was still potent as ever, as the graceful way she held her head as she read. She was utterly still, barely breathing as her eyes skimmed the page.

_Stop staring, Edward_

Alice's thought had him starting in surprise.

"What are you reading?"

Edward wasn't sure whose expression was more comical; Bella's deer in the headlights look, or his, reflected back at him through five different sets of eyes. Had he been capable of blushing he would probably be as flushed as Bella, and he had to force his mouth shut with a snap. He hadn't meant to speak, but he had been unable to see the book cradled in Bella's lap and her mind, as always, was frustratingly closed to him.

Bella simply stared at him for a moment, blinking wide eyes before blushing even harder (was that possible? Edward wondered) before stuttering out, "Sense…Sense and Sensibility."

"Oh."

Oh? Edward wanted to smack his forehead. Oh? He was how old, knew how many languages, had read countless books, and that was the only thing he could think to say? Oh?

_What is wrong with you?_

Jasper's thought, accompanied by a recap of Edward's emotions as sensed by his brother, had Edward fleeing to the piano, keeping his eyes averted from the faces of his family. Their thoughts were bad enough; he had no desire to see the questions reflected on their faces.

******

Bella could feel the heat still emanating from her cheeks as she stared down at the pages before her, the words a blur. Why couldn't she have added something afterward? Her answer made it sound like she hadn't wanted to talk. Surely Edward thought her rude. The flash of motion from the corner of her eye caught her attention. Edward had disappeared from his seat, no doubt to get away from the human.

The sound of the piano shocked her, the soft notes whispering through the air. The familiarity of the classic had tears pricking at Bella's eyes. Her mother had played this song so many times in their house, dancing around as she lazily dusted various knick-knacks. Of all the songs she had thought to hear, this was one of the last. The words slipped out.

"Claire de Lune?"

**********

Edward's hands stilled, surprise evident in his voice as he responded to Bella's words. "You know Debussy?"

The thoughts of the entire family were now focused on this exchange, Edward noted distantly, never taking his eyes off of Bella. She was blushing again, her eyes flicking down before rising to meet his gaze.

"It's one of my favorites," Bella stated, her words soft.

"Would you like to learn how to play?"

Once more words slipped out without his brain approving. Why could he not control his mouth around this human? If he kept this up he'd be stuttering like a human teenage boy talking to his crush in minutes. He waited for Bella's reply, watching her mouth move soundlessly for a few seconds before forcing words out.

"I won't be any good."

The defeatist attitude had Rosalie snorting and Edward shooting his sister a warning look before turning back to Bella.

"You'll never know till you try."

"I don't want to waste your time."

"You won't. Come play, Bella," Edward cajoled, scooting over on the piano bench. "Just try."

Why was he so insistent on this? Bella wondered, hesitating as she set her book aside. There was no way she could play even a tenth as well as he did. He would grow tired of trying to teach her quickly, she knew.

"Come play, Bella," Edward repeated.

Bella looked up, her breath catching and heart stuttering as she looked towards Edward. The glow of a lamp behind him threw his features into stark relief, the light butterscotch of his eyes contrasting wonderfully with his pallor. His lips were twisted into a half smile, the crookedness lending him a boyish air. His tousled hair finished out the look, making him appear to truly be a regular seventeen year old boy.

"Okay?"

The entire family was watching the two from the corner of their eyes, continuing to act as if they were involved in their various pursuits. Edward was obviously aware of the attention he and Bella were receiving but gave no indication, instead smiling encouragingly as Bella slowly made her way around the couch to the raised dais that held the piano. When she hesitated next to the bench, he assumed it was because she didn't want to sit so close to a male vampire.

"Here," Edward offered, rising from the bench. "You can sit, I'll stand."

"No. I…it's alright," Bella surprised him with her words, sitting next to him on the edge of the bench.

Edward looked at her briefly, taking in her body language before deciding to accept her words. He slowly sank down next to her, scooting to the opposite side of the bench.

"This is middle C," he began, the rest of the world falling away.

****************

Carlisle looked up at the knock on his study door.

"Come in," he called, setting his book aside as Jasper entered the room. He considered the blonde southerner to be his youngest, even though he was actually the oldest of his children. He had nothing but respect for the man that had left behind his bloody lifestyle and embraced this peaceful existence for the love of his life.

"What can I do for you?" Carlisle asked, gesturing to the seat before his desk.

Jasper sank into the soft leather chair, tossing a manila folder onto the desk. "I thought you'd like to look everything over," he offered in way of explanation.

Carlisle eagerly reached for the folder, ripping open the tab to pull a sheaf of papers out. He leafed through the documents quickly, his eyes skimming the page as he looked at official documents declaring one Isabella Swan to be the official adopted daughter of Dr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen. A birth certificate was also included, as were medical records.

Up ending the folder once more, Carlisle caught the passport and two pieces of plastic that fell into his waiting palm.

"Alice will be happy to help Bella break this in," he murmured, sparing a look at the credit card embossed with Bella's name on it before turning to the driver's license. Jasper had managed to obtain a picture of Bella, a hint of a smile lurking at the corners of her mouth. Carlisle remembered when the shot had been taken. Bella had been watching Alice attempt to follow the directions in a cook book, confused as to what 'add a dash of salt' meant.

Carlisle looked up to meet's Jasper's expectant gaze. "Jenks' work, I assume?"

"Of course."

"Good. Esme and I are meeting with the school principal in two weeks to enroll Bella in school. I glad you were able to get everything together so quickly." Carlisle continued after a moment. "I suppose now we'll have to teach her how to drive."

"I'll leave that to you," Jasper smirked, starting to rise from his chair.

"Jasper."

It was more the emotions behind the word that had the blonde vampire sinking back into his chair. His father had pride, concern and curiosity swirling about him. Not an unusual combination, the two former emotions, but the addition of the latter had Jasper wondering what was on Carlisle's mind.

"How…" Carlisle trailed off, unable to think of a tactful way to ask his question.

"How have I managed having a human in the house?" Jasper finished, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes. I don't mean to be rude, or doubt you," Carlisle began, rushing to assure his son he meant no offense.

"It's okay, Carlisle," Jasper interrupted, settling back into his chair. "I would be concerned too. To be honest," he began, propping one ankle on the opposite knee as he stared at the wall behind his father, "I haven't been breathing much the past month. What did Clinton say, 'I didn't inhale'?" he continued, eyebrows drawn in self disgust. "I didn't want to chance harming her."

"And now?" Carlisle pressed.

"And now…it's a bit easier," Jasper admitted, meeting the other man's gaze. "I see how happy Alice is, having Bella around. I'll endure whatever I must for Alice to be happy, even if it is having a human in our home. At first I didn't breathe at all," he continued, the confession spilling from his lips. "But after a day I started taking small breathes, gradually increasing the frequency. It helps, having her scent permeating the house. And now, I can almost breathe normally," he finished.

"Jasper,"

"Don't apologize, Carlisle. Alice saw that not only did Bella need us, we need Bella. She's seen her become one of us. I can hold out until that time," Jasper vowed.

Carlisle was silent for a moment.

"You underestimate yourself, son. You're stronger than you think."

"No," Jasper refuted. "I just try to be the man you expect me to be."

*****************


	10. Chapter 10

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 10

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating:

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight Universe, that would be Stephenie Meyer.

Come play with us on the AU forum at Twilighted! I promise to answer questions and give sneak peeks at upcoming chapters. Thanks to xsecretxkeeperx for starting it!

After this chapter we should be able to jump ahead quite a bit, probably to school starting.

Thanks to Megami76 for beta-ing.

*************

"Bella, sweetheart, it's time to wake up."

Esme's soft voice pulled Bella from her slumber, the wisps of dreams falling away even as she fought to hold on to them. They had been pleasant, Bella knew, but that was all she could recall. Pulling herself into a sitting position, she blearily rubbed at her eyes, squinting to focus on the alarm clock. Ugh. Five A.M.

"Don't," a yawn interrupted, "wanna."

Even though it was dark, Esme's smile was evident in her voice. "You have to, Bella. You need to get ready so you can go have your cast removed."

This was exactly why she didn't want to get up, Bella thought, keeping the words to herself. She wanted the cast off, but that meant going to the hospital, and that meant other people as well as…needles. Shuddering, Bella recalled Carlisle's words.

"I would like to also run some blood tests, Bella," he had started softly. "Just some routine things to make sure you're okay."

She had only been able to nod.

Well, hopefully she would be able to control her usual reaction to blood, though Bella doubted it. She had yet to not faint or throw up at the sight and smell of blood and today would be no different. Then Carlisle would know how much of a wimp she was.

'He won't think that' her mind whispered. 'Carlisle will understand.'

Desperately wanting to believe the words, Bella slid from the bed, staggering towards her bathroom.

************

Carlisle studied Bella from the corner of his eye as he drove towards the hospital. She had been quiet all morning, which could be due to the early hour. He doubted it though. It was most likely the thought of the morning ahead. Well, they would weather through, hopefully rather quickly, and then she could go shopping with Esme and the girls.

************

The halls of the hospital were still dim when they arrived, the night shift preparing for the day's procedures as they moved through the corridors. Carlisle had already cleared the scans with the radiology department so they should be able to finish up quickly.

"Let's get that cast off, shall we?" Carlisle asked, gesturing for Bella to step into an empty treatment room.

Bella silently pulled herself onto the exam table, extending her arm out and turning her head. The buzz of the saw through the plaster was familiar. She had broken several bones as a child. The ghost of her parents surrounded her as they always had, their voices almost audible as they offered comfort and distraction from the procedure.

They were only in her head, Bella knew, biting her lip to keep the tears at bay.

The sheen of tears in Bella's eyes wasn't lost on Carlisle as he finished up, asking for her to move her arm this way and that. Satisfied that bone had indeed healed, he took Bella's elbow to help her down from the table.

The scans were quickly finished, the radiology tech looking interested as Dr. Cullen hovered protectively over the teenage girl but asking no questions.

"I thought we could do the lab work in my office," Carlisle stated as he and Bella waited for the elevator. "It will be a bit more private."

Bella simply nodded, keeping her eyes down as they traversed the corridor. She could feel the eyes of the hospital employees and knew they were wondering who was with the doctor. It was obvious from the numerous greetings offered to Carlisle that he was fairly popular. Bella swallowed, hoping she wouldn't be sick when they drew the blood. She didn't want it to get around that Dr. Cullen's adopted daughter was a wuss.

*************

Carlisle could feel the anxiety radiating from Bella as they finally entered the surgery office suite. What he wouldn't have given to have some of Jasper's ability right now, he thought ruefully, automatically smiling at Anna, the department's secretary.

"Good morning, Anna."

"Good morning, Carlisle. Good morning," Anna directed at Bella, smiling kindly to the teenage girl. She had known that Carlisle would be bringing in his daughter for some scans and blood work. She hadn't known how scared the poor girl would look. Some people were like that in hospitals but Anna didn't think that was the case.

"Good morning," Bella murmured, looking up quickly before returning her gaze to the floor. The quick impression of the woman before her was one of confidence and competence, but she wasn't intimidating.

"Anna, this is Bella Swan, my newest daughter. Bella, this is Anna Robins, the surgery department's secretary. Without her we'd all be lost."

"Ha! Dr. Keller, yes, but I have a feeling you'd be perfectly fine if I wasn't here," Anna replied, smiling at the thought of a bewildered Carlisle. "Cassie called to say she's running a few minutes behind but she'll be right up," she continued.

"Good. We'll be in my office."

************

Bella looked around at Carlisle's office. It looked like every other doctor's office she had ever been in, complete with bland décor and the requisite diploma's hanging on the wall. Carlisle had added a few paintings, and scattered on the bookcase were photographs of the family. She moved to look at the pictures, sighing to herself as she saw the perfectness of everyone's features.

"Esme will be happy to have a reason for another family portrait."

Carlisle's words pulled Bella back. She winced at the thought of marring the perfection of the family photos with her ordinariness. Perhaps she could convince Esme she didn't want to be included?

Choosing not to answer or acknowledge the statement, Bella moved to the couch, sitting gingerly on the edge, her hands automatically knotting together as she held herself motionless. It was something she had done when she was with Him, always with the futile hope that if she was still enough he'd look over her. She didn't want to be here, didn't want to have to deal with the memories that the blood draw would dredge forth. She wanted to be back in her bed, waking up and having a normal day.

Carlisle was well aware of what Bella was doing, Jasper having correlated the action to her emotions the first week she was with them. Determined to not let her sink into bad habits he moved to sit beside her, pulling something from his pocket as he did so.

"I thought I'd give you these while we wait," Carlisle offered, offering Bella two small rectangular pieces of plastic.

Bella flipped them over, staring in consternation at herself. Her eyes quickly skated over the rest of the card, realization making her gasp and look up at Carlisle with wide eyes.

"A license? But…I can't drive," Bella protested.

"We'll teach you," Carlisle promised.

Wanting to argue but secretly pleased at the thought of learning to drive, Bella looked at the other card in her hand. The Visa logo in the corner had her dropping the card as if it were red hot.

Carlisle neatly fielded the piece of plastic, trying to hand it back.

"But,"

"It's yours, Bella. Everyone in the family has one. I'm sorry it's taken us so long but we needed to get several other documents made first."

"Carlisle,"

Whatever protest Bella was about to make was cut off as there was a short knock on the door before it swung open. The woman framed in the doorway was tall, her features striking and complimented wonderfully by the deep red of her hair.

"Morning, Carlisle," she greeted cheerfully, turning to smile at Bella. "Morning, Bella. I'm Cassie."

"Cassie, good morning," Carlisle returned the greeting, turning to face Bella. "Bella, this is Cassie Grouse, one of the anesthesiologists here at the hospital. I've never seen her miss a vein yet, so I asked her to draw your lab work."

"Nice to meet you, Bella. No, don't get up, I'll come to you," Cassie continued on, breezing into the room and dragging a chair over to the couch. "First I'm just going to put this tight band around your arm and have a look, see what you've got. I'll be cleaning your skin with some alcohol and you'll feel me tapping on your arm in some places, seeing if the veins will pop," she instructed, matching actions to words.

This woman reminded her of Alice, Bella thought. Both were so confident and went full speed ahead. Bella envied them both this ability even as her stomach turned. Just the feel of the tourniquet on her bicep had her swallowing hard, closing her eyes and taking small breathes.

Cassie's eyes were sharp, taking in Bella's reaction before looking at Carlisle intently. Understanding what the other doctor wanted, Carlisle moved closer to his daughter, his right arm curling around her shoulders and pulling her to him, his left tucking her head into the crook of his shoulder.

"She'll tell you before she does anything, Bella, I promise," Carlisle soothed, gently stroking her hair. "I wish I had known you didn't like needles. We can stop; I don't really need the lab work."

Bella shuddered, trying to ignore the cowardly voice that was yelling for her to take the offered out. "No, it's okay," she lied unconvincingly. "I'll be okay."

"If you're sure," Carlisle murmured, pressing an absent kiss into Bella's hair. He bent his head, keeping it at an angle so that he could watch Cassie continue to work.

"Alright, Bella, I see a good one. I'm going to loosen the band for a moment while I get everything ready. Then I'll count to three and start," Cassie instructed.

It wasn't the same as before, Bella thought, her breathe rasping out. This was to make sure she was okay. Carlisle wasn't going to do anything with the blood other than check it out. It would be okay.

The thoughts ran circles in Bella's mind, her heart beat increasing even as her breathing became uneven. She closed her eyes tightly, burrowing her face into the crook of Carlisle's shoulder.

"It's okay, Bella," Carlisle soothed. "Slow, deep breathes. It's alright sweetheart."

Over Bella's head he nodded to Cassie.

"One, two, three," Cassie counted, easily sliding the needle in on 'three'. She was rewarded immediately with a blood return. She popped a vial onto the end of the tubing, watching the dark ruby liquid fill the chamber. She changed out the vials three times, all the while keeping an eye on Bella. The teenager had gone pale, her breathing ragged. Cassie was afraid she was going to throw up or pass out, even as she withdrew the needle and held pressure with a piece of gauze.

"It's over, Bella," Carlisle whispered, continuing to stroke her hair. Her skin was clammy were it pressed into the juncture of his shoulder and neck, her hot breath a contrast as it puffed out irregularly. He felt Bella swallow heavily, the sound loud to his ears.

"Bella?"

"I'll be okay," the faint words floated up.

For his part, Carlisle was content to hold Bella against him, even as he wished for a better setting. It was rare that she allowed him to touch her without Esme also present. He anxiously waited for the day he could freely touch his daughter without her flinching in response, or accepting the touch only because she needed a distraction from the nightmares and memories.

Bella looked up, meeting Cassie's steady gaze. She flushed, looking away, knowing this stranger had seen her be weak willed. Why couldn't she control her reactions better? Now everyone would know that Carlisle had taken a pathetic teenage girl into his house that couldn't even tolerate a simple blood draw.

"Having blood drawn on an empty stomach makes me queasy too, Bella," Cassie consoled, patting her hand. "I'll just run down to the cafeteria and get you some orange juice. That should help you feel better in no time."

The door opened unannounced, Alice gliding into the room, followed by Esme and Rosalie.

"Hey, Bella! Oh, good, you're finished," Alice stated, taking in the used supplies. "We stopped and got you some breakfast. I didn't know if you'd want milk or orange juice so I went with the juice. How's a sausage biscuit sound?" she continued, not giving Bella a chance to answer as she settled herself on the couch.

"It seems I'm no longer needed," Cassie stated, scooping up the vials of blood and the rest of the paraphernalia she had brought with her. "Bella, enjoy the rest of your day. Carlisle, I'll see you in an hour."

With that she swept from the room, pausing to exchange a brief hello with Esme.

Bella kept her eyes focused on her sandwich as the family conversed around her, the food doing wonders to settle her stomach. When she at last finished, she looked up to see Alice looking at her, a gleam in her eyes.

"Ready to go, Bella?'

*************

Edward was leaning against the porch railing as the Volvo came to a stop in front of the house, an amused smirk on his face.

"Buy out the stores again, Alice?" he called, stepping out into the rain to help unload the packages.

"No, I did not buy out the stores," Alice retorted, sticking her tongue out at her brother. "I should keep your gift for that comment, but I'll let it slide since I know you helped haul the furniture upstairs."

"They've already delivered everything?" Esme asked.

"A desk, two chairs and a bookcase," Edward rattled off. He was about to step forward and take the bags from Bella's hands when Alice stopped him.

_Don't, Edward. She won't see it as you helping; she'll see it as you thinking her weak_ Alice warned.

Edward smoothly reached instead for Esme's bags.

**************

Bella stared at the mountain of shopping bags on her bed. They were perched precariously, appearing ready to fall off the bed any moment. Why had Alice bought all of this for her? All she needed – or wanted – was a few pairs of jeans and some t-shirts. The sight of a dress bag had her frowning. And why would she need a pink ball gown? Were the Cullen's going to throw a party or something?

"It's best not to question why Alice buys the things she does," a male voice broke the silence.

Startled, Bella whirled to see Edward standing in the doorway.

"I…I thought you couldn't read my mind," Bella blurted out, wincing as she wished she could take the words back.

Edward smiled. "I can't. You've never been subjected to a shopping trip with Alice before, so I'm sure you were wondering how she talked you in to everything," he explained. He continued on before an awkward silence could fall. "I thought I'd check and see if you were happy with the furniture placement, or if you wanted it moved around."

"Oh. Um. No, it's fine," Bella said, turning to look at the furniture arrangement behind her. The bookcase, chair and a floor lamp had been arranged in one corner, a soft throw draped over the back, practically encouraging a person to sit down and lose themselves in a good book. The desk was in the opposite corner, positioned so that even while working, Bella would be able to look out the back window.

"I'll leave you to sort through everything then," Edward replied. "After dinner, shall we go over your next lesson?"

No. I don't want to study science, Bella thought.

"Okay."

***************

They were finishing up the lesson, Alice patiently seated next to Bella, awaiting her turn to lecture, when Edward pulled something from his pocket.

"I thought you might enjoy a bit of music while you studied," he explained, holding out a small mp3 player.

Bella reached out, gasping and jerking her hand back when one of her fingers brushed against his. The shock, almost like static discharge, was unexpected.

Thinking Bella was reacting to the fact he was male, and therefore not to be trusted, Edward lowered the device to the table instead. His entire being focused on not alarming Bella, he missed the quick gleam of excitement that raced across Alice's features.

"I'm sorry," he apologized formally. "I know how tedious studying can be. I've loaded a variety of music and categorized it, so if you don't like a particular style of music you can skip it."

Why was he being so thoughtful? Bella wondered.

"I'll show you how to work it," Alice offered, her smile large. "Run along, Edward, it's my turn."

Edward was almost to the door before Bella found her voice.

"Thank you."

Edward turned, ignoring the skipped beat of her heart.

"You're welcome.

*******************

"Principal Smith, thank you for coming out to see us," Carlisle greeted as he opened the front door.

Marcus Smith was tall, his thin body so far having escaped the typical weight gain all middle aged adults were cursed to fight. His hair was dark except for the silvers fanning out along his temples, his blue eyes kind.

"Not a problem at all, Dr. Cullen. Please, call me Mark," he offered, shaking Carlisle's hand.

"Then please, call me Carlisle. This is my wife, Esme."

"A pleasure to meet you," Esme greeted, gesturing towards the couches. "Please, won't you be seated?"

"I have to say, this is a beautiful home," Mark stated, looking around with interest once he was seated.

"Thank you. Can I get you anything?"

"Nothing for me, thanks. So," Mark settled down to business. "I understand you have a new adopted daughter you'd like to get enrolled."

"Yes," Carlisle replied. "Here name is Isabella Swan, though she goes by Bella."

Principal Smith pulled out a legal pad, jotting down her name. "How old?"

"She's currently sixteen but will be seventeen come September."

"Mmm. Do you have records from her previous schools?"

The hesitation made Mark look up. "Something the matter?"

"We do have copies of her elementary and part of her middle school years," Esme started. "However, Bella…" she trailed off, unsure of how to proceed.

"When Bella's parents died, she was taken in by someone who abused her," Carlisle continued, meeting the other man's gaze frankly. "She hasn't had formal schooling for about three years. Obviously we've hired private tutors to get her caught up to the tenth grade level and we'll be happy to get whatever paperwork is necessary to show that she will be capable of functioning in the school environment."

"I see," Mark began slowly. "May I know the type and extent of abuse?"

Carlisle's voice was quiet, the anger lacing his words making them sound harsh. "Every type imaginable."

"Ah. I need to ask a question and I need you to be very honest with me: Is Bella ready for the stress high school will place on her?"

Carlisle and Esme shared a long look.

"As of this moment, no, I wouldn't say she's ready," Carlisle began thoughtfully. "We're hoping that by the end of August she will be, though."

"She's making such great leaps in her recovery," Esme explained. "She used to never speak up and she didn't like to have more than one man in the room. Now, though..." Esme trailed off, trying to find the best example. "She'll watch T.V. with all of us and she's allowing Edward to teach her piano."

"It's good that she's opening up," Mark stated, jotting down another note. "Who in the family is she most likely to turn to for comfort or guidance?"

"I would have to say Esme." Carlisle replied immediately.

"Followed closely by Alice," Esme added.

Mark tapped his pen on his knee, thinking for a moment before speaking. "Alright, here's what we'll do. We'll go forward with the assumption that Bella will be able to attend high school. I'll speak with the staff and give them a brief heads up regarding Bella's situation so they can keep an eye out for her. I can assure you that no one will gossip about her or single her out in a way to make the other student's aware of her history. Does this sound fair?"

"Is it...would it be possible for Bella to be in as many classes as possible with one of our other children?" Esme asked. "Alice would be the best choice, but any of the children would be more than happy to help Bella in any way."

"We'll see what we can do," Mark promised. "Is there any way I could meet Bella today?"

"She should be finishing up her lunch, I'll go see if she'd like to speak with you," Esme said, standing and heading into the kitchen.

**********

"Bella? The principal is here and would like to meet you."

Esme's words had Bella flinching. She straightened her shoulders, taking a deep breath as she slowly set her glass down. She had known that Esme and Carlisle would be meeting with the school's principal sometime soon, but had no idea that he would come here.

Bella trailed Esme into the living room, only briefly meeting the strange man's gaze. She flushed, biting her lip and looking away. She knew he had to be told about her, about her past, but she didn't like it. Why couldn't she just continue to be home schooled?

"Hello, Bella. I'm Marcus Smith, the principal at Fork's High."

His voice was deeply pitched, not matching his body at all. Chancing another look, Bella saw his face was kind. He met her gaze evenly, offering her a small smile which she hesitantly returned.

"Hello," she returned. Esme pulled her to the couch and Bella was glad to be flanked by the two adult vampires.

"We've been discussing enrolling you in school in the fall," Esme explained. "We're hoping to arrange your schedule so that you'll have most of your classes with at least one of the others. Do you think that would help?"

Bella was torn at the idea. It would be nice to know at least one person in each class, someone that she knew would protect her and not judge her. But to realize that everyone thought she needed a babysitter...did they not trust her after all? How could she convince them she wouldn't spill their secret?

'That isn't why they're doing this' the tiny little voice that always advocated for a positive spin on things was slowly growing louder. 'They just want you to be as comfortable as possible.'

Perhaps, perhaps not, Bella acknowledged the thought. Maybe she could ask Esme about it later?

Realizing the adults in the room were waiting for a response from her she nodded, looking down as she nervously toyed with the hem of her shirt.

"Can I go study now?" Bella waited for a lull in the conversation going on around her before asking.

"Of course, sweetheart. We just wanted you to meet Principal Smith," Esme replied.

The three adults in the room watched her retreat, Mark staring after her thoughtfully.

"We'll work with her schedule as much as possible," he announced. "I'll just need to know where she is in her studies by the beginning of August."

*************


	11. Chapter 11

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 11

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe.

Alright, I lied. I have to cover some of the summer. Emmett was demanding not only screen time, but big brother screen time. Having consulted with Alice, she agreed with Emmett. And thus the beginning of this chapter was born. And thanks to Megami for being a wonderful beta! And I'm thinking I might have to move to every other week updates, as real life is not being conducive to writing time. *sigh*

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family" Anthony Brandt

"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" Van Gogh

****************

Bella was only partially paying attention to the book held loosely in her hands. She was on the front porch swing, the gentle motion accentuated by the soft rainfall as it fell onto the roof overhead. It was nearing the end of July, school having been out for two months. It was strange to have everyone in the house, Bella thought, but not bad. It had actually allowed her to grow more comfortable as she was able to watch the family interact on a constant basis.

Two of those members were missing at the moment, Rosalie having dragged Emmett out of the country for a couple weeks. With the beautiful blonde vampire there had been little progress, though Bella was happy she had finally stopped whatever it was that had been bothering Rosalie so much. Rosalie had actually said good morning to her before she left, causing Bella to choke on her cereal before stammering out a return greeting.

Truthfully, Bella had missed Emmett while he was gone, though she hadn't expected to. The large vampire that had been so scary at first was almost a comfort to have around. He didn't treat her like she was fragile, inviting her to play video games with him, then laughing when she admitted she had no idea how to play. It hadn't been a mean laugh, she remembered. They had spent three hours that day in front of the T.V. as he had taught her how to play a racing game.

The crunching of tires on gravel heralded the arrival of Rosalie's BMW, Emmett tossing Bella a wave as they circled around to the garage.

***************

"Hey, kid. Catch," Emmett called out, tossing a package towards Bella. He walked over and sat down on the swing next to her, smiling in encouragement.

She fielded it awkwardly, turning the small parcel over.

"Saw it and thought of you. Fifty bucks if you wear it the first day of school," Emmett added.

"For me," Bella clarified, staring down at her lap. Why would he have thought of her on his trip?

"Yup. You gonna open it?" Emmett prodded.

Bella slowly opened the package, lifting up the t-shirt that fell out.

"'Remember, I have older (and bigger) brothers'," Bella read.

"Exactly. I know how teenage boys think, so I thought we should give them fair warning," Emmett said. "What do you think?"

"You thought of me while you were on your trip?" Bella asked, fingering the soft fabric. It was even her size, she noted.

"Sure. Anytime we see something that reminds us of one of the family we get it. Rose thinks you'll like her gift better, and you probably will, but I decided I needed to get that for you."

Bella was silent for a moment before reaching up and swiping one hand under her eyes.

"You're crying?" Emmett was appalled. He knew his gift was cheesy, but tear inducing? "Ah, Bells, don't cry. I'm sorry, I'll take it back. Shit. Hell. Alice!"

"No! I'm sorry," Bella sniffled, turning her face up to Emmett. "Thank you for thinking of me."

Emmett regarded his sister for a moment before reaching over and affectionately tousling her hair. "You're a piece of work, Bells," he laughed. "I can't wait till you get your first big present."

"Big...present?" Bella echoed, eyes wide.

"Sure. Alice probably has a car picked out for you or something," Emmett shrugged.

"A...car?"

Oops, Emmett thought, taking in the color draining from Bella's face.

"Kidding, squirt," he back tracked, raising his hands into the air when Alice appeared on the porch. "I didn't do it."

"Hmph. Anytime anyone says that they're usually guilty," Alice sniffed, crossing her arms as she glared at her brother. "Run along. I'm sure Jasper won't mind going hunting with you. And if you're going to concoct a plan to jump Edward, I suggest you throw out your first idea."

"Thanks, Alice. Jazz, let's go!" Emmett yelled. "Later, Bella!" He ruffled her hair once more before leaving.

Bella watched as he darted off the porch, unaware that he had touched her twice and she hadn't even flinched from the contact.

****************

Rosalie would never admit to anyone, not even Emmett, but she was fascinated by the progress Bella was making. She had gone from a timid human that flinched at every sound and movement to someone that was gradually realizing that everything would be okay, if only she could find the courage to face life. It wasn't how she would have approached things, Rosalie knew, had she survived as a human from her attack. This slow and steady progress seemed to be working for Bella though, so Rosalie could only sit back and watch.

It was also interesting to watch her husband as he interacted with their new sister. Emmett, for all his appearances, was one of the most loving souls she knew. He didn't change his typical behavior around Bella so much as modulate it, perhaps pushing her a bit faster than Esme and Carlisle were comfortable, but not going all out like she knew he was dying to do. It gave her a glimpse of the sort of father he could have been, and she felt the familiar ache of not being able to give him a child of his own.

She shook her musings off, refocusing on Alice's words as she helped her unpack from their trip.

"It was a good choice as a gift for Bella," Alice stated, pausing to eye a blouse she was hanging up. "You'd look better in a darker shade of red," she added, turning with a smile.

"Thank you for both opinions," Rosalie replied dryly, setting the small box containing Bella's gift on her dresser. She paused for a moment before speaking again, her voice uncharacteristically hesitant. "Alice, will you look for me?"

"Of course."

Alice stared for a moment while Rosalie debated her choices of ways to give Bella her gift. She tried not to ask Alice for advice on the future too much, instead accepting the good and the bad that would come with any choice. But this…she didn't want to embarrass or upset Bella with her gift. She'd had no plans to purchase anything for her sister, thinking Emmett's gift, gag though it might be, was enough. Bella would accept the present from her husband because they were beginning to bond. She, on the other hand, had spent no appreciable time with her sister. Her own fault, she knew, and she was planning on rectifying her mistake.

"Before she goes to bed, Rose, when no one is around," Alice stated.

"Thank you."

Alice grinned. "Not a problem. And you might want to go rescue your husband from the wrath of Esme."

*****************

Bella had moved inside, the wind having picked up and made the porch a little too cold for her comfort. Unable to maintain her concentration with her book, she had resorted to flipping through the television channels. Movement from the corner of her eye had her turning to stare out the back window, her breath catching in her throat.

They were mostly a blur, but she could see that Emmett and Jasper were ganging up on Edward. He was quick, though, evading their hands and springing away, only to be tackled again by Emmett. She was halfway out of her seat, the urge to run and hide warring with the need to yell for help, when Alice and Rosalie strolled into the living room.

Rosalie took one look at Bella's face and sighed. Her husband was in for an earful when Esme found out.

"They're just playing around, Bella," Rosalie stated, moving so she and Alice flanked Bella.

"Playing?" Bella echoed dubiously, casting another look at the scene outside. They were moving almost too fast for her eyes to follow, blurs that shifted across the yard.

There. Edward had jumped back, standing still for a moment. He was laughing at Emmett and Jasper as they advanced, his body loose and ready for their attack.

"For reasons science can't explain, men seem incapable of expressing affection to each other without one-up-man-ship being involved."

Carlisle's dry tone had Bella whirling. She hadn't heard him or Esme enter the house from their day out. She looked over to Esme who was staring outside, her features exasperated.

"Mud everywhere," she muttered. She gasped, her eyes narrowing as she strode to the door.

Bella turned around to see Edward attempting to rise from one of the flower beds. Jasper was on his back, playfully shoving his brother's face into the ground while Emmett sat on his legs.

"What are you three doing?! You're ruining my herb garden!"

Bella had never heard Esme raise her voice before. She watched, fascinated, as the older woman strode outside, angrily gesturing at her garden before pointing towards the river. Emmett had put Edward into a headlock, rubbing his knuckles playfully in his brother's hair as he dragged him towards the running water.

"Jasper, don't-" Alice cut herself off, sighing as her husband picked up a garden hose, cranking it on before aiming it at the two retreating men. The stream of water shot out, smacking the back of Emmett's head.

The large vampire turned slowly, eyeing Jasper before he and Edward shared a grin, both stalking forward . Jasper darted away, not quick enough to keep Edward from jumping on his back, bringing him down to the ground. Emmett was there, gripping Jasper's arms behind his back as Edward moved to grab his legs.

Bella saw that Jasper was laughing even as he struggled to get free, giving what she assumed was trash talk to his brothers. They disappeared into the river, the three going in as one, Jasper still held captive as they vanished underwater.

***************

"I'll help you replant," Bella offered later. Esme had come in from assessing the damage, shaking her head at three of the four men now sitting in the living room.

"Thank you, but I already have three willing volunteers," Esme replied.

Emmett groaned. "Ah, man, Esme, it was an accident! And it's Edward's fault, anyway. He should have to help you."

"My fault?" Edward asked incredulously. "I didn't ask for you two to jump me. It was your plan."

"How do you know it was my plan? Maybe it was Jasper's."

"I know it's yours because I heard you thinking about it," Edward replied, rolling his eyes at his brother. "If anything," he continued, "I should be excused. I'm the victim here."

The room went silent.

Bella was aware that every eye in the room swung to look at her. She wished desperately that she could become invisible. The word hadn't even bothered her, she wanted to say. It is a word, and I know you're just joking around with your family. It hadn't been a big deal, but now, with everyone silent and cringing away from her, it was, and the words stuck in her throat.

Instead she fled from the room, evading Esme's outstretched hand.

*************

"Idiot." Rosalie.

"I didn't know you were flexible enough to get your foot to your mouth, Edward." Emmett

Jasper simply shook his head.

"Edward-"

"Stop."

Everyone looked to Alice, more because of the force behind the word than the word itself.

"What is it, Alice? What do we need to do to make it better?" Esme asked, afraid of the setback Bella might take.

"You need to stop treating her like she's fragile!" Alice exploded, pacing the room. "I keep telling you Bella's strong, and you keep ignoring me! Emmett touched her TWICE today, and it didn't bother her. I don't think she even realized what he did. And just now, she didn't look like a scared little girl. She looked like a teenager who was enjoying watching her brother's squirm."

"But now," Alice shook her head. "Now she's back to being hyper aware of the fact that she doesn't quite fit in."

"That's bullshit," Rosalie argued. "She fits in perfectly well. She just needs to relax more often."

Alice smiled. "Then go tell her that right now. And take your present with you."

************

Rosalie pushed the door open slowly. Bella hadn't answered when she had knocked, but if there was one thing Rosalie was good at, it was not taking no for an answer. She surveyed the room from the doorway, hoping desperately she would find the words Bella needed to hear.

"Bella?"

Bella turned her head from where she was resting it against the window pane. She had curled herself up on the window seat Esme had built for her, her knees pulled to her chest. The shock of seeing Rosalie, of all people, had her mouth falling open in surprise.

"May I come in?"

At Bella's nod, Rosalie stepped into the room, closing the door behind her gently. She settled herself on the desk chair, crossing her legs and nervously plucking away a stray piece of lint. Now that she was here, the words she wanted to say vanished, leaving the two women in an uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry," Bella finally muttered, her face turned once more towards the window.

Rosalie's eyes narrowed. "And what, exactly, are you apologizing for?"

One shoulder jerked up in response. "For making everyone feel like they have to watch what they're saying."

"You really weren't bothered by what Edward said?" Rosalie asked curiously.

"No."

Silence descended.

Well, hell, Rosalie thought. Why was she the one up here trying to talk to Bella? She knew the ability to empathize with others was one of her weaknesses. Esme or Alice should be the one up here trying to convince Bella the family wasn't walking on eggshells around her. For that matter, any one of the others could handle this better than she was. She was about to throw in the towel and call for Esme when Bella spoke again.

"I'm sorry."

"Now why are you apologizing?" Rosalie asked, exasperated. She wished Bella would turn and face her.

Bella's voice was small when she replied. "For whatever I did that made you not like me."

"You have no idea what you did to make me not like you but you're apologizing anyway?" Disbelief and anger colored Rosalie's tone and had her stalking over to sit across from Bella. "Look at me."

The misery etched into every line of Bella's face had Rosalie softening her tone. She hadn't wanted to divulge her past to Bella just yet. She'd hoped for time, hoped that the two of them would be on closer speaking terms than they currently were.

The best laid plans, Rosalie acknowledged ruefully.

"Bella, I don't not like you," she began slowly. "Your story, more than you yourself, bothered me."

"You didn't like Carlisle and Esme taking in someone like me?" Bella interrupted, cringing back when the other woman glared at her.

"Don't put words into my mouth," Rosalie snapped, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Your story reminded me of my own past, and I don't like things that bring those memories forth."

"Your past? What-"

"Are you going to let me explain or are you going to keep interrupting me?" Rosalie asked. There was no real heat in her voice though. She instead offered a small smile before continuing.

"I know Esme's told you her story, but you need to hear mine as well," she began, pulling forth the memories that were still able to cause pain.

************

"So you see, Esme and I can understand what you've gone through a bit better than the others," Rosalie concluded. By this time her own knees were pulled up, she and Bella mirrors in their positions. "It takes time, but you will eventually get to the point that the memories aren't the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing at night."

"You've already made so much improvement," Rosalie continued, the words coming easier now. "And, well…I had no intention of buying anything for you on our trip, but I saw this and thought it might give you something to think about." So saying, she held out a small jewelry box.

Bella took the package, looking once at Rosalie before pulling the lid off. Nestled inside was a silver bracelet with wide links and a single charm attached. Lifting the bracelet, Bella saw the charm was a flat silver disc with words engraved on either side.

"Hope," she read, flipping the piece over, "courage."

"You've already shown courage just living with us," Rosalie's soft voice was barely audible. "Now you need to find your hope."

**************

Bella stared down at the piece of paper spread before her on the kitchen counter. Esme had stopped by the school earlier in the day to pick up everyone's schedules. Alice had already appeared and marked the classes they shared with a large 'A'. Edward had quietly written an 'E' next to English and Biology, and Emmett had laughed when he saw she had gym with him and Alice. She didn't appear to share any classes with Rosalie or Jasper, but that made sense, since they were a year ahead of her.

It also left two classes where she would be on her own: History and Spanish.

Trying not to think too hard about the fact that in two days she would be faced with all the splendor and drama that was high school, Bella shoved the paper into her back pocket and tried to focus instead on the recipe for chocolate chip cookies.


	12. Chapter 12

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 12

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I'm not Stephenie Meyer. Wish I was, but I'm just me.

Thanks go out to Megami for being an awesome beta.  Again, for those on , you review, you get a sneak peek at the next chapter when I reply to your review. I prefer to look at this as an incentive rather than a bribe. ^_~ I also post teasers and answer questions over on the Alternate Universe tab of the Twilighted forums. Come play with us!

"The mother loves her child most divinely, not when she surrounds him with comfort and anticipates his wants, but when she resolutely holds him to the highest standards and is content with nothing less than his best." Hamilton Wright Mabie

"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death." Earl Wilson

***************

Jasper knew he couldn't handle a car ride to school with Bella. Not because of her scent and how powerful it would become in such a small, enclosed space, but rather her emotions. He had already had to soothe her fears during the night enough so she could sleep. He could only imagine the added strain she would be under if she started school without being well rested.

Alice appeared out of nowhere, swooping down to plant a firm, lingering kiss on his mouth. His own curled up at her enthusiasm even as he raised one eyebrow in question.

"For being a wonderful husband," his wife stated, seating herself on his lap. "And for everything you're going to do today to help Bella. You're a sweetheart."

"I'm made of pure sugar," he drawled, smiling as Alice giggled.

"So that's why I like to-" Alice started, only to be cut off by an aggravated Edward.

"Can you please stop that thought? It's bad enough with Emmett and Rosalie cooing at each other like love birds. Must you also?" Edward asked, frowning when Alice merely stuck out her tongue.

Alice looked at her watch, a frown marring her face. "What's taking Bella so long? Why don't you three go on ahead; we'll be right behind you," she directed at Rosalie.

Rosalie tossed her hair over her shoulder, linking hands with a grinning Emmett and dragging him out to the garage.

"Are you sure you want to ride with them, Jasper?" Edward asked. "If they're feeling anything at all like what they're thinking…." He trailed off.

Jasper grimaced. "I'll risk it today. Maybe tomorrow," he promised Alice, leaning down for a quick kiss even as Rosalie impatiently honked her horn.

***********

Bella eyed herself critically in the cheval mirror. She had picked her first day of school outfit on her own, Alice merely lending a suggestion here or there. She had finally settled on a deep blue t-shirt layered over a gray long sleeve shirt, topping a pair of nicely worn jeans. A pair of brown slip on shoes completed the outfit.

She looked like a normal teenage girl, didn't she? Bella was afraid that the other kids at school would somehow know that she was different, that something was wrong with her. What would she do if they asked questions about her past? She knew the teachers had been given advance warning, but what if that information leaked out somehow? What would the boys think and expect?

The honking of a car horn coincided with Esme appearing in her doorway.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm holding everyone up. I'm sorry. I'm ready to leave, I promise," Bella knew she was on the verge of babbling, but the thought of not only leaving the safety of the house for several hours but also knowing she would be surrounded by strangers had her even more on edge. What if she messed up and did something to tip the residents of Forks off that something was different about the Cullens? What would she do if it was her fault they had to move before they were ready?

"It's okay, Bella," Esme murmured, moving to stand beside her daughter. "You'll be fine. Alice will be with you most of the day and will be looking out for any trouble. No one will let anything happen to you, I promise," she vowed, gently pulling Bella to her in a tight hug.

Bella accepted the comfort willingly. Esme thought it was going to be okay, but still….

"What if I do something that embarrasses you?" she whispered.

"Like what?"

"What if I'm not smart enough, or didn't learn enough this summer. What if I'm such a klutz that everyone wonders why you took me in? What if-"

"What if you have a perfectly normal first day of school?" Esme asked gently, pulling away to look at Bella. "You'll be new there and thus the topic of some talk, but that will fade in time once the novelty wears off. You are so strong and so brave, Bella," the force of her words drove themselves into Bella's heart, "I know you can do this. But if it gets to be too much, tell one of the others and they'll bring you home, I promise. But please, try. You'll never know unless you try," Esme said, placing a swift kiss on Bella's forehead.

"Okay."

The tone was less than steady, but Esme would take it.

"Good. Now, I believe it's time you left for school."

*****************

Bella stared up at the brick building before them. Forks High School was multileveled, and she was told, broken into several smaller buildings behind the main building. There was a light rain falling, enough to necessitate an umbrella, for which she was grateful. Umbrellas meant fewer people would be able to see her walking across the parking lot with the rest of the Cullen family. Soon enough they would get a look at her and realize she stuck out like a sore thumb from the perfection of the Cullens and Hales. She swallowed hard, not wanting to leave the confines of the car.

The door beside her swung open and Emmett's cheerful face appeared in the opening.

"Come on, Bella. Don't wanna be late for your first day of school now, do you?" he asked, stepping back and holding the door open.

Yes, Bella thought, sliding over the leather seat regardless. She fingered her charm bracelet once she was out of the car, the two words burning through her mind in a continuous loop.

'Courage and hope' she thought. 'Courage and hope.'

Bella stepped underneath the umbrella Alice was holding and the two women followed Edward to their English class.

*************

Even with her head down Bella knew she was being stared at, could hear the whispers. One boy had already tried to approach, but one look from Edward had him back-tracking to his desk. She was seated in the far row of chairs, Alice beside her and Edward behind her. They were also in the back corner which helped keep the gawking down, but still, Bella knew she was the focus of attention and not the teacher who was going over the semester's syllabus.

The class was wrapping up, the teacher having handed out one last sheaf of papers when the girl in front of Bella turned around, her smile hesitant.

"You're Isabella?"

"Bella," she corrected automatically, wincing at her tone. The girl seemed not to notice anything was wrong.

"I'm Angela Weber. Welcome to Forks," was all she said, turning back and neatly tucking her papers into her backpack before standing and heading out the door.

"Bella? You ready? I'll show you where your history class is," Alice offered, smiling and linking arms with her sister as they left the classroom.

***********

It was worse in History. With no Alice or Edward there to run interference, the other students didn't hesitate to approach her. The girl that had introduced herself in English was also in this class, taking a seat next to Bella casually. The next person was a bouncing, overly friendly girl who introduced herself as Jessica Stanley and then proceeded to try to interrogate Bella as to her past and why she was living with the Cullens.

"So how long have you been with Dr. and Mrs. Cullen?" Jessica's question sounded casual but Bella could see she was dying for as much information as possible.

"A few months."

"Where-"

"Miss Stanley, I am ready to start class. Do you think you're ready to listen?" The teacher – Mrs. Hammock, Bella recalled – broke in, her gaze stern as she watched Jessica retreat to a seat a few rows away.

Bella took a deep breath, fingering her charm once more.

**************

_Remind me to do something unpleasant to Jessica Stanley_

Alice's thoughts startled Edward from his reverie. He had been staring sightlessly at the front board, trying to block his classmate's thoughts from his own. The tenor of Alice's thoughts was rather dark, he noted, automatically sifting through the minds in the school until he zeroed in on Jessica.

She was in Bella's history class, he saw. Her thoughts had his fist curling in anger. How could a human being be so childish?

_I don't get it; there must be something wrong with her,_ Jessica thought, flicking a quick look over at Bella. _Alice Cullen escorted her to class and she jumps at every little sound. What's her deal? I'll try talking to her after class, see if I can get the inside scoop. Oooh, I wonder if she's seen Edward without a shirt on yet. I bet-_

Edward jerked out of her mind, not wanting to see what she could possibly be fantasizing about him.

"What's she going to do?" Edward whispered, knowing only Alice could hear him.

_Try and trap Bella after history. Which reminds me that we should also do something nice for Angela Weber. She and Bella are going to become good friends_.

Angela was a good person, Edward knew, and just the sort of friend Bella could use. He settled back in his seat and listened in on Angela's thoughts for the rest of the period.

**************

Bella had a feeling that Jessica was going to try and talk to her again when class ended. She had Trig next with Alice but had no idea where the class was, or if Alice was going to show up to guide her. The minute hand on the clock continued its onward trek despite Bella wishing time would slow. She didn't want to have to talk to Jessica again.

Ignoring Bella's plea, the bell sounded. Sighing, Bella took her time gathering her things, hoping if she was slow no one would bother her.

"Do you, like, need help finding your next class?" Jessica's overly cheerful voice sounded to Bella's left.

Before Bella could even think of a reply another voice was chiming in.

"I already told Bella I'd show her to where our next class is," Angela lied smoothly. "Ready, Bella?"

Grateful she wouldn't have to deal with Jessica, Bella gladly followed Angela out into the crowded hallway, shuddering as other students pushed past her, brushing against her and forcing her to stumble.

"You okay?" Angela asked, stopping in a little alcove.

Bella gratefully leaned against the wall, her breath coming easier now that she wasn't completely surrounded by other students.

"I'm okay."

"Um, Bella…what is your next class?" Angela asked sheepishly. "I didn't want to leave you to Jessica's not so tender mercy. I hope you don't mind," she added.

"It's okay," Bella replied. "I have Trig next," she continued.

"Shoot. I'm going the complete opposite direction. I should have time to show you where that class is, though," Angela offered.

"I can show her."

Jasper's deep voice startled both teenagers, Bella whirling to stare, her breath catching. Calm spread rapidly through her, thanks to Jasper's talent.

"Thank you," Bella muttered to Angela before moving to Jasper's side. She suddenly had a sneaking suspicion that Jasper had been manipulating her emotions throughout the morning, but she had no idea if he was capable of doing so over a distance. She didn't want to ask, afraid of insulting the man next to her. She rather hoped that she had been able to handle things on her own, even though she knew it was unlikely.

Shame and embarrassment swept through her as she concluded that Jasper had been helping her. So much for her ability to handle things, she thought bitterly. Esme would be disappointed to find out she had needed help for something as silly as talking to another person.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

Jasper's low tone had Bella jumping, flushing as she realized he knew how she was feeling.

"Thank you for helping me this morning," Bella mumbled, keeping her eyes focused on the tiled floor in front of her.

"You think I've been monitoring and bolstering your emotions throughout the morning?" Jasper asked. They were stopped by now, standing next to a bank of lockers. Students swirled past them, unconsciously avoiding stepping too close to the vampire in their midst.

"Yes," Bella admitted.

"I have been checking up on you," Jasper started, raising one hand to halt Bella when she opened her mouth. "But I haven't done anything to affect your emotions beyond what I did just now when I startled you."

"What…but…I," Bella stammered. That wasn't possible, she thought. There's no way she could have handled everything without help, regardless of how much she wished that were true.

"There were a few times were I almost stepped in," Jasper allowed. "But you calmed yourself down and handled everything just fine. Just remember you can do it and you'll make it through the rest of the day without a problem."

Tears shimmered across Bella's vision, making Jasper go blurry.

Jasper cast a panicked look down the hallway. He knew Alice was about to turn the corner and she would not be happy with him about Bella crying. He should have kept his mouth shut, he thought, quickly doing what he could to calm Bella.

He was happy to see that she settled quickly, sniffing once before turning to look at Alice as she appeared at their side.

"Ready for math, Bella?" Alice asked.

Bella simply nodded, following Alice into the classroom. She missed the quick wink and blown kiss the petite vampire sent her husband.

********************

Math passed all too quickly, in Bella's estimation. It wasn't her favorite subject by any means, but the end of Trig meant that she had Spanish, which meant a class without Alice or any of the others with her. Jasper met her and Alice outside of the math room and escorted them to the next building over that held the foreign language classrooms.

"I'm just next door in French," Alice assured her. "I'll meet you right here and we'll go to lunch together."

Alice waited for Bella to go into the classroom before turning back to Jasper. Her eyes went blank for a moment as she looked ahead, sighing to herself when she came back to the present.

"Alice?" Jasper murmured.

"Will you ask Mr. Banner if he minds if we have lunch in his room today?" Alice asked. "I don't see lunch going well for Bella if she goes to the cafeteria today."

"Of course," her husband promised. "Anything I need to say to get him to agree?"

Alice bit her lip, considering. "Let him know that you're concerned about how Bella's doing, that you want to give her a little bit of time to relax with just the family present." She searched ahead. "I don't think you'll need to give him a push," she added, bouncing up to place a kiss on his cheek. "That's for earlier," she explained.

"I like my reward, but it isn't necessary," Jasper said. "I would have done it nonetheless."

"I know."

***************

Bella saw with dread that Jessica was in her Spanish class. Hoping the other girl wouldn't see her she quickly slid into a seat in the back and bent down as if she were rummaging around in her book bag. Luck was against her. The other girl had been keeping an eye on the door, hoping the newest student to Forks' High would be in her class.

Jessica moved to sit next to Bella, not seeing the cringe and sigh Bella let out when she began speaking.

"Hi! So, what's the rest of your schedule? Do we have any more classes together? I could, like, show you around," she offered, continuing. "You can sit with me at lunch and I'll introduce you to everyone."

Jessica was looking at her with such expectation that Bella didn't know how to decline. She didn't want to meet anyone else. Wasn't it enough that she had talked to Angela Weber a couple of times today? What did Jessica want from her?

"Hello, Earth to Bella! So, what do you think?"

"I, um…I'm supposed to eat with the others," Bella rushed out, blushing and looking down at the desktop.

"What, they won't let you eat with anyone else?" Jessica criticized.

"No, I …I want to eat with them."

"Well-"

Mrs. Goff, having monitored the conversation, interrupted. She could see that Bella was becoming more flustered and upset the more Jessica questioned her and moved to stop the line of inquiry.

"Miss Stanley, the bell has rung."

The tone more than the words had Jessica closing her mouth with a snap.

*************

"Are you sure you don't want to eat with me instead?" Jessica tried again as the bell signaling the start of the lunch hour sounded.

"I'm sure," Bella replied. She took her time loading her book and syllabus into her bag, hoping Jessica would get the hint and leave without her. She kept her head down, dawdling until the other girl finally left with a sigh.

Sighing herself, Bella stood, passing through the doorway to find Alice waiting for her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't mean to take so long. I'm sorry I'm cutting into your lunch hour."

"No worries, Bella," Alice replied. "We're going this way," she corrected, as Bella turned towards the cafeteria.

"Oh, but I thought-"

"We're eating lunch in the biology room," Alice explained. "I saw you getting a little stressed if we ate in the cafeteria so we'll skip that today; give you some time to unwind. The guys always pile the food on their trays, so you'll have a buffet to choose from."

Relief flooded through Bella as she followed Alice through the now deserted corridors. She hadn't been looking forward to lunch at all. The thought of being surrounded by that many students was just too much. Grateful Alice had looked ahead, Bella re-adjusted her book bag and hoped she'd be able to eat something.

**************

Lunch passed all too quickly. It had been wonderful to simply to focus on only five people and already know where you stood with them. Bella had felt wasteful for the amount of food she hadn't been able to eat, but her stomach was still tied in knots. She managed a few bites of pizza and a half a container of vanilla pudding before giving up and playing with her drink lid.

Around her, the others compared and bemoaned their classes and classmates. Emmett teased Edward, asking what new fantasies the girls had thought up involving themselves and Edward. Jasper sat back, one arm draped lazily over the back of Alice's chair as he watched the banter exchanged between brothers. Rosalie announced she had overheard Lauren Mallory say that she was the prettiest girl in school, not Rosalie, and had been laughed at for such a statement.

It was almost like being home and having the others keep her company while she ate dinner, Bella thought. The image was ruined by the sound of Mr. Banner in his office, his keyboard clicking as he checked email and read the news. Maybe they could eat lunch in here every day, she thought, wishing this could happen but knowing she would eventually need to face the crowded lunch room.

When the bell rang everyone but Edward stood, tossing their goodbyes over their shoulder as they left. The silence that followed was deafening. After spending the time with Emmett's booming voice and Alice's trilling soprano in the small classroom, Bella felt anything she had to say would come out sounding stupid and childish.

"Why don't we sit back here?" Edward suggested, picking up Bella's bag and moving to the back middle table. Bella followed, still mute, making Edward worry. While she had other classes without one of the family, this was the one period that the only other person she knew was a male vampire. Given her history, Edward was afraid she would be even more tense and almost offered to sit at another table.

Mike Newton made Edward's mind up for him when he walked through the door and saw Bella.

_Score! She's in my class. Maybe I can talk to her, see if she wants to go to the football game with me Friday. Ugh, she's next to Cullen…._

Edward watched with narrowed eyes as Mike placed his bag on the table next to them, closest to Bella.

"Hey, I'm Mike Newton. We have English together, remember?"

Edward watched from the corner of his eye as Bella flinched, staring up at the boy standing next to her. Her heartbeat increased, her cheeks flooding with color. Edward bit back a growl. If Mike so much as made Bella twitch in a way he didn't like, Newton was dead.

"Um, not really," Bella replied. She cast her mind back to first period but was unable to match the face before her to one in her memory.

"Oh. Well, um, I – I thought I would, uh, just stop by and say hi," Mike stammered.

Edward chuckled to himself. Bella's tone had been cool and collected, sounding dismissive of the boy before her. In reality, he was sure, she was ready to bolt.

Mr. Banner called the class to order, cutting any more chance Mike thought he had of starting a conversation with his new classmate.

************

Edward walked Bella to her final class even though he was sure she could figure out how to get to the gym by herself. Newton was still coming up with ways to talk to Bella and try to ask her out and he wanted to give him no opportunity to do so. He was annoyed to find that Mike trailed behind them, his last class also gym, for which the teen was thrilled.

_Excellent! She'll be able to see how awesome I am at basketball_ Mike thought. Edward jumped from his mind at that point, trying to refrain from turning around and pulling the boy behind a building and ripping his head off. He had degenerated into a fantasy land where an awestruck Bella was praising his court prowess while draping herself all over him.

Not likely, Edward thought. And poor Mike was going to be in for quite the surprise when he found out Bella's big brother shared the class with them.

*************

Emmett listened to Edward's fast recount of Mike's thoughts as they watched Alice and Bella enter the gym.

"I'm going to make that little punk wish he'd never seen Bella," Emmett growled.

"Easy," Edward cautioned. "I want to scare him off too, but you have to be careful. Don't let Bella know what you're doing."

Emmett was suddenly cheerful, slapping his brother on the back before heading into the gymnasium.

_Don't worry, bro, I know exactly what I'm going to do._

Edward listened in to his brother's plan as he headed for Spanish, a chuckle escaping.

************

Bella sat between Alice and Emmett on the bleachers as they listened to Coach Clapp explain the breakdown of class time.

"Alright, folks, here's how it's going to work. The first half of the semester will be physical activity. We'll be doing different sports every few weeks and you must participate. You don't have to be good at it," he added, ignoring the student's groans and protests. "You just have to try. You'll need to bring either shorts or sweats and a shirt to wear every day. You don't dress, you don't get points for that day.

"Now, for the second half, we'll switch to the health portion. You will have a paper due by the end of the semester on a topic of my choosing. Again, daily participation is required. Any questions?" There was a beat of silence, then the older man clapped his hands.

"Alright then! Today's open gym. You can play basketball, volleyball, or walk around the outside of the court, but I expect to see you moving."

*************

Emmett kept an eye on Mike Newton as they played basketball. The typical human aversion for spending any time near a vampire kept Mike leery, but Emmett had a feeling he was more aware of the fact that Bella's big brother was on the same court and so kept his distance.

Emmett was aware that most only took in his physical appearance, assuming that he was rather lacking in the brains department, his brothers being forced to assist him with homework. While it was true that Emmett did not enjoy the pursuit of knowledge to the extent of Jasper and Edward, but he fancied himself to be very observant of other's behavior. He enjoyed betting and gambling and thus was always on the look-out for other's tells.

The quick glances Newton would shoot towards Bella and Alice as they paced about the perimeter of the court, followed by a guilty flushing and equally quick look towards Emmett had him smirking. Tomorrow's gym class would prove most amusing.

***********

The final bell rang, freeing Bella from the torment of high school. She wanted no more than to bolt for the car, Alice's restraining hand the only thing keeping her from suiting action to thought.

"Steady, Bella," Alice murmured, shooting her husband a quick look as he joined them. "You just need to get to the car and round the first bend of the road. One minute and fifty-eight seconds, that's all."

Bella took in a shuddering breath. "No, let me do it on my own," she shot a quick, pleading look at Jasper, trying to smile and failing when he inclined his head in agreement. She turned to focus on the Volvo, her vision narrowing to the silver car parked on the edge of the lot.

One foot in front of the other, Bella narrowed the remaining distance, not hearing the shouts of the other students around her or even noticing when Edward and Rosalie joined them. She didn't hear the worried questions from Rosalie regarding her state or the continued stream of encouragement Alice whispered in her ear.

There. The rear passenger door of the Volvo was before her, opening easily and allowing her to slide into the comforting confines of the car. She barely noticed Alice sliding in next to her, or Edward and Jasper entering the front of the car.

"We're out of sight, Bella," Alice's words broke through the tight concentration Bella was maintaining. "It's okay now. No one will see."

Bella shook her head tightly, forcing the words around the tight stricture of her throat.

"How long till we're home?" She whispered.

"Go, Edward," Alice commanded.

Bella felt the car leap beneath her, the throaty growl of the engine fading away as she focused on holding everything together.

************

Esme made it a point to be home all day, her phone always on her. She checked the screen half a dozen times an hour, afraid she had somehow missed a call from the school. Unable to maintain her concentration on any one project, she flitted about the house, re-arranging furniture here and swiping at non-existent motes of dust.

As the time drew closer to the children being home, Esme found herself unable to decide where she should be when everyone arrived home. In her office, appearing to be hard at work? In the living room calmly watching T.V.? At the door? Esme was afraid that whatever her decision, it would be the wrong one. What did Bella need? Did she even need her?

A short beep signaling a text had Esme grasping for her phone.

"In the kitchen," she read, thanking Alice silently for providing her with an answer. She moved to the kitchen, intent on appearing as if she had just happened to be working when they arrived home.

*******

They were taking the driveway too fast, Esme noted, her fear growing. Edward wouldn't drive like that with Bella in the car. What had happened?

She waited for the two cars to pull into the garage, giving up any pretense of working. Rosalie and Emmett were through the door first, their worried faces only heightening Esme's dread. Edward was behind them, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

There. Alice and Bella appeared in the doorway, the petite vampire keeping one supporting hand under Bella's elbow as she mechanically walked into the house. Jasper followed, his gaze centered on Bella.

What had happened? What was wrong with Bella? Her name slipped out before Esme could stop the word, the worry more than evident in her voice.

"Bella?"

*************

Bella was faintly aware of the fact that they were taking the hairpin turns of the drive at a dangerous speed but she was beyond complaint at this point. She wanted to urge Edward to go even faster. The tires screeching to a halt in the garage had her blinking once.

"We're here, Bella. Come on, let's go inside," Alice urged, pulling her gently from the car. "We're home, it's okay."

Bella felt her head move, a sharp shake negating Alice's words. They weren't home quite yet. Jasper had told her she could handle the rest of the day on her own, and she would. The distance to her goal narrowed, each step taken just a bit faster than the previous.

They stepped into the kitchen, and she was faintly aware of the others fanned out, all turned towards her. She was almost there, so close….

"Bella?"

Esme's voice broke through. With a sob Bella launched herself into the waiting woman's arms. There. She was finally home and it was okay. She didn't have to be strong right now. Esme would keep her safe.

************

Edward unabashedly monitored the emotions in the room through Jasper. The sharp spike in worry and fear from Esme abated as she wrapped her arms about Bella, her thoughts only of providing comfort. From Bella herself there was only sudden, extreme relief as she allowed Esme to pull her into a tight embrace.

_So that's what she was waiting for,_ Jasper mused. _Home isn't so much a place for her as a person._

**************

Esme pulled Bella into the living room, tucking them into the loveseat, her hand continuously stroking Bella's hair. Almost half an hour passed before Bella's shudders lessened, prompting Esme to speak.

"Was it that bad?"

Bella raised one shoulder in a half shrug.

"Did something happen?"

A shake of the head was her answer.

"Alice?" Esme pleaded.

"I don't think it was any one thing, Esme," Alice began slowly. "I think it was a slow accumulation of the day."

"Sweetheart, why didn't you say something?" Esme half-heartedly scolded. "You don't have to endure something that pains you. Let us know and we'll do what we can to help you."

At her words Bella jerked up, her eyes wide.

"No! I-Jasper said I could make it through the day on my own, so I did," she explained.

"Jasper!"

"No!" Bella interrupted Esme. "I-I wanted to make it through on my own."

Esme had no words for this. She instead settled for hugging Bella to her once more, only remarking, "we'll watch a movie before dinner. What would you like to see?"


	13. Chapter 13

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 13

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe. I'm simply playing with Stephenie Meyers wonderful creations. Any brand names mentioned in the chapter likewise don't belong to me. I just love them. Especially what Edward gives Bella.

On a side note, I have to note a new book series the same friend that got me addicted to Twilight recommended. The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare, the first being City of Bones. I'm in love with Jace. It's a toss-up as to whether I want an Edward or a Jace. O.o And I'm sorry it's taken so long! I've been nastily ill this past week and couldn't focus on the computer screen.

Thanks to Megami for being an awesome beta! Come play with us on the Twilighted forums under the AU tab, and for those on , look for a teaser of the next chapter with a review- usually sent about four days before the next chapter posts.  Once again Emmett demanded this scene.

"Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated."

*****************************

Emmett bided his time, watching Mike every day in gym class as he stared at Bella. Whether he was staring at her for her looks, or for the fact she continuously managed to take down multiple classmates when she fell, he couldn't quite say. Whatever the reason, the more Newton stared, the more annoyed Emmett found himself. His sister didn't need to deal with an annoying boy just now. In a few months, perhaps she would be able to put him in his place, but for now he was more than happy to step in.

They were partnered up for sit-ups, Emmett having maneuvered so that Mike was his partner. He watched the boy stare across the room at Bella as she struggled to pull herself up, Alice murmuring encouragement. Pretending to be winded from the repetition of sit-ups, Emmett flopped back, groaning.

"I'm done. Switch?"

Mike pulled himself back with a start, nodding to Emmett and trading places on the mat. Emmett allowed Mike to get through two sit-ups before speaking.

"I noticed you were reading Bella's shirt," he mentioned casually, smirking when Mike's hear rate jumped.

"Um, yeah," Mike stuttered, stopping for a moment.

"And that means you were staring at her chest," Emmett continued. He pressed down on Mike's feet, smiling pleasantly when the boy winced in pain. "And I don't like it when someone looks at my sister like that. It's degrading and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it stops. Understand?"

Mike swallowed heavily as Emmett flashed him a smile, his teeth gleaming in the light.

"Yeah, sure, got it."

"Good. Now, I think you're supposed to be doing sit-ups."

************

The rest of the week followed the basic outline of the first day, Bella holding everything in until she was home. There Esme would wrap her up in a welcoming hug, holding her tightly for several minutes before inquiring into her day. Each afternoon was slightly less tense than the previous though, leading Esme to hope that someday Bella would be able to walk into the house normally.

Jasper continued to monitor Bella's emotions, unsurprised to find that the classes containing one of the family found her slightly more relaxed. According to Alice, Bella was even beginning to open up slightly to one of her classmates, an Angela Weber. The girl apparently shared second period with Bella and would walk with her to class. From what he could tell, and Edward agreed, Angela was a good person and just the type of friend Bella needed.

****************

Bella woke to the sensation of the bed bouncing underneath another's weight. Startled, she sat up, only to fall back into the pillows when she saw it was only Alice.

"Good morning, Bella!"

"Alice."

Alice tsked. "Now Bella, you really should be feeling a bit more energetic. You slept for eight hours! Do you need some caffeine? I'm sure we have some coffee somewhere."

Sighing, Bella sat up, running a hand through her tousled hair. It was never a good sign when Alice woke her. Usually Esme would knock on the door to get her up for school. Alice though…Alice seemed to feel the startle approach was the best way to start the day and she usually only beat Esme to waking Bella up when she was excited about something that was going to happen.

It was strange, Bella reflected, on the fact that finding a vampire on the bed with her only made her annoyed. And leery, but only because Alice was wearing her Cheshire cat smile.

"What's going to happen, Alice?" Bella asked. Aside from Esme and Carlisle, Alice was the one person in the house she was most comfortable speaking with.

"Happen? Nothing's going to happen, I just thought I'd wake you up," Alice said innocently.

Doubtful but not wanting to call the other girl on it, Bella slid from the bed, stumbling to the closet.

"Let me." Alice was there in a flash. "You go brush your teeth. Then we'll do your make-up and hair."

"Alice-"Bella's protest was cut short by Alice tapping one finger to her temple.

"I've seen it, Bella."

Bella sighed, turning and trudging towards the bathroom.

*************

_That was the most sisterly exchange yet_ Esme thought. _Bella seems to have made leaps and bounds this past week._

"I believe seeing us in the school setting is responsible for that," Edward replied. "She sees how we interact with other humans and that allows her to be more comfortable in her interactions with us."

"That makes sense," Esme agreed. "But why is Alice so determined to pick Bella's clothes and do her hair today?"

"School pictures," Rosalie stated. "Though I don't think Bella knows what today is."

"She's going to freak."

Esme agreed with Emmett's assessment. "We should tell her."

"Nope," Alice disagreed from upstairs. "She'll be fine. Just wait and see."

***********

Bella knew the others kept looking at her because she had make-up on and her hair was fixed. Alice had quickly and expertly applied both make-up and curling iron. Thankfully the eye shadow and mascara were subtle, but there was no denying the long fall of curls cascading down her back. Did they think she was trying to make herself as attractive as they were? It was impossible, she knew. She was human and plain and could never match the beauty of the rest of the family.

The drive to school was quick. For once the weather appeared to be quite decent, with no rain falling. Bella followed the group inside, pausing by the bank of lockers as she read a flier. Dread filled her stomach.

"Alice!"

The outrage in Bella's voice had the others turning in their tracks. They had never heard Bella sound so angry, nor ever heard her voice raised.

"Yes, Bella?"

"School pictures?!" Bella pointed to the flier, her hand trembling. "That's why you wanted to fix my hair. You knew!" she accused, swinging her finger around to point at the petite vampire.

"Guilty," her sister admitted.

"Alice!"

Emmett laughed. "Damn, kid. This is what it takes you get you mad? All you have to do is sit there for less than a minute and look at the camera. Not the hardest thing in the world to do," he teased, slinging one arm over Rosalie's shoulder. "See you all at lunch," he added, before walking off.

"Relax," Alice turned back to Bella. "You'll be fine. Now, are we going to go to English or not?"

************

Alice and Edward were called from English towards the end of class to go to the auditorium for their class picture. They had still not returned by the time the bell rang. Bella stood and made to follow Angela from their class to the next when a voice spoke behind her.

"Hey, Bella!"

Turning, Bella saw a boy – Eric, maybe? – approach.

"Hey! I see your guard dog isn't here. Don't worry, I'll protect you," he continued on, moving to sling an arm around her shoulder.

Bella shied away, the boy's finger tips brushing against her shoulder but falling short of their target. Undaunted, Eric moved closer. Something made him glance over Bella's shoulder and caused him to pale as he took a quick step back.

"Bella."

Turning, Bella saw Rosalie striding towards her. The other woman flicked a quick look at Eric, dismissing him with one raised eyebrow even as she angled herself to be between Bella and the offending boy.

"Bella, I think we might have gotten our books mixed up this morning. I don't have my Spanish book. Can we see if it's in your locker?" She asked.

"Um, sure," Bella replied, falling into step. Silence fell as they walked the halls, neither sure as to what to say to the other.

Rosalie took a breath and prayed for the right words.

"Bella, you need to get comfortable telling other people to stop behavior that is bothering you," Rosalie lectured, her voice soft and almost lost in the crowd around them. "We won't always be able to stop whatever boy wants to talk to you."

Rosalie leaned against a locker as Bella fumbled with her combination. She could feel her face on fire, knowing Rosalie's words to be true. She kept her head bent, rummaging around in her locker like she was actually looking for something.

Unseen, Rosalie's gaze softened as she watched her sister. She was making progress but she needed to be careful. The murmurs regarding Bella's strange behavior were growing.

"They don't understand," Rosalie began, keeping her gaze fixed in the distance. "They live such a sheltered life that even though most of them know bad things happen, they can't comprehend it actually happening to anyone. They look at you and see an attractive teenage girl, Bella," she stressed, not meeting the other girl's gaze when she looked up, startled. "They don't see a victim. All they see is the new girl on campus. Think about that."

Rosalie shoved off from the locker she had been leaning against, striding down the hall as if she owned it.

Bella watched the crowd part for her, the wake closing as the other students continued on with their ordinary lives. If they couldn't see the threat that walked their halls, surely she could keep them from finding out about her past. Couldn't she?

Thoughtful, Bella walked to her next class.

************************

Bella had made it through the day and school pictures, grateful when she was able to return home and bury herself in her room. She had spent several hours curled up in her chair, engrossed in a book. When Emmett had appeared in her doorway, challenging her to a video game contest, she had been able to accept easily.

The various coming and goings of other family members was almost lost in the background as she focused on trying to beat Emmett. They were seated next to each other, Emmett talking trash while Bella bit her lip in concentration. It was once again the racing game, as Bella had no desire to play any game that focused on killing opponents.

"Ha!"

Emmett, distracted by Rosalie leaning over the couch and blowing into his ear, jerking his controller erratically, causing his car to careen off the pavement and fall behind as Bella's car zoomed across the finish line.

"Rosie," Emmett complained, cutting himself off when Rosalie crooked a finger.

"I need help in the garage," she purred, smirking down at her husband.

"Ah, yeah, sure," Emmett began, haphazardly tossing his remote in Bella's general direction. "I'll beat you some other time, Bells."

Bella blushed, knowing that while Rosalie would need Emmett's help for something, other things would also be going on. She sighed. She really didn't feel like reading, and her homework was light and could easily be finished after dinner.

"May I?"

Startled, she looked up to find Edward holding Emmett's abandoned controller.

"Um…sure. I'm not very good though," Bella stated.

"For someone that's never played a video game until a few months ago, you're fine," Edward replied easily, choosing to take the chair rather than share the close confines of the love seat with Bella. He didn't want to tempt himself too much. "And I'll show you some tricks and short-cuts that Emmett's been keeping from you," he added. "It'll level the playing field next time."

Bella frowned, then turned her focus back to the screen.

*****************

That had been Monday. It was now Thursday, and Bella was finishing up her homework when a knock sounded on her door. She looked up to see Esme poke her head in the door.

"May we come in?"

At Bella's nod, Esme and Carlisle entered the room, taking a seat on her bed.

Uneasy, Bella turned in her desk chair, her mind frantically searching for a reason they would want to talk to her. She hadn't done anything bad, had she? The broken glass in the kitchen earlier in the week had been an accident. Besides, Alice had startled her. It wasn't her fault. Did they think it was her fault?

"I'm sorry I broke the glass," she blurted out.

"Glass? What – oh, two days ago," Esme remembered. "That wasn't your fault, that was Alice's for sneaking up on you."

"That isn't why we came up here, Bella," Carlisle interrupted. "We actually wanted to talk to you about tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Bella cast her mind back, trying to remember if something special was going to happen tomorrow. It would be Friday, the thirteenth. Did that hold some significance for vampires?

"Your birthday?" Carlisle prodded her memory.

"Oh! Um…I didn't think about that," Bella admitted, looking down at her hands. Who forgot about their birthday, even if they didn't like celebrating it? Entirely too much attention for her taste. They didn't think she wanted anything, did she?

"Well," Esme cast a quick look at her husband. "We were thinking that maybe you'd like to take tomorrow off, perhaps head up to Seattle for a bit of shopping. What do you think?"

Skip school? They wanted her to skip school? But…

"But what about school?" The question slipped out.

"You don't have any tests tomorrow, or homework to turn in, do you?" Esme asked.

"No, but-"

"And we were under the impression that not a lot would be accomplished tomorrow anyway, given that it is a spirit day and there's a pep rally in the afternoon," Carlisle added.

"The new Barnes and Noble should be open as well," Esme cajoled, knowing Bella's weakness for books.

Bella cast a look at her bookcase. One shelf was filled with books, but she had already zipped through all of them. Perhaps a book or two? But to go all the way to Seattle just for that seemed wasteful.

"It's also time to get some winter clothing," Esme added, trying to make the trip seem practical.

Bella thought for a moment before agreeing. The trip would mean she wouldn't have to deal with the others at school. And she really did want to get a few more books. The thought of shopping had her wincing even as she asked, "Is Alice coming too?"

"Only if you want her to."

It wasn't really that she minded Alice, but Alice on a shopping trip was kind of scary, Bella thought. She had an almost fanatical need to find the perfect outfit, especially if she'd had a vision.

Alice appeared in the doorway, Jasper behind her. Her hands were clasped in front of her chest as she bounced on her toes in excitement.

"Please, Bella? I promise I won't make you try on any clothes you don't want to," she pleaded.

"And she won't guilt you into trying anything on either," Jasper added, smirking down at his wife when she frowned and elbowed him in the side.

Alice sighed. "And I won't guilt you into trying anything on either," she recited. "Please, Bella? We could make it a girls' day out."

She was going to regret this, Bella knew, even as she opened her mouth.

"Okay."

************

The day was surprisingly fun, Bella thought. They had left nine and had made the trip to Seattle in no time. They had first gone to the book store, Alice handing her a card, stating it was from her and Jasper. Inside she had found a gift card to Barnes and Noble. Alice further added that she and Rosalie would catch up with her and Esme around noon, having no desire to spend so much time surrounded only by books.

Bella had then proceeded to wander the two story book store, browsing in any section that caught her eye. More than once she had settled on the floor to read the first chapter (or two) of a book before adding it to her basket. She had been trying to whittle her pile down (ten really was too many books to buy at a time) when Esme had appeared, swooping down and pulling the basket into her arms.

"Ready to meet Alice and Rosalie for lunch, Bella?" She had asked pleasantly, ignoring Bella's stammers that she needed to put some books back. "Nonsense. Besides, Alice and Jasper did get you a gift card. And knowing Alice, it is just the right amount to cover all of these," Esme had stated.

Bella hadn't been able to argue with that logic, though she felt bad for Alice spending so much on her. She knew the family shared a banking account, but wouldn't it seem greedy to the others for her to spend so much just on books?

In the end, after purchasing a membership card, Bella had only needed to add an additional $2.34 to cover the cost. They had then met Alice and Rosalie at a small bistro, choosing to sit outside and enjoy the unseasonably warm weather. It was no longer awkward for Bella to be the only person eating at the table; though at times she worried the smell might be offensive, having caught a few nose wrinkles from Rosalie.

True to her word, Alice had behaved extremely well in regards to clothes. Everything else though…

"Bella, I only promised to not guilt you about clothes. I never mentioned shoes or jewelry," Alice pleaded, her hands locked around one of Bella's as she tried to drag her sister toward the door of a prominent jewelry store.

"Alice, it's too much!" Bella protested, giving in when Rosalie and Esme both chimed in that they wanted to visit the store.

************

They were almost home, the day having slipped away. Darkness had fallen rapidly, making the interior of the car become cozy and intimate. Esme couldn't stop herself from checking the rear view mirror every minute, catching a quick glimpse of Bella. Her poor daughter was exhausted from the day. Between the amount of walking they had done, as well as the rather large meal Bella had consumed prior to them leaving, she had quickly fallen asleep, her head pillowed against the door frame.

Alice sighed, pulling Esme's attention away.

"She's going to sleep through the night," the petite woman grumbled, frowning over at her sister. "She won't even wake up when we get home. Well, we could wake her up, but that wouldn't be the best idea," she mused, frowning at a vision.

"Next year you aren't getting out of a party," she warned the slumbering girl.

"It only counts as a warning if she's coherent," Rosalie stated, twisting in her seat to look at her sister. "Why are you so upset, anyway?"

Alice paused, knowing her words were going to upset Esme. "She's only got one more left as a human. After that, I can't see," she admitted.

"What? Alice, why didn't you tell us?" Esme demanded.

"Because I still can't see very clearly! Sometimes I think I see a nineteenth birthday, others times I can only see her eighteenth. Something hasn't been decided yet that messing with the future," Alice lamented.

"But you still see her becoming one of us?"

A secretive smile curled on Alice's lips. "Oh, yes."

**************

Bella woke the next morning, looking confusedly about her room. The last thing she remembered was getting in the car. Had she sleep walked upstairs?

No. She could just barely remember cool, strong arms lifting her up, whispering for her to go back to sleep. It had been Carlisle, she thought, though any of them were more than capable of carrying her weight, even the deceptively small Alice.

She rolled over, her gaze landing on a small pile of presents stacked neatly on her desk. Groaning, she remembered yesterday had been her birthday. She contemplated the brightly wrapped packages, wondering if the others' feelings would be hurt if she returned them.

"Don't even think about it, Bella," Alice warned, appearing out of nowhere and perching herself on the end of the bed. "Those are for you."

"But-"

"No buts. Now, open them," Alice commanded, snagging the pile and dumping them on the bed around Bella.

Bella complied, sitting up and gingerly picking at the tape job of the smallest package. Lifting the lid of the small box inside, she dumped an even smaller box into her palm, lifting the lid. The sight of the sapphire necklace had her gasping, wanting to drop the box even as she reached out to stroke the trail the gemstones.

"It's a journey necklace," Alice explained. "It's from Rosalie and Emmett."

"It's beautiful," Bella breathed, revelation setting in. "It's the one I was looking at yesterday!" she exclaimed, looking to Alice for confirmation.

Alice smiled. "You had Rosalie worried she wasn't going to find anything you wanted for you birthday."

"But-"

"It's a gift, Bella. Enjoy it."

"I was going to ask where Rosalie and Emmett are, so that I can thank them," Bella replied.

"Everyone's on a short hunting trip. They'll be back in about an hour," Alice waved the rest of the family away with one hand. "It's just you, me, and Carlisle."

Nodding, Bella looked down at the second present Alice placed in her lap. The box was rather heavy, Edward's elegant handwriting on the gift tag. What could he have gotten her?

The paper came off a bit quicker than the first, the large letting on the outside of the box causing some confusion.

"Why?" Bella mispronounced the name.

"Wii," Alice corrected. "It's a new game system that reacts to motion instead of simply using buttons. It's all the rage now. And a lot of the games are more task oriented, or simply physical games, rather than the traditional shoot'em up style that Emmett likes."

It would be even more of a time waster, Bella knew. She was getting tired of only playing the racing game against Emmett though, so maybe this would be something fun.

The last present was from Esme and Carlisle and contained a small purse. The feel of soft, buttery leather under her fingertips felt wonderful to Bella. She flipped the discreet tag over, dropping the bag as the word 'Coach' stared up at her.

"Oh, but I can't. I'll spill something on it or ruin it," Bella tried to push the bag in to Alice's arms.

"Nope, it's yours." Alice jumped off the bed, skipping out of reach.

"Do you not like it?"

Carlisle's voice from the door startled Bella.

"No, I do like it. I-"

"Esme will be pleased to hear that," Carlisle cut whatever Bella was about to say off. "I was wondering though…perhaps you'd like to start your driving lessons today? Alice assures me that no one will drive by the elementary school lot, so you won't have to worry about anyone watching you."

It was tempting. After the past two weeks of watching other teenagers drive their own cars to school, Bella wanted nothing more than to finally learn to drive. But what if she wrecked the car, or dented it, or ran over something? She was a klutz, so maybe giving her power over such a large machine was a bad idea.

But to finally learn to drive…

Carlisle and Alice waited patiently while Bella mulled her decision, both already knowing the outcome, thanks to Alice's vision.

"Okay," Bella agreed, rubbing her suddenly damp palms on her quilt.

**************


	14. Chapter 14

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 14

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any rights to the Twilight universe. I'm simply playing with Stephenie Meyer's wonderful creations.

Thanks to Megami for letting me know that I don't sound like a blubbering idiot, even when I am being a blubbering idiot. And a big, huge thanks to JokesonJane for making my banner. Thanks!

Come play with us over on the Twilighted forum, under the Alternate Universe tab. I love answering questions about the story and dropping teasers.  For those on , you get a preview with a review several days before I post the next chapter.

"One who goes doggedly on when frightened near out of her wits shows greater bravery than the warrior who charges into battle without thinking of the odds" Juliet Marillier

"Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough" Wilhelm Busch

*************

The first sunny day was rapidly approaching.

Alice had actually been checking the weather for cloudy days in California so that she and Rosalie could go on a shopping trip, but the sun shining brightly down on the sign for Forks High School had intruded. It also happened to fall on the day designated as 'Take your daughters to work day'. She had looked and saw Rosalie with Carlisle in the hospital, and she and Esme in Seattle, but looking for Bella only found her in school.

Alice pursed her lips, thinking. School had been in session for five weeks now, the beginning of October bringing above normal warm days for the region. Bella had made leaps and bounds in her handling of school and the other students, but Alice wasn't fooled. Her sister had yet to go all day without one of the family interfering somehow in the plans of the other students to separate Bella from the Cullens, and Alice feared what would happen if Bella was left to her own devices.

Concentrating, she scanned the vision harder. It looked as if it would only be sunny until lunch time, then the cloud cover would be enough that the family could move easy about in public. Still, did Bella need to go to school that day?

The answer, unfortunately, was yes. Apparently there was going to be a test in her Spanish class that she couldn't miss, and her History and Biology teachers were going to be assigning group projects. If Bella didn't go, she would end up with Jessica Stanley as her partner in History, and even Alice knew she didn't need to look ahead to see the disaster that would be.

Fine. Bella would go to school, but she'd be keeping her eye on her, and Carlisle on speed dial.

*************

Bella looked up from her meal when Carlisle cleared his throat. His face was serious and she instinctively stilled, afraid of what he was going to say. What had happened? Had she done something? A fine tremble started in her hands.

"What is it?" she asked, looking to Alice when Carlisle's eyes had slid in her direction.

"Nothing bad, Bella, just a sunny day," Alice assured her.

"When?"

"Next Friday."

"Oh, but school-"

"Usually the others skip on sunny days, Bella, and the other students and teachers believe all of us to be hiking," Carlisle interrupted.

"What will we be doing then?" Bella asked, looking back and forth between Carlisle and Alice.

Carlisle sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Unfortunately, Bella – "

"You're going to have to go to school," Alice interjected. She reached over and took Bella's hand in her own, patting it comfortingly. "You have a test in Spanish that you can't miss. And Mrs. Hammock will assign Jessica as your project partner if you aren't there," she continued. "Those are the only two things I've seen happening. I promise you I'll keep looking for anything bad."

Bella's trembling was growing, spreading through her body quickly as she fought back the panic that threatened to take over. She couldn't go to school by herself, no matter what Alice said. Would it really be so bad for Jessica to be her partner? And Mrs. Goff hadn't said anything about a test, so maybe Alice was confusing the dates.

"Alice says it will only be sunny until lunch, Bella," Carlisle stated. "If you'd like for us to pick you up then we can."

The finality in Carlisle's tone did more to convince Bella she would be going to school without the others than Alice's words.

*****************

It was now Thursday, and Edward, perhaps even more so than Jasper, was well aware of the tension running through the Cullen household. Esme had bid them a good morning as they'd all filed out to the cars, her thoughts lingering on Bella as she watched her daughter trip on the lip of the doorway. Alice was continuously checking the future so that she could assure Bella everything would be fine.

The others didn't dwell on the possible trouble to come, but random thoughts showed their concern. Emmett, watching Eric Yorkie say hello to Bella in the lunch line, wondered if perhaps he needed to do something to remind the boys in school just who would be upset if Bella were upset. Rosalie hoped Bella would remember to act normally. Jasper was concerned about the emotional climate the three of them would be walking in to when they returned from their day hunting trip.

And while Alice hadn't seen anything happening, Edward had a bad feeling. He could hear the thoughts of the other students, and knew just how many were wanting to speak to Bella and get to know her better. The only thing slowing them down was the near constant companionship of one of the family. The wolves were sure to descend once it became known Bella was without her usual companions.

No one had truly bad or malicious thoughts regarding Bella, but Edward was well aware that teenage boys (and, at time, girls) weren't the most observant of body language, nor were they that well versed with handling charged emotions. It would only take one seemingly innocent statement, he knew, to set back Bella's recovery.

They were now in Biology, the now familiar proximity of Bella's enticing scent causing the expected burn at the back of Edward's throat. He was unable to stop himself from clenching a fist as a wayward breeze blew her scent directly into his face, making him close his eyes and hold his breath to keep from showing the pull he felt.

The distraction, when it came, was a double edged sword. Mike Newton was watching Bella as she studiously copied notes from the overhead while Mr. Banner droned on.

_I wonder what she'd say if I asked her to the homecoming dance with me, _Mike wondered.

It would have been humorous, had it been any other girl, but Eric was thinking the exact same thing.

Edward was unaware of the low growl he let out until he noticed Bella flinch, even as she turned to look at him with wide eyes. He berated himself, pulling a smile onto his face.

"It's nothing," he whispered. "A stray thought I didn't like. Everything's okay."

Everything was not okay, he thought, watching as his seat mate turned back to the teacher. He had a sinking feeling that tomorrow more than one boy was going to ambush Bella and ask her on a date.

***************

Bella was silent as Esme drove her to school. The driving lessons with Carlisle were slowly but surely building her confidence in handling a car, but she was nowhere near ready to drive to school. Alice chatted with her from the front seat but Bella was only able to half pay attention to the conversation.

"Alice, that doesn't count," Esme's voice broke into Bella's thoughts as she tuned back into the world.

"How does it not? Bella agreed and I'm going to hold her to that," Alice argued, twisting in her seat to look at her sister. "Right, Bella? You did say that I could give you a make-over this weekend. Do you want red or pink nail polish?"

What? When had she agreed to this? Bella frantically cast her thoughts back, trying to remember the conversation and what she might have said. Her dread grew as she was just able to recall Alice saying something along the lines of a manicure and pedicure.

"We'll talk about it later, Bella," Alice promised, grinning at her sister as they parked in front of the school. "Just think of it as something to look forward to when you get home."

Bella pulled herself from the car, returning Esme's worried goodbye half-heartedly. She needed to figure out how to get out of the torture time Alice had just promised her. Distracted, she pushed through the throng of students towards first period English.

***********

"Alice, what-"

"It'll keep her distracted long enough to get to English and settled in," Alice interrupted. "After that it's all her."

Understanding now, Esme pulled back into traffic, promising herself that she and Alice would work quickly while in Seattle. Hopefully they'd be finished and on their way back home well before school let out.

************

First and second period wasn't so bad, Bella thought. The teachers had lectured throughout the entire period so talking amongst the students had been discouraged. Angela had walked with her, as usual, to History. Ben, one of Angela's friends, had caught up with them outside of the classroom and informed them that they would be choosing partners for a project. Angela had immediately asked Bella to be her partner, so she was able to turn Jessica down when she had asked.

By Spanish, though, Bella's nerves were frayed. Word seemed to have spread quickly that the Cullens' weren't in school, only Bella. She had already ducked into the girl's bathroom twice and waited till the last minute before dashing to class, in an effort to avoid having to talk to anyone. She mechanically scrawled answers to the test Mrs. Goff had sprung on them, accidently flipping verbs on two answers. She could only stare at the clock as the minute hand did its inexorable march to the time that would mean class was over.

Bella hung back even as the other students scrambled out the door when the bell rang, slowly placing her things in her backpack. She had no desire to eat, let alone sit in the cafeteria, even though Angela had invited her to sit with her and her friends. Stomach churning, she thought of entering the cafeteria, knowing that people would be looking at her.

Her phone chirped, signaling a text. She found the message to be from Alice, instructing her to go to the Biology room. Complying, Bella could only breathe a sigh of relief when Mr. Banner ushered her into the room, stating he would be in his office if she needed anything.

Moving to her usual desk, Bella pulled Wuthering Heights from her bag, flipping to the correct page before settling in to read. She barely acknowledged Mr. Banner when he stuck his head in to say that he was running to the teacher's lounge for just a moment.

***********

"Bella!"

Bella stopped breathing as he head snapped up, watching Mike enter the Biology room. She looked around, hoping Mr. Banner had returned from his vending machine trip. Her hands started to shake as she stuffed them under the desk, hoping it wasn't noticeable.

"Hey, glad I found you," Mike continued. He was at the corner of her desk now, settling on the edge and smiling down at the girl before him. He had hoped to find her alone so he could talk to her. It was so rare that any of the Cullens' left her alone. This was perfect. He could talk to her and ask her to the home coming dance, and neither Edward nor Emmett was around to interfere.

"So, listen, I, um…homecoming's next week," Mike stammered. "And, uh, well, there's a dance. And, um, I was wondering, if maybe you'd like to go…with me," he clarified, staring at the table top instead of meeting Bella's eyes.

Silence.

"I mean, well, if you aren't going with anyone else. I know several guys are hoping you'll go with them," he trailed off, chancing a look at Bella. She didn't look so hot, he noted. Her already pale face was white, and…was she shaking? What was wrong with her? Was she sick, and that's why she was in here instead of the cafeteria?

"Bella?" Thoughts of trying to score a date to the homecoming dance fell away as his concern grew. What was wrong with her?

"Bella, are you okay?" Mike asked, leaning over, placing one hand on Bella's shoulder.

At the contact her head snapped up, her eyes wide and frightened.

"Don't touch me!" She shrieked, pushing back in her chair, standing so fast her seat fell to the floor in a clatter. She stumbled back a few steps, tripping on her feet and falling to the floor.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"No, no, no, nonononono," Bella chanted, scooting backwards on the floor till she hit the back counter.

"Bella?"

"Mike!"

The blonde haired boy spun at his name. Angela ran into the room, taking in the scene before her before moving to her friend's side. "It's alright, Bella, it's me, Angela," she soothed, even as she turned to stare at her classmate. "What did you do?!"

"Nothing, I swear!" Mike raised both hands in the air. "All I did was ask her to the dance and she started freaking. What's wrong with her?"

"Go find-" Angela was cut off at Mr. Banner's appearance.

"Mr. Banner!" she cried, pulling the teacher's attention. "Mr. Banner, something's wrong with Bella."

The teacher moved swiftly to Bella's side, reaching one hand out in concern. His hand fell limp at his side when Bella cried out, scrunching herself as far away as possible. "It's okay, Bella. Angela's going to help you to the nurse's office, alright?"

At the older man's nod, Angela stood, tugging on Bella's hands. She came willingly, her eyes still wide as she cast her gaze around frantically, trying to see everywhere at once.

"This way, Bella. We'll get you to the office and you can lie down while we call your parents," Angela kept up a mindless litany of words as she walked with her friend to the office, Mr. Banner and Mike trailing behind.

***********

Mrs. Cope looked up in shock at the procession that came through the office door.

"Angela! And Bella! What happened?" she asked, moving from around the counter. Her raised voice pulled Mr. Smith and Mrs. Lyle, the Vice-Principal, from their offices. A babble of conversation broke out around the two girls, Mr. Smith finally powering his way through.

"Ms. Weber, please bring Ms. Swan to my office," he directed. "Bruce, what happened?"

Mr. Banner shook his head helplessly. "Bella was in my classroom, reading. I told her I'd be right back while I ran down to the teacher's lounge to get a drink. I came back to find her, Angela and Mike in my room, with Bella like this," he gestured to the still shocked girl.

"I see. Ms. Weber?"

"I went looking for Bella when she didn't show up for lunch," Angela said, looking up from her seat on the couch. "She was on the floor and Mike was with her."

"Mr. Newton, care to explain yourself?"

Mike looked up, swallowing hard. "I didn't do anything. I went to find Bella and ask her to the homecoming dance. She all the sudden just freaked and wouldn't say anything other than 'No'. What's wrong with her? Is she sick?" he asked anxiously.

"Thank you, Mr. Newton, for your concern, but we'll take care of Bella now. I believe you need to be heading off to class," Mr. Smith redirected the teen, waiting for him to leave before continuing. "Ms. Weber, what class do you have now?"

"Biology. "

"Bruce-"

"Of course she can stay here with Bella," Mr. Banner interrupted. "I'm going to head back to class if you don't need me."

"Thank you, Bruce," Mr. Smith said. "Mrs. Cope," he turned to the older woman who was hovering in the doorway, "if you could be so kind as to find Dr. Cullen's phone number and bring it to me," he directed. "Ah, Shelley, good," the relief in the Principal's voice as the school counselor appeared was evident. "Something has upset Ms. Swan. If you could please sit with her while we get hold of Dr. Cullen, I would appreciate it."

***********

Carlisle and Rosalie had sequestered themselves in his office on the pretense of having a private father-daughter lunch. The day had progressed smoothly, albeit some tedium having been experienced as Rosalie was subjected to an infantile introduction of the medical field as part of the 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day' experience. Rosalie was seriously contemplating returning to medical school and completing her residency, a move she knew Carlisle supported.

The phone ringing interrupted Carlisle as he was explaining a surgery technique.

"Dr. Cullen," he answered, his smile fading when he heard the voice of the school principal.

Rosalie listened in unabashedly.

"Dr. Cullen, this is Marcus Smith at Forks' High. Bella is in my office right now. She-"

"She isn't hurt?" Carlisle broke in.

"No. She appears to have had some type of panic attack. She's fine, but she refuses to speak to any of us," Principal Smith elaborated.

"I'll be there in just a few minutes," Carlisle promised, hanging up.

**************

"We're lucky this happened now and not in the morning," Rosalie commented, watching Carlisle open the throttle and let the car run.

"I want to know what happened," Carlisle replied grimly. "I don't care when. "

Rosalie stared at the man who pretended to be her father, her head tilted consideringly. "You really are in dad mode with her, aren't you?" she wondered, secretly pleased. He and Esme had to use them as substitutes, but really, how much parenting could one vampire do to another? Especially when the six 'children' in question had been alive for a century or longer?

"Rosalie – "

Despite the seriousness of the moment, Rosalie could only smirk at the exasperation in Carlisle's tone.

"It isn't a bad thing," she insisted. "Bella needs parental figures. We look close enough to her age that she sees us as the teenagers we portray, even though she knows we're older. You and Esme are helping her regain her trust in adults."

Touched by her words, Carlisle didn't reply, instead choosing to focus on the road leading to the high school.

**************

Mrs. Cope was expecting Dr. Cullen to be worried when he finally appeared. She wasn't expecting him to practically tear the door from the hinges as he strode quickly into the room, his gaze sweeping the small space even as he called out for his daughter.

"Bella?"

"Dr. Cullen!" Mrs. Cope hurried from behind the counter. "She's in Mr. Smith's office," she stated, leading the way down a short hall. "Marcus, Dr. Cullen is here," she called out, standing to one side so Carlisle could enter the small space, trailed by Rosalie.

Carlisle took the room in quickly. Bella was seated on a couch, her knees drawn to her chest, her face buried. A teenage girl sat beside her, and the principal and an unknown woman hovered off to the side.

"Dr. Cullen," Mr. Smith greeted, forcing a strained smile. "Bella's safe, as you can see, but we can't get her to talk about what happened. This is Angela Weber, one of Bella's classmates that brought her in," he explained.

"Marcus. Thank you for calling me. What happened?"

"It appears that Bella was having lunch in the Biology room. One of her classmates apparently entered the room and said something that upset Bella. Ms. Weber here found her as it was happening, and the teacher whose room she was in escorted the two of them here. "

Carlisle nodded, moving to kneel before Bella. He hesitantly reached one hand out, resting it gently on her shoulder. "Bella?"

*************

Bella was vaguely aware of voices coming from the people around her, but it was as if her hearing had been turned down. She couldn't see the room around her. All she could see was the small little room that James used to 'entertain' his guests, his words echoing in her head. 'I'm glad I found you, Bella. You're just too sweet to pass up.'

No. She wouldn't go back to that. Esme and Carlisle had promised her that she was safe. But parents always said things to their kids to keep them from being upset. They couldn't be with her all day, every day. The first time she was on her own, and she messed it up. A boy had come after her. Surely they would listen and realize she hadn't encouraged him, right? She didn't even WANT boys around, Edward, Emmett and Jasper excluded.

All she wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed and forget this day had ever happened. She wanted Esme to fix her favorite for dinner, for Alice to try and talk her into letting her play Barbie Bella. She wanted her family around her. They wouldn't act like anything was wrong or try to ask her questions she didn't want to answer.

She wanted her mom. She'd give her a hug and kiss on the head and let her simply be. She wanted-

A soothing male voice managed to penetrate the cocoon of silence wrapped around her. Her name was all he said, the caring and concern pulling her up, refocusing her thoughts. This male voice only meant safety.

****************

Carlisle sighed when Bella's head snapped up, her gaze zeroing in on him. She launched herself into his arms, wrapping her own tightly about his neck.

"Carlisle!"

Carlisle pulled his daughter to him, making shushing noises. He knelt on the floor, rocking Bella gently, uncaring for once as to what the humans around him thought.

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you home," he murmured, readjusting his hold so he could stand with Bella in his arms.

"I'll drive," Rosalie offered, snagging the car keys from Carlisle's coat pocket.

"Dr. Cullen, thank you for coming so quickly," Mr. Smith began. "Is there anything…" he trailed off, unsure as to what to offer.

"No, thank you. I think we'll just get her home and see if she'll talk about what happened," Carlisle said, striding from the room, Rosalie following.

*******************

Alice cursed, pulling Esme's attention away from the crown molding she was affixing in place. It was odd to hear such a word pass Alice's lips, and Esme knew at once it had something to do with Bella.

"Alice? What happened?"

"Of all the idiotic things to do," Alice muttered, rubbing her forehead in frustration. "Why can't teenage boys have a better grasp of body language?"

"Alice," Esme said patiently, interrupting her daughter's ramblings. "Is everything alright?"

Alice sighed, putting her hand down and looking at the other woman. "Mike Newton cornered Bella and asked her on a date."

"When? How is she going to handle this?"

"It was a snap decision on his part," Alice frowned, annoyed. "It's already happened. All I can see now is Carlisle carrying her into the house."

Esme was already packing up her tools. "She'll be okay till we get home?"

"Yes. Actually," Alice paused, searching the future, a smile appearing briefly, "this might turn out to be a good thing for Carlisle."

Used to her daughter's cryptic statements, Esme only sighed and reached for her car keys.

************

Carlisle settled on the living room couch with Bella tucked into his arms. She had yet to relinquish her death grip, one hand fisting in the hair at the nape of his neck. He was reasonably confident he could handle whatever was to happen, but a large part of him was glad his wife was on his way home. He was afraid that when Bella finally emerged from her fugue she wouldn't want any comfort he could provide. Once again the brief wish that Bella and Rosalie were closer crossed his mind but he dismissed it, instead choosing to focus on what he could do for Bella.

Rosalie had disappeared as soon as they entered the house, the sound of the dryer kicking on seeming odd. The answer came about fifteen minutes later when Rosalie reappeared, a blanket in her arms.

"She's already shivering," she stated brusquely, tucking the blanket around Bella as Carlisle shifted her in his arms. "I'm going to be in the garage," she added, leaving Carlisle to his thoughts as he rocked the teenage girl in his arms.

***************

Carlisle was thankful when Bella finally subsided into slumber, her muscles relaxing and her arms falling from around his neck. He readjusted her position, tucking her arms down and wrapping her more firmly in the blanket. The sleep talk, when it began, was almost a relief. Perhaps he would be able to glean some understanding of what was going through Bella's head from her disjointed words.

"No."

Carlisle sighed, hoping the nightmare would be brief.

"No….away….stop!" Bella shuddered, her head twisting as she fought to escape the demons in her dreams.

"Shhh. Bella, you're safe. I swear," Carlisle murmured, hugging his daughter to him and smoothing her hair.

"Don't-" Bella whimpered, burying her face further into Carlisle's chest.

"No one will hurt you again, Bella." Carlisle prayed his words would reach the slumbering girl.

The sigh of relief that came when the sleeping girl's breathing evened out was barely audible. Carlisle continued to stroke Bella's hair, knowing she found it calming when Esme would do so. Carlisle frowned, his thoughts turning to other family members. It was unlike Alice to not have told someone about what would happen. She had assured Esme and him that she would keep an eye out for any possible trouble Bella might encounter, so what had blocked her sight of the future? Odder still was the fact that neither she nor Esme had called to check on Bella once he had picked her up from school.

Pulling out his phone, Carlisle stared at it, indecisive as to whether to call his wife or not. She was several hours away and would be upset that she wasn't here, but he knew she would also be upset to return home, thinking everything fine, only to find out otherwise. Decision made, he opened the phone, only to receive a text before he could dial.

_Saw too late, half hour away. Everything okay._ Alice's text answered several questions.

Bella chose that moment to begin speaking again, her words flooring Carlisle.

"Dad…Emmett's cheating…make…stop," Bella mumbled.

"I will," he promised.

*************

Bella woke in her own bed, the blankets tucked tightly around her. She turned her head to see Esme on the window seat, a book in her lap. She set aside immediately, hurrying over to the bed.

"Did you have a good nap?" she questioned, perching on the edge of the bed.

Bella nodded, biting her lip. She turned her head away, not wanting to meet Esme's gaze. What would she say to her?

"Bella." Esme waited patiently, repeating her daughter's name when she wouldn't look at her. "Bella, are you okay?" She reached over and gently turned Bella's head to face her when she only nodded in response. "Bella, I need you to talk to me. Please, tell me what happened," she begged.

Bella pulled herself into a sitting position, leaning against her pillows. She began hesitantly, picking at the edge of the sheet.

"I was in the Biology room while lunch was going on; Alice had told me to go there and the teacher didn't mind," she started. "Mr. Banner had to leave for a minute. Then… then, um, Mike came in and started talking to me. He said something that reminded me of…him, and I…I freaked out," the words rushed out.

Esme watched Bella scrub angrily at the tears that were falling, pausing only a moment before pulling the sobbing teen into her arms. "Shhh. It's okay, Bella. It's alright, I understand now."

"Mike and Angela probably think I'm weird now," Bella whispered.

"I think they'll understand," Esme disagreed.

"But what will I tell them?"

"You don't HAVE to tell them anything," Esme stated. "Though if you want to tell them something, you could simply say that you were reminded of something from your past and it upset you," she offered.

Bella thought for a moment. "I don't want to talk to Mike," she finally decided. "But I could tell Angela."

Esme pulled back, wiping a stray tear away. "Whatever you want to do. Just tell us what we can do to help."

*************

Jasper looked between his two brothers. They were both radiating eagerness and anger. It was an odd combination, and he knew it wasn't excitement about the coming school day that had Emmett all but vibrating where he sat.

_What is the deal?_ Jasper thought, quirking an eyebrow at Edward.

"Emmett and I are both going to have words with Newton," Edward explained.

Jasper thought for a moment, knowing Edward would be willing to go along with the plan when he laughed. He turned to explain the plan to Emmett.

"Newton will be expecting the two of you to say something. It's my turn to remind him that Bella has another brother that would be happy to pound him into the ground for upsetting her," Jasper smirked.

"And we'll still be able to glare at him and make him jump at our every move," Emmett gloated. "I'm in."

*************

Jasper monitored Mike's emotions every time he was within view of his brothers, smiling to himself at the sudden spike in anxiety. It was nearing the end of the day and Jasper was lounging against the wall next to the gym doors, on the pretense of waiting for Emmett. In the end, he had decided to take it easy on the poor boy. Numerous reasons could be listed, not least of which was the risk he was taking confronting a human. His control had gotten better since Bella had come to live with them but he still didn't trust himself.

The top reason though he had decided to merely provide a gentle warning was the feelings he sensed from Mike when he looked at Bella during lunch. The teenage boy had felt not only guilt but also worry whenever he would look over at their table, and he snapped at another classmate when they went to tease him about not asking Bella out.

_  
Did he tell anyone?_ Jasper asked.

Edward had frowned, speaking softly so Bella wouldn't hear. "No. He doesn't want her to be embarrassed."

Emmett had chimed in. "Damnit, why did he have to go and be nice like that? Now I almost feel sorry for the kid."

Jasper straightened from his slouch when his target came in to view. He knew Newton saw him and knew why he was there immediately, the hunching of his shoulders giving evidence, even if his emotions hadn't been palpable.

"Mike," Jasper called, waiting for the boy to approach.

"Um…yeah? You, um, need something, Jasper?" Mike stuttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking everywhere but at his classmate.

Jasper sighed to himself. He couldn't bring himself to say anything too harsh to the teenage boy. He might have been an idiot for not being better at reading people, but he had acted honorably by speaking with the principal and not speaking of this to anyone else.

"Thank you for not mentioning Friday to anyone," he said, meeting the other boy's gaze when he finally looked up.

"Um, sure, no prob. I, uh, well, didn't see why I should say anything to anybody," Mike stammered. "She's…Bella's okay, though, right?"

"Yes."

Mike nodded, turning towards the locker room.

"Oh, and Mike?" Jasper called. "We understand it was a mistake, but if you ever intentionally upset Bella, well…" he trailed off, knowing Emmett was now lurking behind him, appearing as menacing as possible.

"Right, got it," Mike squeaked out, fumbling with the door to the locker room before managing to open it and dart inside.

Emmett laughed, clapping his brother's shoulder. "I can't believe you took it easy on him. Ah, well, there's always gym," he said philosophically, heading into the gymnasium.

**************

Coach Clapp was home ill, so it was open gym. The substitute instructor was more than content to allow basketball and volleyball games to go on, so long as the students behaved. Those that opted out were assigned to walk. Alice and Bella were circling the perimeter, discussing plans for the upcoming weekend.

To be honest, it was more Alice talking and Bella humming along non-committaly, but Alice always felt that anything less than outright disagreement constituted assent. The petite woman was actually waiting for Bella to buck up her courage and follow through with the decision Alice had seen while in History. She knew what Bella had told Esme on Friday but something had changed over the weekend. She knew Bella had already spoken with Angela and apologized for her behavior, though the other girl refused to see that there was anything to apologize for. She had instead spoken encouraging words and had traded phone numbers so that the two girls could discuss plans for their History project over the phone.

They were at the end of class, most of the other students already heading into the locker rooms before Bella finally found the strength she had been looking for.

"It'll be fine, Bella," Alice reassured her sister, offering her a hand in encouragement. Bella took it gladly, and Alice turned her body so that it wasn't immediately obvious to anyone that Bella was squeezing her hand as tightly as she could.

"Mike?"

At his name, the blonde haired boy whipped around, disbelief marring his features. Alice could have laughed at the quick look he gave the gym, no doubt looking for Emmett's hulking form.

"Yeah?" Mike's voice cracked, making him blush. "Um…you need something, Bella?"

"I," Bella took a deep breath, blurting out the words she had rehearsed mentally. "I'm sorry for the way I acted Friday. I, I didn't mean to freak out on you."

"Oh, hey," Mike rubbed a hand through his hair, looking down at the gym floor. "Not a problem. I didn't mean to surprise you like that. Um…have you thought about what I said?"

Bella's flinch was subtle. "I…I can't. Sorry. Um…bye, Mike," she rushed out, turning and hurrying for the girl's locker room.

***************


	15. Chapter 15

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 15

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R/NC-17

Chapter Rating:PG

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe. The talented Stephenie Meyer does. I'm just playing.

Thanks to Megami for being an awesome beta, and thanks to JokesOnJane for my wonderful banner. Yes, Jasper is a bit OOC, but he demanded it, not me. And for those that have been dying to have more Edward, here you go. He refused to take turns and hogged several scenes.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked" Bernard Meltzer

"True progress quietly and persistently moves along without notice." St. Francis of Assisi

************

"Bella?"

The quiet teenager turned to look at her classmate while they walked to History together. It was a week and a half since she had her breakdown, and she was waiting for Angela to decide she didn't want to talk to her anymore. Edward knew her fears and reassured her that the other girl had nothing but friendly feelings for her. Alice had chimed in that she saw the two of them growing even closer. It only marginally stemmed the fear that her friend would abandon her.

"I was wondering if you wanted to maybe come over tomorrow after school and get started on our History project?" Angela continued, easily dodging groups of students congregating between classes.

"I don't know," Bella began.

"My mom will be home, and so will my brothers," Angela hurried to add. "I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind calling your mom, if that's what you're worried about."

Would they mind if she went over to Angela's? Bella was fairly sure Esme wouldn't mind. But then someone would have to come get her.

"I'll ask," Bella promised, sliding into her seat.

************

Edward watched as Bella and Angela rushed up the stairs to Angela's front porch, in an attempt to stay as dry as possible. Esme and Carlisle had both okayed Bella not only going to the human girl's house to work on school work but also her staying for dinner. He had offered to take the two girls to Angela's after school, in order to save them from the driving rain. He also wanted to give Bella the chance to change her mind, should she have any doubts.

It was odd, he reflected. A year ago the thought of a human in their house would have been strange enough. A human doing mundane things such as fixing dinner and showering incomprehensible. Yet now the thought of Bella not moving about the house, her steps stuttering as she tripped, the smell of dinner cooking, was unwelcome. How had such a tiny, frail, human girl wrought such changes in their lives?

"You're worrying for no reason, Edward," Alice broke into her brother's thoughts. "Bella will be fine. This is only her first trip to Angela's. It's good for Bella to have some ties to the human world. Angela will help her heal just as much, if not more, than we will."

Edward sighed. "And how much will this harm her when she has to say goodbye and never see her friend again? You know-"

"I know more than you think," Alice interrupted. "And you need to stop borrowing trouble. Just be glad that Bella has a friend, Edward."

Edward sighed and turned the car towards home.

***********

There was some awkwardness, the first few moments, in Angela's house. It had been years since Bella had a friend. The strong part of Bella knew that she could relax with Angela. The other girl would not press her for answers or even ask uncomfortable questions. She would follow Bella's lead. She could be trusted.

The part that continuously whispered to Bella to not trust others, to shy away from companionship, was growing weaker, but the familiarity of the voice was such that she couldn't help but listen to it occasionally. She was afraid that she was going to do something that would upset Angela and make her wish she had never asked Bella to be her partner.

Bella trailed the other girl through the house, noting the various toys strewn around living room.

"My twin younger brothers," Angela explained. "Mom had to take them to Port Angeles to get some new winter clothes, but she'll be back in about an hour. I think she's going to make hot roast beef sandwiches for dinner. You want anything to drink?" she asked, heading into the kitchen. "We've got soda, water, juice, milk…." She trailed off, opening the fridge door to peruse its contents.

"Water's fine," Bella replied, looking about the kitchen interestedly. It was nothing like their kitchen at home. The fridge was decorated with drawings obviously done by much younger children, held up with magnets in the shape of letters. The gloomy weather outside was no match for the cheerful décor and warm colors. The appliances were older but everything was well cared for. It was nothing like the state of the art kitchen she was used to, but both had the same aura that spoke of family.

"We can go up to my room," Angela broke into Bella's musings.

"Sure," she agreed, and turned to follow her friend up the stairs.

************

Being an only child, Bella had never really been around younger children. Angela's two younger brothers had immediately taken to her and had tried to pull her into the living room to play with them after dinner. Dinner had been an interesting affair, the boys shouting occasionally and insulting each other, and Angela's mom trying to referee.

It was certainly different than her usual dinner. It was also odd to not be the only person eating. No one watched her with veiled fascination.

It was nice.

She was waiting for Carlisle to pick her up. He had been detained at the hospital and had offered to stop by and get her on his way home to save Mrs. Weber from having to come out. The knock at the door came faster than expected, Angela hopping up from her perch on the couch to answer the door.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen," she greeted, gesturing for him to come in.

"Hello, Angela." he replied, standing in the doorway. "Is Bella ready?"

"Right here," Bella answered, slipping behind Angela to pull on her shoes. "Thank you for letting me come over," she turned to say to Angela's mother.

"You're welcome anytime, Bella," she replied warmly. "Have a good night."

Bella automatically headed for the passenger side of the car, stopping short when Carlisle called her name.

"Bella? Would you like to drive home?"

Yes.

"But I've never driven at night before," Bella said, ignoring her first thought. She wanted to drive. She knew vampires didn't really get tired, but surely Carlisle wanted to get home.

"There's always a first time for everything," Carlisle replied, dangling the keys enticingly. "You'll be fine," he promised.

Bella's smile was answer enough.

*********

Emmett was helping Rosalie in the garage when Bella pulled in, one hand stuck under the car to act as a jack. He grinned as she got out, announcing, "I knew it had to be you, driving, Bells. It was that or Carlisle finally decided to start driving like the old man he is."

"Bella drives fine for just learning, Emmett. We aren't all pretending we're in a motor cross race," Carlisle admonished, waiting for Bella to enter the house before turning back to the young man before him. "And that reminds me…cheating at video games, Emmett?" Carlisle berated. "You already have numerous advantages over her and you still choose to cheat. Emmett," he sighed, breaking off.

"What?!" Emmett cried, almost losing his grip on the car.

Rosalie managed to snake a hand up to catch the vehicle before it could fall on her, her hiss of annoyance pulling her husband's attention back to his job.

"Sorry, babe," he apologized, turning back to Carlisle. "How'd she find out?"

"I told her," Edward's voice interrupted.

Both men looked over to see him leaning against the door frame, his arms folded across his chest.

"And I showed her a few tricks that even you don't know," Edward added.

"Traitor," Emmett muttered.

"Traitor?" Edward scoffed. "How so?"

"I can't believe you told Bella I was cheating," Emmett explained. "AND you tattled on me to Carlisle."

"Bella's the one that told me," Carlisle interjected.

"What?" Emmett narrowed his eyes. "I don't believe you."

"She did," Rosalie finally joined the conversation, sliding out from under her car and sitting up. A smudge of grease was smeared along her cheek. "I heard her. Of course, she was talking in her sleep, so she doesn't even know she told Carlisle."

"Regardless," Carlisle stopped whatever Emmett was about to say, "I know you take your big brother status seriously, Emmett, but please don't abuse it."

Emmett grumbled but agreed.

*************

Bella moved about the kitchen, preparing a late dinner. Esme and Carlisle had gone to Seattle for the night, intent on having a date. Edward, Emmett and Jasper were also in Seattle, but were attending a football game, and planned on heading up into Canada afterwards for a day hunting trip. That only left herself, Alice and Rosalie in the house, and the silence was odd. She knew the other two were somewhere around the house but absent were the usual sounds of the television, or even a radio.

Bella was dicing chicken for a fajita recipe she had found when Alice's voice sounded behind her.

"Bella-"

Startled, Bella jerked her hand, whirling to face Alice. Her face was strangely tense, her nostrils flaring once even as she choked words out.

"Rosalie, I need you in the kitchen."

The urgency behind the words, as well as her focused gaze on Bella's hands had the teenager looking down.

The world spun.

The slice across her index finger was rather deep, blood already pooling in the cut. As with all wounds, it hurt more once Bella noticed it. The sharp tang of blood caused her stomach to revolt even as she broke out into a cold sweat. The knife clattered to the countertop, her fingers having gone numb and loosened their hold. She looked up to see Alice taking one hesitant step towards her.

"No! Stay away from me!" Bella shrieked, stumbling back into the counter behind her. Her knees went weak, dropping her to the floor. All she could smell was the blood in the air, her stomach churning as she fought to keep its contents down.

Rosalie appeared in the doorway, her face hard as she took in the scene before her. Alice had control of herself for the moment, her chest unmoving as she held her breath. Bella was on the ground, her increased heartbeat only causing the blood to flow faster. Her breath was coming in shallow pants, and briefly Rosalie hoped she would pass out. It would make it easier to care for the wound if Bella wasn't fighting her.

"Bella, let me see," she ordered, moving to kneel next to her sister.

"No! Get away!"

"Bella, I'm not going to attack you," Rosalie tried to reason. "I need to see the wound to decide if you need stitches."

"No! I, I…" her face crumpled as she swallowed heavily.

"You're going to be sick," Alice spoke up, having already seen what was to come and having removed the small trash can from the downstairs bath. She was just in time, Bella's stomach refusing to hold onto its contents any longer. The sharp reek of bile hung in the air, both vampires wrinkling their noses.

"It's okay, Bella," Alice soothed. She had regained control of herself, thankful she had decided to hunt yesterday with Jasper before he left. Bella was slumped on the floor, the cold marble feeling wonderful against her skin.

"Alice, get her a cold washcloth," Rosalie ordered, moving to pick up Bella's hand. "Bella, I need to see your hand-"

Rosalie bit back an impatient snarl as Bella whimpered and pulled her hand closer to her chest. She tried again, reminding herself the girl before her had been tortured by vampires after her blood. It helped, only slightly. Why couldn't Bella have done this when Carlisle was around? She was sure he would have been allowed to care for the wound already, and she knew he would have been able to provide the comforting words needed.

Thinking of her father figure gave her an idea.

"Bella, if I call Carlisle and he tells you that it's okay for me to take care of your finger, will you allow it?" Rosalie asked. She really didn't want to have to use force on the girl to get her to hold still.

Bella stared at her for a moment before nodding in agreement. Thankful, Rosalie pulled out her phone, hitting the speed dial for Carlisle.

"Rosalie? What's wrong?" Carlisle answered.

"Bella has a rather deep cut on her finger," Rosalie started. "She won't let me see it and I think she needs stitches. Will you tell her it's alright for me to care for her?"

"Put her on," Carlisle ordered.

************

The moment his cell phone began to vibrate in his pocket, Carlisle's stomach had clenched. The feeling of dread intensified when he saw Rosalie's name on the caller ID. Something had happened to Bella.

"Rosalie? What's wrong?"

His words pulled Esme from the bathroom where she was styling her hair. They had planned on going to the symphony, then dancing, a welcome break from their typical Saturday night. Both listened as Rosalie outlined the situation.

There was a brief moment of silence as Rosalie tried to hand the phone to Bella and a clatter as apparently the phone was dropped.

"Hello?"

Bella's soft whisper was barely audible.

"Bella, I need you to let Rosalie look at your hand," Carlisle instructed, hoping the urge to follow commands was still strong enough to allow her to accept help. "She isn't going to hurt you. In fact, Rosalie has been to medical school, so she knows what she's doing," he added, inspired.

Silence stretched across the line.

"Bella? Bella, I can come home right now, but it will take me at least an hour to get there. We need to get the bleeding stopped as soon as possible." Carlisle was already gathering car keys and wallet as he spoke.

"No," Bella's voice grew stronger the more she spoke. "You and Esme…have a date," she panted, her heavy swallow quite audible. "I'll be okay."

"You'll be okay when you let me clean up that hand," Rosalie interjected.

"I – I can do it," Bella insisted.

"You're about to pass out. Now let me see your hand."

Carlisle broke into the fight. "Bella, Rosalie is right. She won't hurt you. Let her take care of your hand. I'll be there as soon as possible."

Silence stretched across the line. Carlisle strongly wished he could see Bella's face. She was so expressive with her features, he could have easily figured out what she was thinking.

"Keep your date. I'll be…okay."

"Bella, sweetheart," Esme took the phone, "you don't have to try and handle everything yourself. Let Rosalie put a dressing on it and we'll be home soon.

"No! Rosalie can take care of me," Bella insisted.

Husband and wife shared a look.

"We'll only give her the impression that we don't listen if we head home early," Esme murmured.

"Alright, Bella. We'll see you in the morning. Call us if you want us to come home," Esme ordered, saying good bye then closing the phone.

***********

Rosalie stared at the girl before her. Blood was spattered all over her shirt and the floor, the wound still dripping sluggishly. She shook her head, moving to settle on the floor next to Bella. Carlisle's medical bag was already open and the supplies laid out.

"You'd argue the color of the sky," she murmured. Bella's vitals still hadn't stabilized, her breathing almost a pant as she looked everywhere but at her hand.

"Don't…wanna….interrupt," Bella muttered.

Silence descended as Rosalie blotted the cut, holding pressure for a moment to stop the bleeding. The edges of the wound gaped, indicating stitches would be necessary.

"Bella, I'm going to give you a local," Rosalie instructed, pulling out a vial of Lidocaine. "You need some stitches and this will numb the area. All you'll feel is a little bit of pressure while I'm working."

Bella chanced a look down at her finger, her stomach tightening as she stared at the wound. She nodded once, closing her eyes and turning her face away. Rosalie worked in silence, injecting the anesthetic and insuring Bella could feel the area before beginning to sew. It only took three stitches, the skin lining up neatly. She finished her work by applying an antibiotic cream and gauze dressing, taping the absorbent cloth securely.

"Finished," Rosalie announced. "It will probably hurt a bit once the Lidocaine wears off but Ibuprofen should be enough. Why don't you take some now and we'll finish up dinner," she offered. Hopefully Alice would help her cook. She detested handling human food.

"'M not hungry," Bella muttered.

"You need to eat," Rosalie contradicted. "Now, what were you fixing? This?" she asked, holding up a recipe.

Bella sighed and nodded.

**************

There was no hint of blood in the air when the three male vampires returned home from their trip. Rosalie had informed Emmett of the mini-emergency when he called to say that they would be home in a few hours. Edward and Jasper had of course heard, and both had decided to hold their breath when they first entered the house, despite Rosalie and Alice's assurances such an action wasn't necessary.

Of Bella there was no sight. Jasper exhaled first, smiling ruefully to his wife as he acknowledged that she had been correct. Edward followed suit, turning to frown at Rosalie.

"What happened?" he asked, wanting the images that would accompany her thoughts more than the actual words.

Knowing this, she complied, but also spoke aloud for Emmett and Jasper's benefit. She quickly outlined the event, making sure to comment on the hardheadedness Bella had displayed.

"She puts you to shame," Rosalie concluded, smirking at her brother.

"It's a good sign, that she's beginning to argue with us," Jasper spoke up. "Though perhaps we should dull the blades a bit?" he suggested. "Having her scent around constantly has helped, but if she were to do that when I'm around," he trailed off, his eyes darkening slightly at the thought.

"Or maybe we should just make sure we don't surprise her when she's handling sharp objects," Carlisle said, stepping into the room. "That's twice now, Alice, that you've surprised her while she was in the kitchen. The first time she broke a glass. Now she's cut her finger. We all need to be careful to make noise like a human if we're approaching from behind," he lectured, sweeping everyone in the room with a glance.

Everyone murmured in agreement before scattering to their preferred pastimes.

*********

Edward sat in his usual seat in the cafeteria, only half paying attention to his siblings' conversation. Angela had flagged Bella when they had exited the lunch line and Bella had headed over immediately to see what her friend wanted. He shamelessly eves-dropped, his eyes narrowing as he caught the thoughts of several of the boys also seated at Angela's table.

"Bella, mom and dad are taking Sam and David out trick or treating, but I'll be staying home to hand out candy. Do you want to come over and hang out with me? We can watch some movies, maybe get some more of our project done," Angela asked.

"Um, sure," Bella replied. "I'll ask Esme to see if it's okay."

Jasper caught Edward's attention by calling his name mentally.

_What's up? You just went all tense._

"Nothing," Edward growled. "Just a little something I'm going to have to take care of soon."

"Stanley still crushing on you?" Emmett asked, elbowing his brother playfully. "Maybe if you kissed Jasper at lunch she'd get the hint you aren't interested in her."

"Oh yes, that would help," Alice replied sarcastically. "Then the rumors that I'm not only sleeping with Jasper but having a ménage a trios with him and Edward would spread like wildfire. Why doesn't he kiss you instead?" she suggested.

Edward cut off the argument. "I'm not kissing any of you. I'll deal with this problem," he reiterated, carefully not correcting his family's assumption.

**********

He felt a bit like a stalker, Edward admitted to himself. Here he was, perched on a tree branch near the Weber's house, monitoring the thoughts of any human that came close to the house. So far he had only heard the expected, children wanting as much candy as possible, and their parents mentally lamenting the amount of sugar their offspring would devour before bed.

The periods of inactivity found him musing on Bella's progress. He had expected otherwise, but school had helped immeasurably with her self esteem. She was moving easier now and would speak up for herself more. Crowds still tended to bother her, he noted. He, Carlisle and even Jasper had scoured psychology text books in an attempt to prepare themselves for every possible outcome.

That she had made it this far without significant intervention was a miracle and a blessing. Having Jasper able to run interference with some of her stronger emotions, and Alice able to predict things that might set her off or upset her had also helped tremendously.

Meanwhile, he had been useless. Unable to read her mind, even at times unable to be in the same room, he had been able to contribute nothing to her recovery. Even Rosalie had helped more than he had; her history and the fact that she was female had allowed Bella to let her in slowly. All he had done was stick his foot in his mouth at every turn and sound like an idiot the few times he had let himself talk to her alone. He wasn't surprised that he was the last of the family she would turn to for help. For god's sake, she trusted Jasper above him! True, she didn't know the difficulty Jasper had with the close proximity of humans, but still…

Well, at least he could help her from afar, he reasoned. He could protect her, even if it was only from the sophomoric pranks their classmates found amusing. And speaking of…his eyes narrowed as hushed whispers met his ears.

"You got everything?" Tyler Crowley.

"Yeah, yeah, we're good to go."

Edward glared into the darkness. Mike Newton. Something needed to be done to get the boy to leave Bella alone. He tracked their progress through the woods, their flashlights beacons in the darkness to his sensitive eyes.

"Man, that wind is creepy," Eric Yorkie muttered, giving Edward an idea.

He swiftly fell from his perch, stalking the three boys as they stood in the woods and contemplated the house before them.

"So a few eggs thrown at the side, then you're going to knock on the back door while I knock on the front, right?" Tyler clarified, passing the egg carton to Mike.

"Yup. They're gonna freak!" Eric was entirely too gleeful at this idea for Edward's liking. He moved at vampire speed, the darkness hiding any movement that would have been visible to the human eye. All the three boys felt was the sudden gust of wind as it circled them.

"What was that?"

"Nothin', man. Stop freaking yourself out," Tyler said, even as he looked around apprehensively.

Crouched several feet behind them, Edward let loose a low growl, the sound traveling well.

"There's somethin' out here," Mike's voice was almost comical at its high tone.

"What're you gonna do, run home?" Eric taunted, even as he moved closer to his friends.

Edward chose that moment to run past them again, once more growling. That proved to be too much for the three teenage boys. With a shout, they abandoned their plan, running for the road and the safety the streetlights provided.

Content, for now, Edward resumed his watch spot, monitoring Angela's thoughts. The girls had noticed nothing out of the ordinary, their voices continuing smoothly as they debated the poor fortune of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth.

********

Alice was waiting for him on the porch when he finally returned home.

"Good job," she congratulated her brother. "All three boys are convinced something is in the woods and is out to get them."

"They deserved it," Edward refuted, striding into the living room. "I don't understand why teenage boys think teasing and tormenting a girl they like is an acceptable showing of affection. They're like second graders pulling a girl's pigtails to get her attention."

"You still did a very good thing," Alice praised, bouncing up to place a kiss on his cheek. The odd conversation pulled the family downstairs.

"What are you talking about, Alice?" Jasper wondered. His wife had been a contradiction in moods this evening, alternating between amusement, annoyance, affection and joy. She had refused to tell him what was going to happen, but apparently Edward was the root of her vision.

"Tyler Crowley, Mike Newton, and Eric Yorkie though they would be funny and try to scare Angela and Bella this evening," Edward growled. "So I turned the tables on them."

"Is that why you were in such a foul mood earlier in the week?" Emmett wondered.

"Yes," Edward confirmed.

"You could have told us," Emmett complained. "It isn't fair you got to terrorize humans and we didn't. Next time you'd better tell us," he demanded.

Edward rolled his eyes. "You'll be the first I tell," he said. Emmett chose to ignore the tone in which the words were spoken.

*************

Of course Carlisle and Esme found out about the Halloween incident, both unsure as to whether they should encourage such behavior or scold Edward. In the end they had shrugged. He was more than a hundred years old. There was only so much they could say without treating him like the teenager he was pretending to be.

By unanimous agreement, no one mentioned to Bella what had transpired that night. She had returned the next morning, having spent the night, unaware of Edward having watched over her evening. She had asked Esme if perhaps Angela could come over in a few weeks, hesitantly bringing the subject up.

Thrilled that Bella was growing more comfortable with their family dynamics, Esme had enthusiastically agreed, even promising to drive the girls to Seattle for the day if they wished.

*************

Jasper watched as Alice and Bella played on the Wii. For once, being a human seemed to be an advantage. The rest of the family tended to move too fast for the gaming system to keep up, so they usually scored lower or had more faults. At the moment, his wife was boxing with Bella, both laughing as the comical figures on the screen bobbed and weaved according to the controllers.

An idea sprung into his head, both funny and worrying for its possible outcomes. He considered the possibilities a moment longer, looking up in time to see Alice turn to wink at him before turning back to the screen. Taking that as a sign he should proceed, he planned everything out, patiently waiting until he could speak with Alice regarding the specifics of his plan.

***********

Carlisle gratefully turned on to the gravel drive. While vampires couldn't grow physically weary, there were times that his job wore him out emotionally and mentally. Today had been such a day, and he was looking forward to going home and simply wrapping himself up in the comfort he always found in Esme.

He prayed to god, quite sincerely, that everyone had a good day and there would be no fights tonight. He couldn't handle it.

The garage was empty, all the cars save Rosalie's convertible absent. He could hear the T.V. on, though, as well as Bella's heartbeat. It was increased, he noted, and pausing to sample the air, fear and adrenaline were abundant.

Then Bella spoke and his mind cleared of all other concerns, save getting his daughter to safety.

"Jasper! Jasper, stop!" Bella cried, her breaths coming in pants.

"JASPER!"

Carlisle was out of the car and into the house by the time the second syllable of his son's name crossed Bella's lips. He didn't even pause to assess the situation. He hurriedly took in the fact that the two of them were in the living room. Jasper was mere feet away from Bella and he knew she wouldn't be able to escape.

Leaping the distance, Carlisle tackled Jasper about the waist, the two of them skidding into and through the glass panes that over looked the backyard.

"Jasper! This is Bella," Carlisle wrestled himself so that he was on top. "Stop breathing!"

The man under him was oddly complacent, not fighting back at all.

It would be hard for him to fight back, Carlisle noted, since he was laughing so hard.

"Jasper…what…" what in the world was going on? Carlisle wondered, loosening his grip marginally.

"Your face!" Jasper wheezed, his humor leaking out, causing the other man to release his hold and slide to the side.

"But – you – I," Carlisle stammered.

"Carlisle? Jasper?" Bella called, standing in the living room, her Wii controllers dangling by their safety straps.

"Oh, I hope Alice caught all of that," Jasper laughed, the sound deep and infectious, even without his talent.

Carlisle stood up, dusting his hands on his pants leg. "I'll just be calling the glazier," he stated calmly, moving back into the house and past Bella, ignoring her questioning look.

************

"I can't believe you pulled such a prank!" Emmett laughed, high fiving Jasper. "Play it again!" he ordered.

"Out of all of everyone, YOU were the last one I would suspect of such a thing," Esme scolded Jasper, catching Rosalie in her peripheral vision. "Well, the two of you," she amended.

"That wasn't a very nice thing to do to Carlisle," Bella defended, still unable to help the smile that she wore as she watched the video. Alice had hidden several cameras about the room in order to catch all angles and they were currently viewing the best video.

"Thank you, Bella. You're now my favorite child," Carlisle replied, glaring at the others.

"I warned you about hijinks," Alice sang, giggling as she watched the video of her husband crashing through glass once more.

"Those weren't the kind of hijinks I was suspecting," Carlisle grumbled. "Taking one of the cars joyriding, yes. Skipping class and getting caught, certainly. Setting it up so it sounded like a family member was killing another, absolutely not."

Esme was appalled but couldn't help but find the humor in the videos. "The best pranks come from the one you least expect," she intoned, outright laughing at her husband as he shot her a look of annoyance.

Edward watched, as always, from the corner. Alice and Jasper both had been very careful to not think of their plan around him. He was confused and upset equally. How could Jasper joke around about him taking the chance of harming Bella? And if Jasper, of all people, could do something like this, why was he still holding back?


	16. Chapter 16

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 16

By: Lady Saffir

Chapter Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight Universe, Stephenie Meyer does.

Thanks to Megami for her wonderful help tackling tricky plot questions and JokesOnJane for my pretty banner. :) I will give warning that this chapter is being submitted without being beta'd, so any glaring problems are all my fault.

Note: We're now roughly in the first week of December. And oops, I goofed on Mr. Banner's name. It's Bob, not Bruce. So no, Mr. Banner is not the Incredible Hulk. I'm just an incredible idiot. 

"What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now."

"Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a sister." Alice Walker

************

"Something's wrong," Esme fretted, casting a quick glance at the ceiling. Bella's dreams had abated significantly in the past few months. She was able to easily interact with their family and was becoming more outspoken regarding her wants and needs. But now the dreams were returning with a vengeance and she had retreated into the quiet solitude of her room almost every day for a week, shunning offers to spend time with the family.

"She won't talk to me. She just keeps repeating that she's fine. Carlisle," Esme trailed off, turning into her husband's welcome embrace as he hugged her tightly.

"We'll get her through this," Carlisle promised.

**********

"Maybe she has SAD?" Emmett suggested.

"What?"

"You know, Seasonal Affective Disorder? Maybe this is just her reacting to winter coming."

"I don't think that's it," Edward scoffed.

"Well, what's your idea, Mr. I've Been to Medical School Twice?"

Edward sighed. "It could be any number of things. For all we know, she's just upset over getting that C on her Trig test."

"This is a really sucky time for you not to be able to read her like everyone else."

"Thank you, Emmett. As if I wasn't already aware of the lack of help I've been able to provide," Edward turned to glare at his brother.

"Will you please both stop arguing?" Alice asked. "Neither of you are helping."

"I'm sorry, Alice," Edward apologized. "I just hate feeling useless."

"You aren't useless," Alice refuted, slipping down to sit next to her brother. He pulled her into a hug, the two of them frowning off into the distance.

"Jasper, Edward's hitting on your wife," Emmett razzed.

Jasper's snort was quite audible, even though he was upstairs in his study.

"I am NOT…"Edward trailed off, breathing heavily through his nose. "Do you try and be this annoying, or does it come naturally?"

"It's a talent," Emmett boasted. "Now, are we gonna figure out what's up with Bells or not? And why can't we just ask her? It would make fixing whatever it is a lot easier than us trying to guess."

"Oh, yes, that won't upset her at all. I can just see it now," Edward mocked. "Bella, we've noticed you regressing into behaviors we thought you were past. Are we doing something that's reminding you of the time you were tortured and abused, and if so, what can we do to make it better?"

"Anything sounds bad when you say it in that tone of voice."

About to retort, Edward stopped as a vision overtook Alice. Esme's image wavered as she walked into Bella's room, finally fading away, leaving only the teenage girl alone in her bed. The vision jumped ahead to show the family, minus Alice and Bella, seated at their usual lunch table.

"Why aren't you going to school on Thursday?" Edward asked.

Alice frowned, searching the vision for any clue. She prodded the vision along, sighing when she finally saw herself entering Bella's room, the girl curled up under her quilt.

"Ah," Edward was mollified. "I'll be sure to get yours and Bella's homework."

The vision jumped ahead to show the two of them sitting and talking, comfortably resting against each other, smiling at some shared joke.

_Finally!_

Edward smiled indulgently. "You have been waiting quite a while."

"Oh, come on! You two do that just to drive me insane."

************

Bella hated this time of the year. True, this was the first time in three years she was absolutely positive of the date, but she had always associated the end of summer and coming of winter as something to be dreaded. It had always taken the warm weather coming again before she knew she had passed that hideous day. At least now she knew when the exact day of her parents' death arrived.

Knowing the date didn't make the pain go away though.

She had slept fitfully, her dreams full of things chasing her, scary enough to keep her from falling deeply asleep yet not bad enough to pull Esme upstairs.

She rolled over to stare dully at the clock. She knew Esme would be coming upstairs any minute to wake her for school. She didn't want to go. Why couldn't she stay home? But staying home meant explaining why she didn't want to go, and Bella didn't want to say the words aloud. She turned over, burrowing her head under the blanket and closing her eyes, wishing she could just fast forward time.

It seemed like only a few minutes had elapsed before she was uncovering her head to look at the clock questioningly. To her surprise, it was nine in the morning. She'd overslept? But why hadn't anyone come to make her get ready for school? A weight shifted at the end of her bed, making her gasp and sit up in surprise.

It was only Alice, perched on the bed, her legs crossed as she stared off into space. Sensing Bella's gaze, she turned her head to offer a small smile in apology.

"You needed to sleep," she offered by way of explanation. "Don't worry, you aren't going to miss anything important today, and Edward is going to be bringing any work we have home with him. Now, would you like to tell me what makes today so significant?"

Bella's shoulders hunched. "No."

"Alright," Alice replied calmly. "Do you want some breakfast? I can run down and get you something."

"No."

"Are you going to speak in one syllable answers all day?"

Anger flared through Bella. Even as she opened her mouth to yell at the other girl, she felt the tears gather, hard and fast. She blinked several times to try and hold them back to no avail.

Alice shifted closer as the first drops fell, stretching her legs out in front of her. She reached for Bella, her hand continuing on even after Bella muttered 'don't'. She was relentlessly gentle, tugging her sister towards her, stroking her hair as Bella finally gave in and rested her head on her leg.

Bella's tears fell fast and silent, her breath catching occasionally. They continued on like this for some time, Alice running her fingers through Bella's hair, not attempting to talk or break the silence in any way.

Bella finally snuffled, rubbing one hand angrily against her eyes. She didn't want to sit up and look at Alice, see the pity that was sure to be in her eyes. Even so, she tried, stopping at the gentle pressure Alice exerted to keep her head down.

"Please talk to me, Bella," Alice pleaded. She had seen that her sister would need to stay home, and that someone would need to sit with her. The vision at first had shown Esme, her compassion allowing Bella to talk about her parents. She would have gone on to stay quiet and withdrawn for several days, not emerging from her funk for almost a week.

Testing the vision, Alice had replaced herself with Esme. The outcome was exactly what she had been hoping for. Although she was the first of the 'younger' Cullens Bella would turn to or talk with, their friendship had yet to grow like Alice had foreseen. She was being greedy, she knew, denying Esme this mothering moment, but she wanted her friend. Esme had already cemented herself in Bella's heart as her surrogate mother. She wanted her chance to do something, even if it was only listen.

"We were going Christmas shopping," Bella began slowly. She bunched the quilt up in her hand, fisting it tightly with the remembered pain. "Me, and mom, and dad. We were at the mall all day; my dad hated shopping but went along to be a pack mule for mom. I took turns going with each of them. I would help mom pick out things for dad, and she'd drop hints if she saw something she liked. I'd tell dad when I was with him. It was just like every other year," she continued slowly. "I…I didn't notice anything different. The mall was crazy, people constantly bumping into other people."

"Then we went home and unloaded the car and I went to bed."

If she didn't have the advantage of seeing the future, Alice would have been afraid that Bella was going to pass out. Her breathing had increased, her heart almost pounding out of her chest. She still said nothing, continuing to comb her fingers through Bella's hair. This was a wound that Bella needed to lance for herself.

"When I woke up," Bella shuddered, taking several minutes before she could continue, "He was in my room. He…he had my mom and…he killed her in front of me, drank her blood. I, I couldn't DO anything. It was just a bad dream, I thought, even though I knew I was awake."

"And then he took me and made me his pet. Three years, Alice," Bella's voice was distant, as if relaying a bit of news she'd seen on television. "You know what he did to me. I wanted to die every day. I could have, but…I couldn't do it."

"Bella," Alice sighed, unable to help herself. She bent over and placed a kiss on her sister's temple. "Now I understand why today has such horrible memories for you."

The room was quiet for several moments before Alice spoke again. "Did I ever tell you my story?"

Bella shook her head, still lying against Alice's thigh.

"I don't remember my human life," Alice began. "For most vampires, the human memories are very dim, but there. They can recall things from their past. For me, though…all I can remember is darkness. I don't even know if Alice is my real name."

"But-"Bella sat up, scrubbing at her eyes even as she looked at Alice in amazement. "How-what-"

"I woke up on the banks of a river. I had no idea where I was, or who I was, but I knew one thing."

"What?"

"I could see Jasper in my mind and knew he was meant for me," Alice smiled at the memory. "It took some time for me to track him down, but once I did, we traveled together, searching for Carlisle and his family."

"What happens to the human memories?" Bella asked. By now she was sitting up, knee to knee with Alice.

"The memories are dim and will fade over time, but they're still there. We can make them stronger if we try to focus on the memories. Carlisle isn't sure why I can't remember my human life, but it doesn't matter so much to me." Alice's smile was serene. "I knew that I would have a family and Jasper, so my past didn't matter so much."

"I wish I could forget my past," Bella whispered.

"Even if it meant forgetting your parents?"

Bella's breath caught.

"No, I don't want to forget them," she sighed. "I just want to forget…" she trailed off.

"All the bad stuff?" Alice suggested. "That's understandable, Bella. But removing all the horrible things would take away from who you are today. You have to accept that everything that has happened to you so far has brought you to where you are today. I am sorry for what you had to endure, Bella," Alice leaned over and took one of Bella's hands in her own, "but it brought you to us."

Bella wiped several tears away. "I still don't know why you guys want me as part of your family."

Alice sighed. "Bella, I thought we were past this. We love you and we don't care about your past. You've heard our pasts, so why would you think that would change our feelings for you? I know you don't see it, but you fit so well into our family. We love you and we want you to be happy. I think you could ask for the moon and we'd fight over who would be the one to pull it down for you," Alice teased, laughing as Bella blushed.

"Would you do something for me?" Alice asked abruptly.

Bella nodded hesitantly.

"Would you tell me about your parents? Things you did as a child?"

The familiar pain of thinking of her past had Bella pausing. The ache was old and duller than it had been but still had the power to make her breath catch. Did she want to open the well of memories? Looking into Alice's face, she thought it worth it. She could share her parents with her friend who couldn't remember her own.

************

"He pulls that look off very well," Alice commented.

"Hmmm."

"You don't like the long hair, tall, dark and dangerous look?"

Edward and Jasper both stopped in the doorway to the living room. They had just returned home from school and found the two sisters on the couch. Jasper was surprised to find his wife, her head pillowed comfortably in Bella's lap. The two were watching a movie, both relaxed and at ease as they critiqued the action on the screen.

"Hey Jazz, Edward," Alice greeted. Bella turned her head and smiled tentatively at the two men.

"Alice. Bella," Jasper replied, settling himself at the other end of the couch and moving his wife's feet so they were propped in his lap.

************

Esme watched Bella while she prepared dinner, curious as to what had transpired during the day. Bella was still quieter than usual but she didn't seem as stressed and upset as she had yesterday. What had Alice said or done that had brought her daughter back?

From her vantage point she could easily see into the dining room where Edward was explaining the day's homework assignment to Bella. Something had changed there as well, she mused. No longer did her son hang back as much as he had before, though he was careful to intersperse the number of times he initiated the conversation with simply joining Bella and the other family members.

_Why the change, Edward?_

Her son gave no indication of having heard her, continuing on with his lecture. After several moments and Bella's quiet assurance that she understood the lesson, he joined her in the kitchen, leaning back against the countertops and watching as she layered the sauce over the pork chops.

"I decided if Jasper can interact with her normally, I had no excuse," Edward said.

_Ah. I wondered if that might have had something to do with it._

"Besides, there might come a time when I'm the closest to her and I don't want her afraid to ask for help," Edward defended his decision, crossing his arms as he stared off into the distance.

_Mmmm._

"And now you're humoring me," Edward pushed off from the counter, wandering into the living room. He felt himself pulled to his piano, his fingers lovingly tracing over the keys as he seated himself. It had been quite a while since he played and he began with Esme's song by way of apology.

_Thank you, Edward._

He acknowledged Esme's thought with a small nod. When he finished with her piece, he moved on to the song he had written all those months ago as he watched Bella sleep. He had only played the piece a few times since it had first come to him, each time the melody bringing him peace.

"What are you playing?"

There was only the faintest of pauses as he fumbled the fingering of the next few notes. It wasn't enough that Bella would have noticed the gaffe, but Esme certainly did. Edward chose to ignore his mother's speculation as to why he had stumbled and instead chose to focus on answering Bella's question.

"Just a little something I wrote," he replied easily, unwilling to divulge its name. Even Esme didn't know that he had named it, only aware of the inspiration behind the song.

"You wrote this?" Bella stared at him in awe. "And the song before, did you write that as well?"

"Yes. I wrote it for Esme," Edward added. "Would you like to play?"

"No," Bella replied quickly. "No, I…I need to finish my homework," she explained, retreating back to the table and her books.

Edward watched her go, a part of him wishing she had taken him up on his offer.

************

It was several days before Bella was totally back to her usual self, and each day the tension level in the Cullen household went down several notches. It was odd, Jasper mused, just how tightly woven into their family fabric Bella had become in such a short time. He knew the stress level the others were feeling wasn't from the family being afraid of upsetting the human in their midst, but rather everyone simply wishing they could do something to provide a balm to her wound, as they would with any of the others.

He and Alice were stretched out on their bed, taking time to simply relax. Alice was tucked into the crook of his arm, her head resting on his chest, one hand idly drawing patterns on his chest. He tucked the arm not currently wrapped around his wife under his head, drawing in a deep breath and the relaxed, content feelings Alice was emanating.

"How are things now?" Jasper questioned, knowing Alice would know of what he spoke.

She giggled, raising her head up to look at him. "We'll be just fine by mid morning," she replied.

Wary now, Jasper raised an eyebrow. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," came the too innocent reply.

"Are you baiting her?"

"I don't know what you mean. I simply did something that I would do for any family member."

"Mmm. Does Bella know this?"

"I don't know that it has been brought up in conversation before, no," Alice answered. The previously random tracings of her hand became more deliberate, their path causing Jasper's breath to catch.

"So long as she won't be looking for you until morning," he said, pulling his wife up for a kiss.

********

Bella stared in confusion at her closet. Somehow, in the course of a day, her closet had been exchanged for that of a stranger. Gone were her loose and comfy tees, her relaxed fit jeans. Instead the hangers were full of clingy blouses and tops that Bella knew hadn't been there yesterday.

Puzzled, she stepped back, looking around the room as if expecting the missing clothes to suddenly appear. A knock at her door had her moving to answer it, blushing when she saw Edward there.

"Hi," she said cautiously. Was she late? Turning back to look at her clock, she saw there was plenty of time before they needed to leave for school. What did he need then?

"Good morning," Edward replied. He knew Bella was wondering why he was at her door and chose to point her in the right direction. "Just think about who would do something like that," he ordered, stepping back from the doorway as enlightenment dawned.

***********

"ALICE! GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES!"

The stomping (and tripping) of Bella down the stairs had everyone pausing in their morning activities.

Jasper sighed, stepping over to stand next to his wife.

"Afraid she's going to hurt Alice?" Emmett asked.

"With the way she's feeling, she might try."

"Bella, why would you want those old clothes back?" Alice tried to reason with her sister. "You've already worn them several times."

"Nothing was wrong with them, Alice. And I don't like what's in the closet," Bella glared. She was now only inches from the petite woman, one finger pointed warningly. "Give them back now."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why not?"

By now Rosalie had been pulled downstairs, smirking at the spectacle of Alice, partially hidden behind Jasper, while Bella fumed.

"I gave them away."

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Now, really, Bella," Alice tsked. "In case you haven't noticed, no one in this family wears the same thing more than once or twice. Time and fashion wait for no woman."

"I don't care. I want my clothes back."

"I guess you'll just have to go shopping and replace them," Alice stated serenely. "In fact, why don't you take Angela with you? The four of us could go to Seattle, do some Christmas shopping."

"Alice…." The single word was long and drawn out, Bella's voice practically a growl.

"Perhaps this conversation can be continued after school? We need to be leaving soon," Edward suggested.

Bella shot another glare at the petite woman before turning and stalking up the stairs. The rest of the family watched her go, Edward raising an eyebrow as he turned to stare at Alice.

Alice returned his look, rolling her eyes as she gave up her mock annoyance. "I can't be too mad at you right now, but you pull another stunt like that…" she trailed off, thinking of the various things she would do in retribution.

Edward raised his hands in surrender. "My lips are sealed."

************

"That's a really pretty top," Angela commented, taken aback when Bella scowled. "What's wrong?"

"Alice stole all my clothes and replaced them," Bella muttered, turning to shoot her sister a dark look.

"Oh." Angela tried to find something positive. "Still, it must be nice to have a sister who will do something like that," she offered.

Bella snorted. "You can have mine, then. Rosalie wouldn't do something like this," this last statement was directed at Alice.

"You'll get used to it in time, Bella," Alice replied serenely.

************

_Something isn't quite right_, Carlisle thought. He had entered the house to find it in its normal state, everyone scattered and pursuing their various interests. Emmett and Jasper were watching a basketball game, alternately cheering and booing their teams' actions. Alice and Rosalie were working together on the computer, and Esme was upstairs in her studio. Bella was seated at the dining room table, her homework spread before her.

Carlisle studied the scene a moment longer. It was…too quiet, too normal. _Dear god, now what do they have planned?_

Edward snorted, drawing Carlisle's attention. "Nothing that I'm aware of," he replied, he and Jasper both smiling at the relief that coursed through their father.

"Edward, could you help me with my Trig?" Bella asked.

"I'll do it," Alice offered.

Bella sniffed. "I'm still not talking to you."

_Ah, that's it,_ Carlisle realized. Bella's typically staid expression was replaced with a glower when she looked over at Alice. "What did Alice do, Bella?"

"She stole my clothes."

"At least she replaced them," Emmett reminded her. "One time she took all of my clothes and didn't leave anything in its place."

"Stop saying that! She stole the clothes _I_ picked out and didn't ask my opinion," Bella was vehement.

"Alice," Carlisle started. "You shouldn't-"

"You always take her side," Rosalie interrupted.

"I do not always take Bella's side," Carlisle refuted.

"Yes you do," came the reply as a chorus.

_What happened to the group of adults that used to live here?_ Carlisle wondered.

Edward coughed, trying to hide his laughter.

"Alice you should have given Bella some warning that you do things like this on a routine basis. Bella, Alice has always felt the need to play the part of personal shopper for the family and she isn't about to change that. I'm sorry she did it without telling you but it's something you'll have to live with. You'll need to work it out with Alice, regarding what clothes she will and won't touch," Carlisle lectured. "Anything else?"

Emmett raised his hand. "I got a speeding ticket the other day, ninety in a forty-five zone," he offered, grinning as Carlisle stared at him before turning and pacing up the stairs.

*************

The week before Christmas and the start of winter break found the family moving about the house, decorating for the holidays. Esme was happy she could finally bake Christmas cookies and someone in the house would eat them. Usually she baked several dozen and donated them to a local shelter, and she planned on still doing so, but this year she had Bella to assist. They were in the kitchen, preparing to ice the first batch, when Alice wandered in.

"Can I help?"

"Of course," Esme replied, handing her a tube of red frosting. Bella was already spreading a thin layer of white frosting across the tops, methodically ensuring the icing went to the edges.

The three women worked together easily and the first batch was half finished when Alice paused, her eyes focusing on something in the distance. From upstairs came Edward's groan, even as she announced, "We're going to have visitors for the holidays."


	17. Chapter 17

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 17

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R

Chapter Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe. That would be the talented Stephenie Meyers.

Thanks to the wonderful Megami for looking over every chapter and giving honest feedback. And yes, I realize this chapter is short and it stops at a horrid place, but that was where the chapter wanted to end. Bella was done with me poking around in her head for one day. That and this chapter would end up almost 30 pages long, so it was split. Sorry! Also, for those of , I can only send you sneak peeks if you log in so that I can reply to your review.

"To suffering there is a limit; to fearing, none." Francis Bacon, Sr.

************

"Thank you for the call, Tanya. I appreciate the notice and for being able to inform you of our newest family member," Carlisle spoke into the phone. "We'll look forward to seeing you in a few days."

Hanging up the phone, Carlisle turned to regard Esme as she stood in the doorway.

"How is everyone?"

"Provided Kate isn't in a mischievous mood, everyone is well," Carlisle replied. "Apparently she's been working on controlling her ability again, much to everyone's dismay. And Irena has found her mate," he continued.

"She is bringing him, I hope."

"Tanya said that she is and that they'll be arriving a day or so after the others. He apparently wants to stop in Seattle and see an old acquaintance first."

********************

Bella stared at the clock, knowing that Carlisle's friends were to arrive any minute. Despite the repeated assurances that the Denali coven would be nothing but friendly, Bella had her doubts. She was sure they would question why Carlisle and Esme had taken her in. There were still times that she questioned their judgment in the matter, even though she was happy to be a part of the family.

At least Edward didn't seem too thrilled about their company, though he had insisted he would be glad to see everyone. His fist had flexed several times when anyone mentioned Tanya. When Emmett had begun to tease Edward about where Tanya would keep her luggage the picture had become complete. Apparently this woman kept making advances on Edward, even though he had rebuffed her.

Bella frowned. Anyone that would try to push themselves on another person didn't deserve to call the Cullen family friends. She would try to keep an open mind but she had a feeling she wasn't going to like Tanya much.

********************

The Denali coven had spilled through the doorway in a flurry of activity, greetings and embraces exchanged rapid fire. It had been some time since the two families had seen each other and everyone was more than happy to make up for lost time. It was several moments before everyone realized that two of their numbers were missing.

"Where's Bells?"

"Up in her room," Alice replied. "For that matter, so is Edward."

"Edward's in Bella's room?"

"No, I'm not in Bella's room," Edward's exasperated voice floated down the stairs. "We'll be down in a minute."

The party moved into the living room, everyone seating themselves even as they continued to talk. Esme kept half an ear out, listening as Edward tried to coax Bella down the stairs, his feet continuing on alone when she murmured an excuse about needing to use the bathroom first. Esme smiled at Edward as he moved into the living room, slipping past him and up the stairs.

Esme paused at the open door, looking in to find Bella standing at the back wall, staring out into the darkening forest. Her arms were wrapped around herself, one hand idly playing with a lock of hair. The tense set of her shoulders told Esme everything she needed to know.

"Is everything alright, Bella?" Esme asked softly.

Bella whirled at Esme's voice, attempting a reassuring smile. "I'm fine. Really," she insisted, at Esme's skeptical look.

Esme knew better than to listen to the words. The tight skin around her daughter's eyes and her elevated heart rate betrayed her nervousness. She moved swiftly across the floor, reaching out and pulling Bella into a hug, thrilled, as always, when the gesture was returned. "What's bothering you?"

Bella pulled back, staring at Esme for a moment. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then hesitated, thinking better of it. She disentangled herself from Esme, reaching over to her desk to retrieve a pen and notebook. She scribbled a short note, holding it up for the older woman to read.

'Do they know?'

Esme bit back a smile at Bella's way of avoiding the others in the house from hearing their conversation. She took the pen and wrote her own answer, handing the notepad back.

'Only that we saved you from another vampire and that you're aware of our true nature.'

Bella stared at the paper, biting her lip. After a moment she wrote another question.

'What if they don't like me?'

Esme couldn't help the chuckle that slipped past her lips. "We have yet to find anyone that has that problem," she smiled.

Bella wrote one short word.

'Rosalie.'

"And she told you why she had issues in the beginning. Bella, sweetheart, it will be fine," Esme reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind Bella's ear. "Now, come downstairs and meet everyone. I have a feeling you and Kate are going to get along wonderfully."

"Why?"

"She can be a prankster," Esme admitted.

Bella unthinkingly groaned aloud, flushing when laughter rang out. She and Esme rounded the corner into the room, the teenager automatically checking her gait at the curious gaze of so many strangers. Esme kept her arm about her shoulder as she introduced Bella to everyone.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet Tanya, her sister Kate, and Carmen and Eleazar," she pointed out the seated individuals.

"Hello," Bella greeted everyone, flushing under the scrutiny of the new vampires. They returned the greeting pleasantly, easily able to see her unease with the attention. Kate turned to Emmett and began to argue about various football teams and their play-off chances, while Tanya and Alice began a spirited discussion of fashion.

"Dinnertime, Bella?" Esme questioned. She wasn't surprised when Bella accepted the distraction easily, slipping out of the room gratefully.

******

Esme had come to treasure the ritual of preparing dinner. It was a wonderful way to spend time with Bella, to judge her moods and simply listen. Bella was completely unlike Alice and Rosalie in the way she approached her problems. Her two oldest would let nothing stand in their way, mowing down opposition easily, while most of the time Bella tried to downplay any issues, frowning whenever one of the others would rat her out.

This time, she knew what the problem was but had no real way to fix it. Esme fretted even as she kept her expression easy while she and Bella prepared her meal. How would the addition of so many new vampires affect Bella's recovery? What setbacks should they expect? How would she keep Bella from hiding in her room the entire time without giving a direct order?

The appearance of Kate in the doorway had Esme hoping that perhaps if Bella became acclimated to their visitors in a one on one fashion, she would cope more easily.

"What are you making?" Kate asked, bending down to peer into the oven.

Bella cast a quick look to Esme before answering. "Lasagna."

"Is it difficult to make?"

"Um…not really."

Bella knew she was fidgeting while Kate talked with her, asking her various questions about life and school. What did she want from her? Was she trying to find something to make fun of her?

"Do you think living with vampires has given you a different outlook on the high school experience?"

The question stopped Bella's musings, making swing around to stare at the blonde woman curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, isn't high school supposed to be the prime of your life even while preparing you for adulthood? That's how it's portrayed in movies," Kate mused.

By now the lasagna was finished and Bella had moved to the table to eat, her inquisitor trailing along. Bella hesitated a moment, chewing on her lip as she decided how honest of an answer to give. She started off slowly, her words picking up speed.

"I don't really like high school. Too many people…and they're mostly immature. They don't take anything seriously," Bella replied.

"What? You don't go to any wild keg parties?" Kate teased, her humor falling as she watched Bella's face drain.

"I-I would never," she stammered, her heartbeat picking up as she looked at Esme. "I wouldn't drink, I-"

"Bella, it's okay," Esme soothed, patting her daughter's hand. "We know you wouldn't. But if you wanted to go to parties, we're okay with that. Just promise you'll never get in a car with someone who's been drinking."

Bella was still stammering her denials of wanting to go to any parties when the dining room suddenly became crowded.

"We can get Bella drunk? Sweet," Emmett decided. "Bells, would you say you're more a mixed drinks girl or a beer girl?"

"That would be a bad idea, Emmett," Alice disagreed. She and Edward both trailed into the room, wincing at a vision.

"You shouldn't be encouraging underage drinking," Rosalie scolded her husband.

"I-"Bella's attempt to speak up was lost, as usual, when arguing broke out among the siblings.

"They've perfected their teenage act," Tanya murmured, laughing at Carlisle's aggrieved look.

"Emmett, that isn't what I said," Esme said.

"I-"

"I just want Bella to know that if she decides to go all rebel on us we'll support her and make sure she stays safe," Emmett argued.

"Liar."

"Am not."

"Ha!"

"I don't want to drink!"

Eleven pairs of eyes, ranging in golden hue, blinked in astonishment at Bella's outburst. Realizing she had yelled, Bella scrunched down in her seat but looked determined as she repeated her statement.

"I don't want to drink or party," she reiterated.

"And that's fine. If you aren't going to let Bella eat, the rest of you need to leave," Esme directed.

Kate laughed as she watched everyone trail out of the dining room, now debating the merits of leaving the legal drinking age at twenty-one versus the eighteen it had been several decades ago. "There are no dull moments around this house anymore, are there?" she mused.

Esme could only laugh and agree.

************

Bella was in the kitchen preparing lunch when Edward walked in. Tanya had been pleasant so far, only sneaking in one extended embrace upon her arrival. Her thoughts were also of a non physical nature for now, though Edward was sure that was to change. Not wanting to press his luck, he had escaped to the kitchen under the guise of assisting Bella in preparing her midday meal.

The sound of a car turning on to the drive and minutes later pulling into the garage heralded the arrival of Irena and her mate. Edward was already turned towards the door in welcome when the last Denali sister walked in, a tall man with black dreds following.

Bella's frightened gasp and the clatter of a plate being dropped whipped Edward's head around as he quickly took in her reaction. This was beyond the response she had shown upon the others' arrival. She was shaking, her breathing erratic as she backed away, her eyes wide and fixed upon the man.

Edward moved to place himself between Bella and the others, one arm protectively sweeping her more securely behind him even as he demanded, "Who are you?"

*******

"Ah, that will be Irena and Laurent," Tanya stated, watching the car pull around the house. Almost everyone was in the living room, at ease and talking of inconsequential things.

The spike of fear slammed into Jasper unexpectedly, his entire body going tense. He was halfway to the kitchen, the rest of the family staring after him confusedly, when Edward spoke.

"Who are you?"

Carlisle caught up to Jasper and they reached the kitchen doorway at the same time, taking in the scene hurriedly. Edward was shielding Bella, his muscles taut as he held himself ready to spring at the first sign of trouble.

"What is going on? Edward?" Carlisle demanded. Irena and her mate were motionless, hardly breathing as they waited for Edward to decide the next course of action.

"Ask Bella." Edward's voice was a low growl.

"Bella?" Carlisle thought that perhaps he understood Bella's reaction, though it seemed more extreme then he would have expected. She had tolerated other males much better than this.

Bella swallowed, unaware she was leaning into the safety of Edward's body even as she continued to stare at the newcomers. "Lau…Laurent?" her voice was so weak and soft even some of the vampires had trouble catching the name.

Laurent looked puzzled. "Do we – "recognition dawned as he took a breath. "Bella?"

At his voice Bella whimpered again.

Emmett shouldered his way into the room, angling his body was that he was between Laurent and Edward. Jasper moved slightly as well to obtain a better position, even as Carlisle spoke.

"How do you know Bella?"

Laurent eyed the girl, turning his gaze to Carlisle when Edward snarled. "I knew James."

The name ripped off any veneer of civility the Cullen family was maintaining as everyone positioned themselves to better attack or defend, numerous snarls and growls issued at the newcomer.

"Stop!" Carlisle ordered. "Jasper, if you please."

Jasper fought with his instincts, the need to protect his family warring with the request to provide calm to the situation. He struggled against the onslaught of emotions, working to bring Bella's fear down first. With her in a calmer state, he had a feeling the rest of the family would be easier to settle.

Slowly Bella's breathing and heart rate slowed, the myriad of emotions swirling through the room causing Jasper some difficulty to focus on only one person. Some color had returned to her features, even though she was still tense, one hand clutching at Edward's shirt.

Carlisle stepped firmly in between Edward and Laurent, cautioning his son with his mind.

_Calm down, Edward. We need to find out exactly what happened._

Laurent spoke, keeping his eyes locked with Carlisle's.

"I never harmed the child."

The simple statement didn't do much to alleviate the tension in the air.

"Carlisle, this is not the sort of greeting we expected," Irena spoke. "And what is wrong with the girl? You didn't tell us she was…troubled."

Bella's moan of pain pulled fresh snarls from Emmett and Edward. Jasper redoubled his efforts, closing his eyes to better concentrate. Every time he thought he had the situation under control, someone would distract him. He was grateful when Alice looped her arm with his, her calm allowing him to gain a better grasp of his own.

A blanket of peace settled through the room. Carlisle took a deep breath, turning to Bella. "Bella, I need you to answer me truthfully. Did he ever harm you?"

The tension level in the room decreased slightly when Bella shook her head.

"Perhaps we can all move into the living room," Carlisle suggested, shooting meaningful looks at his family. They reluctantly filed out, except for Edward and Esme. Carlisle shared a look with his wife before following their guests into the other room.

"Bella, you're safe," Esme reassured her daughter as she moved to her side. "Bella?"

Bella's breath fluttered out in a sigh as her legs gave way. Edward spun around easily, catching her frail form in his arms, cradling her much as he would a soap bubble. Her head lolled against his shoulder. Edward permitted himself one short, quick breath, the burn of freesia down his throat not as strong as he would have expected. Was this what Carlisle meant, when he said he distracted himself from the scent of blood? His worry of keeping Bella safe from any real or imagined harm kept his hands gentle as he shifted his grip on her slightly.

"Carlisle?" Esme's anxious tone pulled her husband back into the kitchen where he took the scene in with a clinical eye.

"She just fainted," Carlisle assured Esme. "She's already starting to come around," he pointed out the fluttering of Bella's eyelids. "Go ahead and take her upstairs, Edward."

***********

Jasper shot his wife a quick look as a feeling of joy, quickly repressed, flew through her. Why was she happy Bella had fainted? He touched her hand, raising one eyebrow when she looked. She merely gave a smile and a quick shake of her head before turning back to the matter at hand.

*****************

"She fainted? Is she really that weak?" Irena wondered, taken aback when Rosalie snarled at her.

"If you had any idea of what Bella has been through and survived, you'd know she's a strong person. Though apparently some of us have a very good idea of what she's lived through," Rosalie sniffed, glaring at Laurent.

"Peace, Irena," Laurent soothed, taking his mate's hand. "They've every right to treat me with distrust. I've caused damage to the child."

Emmett straightened from where he had been leaning against the wall. He took one step forward, his hands flexing. "I thought you said you didn't hurt her?"

Carlisle reappeared, one hand on Emmett's shoulder to remind him to calm himself. "Let us hear what he has to say."

Laurent spread his hands, meeting each Cullen's eyes in turn. "While I never touched the child, or tasted her blood, I did not stop James, or remove Bella. So I did cause harm, in a way, would you not agree?"

"Wise words," Carlisle agreed.

"Carlisle, why? Why did you take her in?" Carmen wondered.

"I saw that she would be family," Alice interrupted.

"But how did you get her away from James?" Laurent wondered.

"The Volturi interceded," Carlisle began. A flurry of conversation sprung up around him.

"The Volturi?"

"Why would they come?"

"Do they know? Carlisle, do they know you have a human?" Tanya pressed, her voice overriding the others.

"Of course. Aro permitted us to bring Bella home after Alice showed him her vision."

"They are allowing a human to live with you?" Eleazar sat back, stunned at the revelation. "She will be allowed to remain human?" he demanded.

Carlisle shook his head. "No. Aro is simply allowing us time to heal Bella before she is changed."

"When?"

"After she graduates high school," Alice spoke. "The exact date hasn't been set."

***********

Bella opened her eyes, surprised to find herself in her bed. How…the memory of what had transpired in the kitchen had her gasping and sitting up suddenly, one hand going to her head as the room spun.

"Shhh, Bella, it's okay."

Esme's voice did not provide the balm it usually did. How could she sit there so calmly while that man was downstairs? Didn't she understand? She flinched away from Esme's hand, not seeing the hurt that flashed briefly across the other woman's face.

Bella slid back down in bed, turning on her side to face the wall, her quilt pulled up and tucked around her head. She could only faintly hear Esme talking to her. She closed her eyes, willing herself to not think. She pictured herself outside, surrounded on all sides by the forest, the quiet drip as water fell from above her only companion.


	18. Chapter 18

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 18

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R

Chapter Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe. I'm simply playing with S. Meyer's creations.

Big thanks to Megami for being such a wonderful beta. 

I'm always curious as to how people stumble upon my story. Feel free to let me know how you came to be here. My most sincere apologies for the lateness of this chapter. I hope to return to my usual posting schedule of every other Monday. And for those on , when you receive a reply to your review, that is the signal a new chapter will be out in a few days. Hope that clears things up.

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained." Marie Curie

"I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. " Taylor Caldwell

*************

Edward remained in the hallway after depositing Bella on her bed, his fists clenched at his sides. He was shamelessly rifling through Laurent's head, listening to his thoughts as he was questioned. He could see the truth the man spoke, when he stated he had not harmed Bella or tasted her blood. It was the only thing keeping him alive at this point.

_Edward, does he speak the truth?_

"Yes," Edward replied to Carlisle's thought.

_How to proceed then,_ Carlisle mused, his thoughts drowned out by Esme's.

Edward didn't need Jasper's gift to know that his mother was in pain. He had witnessed through her eyes Bella's flinch away from her touch, as well as her action of rolling away.

_What do I do? The Denali's are family. Do we demand they leave? What can I do to help Bella? How do I comfort her if she won't let me touch her?_

Esme's thoughts continued in this same vein, the turmoil of the position she was stuck in causing her thoughts to repeat.

"Give her time, Esme," Edward's voice was a low murmur, inaudible to the vampires downstairs. "Why don't you go downstairs and help Carlisle," he suggested.

She didn't want to, he knew, even as she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. Esme closed the door softly, staring at the wood as if she could see the room's occupant through the grain.

_Tell Esme Bella will be in her room until evening,_ Alice instructed.

"Alice says Bella will stay in her room until tonight," Edward relayed. "Go down, I know Carlisle wants you."

Esme nodded, moving towards the stairs. She paused. "Aren't you coming, Edward?"

"I think I'll stay up here," he replied, moving to sit by Bella's door.

_Is he planning on doing something? _Esme asked worriedly, sighing in relief when Edward shook his head. _Then why?_

"Just in case," Edward replied.

************

Jasper had dissipated the tension in the living room once it became clear they would not be attacking Laurent out right. He could feel nothing but remorse from the other man, no hint of any desire to attack Bella. But…he was even newer to their lifestyle than Jasper himself. And Jasper knew exactly how much he would have trusted himself to be around Bella after only abstaining from human blood for two years. He still had issue, at times, with the constant swirl of her blood perfuming the house. And he knew that Edward would be constantly monitoring Laurent's thoughts, but perhaps it would be better to remove the temptation for a while.

"That's a wonderful idea, Jazz," Alice spoke up, smiling at her husband.

Used to such seemingly random outbursts by now, everyone waited to hear what Alice had seen.

"How does everyone feel about a game a football? Say, Denali's versus Cullens?" Alice asked.

Wanting the idea to take, Jasper spread his eagerness throughout the room subtly.

"An excellent idea," Carlisle agreed.

"Bets?" Kate asked.

"Of course," Emmett replied. "What'll it be?"

"First to score, winner, final score?" Tanya suggested.

"American football or European football?" Laurent asked. He appeared relieved and eager to take the strange peace offering, now that it seemed he wouldn't be torn to pieces.

"American."

"That reminds me," Emmett cracked his knuckles menacingly. "I promised Bella I'd kick anyone's ass that hurt her."

"Emmett," Rosalie hissed.

"What?" Emmett protested. "I won't be allowed to kick his ass just because, so now I'll have to do it through sports. That's all I'm sayin'."

Rosalie pulled her husband outside, lecturing as they began heading for the clearing they used for sports. "They entire point of this is to get away from that subject," she began, her voice trailing off as they sped away.

"Emmett is very protective of Bella," Esme offered. "Edward, are you going?"

"No; you go ahead. I'll stay here and enjoy the silence," he replied.

Esme hedged, really wanting to be the one to stay with Bella. She had to make it up to her somehow, and perhaps she could find the words Bella needed to hear, if it were only the two of them in the house.

"It's no use, Esme," Alice stated. "I can still see you tackling Carmen and scoring a touchdown."

Amused at the thought of his wife doing a touchdown dance, Carlisle pulled Esme along. "We'll talk on the way," he promised.

*************

Bella wasn't sure how long she remained in her peaceful world of the silent forest, but the constant dripping she was imagining falling from the leaf tips was making her both thirsty and in dire need of the bathroom. She didn't want to leave though, knowing that their visitors would still be in the house. It was the twenty-second, and they were due to stay at until the twenty-seventh, perhaps even until the New Year. Would she be allowed to stay in her room the entire time?

Dragging herself out of her mental world, Bella listened intently, moving the covers back a bit. She had expected Alice to yell upstairs, or hear someone in the room with her. They never left her alone when she was upset. Why would they do it now?

Maybe they were giving her space. Maybe they were all downstairs, talking with their visitors and glad they didn't have a human around. Maybe they were regretting ever taking her in. She had been mean to Esme. And everyone loved Esme, so they'd all be mad at her and she'd ruined Christmas.

The overwhelming fear that the Cullens would no longer accept her had Bella almost hyperventilating, hastily sitting up in bed and crushing the quilt to her chest. What would she do? Where would she go?

The knock on her door had her gasping in surprise.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

Edward's voice didn't sound upset, or mad, Bella noted. Maybe even a bit…worried?

"I'm-I'm fine," she replied. "Where's Esme?" she asked hesitantly.

"She left."

The answer had Bella jumping out of bed, tripping on an errant shoe has she hurried to the door, throwing it open and staring at Edward in alarm.

"She left? But…why? She's not upset with me, is she? I didn't mean it, I-"

The deluge of words tumbled to a halt when Edward held a hand up.

"She's not upset with you, Bella," he began. "She didn't want to leave, but we talked her into going with everyone to play a game of football. She'll be back in a little under two hours."

Bella sagged against the doorframe. "You're sure?"

Edward smiled. "I'm sure. Since you missed lunch, why don't we go downstairs and find you something for dinner?"

Bella accepted the offer, blushing when her stomach growled at the mention of food. As they descended the stairs, she thought of everything she was going to say to Esme when she returned.

*******************

Esme couldn't stand it anymore. She had to get home and make sure Bella was okay. What if she was upset and wouldn't allow Edward to comfort her? She shouldn't have left in the first place. What must Bella think of her, placing a football game above her own daughter?

Peace stole through her body, making Esme turn to Jasper in thanks. Carlisle had paused next to her and had one eyebrow raised, no doubt quite aware of where her thoughts were leading her.

"Shall I say our goodbyes?" The question was more rhetorical, as Alice was already calling a halt to the play and reassigning teams.

"Go on, we'll see you later," Alice waved her away.

Esme gave her daughter a brief hug before grabbing Carlisle's hand and pulling him onto the path that would lead them home.

*************

Esme voiced her fears once more to Carlisle as they brushed through the undergrowth.

"She wouldn't let me touch her, Carlisle," she lamented. "What am I going to do to gain her trust back?"

Carlisle tugged on his wife's hand, lifting it up and placing a kiss on her knuckles. "You haven't lost her trust. This is actually a good thing," he assured.

"A good thing? It's a good thing that our daughter doesn't want me to touch her or comfort her? Carlisle…."

"Esme, this is a step I've been hoping would occur for quite some time."

Esme stopped, pulling Carlisle to a halt. She looked at him as if he had said the world had turned upside down.

"You've been waiting for her to shun my touch for some time now," she re-iterated. She didn't find his chuckle funny at all.

"Sweetheart, the fact that Bella refused your comfort is a sign that she knows you won't abandon her. She can act moody and be cranky with us because she knows we still love her and support her. It's a positive sign." Carlisle cupped Esme's face in his hands, bending down to place a light kiss on her lips. "It might be hard to remember this, whenever she throws a teenage fit and refuses to talk to us, but it's a good thing."

Esme sighed, taking comfort in his touch. "I'll remind you of all of this," she promised.

*************

Edward kept Bella company downstairs, flipping through the various Christmas shows while Bella immersed herself in a book. It was nice to be able to spend time with another person and not constantly know what they weren't saying, he mused. The way she had placed herself to see the river, as well as the frequent looks out the back windows hadn't escaped his notice, and he had promised to give Bella some warning before anyone approached. She had thanked him quietly and turned back to her book.

_I hope she isn't still in her room_.

Esme's mental voice was faint. Edward smiled to himself. He knew Esme and Carlisle would be the first to return, and well ahead of the others.

"Esme and Carlisle will be here in a few moments," Edward stated. He watched Bella fumble her book, finally setting it aside as she rose and stared anxiously outside.

***********

Esme could see Bella standing at the back door even through the dense trees. The sight of her daughter, hands clasped before her as she chewed on her bottom lip had Esme increasing her speed. She was across the river and on the back porch before Bella could register her presence, and the door was open and she was standing before her by the time Bella had taken one step.

"Bella?" Esme knew her voice sounded frantic, but she had to know everything was alright.

"Esme!"

Esme found her arms full of Bella, as the teenage tripped over her words in her haste to get them out.

"Esme, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that, I didn't mean to-"

Esme cut her off, putting one finger against her lips.

"Hush, Bella, you've nothing to apologize for. No, wait," she cut off any attempts to interrupt. "You saw someone from your past and you were upset by this, I understand. This man is a guest in our home and you aren't certain how you feel about that. No one is upset with you. We just want you happy and safe," Esme hugged Bella tightly, enjoying the arms that went around her back.

Carlisle spoke. "We decided on the way back that we're going to ask Laurent to leave. You shouldn't be afraid in your own home, Bella," he added.

Bella bit her lip, wanting to argue that she wasn't afraid but knowing everyone would see through the lie. Why did she have to mess up the visit like this?

************

Laurent held Irina back as the others raced ahead. The game had ended shortly after Esme and Carlisle had left, the general consensus being that everyone should hunt. He knew that the others were nowhere close to needing to slake their thirst but did so in order to not make him feel alone.

He had no idea what his future was to hold, when he first stumbled upon the Denali coven. Their way of life was so unlike anything he had ever dreamed of. Of course rumors of vampires that only drank the blood of animals had circulated throughout their kind, leading to speculations regarding their mental stability. Could vampires be truly crazy? And why were they allowed to live such a lifestyle?

It was luck, he knew, that it was Irina he had first met. She had captured his attention and piqued his interest, which allowed him to stop and truly try her way of life. It was a good thing it hadn't been Kate; they fought as siblings from the first meeting. Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar had welcomed him and given him words of encouragement, but it had been Irina who had anchored him. She spoke frankly of the struggle to ignore human blood, to see them as equals and not animals to be slaughtered on a whim.

And now his past had come back to haunt him. He had never thought a human would survive James or Victoria's attention for any length of time. When he had visited James, Bella had been fairly new, Laurent guessed. While he had thought James' idea innovative, he knew it couldn't last. Someone was bound to take offense to the idea, and he had warned James of this. It was why he had departed so quickly, and had never taken his friend up on the offer to taste the sweetest blood ever.

And now that slip of a girl was living in a house full of vampires and called them family. Laurent was surprised to see that Bella had survived. He would have thought her mental state would have been broken well before now. It appeared she was surviving, even if she still seemed to have problems. And he was one of them.

"That was interesting, wasn't it?" Irina asked, curling herself into his arms.

Laurent stroked her hair, loving the feel of it curling about his fingers. "I don't know that I'll be able to watch football on television again," he agreed. "The players move so slowly."

"And now we have to go back to the house," Irina sighed. "I wonder if the girl will have calmed down by now."

"Irina, I doubt a few mere hours will be enough to settle Bella's nerves," Laurent forged ahead, knowing he was in for a fight. "And I don't think my continued presence will help at all."

"Laurent, what are you saying?" Irina pulled back to study his face.

"Dear heart, the trauma that child has suffered," Laurent broke off, sighing in regret. "Well, I can only imagine. If she is finally healing, my constantly being there will only set her back."

"Surely she understands-"

"It's Christmas, Irina. The first in years she will celebrate. There is time for us to get to know one another when she is a vampire."

Irina huffed, pulling away. "What are you saying, then? We should spend Christmas alone? What of our family?"

Laurent smiled. "How many Christmases have you spent with your sisters? Enough I would think you wouldn't mind missing one. We'll start your present early," he coaxed.

"And what is my present?"

Laurent smiled slyly. "I'll tell you on the way."

************

Esme hated the way Bella's breathing caught and her body tensed when Edward turned to face the river, his face expectant. There was hardly any perceptible loosening when he had reassured Bella Laurent was not among the returning vampires.

Alice danced through the door, Jasper trailing, straight to Carlisle. She linked her arm with his, smiling up at him.

"It isn't going to be a problem," she announced.

Jasper smiled at the relief that coursed through almost everyone in the room.

"Just give him a bit and he'll tell you," she continued. "Edward, please stop glaring at Laurent like he's about to attack Bella."

"I haven't done anything," Edward protested.

"Yet," Alice added, sticking her tongue out at her brother.

It was a little less than an hour later when Edward turned his head sharply to stare outside before turning to face Bella.

"Bella-"

Bella cast a panicked look out the window before rising hastily.

"I-um….I…good night!" she blurted, moving toward the stairs while not meeting anyone's eyes.

Esme pursed her lips, turning to look at Carlisle, before following her daughter upstairs.

***************

Laurent caught the look Bella sent his way as she fled upstairs, Esme at her side. He sighed, patting Irina's hand in comfort when she growled softly at the child's behavior.

"We're going to miss you," Tanya said, surprising Laurent. "Alice has already told us you would be leaving us tomorrow."

"My thanks," he replied, tilting his head in the petite woman's direction. "Yes, we'll be leaving in the morning. I was hoping perhaps we could spend the evening getting to know one another, and allowing Irina the chance to catch up on all the latest gossip," he added, smiling.

"That shouldn't be a problem," Carlisle replied. "And I have to add, that I am sorry that the two of you won't be with us for Christmas. But-"

"But your daughter comes first, I understand," Laurent interrupted.

The remainder of the evening passed, for the most part, pleasantly. Emmett restrained himself to only one more thinly veiled threat, feeling he got his point across after pummeling Laurent during the game. Edward remained downstairs, playing quietly on the piano while occasionally adding a comment of his own to the conversation. Esme had returned to the group after Bella fell asleep. She settled next to Carlisle, aware of every rustle and sound Bella made as she slumbered.

************

The dreams began rather abruptly.

The first indication was Bella's whimper, and Esme was upstairs before the sound died completely. There was a pause as the visiting vampires looked quizzically to Carlisle.

"Bella suffers from nightmares still," he explained.

"Every night?" Carmen asked.

"No. We usually know when to expect them, but they come for no reason we can discern, at times," Carlisle continued.

"The poor thing. Can you give her nothing to ease her slumber?" Eleazar asked.

"She's rather stubborn," the smile betrayed the fact Carlisle found the trait endearing. "She refuses to resort to medicine, for the most part."

"She's more of a suffer in silence type of person," Emmett offered.

"I would hardly call this silent," Kate refuted, frowning up at the ceiling.

Edward continued playing, switching to Bella's Lullaby, listening to the conversation and thoughts around him. "Jasper, Esme would like your assistance," he murmured. He was only half paying attention to the thoughts of his companions, noting the compassion in Carmen's mind as she thought of the struggles they all faced daily.

He should have been expecting the sour thoughts he overheard, but their rancor had to be addressed. His fingers crashed down onto the keys, the discordant notes causing everyone to turn and look at him in surprise. He glared at Irina, beyond being polite. She had insulted Bella too many times for this thought to pass.

"She doesn't need to be committed. It's called PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's fairly common in survivors of abuse. She can't help her reactions, and I assure you this is much harder on Bella than it is for any of us. We can sit here and listen to her pain and have the understanding of why she's in pain, but we can't truly feel her pain, Jasper excluded," he continued. By now everyone was staring at him in amazement. He continued on, not caring. "Yes, we hate having to hear her cries throughout the night, or worse yet, the memories that are still too vivid. But that is because we sit here, useless. We can only offer her support and comfort and time to heal herself."

Edward stood, closing the piano. He ignored Carlisle's silent rebuke and Alice's smile, as well as Rosalie's silent clap showing her appreciation. He ignored Irina's displeasure and Laurent's wish they had never agreed to Christmas. He ignored everyone, even Esme, but he could not ignore Tanya's thoughts. He had turned to leave when she brought him up short, her thoughts so wild he could only swing around and stare, his mouth in danger of hanging open.

"That's...absurd," he all but sputtered.

"Is it?" Tanya arched one eyebrow. _You're quite the ardent supporter, Edward. I'm just curious as to why._

"That's hardly...besides...that's insane," Edward decided. He went upstairs to his room, turning on some music, and ignored everyone's thoughts as to what Tanya had suggested. Some were close to guessing and others wildly off the mark. Esme, he noted, was oddly silent before she went back to thinking of Bella.

He snorted to himself. Tanya was absurd, thinking he was attracted to Bella. He was simply defending her to those that didn't know her as well. That was all.

*********

Alice was once again perched on the end of Bella's bed when she awoke. She had seen that Bella would dally in her room, afraid that Laurent had not left as promised. She had watched her sister and friend sit up in her bedroom, unaware of the attention she would draw from the Denali's. She had seen the way the others would treat her, as if she were broken and fragile, and knew that Christmas would be a disaster and Bella's recovery would be set back severely.

Unhappy with the vision, Alice had made multiple decisions to change that future, envisioning ways for Bella to descend downstairs. She had gone so far as to decide that Emmett would be the one waiting for Bella.

She winced in remembrance. That future had begun as a comedy, with Emmett playing a prank on Bella to wake her, and descended into tragedy, with the downstairs in shambles and their relationship with the Denali's practically destroyed.

So instead she had sent Esme to the kitchen to make waffles and bacon, one of Bella's favorites, and headed upstairs to wait. They had a group outing planned today, the women going on a last minute shopping spree. It was the twenty-third, and the crowds would be heavy, but she had seen that Bella would preserver and make it through the day-incidentally showing her backbone to their visitors.

The first order of business though was to get Bella downstairs and through breakfast.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" Alice chirped, ripping the covers off.

************

"This is turning into the shopping trip from hell."

Rosalie stopped so suddenly she caused Alice to bump in to her. "What did you say?" she asked, incredulous.

Alice huffed. "I said, this is the shopping trip from hell," she repeated. "Tanya has needled Bella so much about Edward's protective nature that she's going to blow up tomorrow at dinner. Bella's afraid the gifts she bought everyone are horrible and keeps making decisions about exchanging the gifts that are getting crazier with each thought. Esme seems to be considering a family ski trip for next Christmas, and I can already see Bella with a cast on her leg. "

"And?" Rosalie asked, knowing there was more.

"And Edward just decided that Esme needs a Porsche and all I can see is it sitting in the garage, unused! She isn't even going to enjoy it," she groused, folding her arms over her chest. "I want to go home."

Rosalie started walking again, her gaze trained upward.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for the flying pigs that should have started as soon as you said this shopping trip was a bust."

"Ha-ha, smartass."

************

Bella moved as quietly as possible down the stairs and into the kitchen, hoping she had evaded Tanya's notice. Yesterday had been horrible. The other woman had asked her questions all day, most of them geared around Edward. How close were they? Did he always act as her protector? Why did she never wear make-up? Weren't teenage girls supposed to wear make-up and worry about their hair? If she wasn't interested in Edward, did she have a boyfriend?

Rosalie had come to her rescue, shoving a sweater into her arms and ushering her into a dressing room. When she had finally emerged, Tanya appeared to have lost interest in her questions, making Bella wonder if she had been told to back off.

Not sure if that was the case, Bella had muttered thanks to Rosalie, which could have been taken as a thanks for the sweater, if that was all she had done.

Bella was brought back to the present as she tried futilely to reach a mixing bowl on a high shelf. She could just barely brush the rim with her fingertips, but was unable to hook the bowl to grab hold. Her back was turned to the kitchen, so the voice, when it came, was a shock.

"Need a hand, shortie?" Emmett teased, laughing when Bella let out a surprised squeak as she whirled. He moved to her side, hardly extending his arm to reach the bowl in question. "Here ya go. Making anything good?"

"Fajitas."

Emmett frowned. "I'm pretty certain Mexican isn't a traditional Christmas meal," he mused. "Is it?"

Bella shook her head.

"Then why have it? I thought it was ham and turkey and a ton of desserts and side dishes."

Bella shrugged, her answer soft. "It's easier to make fajitas for one than to make an entire Christmas meal."

"Nope, not good enough," Emmett decided, taking the bowl back.

"Emmett!" Bella protested. "I don't want a big meal. Give that back."

"Nope. You're having a traditional meal, even if I have to eat with you."

"That's gross. You'll just have to throw it back up later."

"So?"

"That's wasteful."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Yeah, cuz the food budget is really tight around here."

About to retort, Bella was interrupted when Tanya entered the kitchen, amusement written on her face. "This is quite the sibling argument," she said. "It's good to see you with some spirit," she addressed Bella. It was meant as a compliment, but by this time, Bella's dander was up and she was in no mood to hold back her thoughts or feelings.

"I have spirit. Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean I don't have it. And leave Edward alone!" The last thought, seemingly random, came on the heels of the knowledge that Tanya had most likely been pestering Edward before sticking her nose into the argument. Bella stormed out of the kitchen, ignoring Emmett's call.

"Hey! I thought we were making dinner?"

************

Carlisle had been attempting to find a moment of peace and quiet. The house had been a war zone in the past two days, and he had barricaded himself in his office, hoping this would alert everyone to the fact that he wished to be left alone. And now this…

Carlisle buried his face in his hands, scrubbing his forehead with his fingertips, as if to erase a headache. What had happened to their house? Alice had spent the last twenty four hours glaring at Edward, and he was sure he didn't want to hear her thoughts. Esme was worrying herself to death over the fact that everyone was clashing over seemingly minor things. Edward is playing hide and seek with Tanya, and Tanya was convinced there was something going on between Edward and Bella.

And now Bella was yelling at Tanya. While a part of him was thrilled that she wasn't afraid of another vampire and found the courage to speak her mind, a larger part of him was shaking its head in consternation. When had Bella stopped becoming predictable?

The knock on his door was unexpected. Carlisle took a deep breath, reaching deep within himself to find his calm voice. "Yes?"

The door opened to reveal Tanya. "I was wondering if you would walk with me?" she asked.

From other parts of the house, Carlisle heard Alice snicker and Edward groan, and found himself actually having to refrain from rolling his eyes.

"Certainly. Is there something the matter?"

There were outside and moving through the sparse undergrowth before Tanya answered. "This isn't quite like our other visit," she mused, laughing at Carlisle's expression. "Not to say that's a bad thing," she added.

"I apologize, Tanya. I would say I have no idea what has gotten in to everyone, and that would mostly be the truth, but we all find ourselves very protective of Bella," Carlisle began.

Tanya laughed, linking their arms. "It has been most interesting, seeing the changes in everyone. I never thought to see Rosalie more protective of anyone other than Emmett."

"Rosalie empathizes with Bella," Carlisle explained.

"Yes, I know. But still…it is also good to see that Jasper is able to tolerate the constant presence of human blood."

"Yes. We were concerned, at first, for all of us," Carlisle hurried to add.

"But Edward…." Tanya trailed off. "I think he is the most changed by all of this."

"What do you mean?"

"Before, he would always distance himself. I always had the feeling that he never felt truly involved. And now," Tanya sighed, "now I see him watching this human girl and it makes me wonder."

"Edward and Bella?" The thought was staggering. Carlisle turned the idea over in his head for a second, unable to make heads or tails of such a thing.

"Perhaps not in that way," Tanya allowed. "But I see him more involved, more aware of others. Before he wouldn't spend much time in our company, and now, if she is in the room, so is he. Is this not normal behavior for him?"

Carlisle took the time to think back over the past eight months. It was true that while Edward had initially shunned any contact with Bella, more and more he was present and engaging her in conversation. Could he be interested in her, in that way? His son would have a very tumultuous path to walk if that were the case, he allowed.

"Edward is Edward," Carlisle sighed. "Why he does what he does is known only to him."

"Ah."

They were now looping back through the trees towards the house, still far enough distance away to not be overheard by anyone. The creatures that typically roamed the woods at night gave them wide berth, falling silent until they had passed.

"Why would Bella warn me away from Edward?" Tanya finally asked.

Carlisle sighed. "Ah. Well. You're referring to earlier, I presume?" he stalled.

"Yes."

"Bella," he began, trying to choose his words wisely, "Bella suffered extreme physical, sexual, and mental abuse. There are a myriad of paths survivors of such abuse can travel. Some become promiscuous, and see nothing wrong with this behavior. Some lash out violently to those nearest and dearest. Some choose the route Bella is taking. She is wary of newcomers, and it took us months before she would begin to understand that Esme and I meant her no harm," he lectured. "It took quite a while before she could not only tolerate being in a room with multiple vampires, let alone males. And slowly but surely she's coming to see herself as a part of this family. She's closest to Alice and Emmett, as siblings. I believe she sees Esme as a mother, and I hope myself as a father figure. And even though she knows that physical appearance means nothing to our kind, I think she can't help but look at Edward and see someone her own age," Carlisle explained. "So when she hears that you are interested in him and she sees you pursuing him, I'm afraid that all she sees is an adult propositioning a minor, and I think she sees it as you trying to take advantage of Edward."

Tanya mulled over her friend's words, turning them over and over in her head. How would it look, from an outsider's perspective? They wouldn't see two consenting adults, but rather an older woman after a younger man, one who supposedly was not yet the age of majority. Put that way….

"I think I can understand," Tanya eventually said. "I still think there is something there, though," she added, holding one hand up to stop Carlisle's protests. "I have a feeling Alice has seen more than she's told you. And I think she's keeping whatever it is hidden from Edward."

*************

Christmas Day itself passed quickly, everyone waiting for Bella to rise before opening gifts. The gifts were the usual sort the Cullen family was prone to giving each other, though they seemed extravagant to Bella. One truly was outstanding, and earned a good laugh from everyone.

They were almost finished when Alice suddenly threw herself at Edward, exclaiming, "thank you, thank you, thank you! I love it!"

Edward laughed, pulling a single key from his pocket. "Glad to see my little trick worked," he said smugly.

Alice smacked him on the shoulder, in too good a spirit to truly be upset. "Yes, yes, you've found a weakness. Now give it here!" she demanded. Not waiting, she ripped the key from his grasp, running upstairs at top speed and reappearing downstairs in the blink of an eye.

"Jasper! Come on! We have to go, now!"

Amused at his wife's exuberance and wondering what exactly Edward had chosen to give her, he followed her outside, catching up with her on the other side of the river. They were out of sight before Bella could understand what had transpired.

"Edward, what in the world?" Esme asked.

"I decided I was going to give you a Porsche for Christmas," Edward explained. "Except, at the last minute, I decided to give it to Alice instead."

"Nice," Emmett praised, reaching over to bump knuckles with his brother.

"Where did you stash it?" Rosalie wondered.

"It's in Seattle."

"So they should be home in a little over an hour," Carlisle mused.

**************

Rosalie watched as Bella talked with Carmen and Kate, the two women having joined Bella at the dinner table as she consumed her Christmas meal. Emmett had offered to join Bella once again, but Rosalie had put her foot down. There was no way she was going to kiss her husband with the taste of human food still lingering on his mouth.

Bella appeared to be handling the new vampires fairly well, the incident with Laurent notwithstanding. She hadn't been so confident that her sister could tolerate their presence for more than a day, but she was happy to see she was being proven wrong.

And it seemed as if yelling at Tanya had helped. It was rare for Bella to let known her own needs or wants, let alone raise her voice and deliberately chastise another, so Rosalie supposed the family should be thanking Tanya for her continued pursuit of Edward.

"Rosalie," Edward growled, having intercepted her thought.

"Stay out of my head if you don't like my thoughts," she snapped back, embarrassed at having been caught evaluating Bella's progress.

"It isn't something to be ashamed of."

"Damnit, Edward, I told you-"Rosalie bit off the remaining words. _Comment again on one of my thoughts and the Vanquish is so much scrap metal._

Edward winced but remained silent.

Not wanting to continue her train of thought, not when she knew Edward would be listening, Rosalie distracted herself by going out to the garage to give Alice's car a more thorough inspection.

*************

"This has been quite the memorable trip," Tanya expressed.

The Denali's were saying their good-byes, only a day after Christmas. Given the amount of tension and drama that had occurred since their arrival, everyone agreed it best they head home early.

"It was good to see all of you again," Esme said, hugging Kate.

"Just wait till next time, I'm sure we'll have a lot more fun," Kate responded to Tanya's words, missing the wince that crossed Bella's face.

"I'm sure that will be quite the event," Carlisle replied cautiously.

Bella started when Carmen appeared before her. "It was good to meet you, Bella," the older woman said, giving her a quick hug before she could evade.

"You too," Bella muttered. She moved to Esme's side, hoping to avoid any further physical gestures. She liked Carmen, and Kate, and Eleazar, but she didn't want them touching her.

Sensing her distress, Esme put her arm about Bella's shoulder, making it impossible for anyone else to give such an intimate gesture.

At last all the good-byes were said and everyone piled into the car. The Cullen family watched the vampires they considered their extended family drive away before turning to each other and sighing in relief.

"Thank god that visit is over," Alice muttered.

"Agreed." Rosalie seconded.

"Alice, Rosalie," Esme chided. "It wasn't that bad."

"Esme, you have no idea how many close calls we had," Alice stated. Edward agreed, shaking his head in disbelief and running a hand through his disheveled hair.

Her arm still around Bella, Esme felt the blush rising in her cheeks. "Bella?"

"Nothing," her daughter mumbled. "I'm…going to go work on my English paper," she said, worming out from under Esme's arm and disappearing into the house.

The seven vampires watched their human family member as she fled inside, each upset over her actions.

"And that is why this visit was a disaster," Rosalie declared. "They had no idea how to act around Bella, and she was terrified of misbehaving around them."

Emmett snickered. "Not too terrified, if she could tell Tanya off for stalking Edward."

"Tanya," Edward began, stopping his thought before he could continue. He wasn't going to share her crazy thoughts with the rest of them.

Carlisle sighed, gratefully putting an arm around his wife when she leaned into his side. "Let's just chalk this up as not one of our better Christmas' and leave it at that," he suggested.


	19. Chapter 19

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 19

By: Lady Saffir

Story Rating: R

Chapter Rating:PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe. I'm simply playing with Stephenie Meyers creations.

Many thanks to Megami for being a wonderful beta, and JokesOnJane for my banner.  The May craziness is almost over so I can really resume my normal writing schedule. Weddings, especially if they aren't your own, take up way too much time. If you want to hear my reasoning behind the end of this chapter, come join me over on Twilighted in the SotS topic under the Alternate Universe tab. I'll post my theory Thursday evening.

"The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears." Francis Bacon, Sr.

"I am a woman in process. I'm just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it. Life is never dull." Oprah

***************

Carlisle eyed the stack of papers sitting on his desk. In the past, his signature had been forged on any papers requiring parental permission. He had been lucky to find out that the others would be going on a field trip the day it was to occur.

Now, though, with Bella in the house, he received every school notice, every slip needing signed, in octuplet. He had been informed this was to make Bella feel like she was a normal teenager in a normal family. Regardless of the reason, Carlisle had the amusing mental image of everyone trooping into his office, single file, and dropping the papers off, the last person neatly stacking the pile and aligning the edges before turning out the lights and closing the door.

What was it this time, he mused, shifting the papers around. It was obvious as to who had carried each paper. Edward's was neat, having been placed in a folder to keep it safe. Rosalie's held traces of her perfume, and Alice's usually came with stock market predictions attached. Jasper would draw whatever his current mood was in the top left corner and include the appropriate quote. It was always the hardest to distinguish between Emmett and Bella's, both haphazardly shoving the papers into their backpack. Scent was usually the easiest way to detect the difference, though sometimes the doodles around the edges gave it away, Bella being prone to random tracings, while Emmett usually drew caricatures of fellow classmates.

Parent-teacher conferences. Well, he imagined that they would be attending this year's. He noted the date and entered it on his date book, forwarding the date into Esme's book as well.

************

Jasper watched Bella from the corner of his eye. She was chewing on her bottom lip, staring at the door that Carlisle and Esme had just disappeared through. He had no idea why she would be anxious about their attending parent-teacher conference. Did she actually think she would receive a bad report?

"Knowing her, yes," Edward murmured. "She doesn't want to disappoint them, I'm sure."

"That's ridiculous," Jasper argued, too soft for Bella to hear. "Tell her she has no reason to worry."

"Me? Why don't you tell her."

"You're both being ridiculous," Rosalie sighed, raising her voice. "Bella, you aren't actually worried, are you? I'm sure everything will be fine. It isn't as if you skip class like we do."

Bella blushed, stammering an answer before retreating upstairs to her bedroom.

**********

The first year in a new place, when the others were masquerading as high schoolers, Esme and Carlisle were always careful to play the part of concerned and involved foster parents, attending meetings and volunteering to be chaperones on trips. They gradually tapered off such activities, citing a strong home life and need to focus on college prep for the older 'children' and their own careers taking off.

It was also pointless to attend parent-teacher meetings, only to hear how wonderful the children were and how the teachers hoped they would attend Ivy League schools and become the next Albert Einstein or Marie Curie.

Having thrown Bella into the mix required their renewed participation in such events. Principal Marcus had kept them abreast of any issues, such as the lunch fiasco earlier in the year, but Carlisle and Esme both felt they needed to meet with her individual teachers and discuss any problems that might occur.

So far, all they had heard was that Bella was coming out of her shell, slowly but surely, and that she was a wonderful student.

"Bella seems to have a wonderful grasp on the true dynamics of the Civil War," Mrs. Hammock stated, mistaking the smile on Esme's face for one of happiness. In fact, it was more of a smirk, as Bella had been receiving help from Jasper while writing her paper. She had listened to him for almost an hour, taking notes as he recounted his life as a soldier. Esme sharpened her focus as the woman hesitated, carefully choosing her words.

"She seems to be more willing to engage the other students and will participate in group discussions," Mrs. Hammock continued. "I must admit, when Marcus first told us about her past, I was quite concerned about how she would handle regular life. However," the hesitation was quite evident in her voice.

"Is something the matter?" Carlisle pressed.

"She seems to have taken a step back since returning from Christmas break. I don't mean to intrude, and by all means tell me to mind my own business, but did something happen?"

Carlisle sighed, linking hands with Esme and wondering how to explain. He looked over at his wife, hoping she knew how to give an answer that was simultaneously an explanation and yet respectful of Bella's privacy.

Esme licked her lips before speaking. "Carlisle's cousins came to visit," she started slowly. "And unfortunately, one of his cousin's…husband," the hesitation before she switched the word husband for mate was brief, "reminded Bella of her past."

Mrs. Hammock gasped, one hand going to her mouth in horror. "The poor dear! No wonder she's been so quiet. Is everything alright now?"

"Yes," Esme reassured.

"Well, in any case, I look forward to seeing how Bella continues to grow. Not that I don't care as much about your other children," the teacher hastened to add, "but I just feel…."

"We understand," Carlisle said. "We all feel the same way."

********

Mr. Banner proved to be the second most surprising on their evening rounds.

"All of your children are smart, as I'm sure you know," he began, wiping his glasses off on his shirt tails. "None of them cause any trouble and always hand in their homework on time. And I never get the impression they've copied off one another, or had extra help," he added, looking at Carlisle frankly. "I know some of the teachers here think maybe you give them extra tutoring or even do the work for them, but that wouldn't explain why they're able to get A's on every test and assignment. I just think you've got a bright group of kids that are going to go a long way in life."

He continued, not giving Carlisle or Esme a chance to respond. "I'm happy to see that Edward's opening up a bit. He's been a recluse these past two years. It's wonderful to see how he is with Bella."

"What do you mean?" Esme managed.

"He lets her lead but also encourages her. He's very protective of her," Mr. Banner mused. "He watches out for her, especially after that lunch incident. He won't let anyone near her if he thinks she's upset over something. I think you might have something brewing there," he smiled.

"We keep hearing that," Carlisle answered wryly. "I'm not so sure they see that as happening though."

"The poor boy's got his work cut out for him if that's the case," Mr. Banner agreed. "I won't claim to know how abuse victims go on with their lives, but I imagine their significant others must be very patient."

************

A meeting with a gym teacher might seem like a strange thing, but Carlisle and Esme had agreed to meet with all of Bella's teachers, to get their take on how she was adapting to a normal schedule.

"I can only imagine what Coach Clapp has to say," Carlisle mused, drawing a laugh from his wife.

"I'm sure Bella is doing her best in gym class," Esme defended their daughter.

"Her best at injuring herself?"

"Carlisle!"

The shared laughter was interrupted by a gruff male voice.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?"

As one, the couple turned to greet the gym coach. They were approached by a graying, middle-aged man, his form rather fit for a man of his age. They knew from Edward's quick description of every teacher and how to handle them that Coach Clap considered the old saying, 'Do as I say, not as I do' to be an idiotic approach to teaching. He worked out with the football team, goading the younger men into working harder by one up-manship.

"Coach Clapp, I presume?" Carlisle asked, striding forward to shake the other man's hand.

"Yes. Well," he jumped right in to his concerns, "I've been wondering if something's wrong with Bella."

Having heard variations of this all night, Carlisle began the now rote explanation. "A cousin's husband reminded Bella of her past and-"

"I'm not talking about her mental health, though I have noticed changes," Coach Clapp interrupted. "I mean physically."

"Physically?" Carlisle and Esme shared a concerned look. "What do you mean?"

"The girl's got no sense of balance," they were told bluntly. "She managed to hurt herself and two others playing badminton a few weeks ago. Did she suffer some brain damage? Maybe an inner ear problem? I swear the girl gets a bruise just walking into the gym," the older man grumbled.

Carlisle winced. "I'll admit to not having done any head scans so I can't rule that out, but I think she's just, well, clumsy."

"Well, she tries, I have to give her that," the coach mused.

They talked about other things, the two vampires deflecting any mention of the others joining sports teams, and were about to leave when the coach brought up one more topic.

"I talked to Sharon- Mrs. Henderson, the school counselor," he began, frowning to himself. "Every year I make the kids write a three page paper on abuse of some sort. I didn't want to give Bella something that would upset her, but Sharon thought maybe I should get your take on it. If she can do it, fine. Otherwise I just want the same size paper on a health topic of her choice."

Esme nodded. "Thank you for being so thoughtful. We'll talk with her and see what she has to say."

Coach Clapp nodded and bade the couple good night.

****************

The entire family was well aware of the pitfalls of Alice's talent. It had never stopped them from relying on her to watch out for the family, to guide them through the dark times. Snap decisions couldn't be seen, and vague intentions often left Alice with what she lamented was a 'headache' from the hazy images she could hardly make out.

The human body proved to be yet another thing that could stump Alice.

It was the beginning of February, the latest snowfall slow to retreat. School and home life had once more settled into a predictable routine, and Bella was making more head-roads into her recovery. She had snapped at Rosalie the previous day and had been mortified into silence when Rosalie had snippily replied that they should throw her an 'I found my backbone party'.

The two were currently racing Mario Kart, Rosalie muttering about handling capabilities and Bella chewing on her bottom lip and muttering the occasional, 'Ah! Stop! No!' to herself, as her bike veered erratically about Rainbow Road. Edward was seated at the piano, his fingers idly picking out melodies. Emmett was filling out Sudoku puzzles and Jasper was reading a psychology journal while Alice browsed online.

The scent of blood hit Rosalie scant hundredths of a second before the rest of the room, and she was already turning to block Jasper. They were due to hunt tomorrow and she was afraid the scent of Bella's period would be too strong for her brother.

Her guess was solid, as Jasper was snarling and leaping before Bella could even comprehend her life was in danger. She had a firm grip on Jasper, her fingers causing indentations on the skin.

From the corner of her eye, Rosalie saw Edward take a step towards them, his nostrils flared as he took a deep breath. Alice was at his side, tugging on one of his arms as she talked quickly, encouraging him to hold his breath and get outside.

Emmett was across the room and picking Bella up even as she stared, wild-eyed, at Jasper's snarling countenance. By the time she turned her head to look at Emmett, they were upstairs in her bedroom, the burly vampire setting her down and positioning himself in front of her.

"What...." Bella trailed off, unsure of what was happening. She knew it was irrational even as she considered it, but had her mutterings annoyed Jasper?

Emmett appeared nonchalant, his words flippant. "Never a dull moment, huh? Don't worry-" here he cocked his head as if listening to something, "Alice has him and Edward outside. Been wondering when that would happen," he finished cheerfully.

"When what would happen?" Bella asked.

"For Jasper's control to be tested. We've been lucky so far and he hasn't been around when you've had accidents. Knew it had to happen sometime."

Bella was still trying to understand what exactly Emmett was talking about when Rosalie entered the room. She gave her husband an exasperated look.

"You're not helping," she informed him. "Why don't you go downstairs before you shove that size fourteen foot of yours any further in your mouth than it already is."

Emmett laughed off the insult, ruffling Bella's hair and giving his wife a quick kiss before heading downstairs, winking at Bella as he closed the door.

Bella still wasn't sure what was going on, but she knew that Rosalie would tell her, and most likely in a rather blunt fashion. Why couldn't Alice tell her what was going on? She at least found something humorous to lighten the mood. Rosalie believed in the direct approach, and never pulled her punch.

Rosalie looked back at her sister, knowing what she was thinking. Bella was nervously twisting her charm bracelet about her wrist, her bottom lip firmly captured between her teeth. Rosalie sighed to herself. Why did she have to be the one to have 'The Talk' with Bella? This firmly fell into Esme's realm, except she wasn't here. She and Carlisle were in Portland for the evening.

Esme owed her, Rosalie decided as she moved to sit on the window seat.

"Sit down," she ordered.

Bella sat on the bed, eyeing her warily.

"You can stop looking at me like I'm about to say something horrible," Rosalie sighed. "Esme should be doing this, but as she isn't here, I guess I will. I rather doubt you want Emmett doing this. You'll be scarred for life," she muttered.

"What's wrong with Jasper? Is he alright?"

Rosalie snorted. "He'll be fine. And what's wrong is you started your period and the scent of blood was a bit too much for him today."

Bella jerked back, almost toppling herself from the force of the movement. "What? You...you can SMELL that I started? That's...gross," Bella decided, muttering to herself. She could feel the heat of her blush and knew she was beet red. Why did she have to live with vampires? It was going to be horrible, she knew, every month. The entire family would know when she started and stopped and Bella didn't even want to think about how awkward life would be. Could she hide in her room during that time? Maybe go stay with Angela?

Rosalie's very unlady-like snort drew her back from her thoughts. "Of course we can smell that you started. We'll probably know every time before you do. It should save you any embarrassing accidents," she pointed out.

"I don't care about that!" Bella contested hotly. "Can we stop talking about this now?" she pleaded.

"You think I'm enjoying this? Think again," the other woman countered. "Now, I guess I need to talk about what you menstruating means."

"I KNOW what having my period means. I had this talk with, with my mom," Bella stuttered over the memory before forging on. "It means if I ever have sex I could get pregnant. There, are we done now?" she implored.

Rosalie appraised her sister. "PMS suits you. Try to keep that attitude all the time and not just during your monthly."

"Rosalie!"

Emmett's booming laugh could be heard up three flights of stairs.

The blonde vampire rose from her seat, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Fine, consider the talk had. And don't even think you can hide up in your room for a week. We're around girls on their period all the time at school; we can handle it with you in the house."

***********

Sanity returned almost as soon as it had left, and Jasper allowed himself to be hauled outside by Rosalie. She gave him a sharp look before returning inside, leaving him alone with his guilt. How could he have snapped like that? And at old blood, at that. Was his control so poor? He should have been stronger, having spent so much time around Bella. His PILLOW had traces of her scent on it, for God's sake. There was hardly a part of the house that didn't have lingering traces of her floating through the room.

He shouldn't have been so weak.

He fled then, ashamed of his weakness. He had almost ruined things. At the very least, Bella would never trust him again, now that she knew how close he was to the edge. He legs carried him to his favorite spot, a large cliff overlooking the river. He scaled an old Spruce easily, perching on one of the uppermost branches. He braced his back against the trunk, one leg straight out on the limb while the other dangled in the air.

Jasper didn't acknowledge Alice's presence for several minutes until he was done berating himself. Only when his litany had begun to repeat did he turn to his wife, remorse on his features.

"Alice, I'm-"

"Hush, Jasper," Alice silenced him. "I know that you think you almost ruined things, but it wouldn't have been you."

"What?" was all he could manage.

"It would have been Edward that ended Bella's life," Alice said simply. "I didn't See this particular scenario coming, but once it started, I Saw that you would stop yourself in time but Edward wouldn't. Well," she amended, "he would have stopped once he'd bitten her and you'd tackled him, but by then the venom would have spread."

The thought of HIM being the one to stop another vampire from biting a human was baffling. He would have called the thought preposterous, but he could feel the sincerity Alice was radiating.

"I still need to apologize."

Alice grinned, slipping into his arms. "She won't want to hear it. In fact, she won't want to discuss any part of this."

"You've Seen this, have you?" Her light mood was infectious and he found himself smiling.

"No. I just know Bella. I bet she's still beet red and we're going to have a hard time prying her out of her room for the next few days."

************

Esme knew something was wrong the minute they pulled into the garage and she noticed Edward's Vanquish was missing. He only took that car out for special occasions, or when he needed to go faster than the Volvo would allow. What had happened?

Carlisle was appraising the empty spot as well, sharing a look with his wife before they hurried into the house. The faint scent of blood hit them immediately.

"Rosalie? Emmett?" Carlisle called. He could hear Bella's heartbeat up in her room so he knew whatever had happened had been resolved, but why hadn't they cleaned up the blood? There should be no trace of it left. Unless…

"How was she injured?"

"It's nothing, Carlisle. Just the same 'injury' she's going to have every month," Emmett answered.

Carlisle frowned, not caring for Emmett's indifferent attitude.

Rosalie gave her husband an annoyed look before explaining. "Bella started her period this afternoon."

"Ah. I had been waiting for this," Carlisle mused.

"Where is everyone else?" Esme questioned. "Nothing happened, did it?"

"Nope."

Esme's relief was short-lived as Emmett continued.

"Unless you count Jasper trying to jump Bella, and he and Edward both having to leave to get away from the smell."

"Emmett! This is no laughing matter," Esme scolded. "How close did they get? Is Bella alright?"

"She's fine," Rosalie waved off any concern. "And you owe me. I tried to have 'The Talk' with her and she wouldn't listen. She swears she's already heard it before, but I think she would have said anything to get me to leave," she reflected.

"I should still check on her," Esme decided.

"Bella's a bit feisty right now," Emmett called after Esme as she started upstairs. He continued on to Carlisle, "Don't be surprised when she bites all of our heads off every month. She's got quite the temper."

**************

"Bella?" Esme knocked on her daughter's door. "May I come in?"

The muttered 'yes' was hesitant but Esme wasn't going to give Bella a chance to change her mind. She opened to door to find Bella curled up on the window seat, her arms about her knees as she stared out the window.

"We heard what happened. Are you okay?" Esme asked, seating herself across from her daughter. Both the reply and the tone shocked her.

"I'm fine. Every girl gets her period, so why is it such a big deal?" Bella groused.

"It's a big deal because not every girl lives with a house full of vampires," Esme replied gently. "Sweetheart, we try not to make things awkward for you, but there are certain things that we have to acknowledge and accept. And one of them is the fact that we can smell when you're having your period. I'm sorry this upsets you but it can't be helped."

"Can we just stop talking about it?" Bella asked miserably.

"Of course. Is there anything you would like to talk about?" Esme was hesitant to ask. Now she knew what Emmett was referring to when he mentioned Bella was feisty.

"Jasper." Bella latched onto a new subject matter eagerly. "Is he okay? Why would he have such a problem?"

"Jasper has a very different background than the rest of us, Bella," Esme began. "Where we all abstained from human blood from the beginning, Jasper led a very violent life for decades. So he has trouble sometimes with the scent of human blood. We've been very concerned about the possibility something could happen to you."

"But Jasper wouldn't harm me intentionally," Bella insisted.

"It isn't about intentions, Bella. It's the fact that you would most likely be killed."

***********

Jasper heard Esme and Bella's conversation before they had cleared the river, Alice jumping a split second before him. He was resigned to the fact that Bella would most likely avoid him and the chance of them growing closer had been killed. There had been enough danger in her life already; she wouldn't want to be close to someone who was always a hair's width away from killing her.

They were in the living room when Bella spoke the words that floored all of them.

"It's okay if something happens to me. I just don't want anyone feeling guilty if I'm killed because of them."

"Oh, of all the…" Rosalie muttered.

"Typical Bella," Emmett stated, earning mutters of agreement from the others.

Jasper couldn't take it anymore. Someone had to show Bella just what she was living with. He was upstairs in a flash, striding into the room before Bella could turn her head.

"You shouldn't say things like that," he started roughly, hating the way she cringed back at his presence. "We're all dangerous to you, Bella, but I'm likely the most dangerous. Killing was what I lived for. A few decades of peace won't change my past."

Jasper pushed his shirt sleeve up, thrusting his arm into the lamplight. "These were gained from countless battles. I was the coven's master strategist for years before I left. There were times I drank so much human blood I sloshed when I walked."

He pulled back, leaning against the wall, trying to keep himself away from Bella. He had scared her, he knew, her emotions betraying the calm façade she presented. "I have always been very, very careful around you, Bella," he finished.

"But you were careful," Bella returned. She had straightened in her seat, Esme's presence forgotten as she focused on the man across the room. "I just…I don't want to do anything to make this any harder on you than it already is."

Jasper ran a hand through his hair, now understanding why Carlisle was constantly repeating that gesture. How did one make a stubborn human understand?

"There isn't any point in trying to argue, Jazz," Alice's voice floated up to him. "She's just going to keep arguing and you'll go around in circles."

Esme interrupted. "Why don't we just leave it that we all need to be very careful, agreed?" At her children's nods, she continued. "Shall we start on dinner, Bella?"

Bella shook her head, her blush re-blooming. "I'm not hungry."

"Bella, I can hear your stomach easily."

"I don't want to eat right now."

"Bella-"

The argument was interrupted by Emmett's arrival.

"Cheer up, Bella. You've only got about twelve periods left and you'll be finished for eternity."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked, trying to work out what he meant.

Alice was upstairs, leaping onto Emmett's back and covering his mouth. "Don't. Don't say it," she ordered.

"Say what?" Bella was growing suspicious. What was Alice trying to hide? "Esme?" She turned, her fear growing every second no one answered.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit," Alice chanted. At her husband's look she shook her head. "Too late. It'd just cause even more problems."

"What? What's going to happen?" The anxiety in Bella's tone was obvious, her body trembling as she fought not to run. She was trapped, her seat in the window allowing the vampires in the room to form a semi-circle about her. "Esme? Carlisle?" She asked. Carlisle had entered the room with Alice, and Bella knew she should have seen something in his posture.

Carlisle knelt before her. He tried to take her hands in his own but Bella pulled back, fisting both of her hands in her lap. He sighed, wishing the truth about the future hadn't come out in this manner.

"What does Emmett mean?" Bella pressed, never taking her eyes from the man she had come to see as a second father.

Just like with his patients when he had to deliver bad news, Carlisle spoke evenly, looking Bella in the eyes as he spoke.

"Soon you'll have to go through the Change, Bella, and become a vampire."


	20. Chapter 20

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 20

By: Lady Saffir

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe. I'm just playing with S. Meyer's creations.

Thanks to Megami for being an awesome beta.  Jerhende, here's your slice of cake. ^_~ For those of you still clutching your 'oh shit' bar, you may now loosen your grip - slightly.

It was hard to narrow down the choices for quotes, so I think I'll post the ones not used for this chapter on

"Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear" Joan Rivers

"There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot." Plato

************

How could he have reacted so poorly? If he hadn't known better, Edward would have sworn he was a newborn vampire. He knew, as soon as it happened, what was going on. He should have been expecting this. He knew Carlisle was surprised that Bella had not experienced menarche yet and had been waiting for the day.

Worse, so much worse, was the vision that had flashed through Alice's mind. Himself, his arms holding Bella like a vise, his mouth fused to the arm that she had thrown up in a futile effort to protect herself. And Jasper – JASPER, of all people, tackling him, their bodies slamming through the glass panes of the window.

He had fled then, unable to look his family in the eye. They had no knowledge of Alice's vision, but he would know. Was he really that weak? He had been surrounded by the all too delicious scent of her blood, day in and day out. Had he no tolerance?

Edward shuddered to think of what would have happened had there been blood other than menstrual blood.

He had driven for hours, lost in his thoughts. He had questioned whether or not his reaction would be typical every month. He could only hope that she would have a regular schedule so that he could prepare himself and soften the blow.

***********

Edward took the hairpin turns to the drive at a leisurely pace, in no hurry to return to the house and the no doubt lingering smell of blood. It was one thing to spend a few hours each day around human females that were menstruating, but to have one in the house, and one that smelled infinitely better than any human before…well, it seemed like a disaster in the making, regardless of how old the blood was.

The thoughts of his family intruded upon his mind, their distress a cacophony in his mind. Foremost was Esme's grief, followed by Jasper's guilt that he had caused the scene. No one was thinking of what exactly had happened; only that Bella was in distress and shunning their comfort.

The screech of tires brought Edward back from his ruminating, to find the front fender of the Vanquish an inch from the wall of the garage. He was out of the car and in to the living room in a flash.

"What happened?" he asked tersely.

The question served to focus everyone's thoughts. Edward was bombarded with images of what had occurred, each family member relaying their memory of what had transpired.

"You idiot," he hissed at Emmett, one hand curling up to avoid striking his brother.

"How was I supposed to know she hadn't figured it out yet? She's a smart girl," Emmett protested.

"Emmett isn't entirely to blame," Carlisle interjected. "If we had been honest with Bella from the start, this wouldn't be an issue."

"What happened, Carlisle? I want to know everything," Edward demanded. He watched in horrified fascination as Carlisle remembered.

******

_Bella trembled at the words._

"_Changed? I don't want to be changed," she whimpered. The flinch back from Esme's touch was quite pronounced, and Carlisle knew how upset his wife was at the action._

"_Don't touch me!" Bella cried, shrinking back as much as possible. "Leave me alone."_

"_Bella, we're sorry. We're so sorry, but there was nothing we could do," Esme tried to explain._

_She wasn't hearing the words, Carlisle noted. Bella's breathing had accelerated to the point of hyperventilation. She abruptly sprung from her seat, the vampires in her path stepping back to allow her a clear path to the bathroom. The sounds of retching soon followed._

"_We should go downstairs," Alice whispered, clasping Jasper's hand in her own. Emmett and Rosalie followed. _

_Carlisle knew without looking at Esme that she would be distraught. This was the second time that Bella had rejected her touch or comfort, and he feared that the damage done tonight would be lasting. What would they do if Bella refused to listen to them, to hear them out? Would they have to resort to changing her violently, and deal with the aftermath?_

_For everyone's sake, let alone Bella's, Carlisle prayed for the strength needed to overcome this latest obstacle._

_***********_

Edward listened intently. He could hear Bella up in her room, her breathing unsteady.

"It's been four hours?" he confirmed.

More images bombarded him. Attempts to reason with Bella had failed as she had told them to go away. Offers of food had been ignored. The onetime Esme had tried to enter the room she had been surprised to find a book flung at her. After that attempt, no one else had been upstairs.

_She won't even talk to me_, Alice thought. Edward looked over to find his sister curled up in a chair, her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Can you see anything, Alice?" Edward asked. He watched as a flash of images swept through his sister's mind, all inconclusive.

"I think we're muddying the future, as each of us tries to come up with a way to talk with Bella," she explained.

"This sucks," Emmett suddenly declared, swinging everyone's attention to him.

"Well if you hadn't opened your mouth," Edward growled, cutting the sound off at Carlisle's gesture.

"That won't help us with the situation, Edward. We need to focus on finding a way to best help Bella."

"Well, how were you going to do it, Carlisle?" Emmett asked. "I don't see you just yelling it out."

The second everyone took to consider this idea had Alice smiling in triumph.

"That's it. We stay out of it and let Carlisle and Esme handle it," she stated, pausing as another vision took hold. "And you might as well call in to work now, Carlisle. I can see this talk not happening until tomorrow morning, at the earliest."

***************

How could they? She loved Esme and Carlisle and everyone else, but she didn't want to be a vampire. Why didn't they know that?

Bella curled up on her window seat, trying very hard not to think about the fact that the only reason she had a window seat was because Esme had put one in for her. After throwing up what felt like everything she'd ever eaten, she'd emerged from the bathroom to find the bedroom empty. She had been surprised to find that she was glad no one was waiting for her. What would she have said to them?

The longer she sat alone, the more her anger grew. They had tricked her, taking her in and making her a part of their family. They had known all along they were going to make her a vampire, and they had never said a word, never given a hint of what was to come. Had they thought making her love them and want to be around them would make her glad to become a vampire?

The knock at her door startled her.

"Bells? Look, I'm sorry," Emmett's voice floated through the still shut door.

"Go away," Bella whispered. Emmett had known. Why hadn't he warned her? Tears stung at her eyes as she thought of him. He was her big brother. He didn't see her humanness as a weakness, didn't act like she was a child that needed things explained to her. He invited her to join him when he was playing games, teased her, surprised her, protected her. Why didn't he tell her what was coming?

She had no idea how much time passed, but gradually the tight hold she had around her knees loosened, her angry thoughts lessening. Perhaps she had been rash, she thought. After all, what had she expected, them to tell her the first day she was here?

Bella was on the verge of getting up and going downstairs when she realized what was happening.

"Stop it, Jasper. I don't want to," Bella ordered. Now that she knew what she was looking for, she could feel the outside influence being exerted. How dare he? She had a right to her anger and they all knew it. Making Jasper calm her down so she wouldn't be mad at them wasn't fair.

Summoning up all of her hurt and anger, she screamed.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Abruptly the good-will feelings vanished, and Bella knew she had been right in guessing Jasper's role. Alone with her feelings once more (though she knew Jasper was monitoring and reporting back to the family) Bella felt the tears begin to fall again. The abrupt rumble of her stomach reminded her that she had to eat, and unfortunately all the food was downstairs. She couldn't even sneak down to the kitchen, she thought bitterly, without anyone in the family knowing exactly where she was and what she was doing.

That led to thoughts of other things she couldn't do without everyone hearing. Showering, using the bathroom, farting...Bella had grown resigned to the fact that the family would hear every little movement, but now she was only angry. It wasn't fair, she thought, wiping at her eyes. Other teenagers had no problem hiding things from their family, let alone basic bodily functions. Why did she have to be a part of such a family?

Once more a knock sounded at the door, startling Bella from her reverie.

"Bella, if you're hungry we can make you something to eat. Anything, sweetheart."

Esme's voice easily carried the pain she was feeling through the air. Well, good, Bella though harshly. Why should she be the only one upset? SHE hadn't lied to them about anything. It was only right they had to suffer with her.

About to bury her head back in her knees, Bella was startled when the doorknob began to turn.

"Bella-" Esme started, poking her head through the barely open door.

"I SAID, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Bella's hands found the first thing they could, and she flung the object with all her strength, the book sailing through the air and smacking harmlessly into the wall feet from Esme's head. Esme's instinctive jerk back had Bella even more enraged.

"Why did you even do that?! You had all the time in the world to see it wouldn't hit you, didn't you?! Isn't that what makes vampires so special?! Stop acting human, you aren't!"

Bella's voice by now was almost an octave higher than its usual tone, her anger and fury woven tightly into every word. She turned her head to look outside, the window poorly reflecting Esme's motions back to her. The older woman bowed her head, murmuring as she closed the door.

"We do love you, Bella. We'll be downstairs when you're reading to talk."

***********

It was perhaps one of the longest nights in the Cullen household since Bella had first arrived. Carlisle and Esme were constantly second guessing every decision they had made regarding Bella. The others, wanting to provide comfort to both their parental figures and their sister, were torn. In the end, Jasper sent feelings of warmth and love to all three, though he knew Bella was angry at him for such an action. Alice constantly searched the future, but could only see Esme and Carlisle entering Bella's room in the morning. It seemed there was at least one crucial turning point that was keeping the future murky.

Edward played the piano for hours, playing everyone's favorites and monitoring his adopted mother's thoughts most closely. She was hurting more than she let on by Bella's actions. The urge to continuously push her comfort on Bella was overwhelming, but Esme recognized such action right now would cause more harm than good. Carlisle was recalling several conversations he had with one of the hospital's therapists, in the event a situation like this occurred. He had been warned that anger was to be expected, and while good, they must tread carefully, all the while maintaining a firm parental force. Not an easy path, and Edward didn't envy his foster parents their task.

Rosalie was all for bursting in to Bella's room and not leaving until she had beat some sense into the teenager's head. Her thoughts vacillated between understanding of Bella's reactions and her own anger on Emmett's behalf. It would be better for everyone, Edward thought, to have Rosalie out of the house, and Emmett too. He had a feeling his brother's feelings could very easily be hurt by a stray comment on Bella's part, no matter how intentional.

Edward transferred his attention to his 'middle brother', noting the uncharacteristic worry in Emmett's mind. It wasn't often he dwelled on a troubling issue, choosing usually to charge head first and deal with things as they occurred. In this instance, though, he was powerless, for all his physical strength. His attempt to apologize to Bella had been met with harsh words, and he was afraid their brother-sister bond had been damaged irrevocably. He was tossing around the idea of buying out all of Barnes and Noble's classic section, it seemed, not above trying to bribe his way back in to Bella's good graces.

"I don't know that would help, Emmett," Edward murmured, his fingers never breaking their seamless flow across the ivory keys. "I'm not saying it would hurt," he amended, trying to make his brother feel better.

"It's a good idea," Alice chimed in. "It will still be cloudy and overcast in Seattle. And if something catches your way along the way, go for it."

Used to Alice's cryptic words, Emmett merely nodded in thanks before turning to his wife. "You up for a trip, Rosie?"

Rosalie tossed her hair back. "Yes. I need to get out of this house before Jasper drives me to the brink of hugging everyone and everything in my sight."

Jasper merely shrugged, used to his sister's slights.

That settled, the three remaining siblings looked at each other in unspoken agreement, rising as one. The sun was just beginning to rise, for once the sky a cloudless blue that let the world know Spring was on its way, if only the world would be patient.

"We'll be back," Alice paused, checking ahead, "around noon. Call if you need anything."

At that, she and Jasper were out the back door. Edward rose, walking over to the couch where Esme and Carlisle sat. Bending down, he placed a swift kiss on his mother's cheek, clapping on hand on his father's back as he rose. It would be a rough day, he knew. He only hoped the Cullen family would emerge relatively unscathed at the end of it.

****************

The sound of Bella's feet above their heads had the married couple looking at each other. For most of the night, Bella hadn't moved from her perch on the window seat, merely shifting occasionally. Esme thought that perhaps Bella had fallen into a light doze around three A.M., but her sleep had been fitful, her moans and whimpers a fresh stab every time.

Esme knew they had bungled the handling of the topic of Bella's change. She and Carlisle had even discussed after Christmas when and how they would bring the subject up. They had hoped to have Bella in a better place, emotionally and mentally, but now they were facing an uphill battle. By not being honest with Bella they had damaged the trust they had built. She knew, intellectually, that Bella had not been ready for the subject to be breached, but the what-if's and If I Had Only's were quite strong.

"What will we do if she won't listen, Carlisle?" Esme voiced her biggest fear. "Will we be forced to change her now and deal with the consequences with her as a newborn?"

Her husband, her calm, cool, collected husband, looked frazzled. The repeated running of a hand through his hair had left the strands a tousled mess, rather resembling Edward's usual hairstyle.

"I don't know," Carlisle replied honestly. "I suppose we'll just have to see how she handles everything. I think we can safely give her a few days to calm down, should it be necessary, and then reevaluate from there."

The sounds of the toilet flushing had Esme rising, heading into the kitchen. She retrieved a package of strawberry Pop-Tarts, Bella's favorite, and poured a large glass of orange juice. Even if Bella wouldn't listen to them, she still needed to eat.

************

Bella knew they would be coming upstairs to talk to her. She had been surprised that they had left her alone all night. Unless they were planning on how to get rid of her? The thought had scared her. Her anger was mostly gone, the long night giving her time to burn through her fury and start to think of reasons they might have kept this hidden. She still wished she had found out some other way.

She was also desperately wishing for anything to ease the cramps she was experiencing. In light of Emmett's startling revelation, it had been easy to forget why he had blurted out the truth, but her trip to the bathroom this morning had brought reality back. Thankful the necessary supplies were kept in her bathroom and not elsewhere in the house, Bella had made the required changes before crawling into her bed. Her eyes felt like they were full of sand, her head twice as heavy as it had been yesterday.

The knock on her door startled her, pulling a gasp from her lips. Knowing what was coming, she burrowed more deeply into her bedding, pulling the quilt tight around her shoulders.

"Bella, we'd like to come in and talk with you," Esme said.

Her voice didn't sound like she was mad. But then, even when she was yelling at the others for trashing her flower bed, she hadn't sounded angry.

"Okay?" Bella hated how her voice sounded. She sounded weak and needy and it would probably remind them of why having a human around was bothersome and change her then and there so they wouldn't have to put up with it anymore.

The door opened slowly, Esme and Carlisle stepping into the room. The bright wash of sunlight in the room sent a wave of rainbows across their skin where the light touched, making Bella wonder how odd it would be to look down and see her skin sparkling.

The married couple advanced into the room cautiously, settling onto either side of the foot of the bed.

"I brought you something to eat," Esme offered, holding forth the package of Pop-Tarts and juice hesitantly, afraid Bella would lash out and refuse food again. To her relief, her daughter sat up, blushing as her stomach protested its lack of food loudly.

"Thank you," Bella said quietly. She fiddled with the packaging for a minute, wanting to eat but afraid if she put anything in her stomach it would just come right back up. As if reading her mind, Carlisle smiled at her.

"If you'd rather wait until we're finished discussing everything, that's fine, Bella. We just don't want you to go too long without eating."

"You aren't going to change me when we're done?" Bella asked. She had half thought that perhaps that was their plan.

Carlisle breathed deeply, looking at his wife for a moment. It looked like they were going to jump straight into the discussion with no warm up talk. It wasn't how he wanted to do it, but he thought it would be better to let Bella dictate the course of the conversation.

"No, Bella. That wasn't our plan at all," he began gently, sorrow hitting him when, instead of relaxing, Bella tightened up even more.

"But you said soon," she pressed, her eyes smarting with tears.

"Time passes differently to us," Carlisle said. "We don't have an exact date set, but most likely some time before your twentieth birthday."

What? Her twentieth birthday was YEARS away, Bella thought. Why then did….

Bella opened her mouth to call them on their lie. Emmett had said twelve periods. That meant a year, which meant she would be eighteen. Just as quickly her mouth snapped shut. She didn't want to say anything, remind them differently. What if they thought she wanted to be a vampire? Would they stick to the year plan then?

Afraid, Bella lowered her head, rolling the edge of her quilt in between her fingers.

"Bella?"

She ignored the question in Esme's voice.

"Bella, you can say whatever you want to say. You have a right to be upset with us and angry. We understand you're shocked and worried and afraid. That's okay," Carlisle stated, shrugging when Esme looked at him after Bella continued to hold her silence.

"Bella." Esme tried. "Sweetheart, we love you. You're family and you will always be family." Esme scooted closer as she spoke until she was able to place a hand on Bella's knee. When she still received no response, she leaned forward, tilting her daughter's down turned head up until she could meet her eyes. "Talk to us, please," she begged.

Bella licked her lips. "I don't want to be a vampire," she finally uttered.

"I know, sweetie. I know you don't, but we don't have any control over this." Esme's pained expression was too real to be faked, Bella thought, even as she hated the words.

"But why?! Why do I have to be changed?! I can keep a secret, I can!" Bella protested, her gaze swinging to Carlisle, trying to convince him.

"We know you can, Bella," Carlisle's attempt to soothe and calm Bella only infuriated her more.

"Then why not?!"

"Do you remember when we found you?" Carlisle asked softly, hating the automatic flinch. "There were other vampires there, and one of them helps rule our kind. Do you remember a man asking if you knew what we were?"

Bella cast back her thoughts, only vaguely aware of being asked such a question. She nodded reluctantly.

"Well, that was Aro. And one of his rules is that any human that knows about vampires' existence either dies or becomes one of us. We had no choice, Bella," Carlisle finished. "I don't think it will cross his mind to think of us for many years, though," he added, hoping to calm Bella. At the word 'die', her heart rate sped up, her eyes darting back and forth between himself and Esme.

She couldn't stand it. She had to say something, remind them-

"Emmett said a year," Bella muttered, looking at Esme to see her reaction. When none was forthcoming, she switched her attention to Carlisle.

"You will be changed when you're ready to be changed, not one minute before," Carlisle promised her. His word was good, Bella knew. Emmett's words still bothered her though, as did-

"Alice saw," the words slipped out. "Alice saw me as a vampire next year. That's it, isn't it?" The words flew, tumbling over each other as Bella rushed them out. She caught Esme's wince from the corner of her eye and turned to look at the other woman. "She did. So it doesn't matter that you want to wait, Alice-"

"Alice's visions are subjective, Bella," Carlisle reminded her. "And she still isn't certain. You can ask her yourself. She has seen you celebrate your nineteenth birthday at times," he promised.

*****

Silence had fallen after Carlisle's last words, and neither vampire wanted to rush Bella. She needed time to understand what was going on, each knew. Having to discuss the way your life would end would be enough to make any person need several days to think it over.

That thought in mind, Carlisle rose, Esme following suit.

"We know it's a lot to think about," he promised. "And if you want, we can leave you alone for a bit. Do you have any questions for us right now?"

Bella shook her head no, even though a thousand were trying to fall from her mouth. The cramping had only grown worse through the discussion, and all she wanted was to curl up and wait for the pain to go away. Her arms unconsciously crossed over her stomach, one hand idly rubbing.

Esme's sharp eyes noted the movement, and she disappeared, returning a moment later with a heating pad and a bottle of Ibuprofen. "These will help, Bella," she offered.

Bella took the items gratefully, setting them next to her.

"We'll be downstairs if you would like to talk with us or have any questions," Carlisle reiterated.

Bella watched the couple retreat. As she was turning back to lay down, the forgotten package of Pop-Tarts caught her attention, and her stomach reminded her again that it was patiently waiting for an offering. Ripping the foil open, she quickly devoured the two pastries before swallowing three Ibuprofen and finishing off her juice.

Sleep pulled her under quickly, barely giving her time to wrap the heating pad securely about her waist before succumbing to darkness.

*************

Emmett's arms were laden with bags. Not all of them were for Bella. Rosalie, taking advantage of their impromptu trip, and already purchased several things.

At the moment, Emmett was loitering outside a store, waiting patiently for his wife to finish. The cloying smell of perfume in the store had driven his sensitive nose insane, pushing outside and into the fresh air. He could see Rosalie at the register paying when a window display next door caught his eye. He immediately thought of Alice's words, to buy whatever caught his eye. Well, maybe this would help Bella.

Resolved, he stepped over to the store's door and pushed his way inside.

*************


	21. Chapter 21

Survival of the Soul

By: Lady Saffir

Chapter 21

Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe. I'm just playing with the characters for a bit.

Thanks to Megami for being a great beta. 

Sorry this is late AND short, but I had to stop here, otherwise who knows how long this chapter would be. Other than Otakon at the end of July, I shouldn't have anything else on my schedule that would disrupt my writing time, so hopefully I'm back on my update schedule for good. Thanks for sticking with me through all the craziness.

"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery." JK Rowling

"The key to change... is to let go of fear." Rosanne Cash

*******************

Jasper surreptitiously watched Bella over the edge of the laptop. In the month since the news had been broken that she would have to become a vampire, his newest sister's emotions had been a rollercoaster. She swung from anger to fear in a second, usually at nothing that Jasper could discern. Her face often betrayed her emotions, yet she hadn't had another outburst of the magnitude of the first. Instead, she would purse her lips, her brow furrowing the brief time she was angry. When fear took over, she would usually rush to do something she thought would please Esme or Carlisle.

Jasper knew that Esme and Carlisle were fully aware of why Bella was behaving in such a manner. In fact, the entire family had read up on patterns of recovery an abuse victim might follow, and Bella was clearly at the stage that she intellectually knew that Esme or Carlisle wouldn't Change her or push her away for her behavior, but the little unreasonable voice every person learned to live with and ignore was telling Bella to do something that would please her foster parents and make them want to keep her around.

Bella was currently in the corner chair, curled up with her legs under her, the journal Emmett had purchased for her in her hands. The journal, leather bound with intricate patterns swirling over the cover, had gone a long way towards healing the sudden rift in the sibling relationship the two of them had developed. The family had unabashedly listened in when Emmett had made his offering, Alice already smiling triumphantly while Esme and Carlisle had breathed a sigh of relief when Bella accepted the gift.

"There isn't really anyone other than us you can talk to about things," Emmett had explained. "So I thought maybe it would help if you could write stuff down that's bothering you."

Jasper smiled to himself. Bella and her journal had been inseparable since that day. The rather large book was already half full. Bella had been careful to either write only when she was in her room, or when she was in a position like now, when no one could read over her shoulder. Not that anyone would violate her privacy, but Jasper was certain there were times that Esme itched to get her hands on that book to unlock the secrets of her daughter's mind.

The change in Edward's attitude in the last month was also puzzling. He had avoided Bella for almost a week, until Jasper had pointed out to his brother that his avoidance was hurting Bella. She would watch Edward disappear from the room with a perplexed expression, a frown marring her face as she would turn to whatever distraction Alice had on hand. Jasper didn't think it was so much of a romantic interest on Bella's part. He would have been more surprised to find her ready for such feelings. She had grown comfortable with all the males in the family and was even able to talk to Mike Newton at school without flinching, so long as he kept his distance.

Edward had seemed surprised to find that Bella missed his company, his face thoughtful as he processed Jasper's words, thanking him politely before disappearing upstairs. The next day he had returned to his previous behavior, keeping Bella company during dinner and debating with her the merits of various classic novels.

Life was almost back to where it had been prior to Emmett's sudden case of foot in mouth disease, and Jasper was more than happy to have it that way.

*************

Bella was conscious of the fact that everyone was covertly watching her write in her journal, but there were times she wanted out of her room when she wrote. She had dragged one of the more comfortable chairs into a corner of the living room a few weeks ago, angling it so that she could see the room and no one would be able to read over her shoulder. She didn't think anyone would, but she wanted fair warning before anyone walked up to her.

The sheer relief of being able to express her thoughts and fears in some fashion was beyond compare. The words seemed to flow of their own volition, covering the pages quickly. Sometimes she would write so much that her hand would begin to cramp, but the momentary pain was nothing. She would suffer a thousand such pains gladly, to be able to let the fear and worries out.

She didn't always write about the worries of knowing that her change was slipping closer every day. Today she was getting out the worries of Mike Newton's gradually increasing attention, and the new attention of two other boys. She had no idea what to say or do to convince the blonde teenager she didn't want to get to know him better. He had stopped her just today as they were entering the gym to ask if she wanted to hang out over the weekend. She had managed a polite 'no thank you' before fleeing into the girl's locker room.

A flash of bronze entering the room caught her eye, and Bella hurriedly scribbled the remainder of her thought before getting up to see if Edward wanted to race on Mario Kart for a bit.

***********

Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes. As May approached, it appeared that every student's thoughts turned towards Prom, and who they were taking, and who still didn't have a date. This was the reason he had taken to escorting Bella to some of her classes, hoping the males of the school would be scared off enough to leave her alone. He had picked up several thoughts regarding Bella being a potential prom date.

He was only glad that Bella no longer attended school on sunny days, so they could avoid a date request fiasco like what happened in the fall.

Emmett had begun teasing him – well out of Bella's hearing – about his actions, and Jasper had questioned his motives a few times. Rosalie had rolled her eyes at his insistence that it was only to protect Bella, stating that she was more than capable of standing up for herself now.

And Alice…Alice had been strangely silent on the subject, her thoughts turning to translating ancient texts, or such an inane subject matter that he winced and hoped she would leave his range of hearing as quickly as possible.

Something was rotten in the house of Cullen, Edward just knew it. And somehow everyone was keeping whatever it was from him.

Aggravated, he ran a hand through his hair, sending the already tousled bronze strands into even more of a frenzy. The action proved to also send a few freshman girls' thoughts into a frenzy, and Edward had to bite back a growl. He knew his looks, meant to lure his potential prey in, were attractive to humans, but he wished, not for the first time, that there was something he could say or do that would convince the human girls around him to stop thinking of him like that.

Bella stumbled at his side, her foot catching on the lip of the Biology room doorway. Edward automatically caught the book that fell from her arms, confused as to why Bella had Wuthering Heights with her. She had already read this book, he knew. She had read it several times, in fact, the paperback spine beginning to form numerous creases.

"Thanks," she mumbled, blushing when Edward looked at her.

"You've already read this," Edward stated, pulling out Bella's chair for her before moving to his own.

"Yes."

What he wouldn't give to be able to read her thoughts! Her mental silence made it that much harder to predict her actions, though he felt he was perhaps beginning to be able to correctly guess her response more often than not.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand," he confessed. "Why would you choose to read something so depressing?"

"It isn't depressing," Bella refuted. They were, as always, some of the first students to class, and were well used to spending the few free minutes debating books or movies.

"Yes, it is," Edward insisted. "Cathy and Heathcliffe are monsters that ruin not only their lives but others lives as well."

"Their love is the only good thing they have. Plus-"

"Ha!" Edward muttered darkly. "If that's love, then I want nothing to do with it. They're both monsters."

Bella bit her lip. He could tell she wanted to add more but at that moment Mr. Banner entered the room, calling the class to order.

"What?" he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

She shook her head, swinging her hair forward to hide her face from him.

"Bella? Please tell me?" he scooted his chair closer to the table, leaning into her space, automatically swallowing the flood of venom that pooled in his mouth.

He was rewarded when she turned to look at him, once more chewing on her lip as she considered answering.

"Please?"

His smile must have overcome whatever hesitation she had, the words slipping out even as she turned to face the front of the room, appearing as if she was paying close attention to the lab directions.

"It reminds me that being a mythical creature doesn't make someone a monster, their actions do."

**************

Bella's words haunted Edward all throughout the period. He had no idea what to say to something like that. Should he refute her claim that being a vampire didn't make him a monster? He rather thought that might be more damaging than helpful. Esme would have his head if he did anything to send Bella off on another episode. He was sorrier than he could ever say that she had been condemned to this life. She was full of life, rather like a butterfly waiting to break free from its chrysalis. He was sure once she knew she could fly, there would be no holding her back.

He walked her to gym as usual, meeting up with Jasper as he escorted Alice, the two of them turning to head for their Spanish class.

"What's wrong?" Jasper murmured. _Your emotions are everywhere._

"It's Bella," Edward admitted.

_What's wrong? Did Newton say something? Do we-_

"Calm down," Edward ordered. "You're getting as bad as Emmett." He smiled to take the sting off his words.

The two of them settled into their seats in the back of the room, continuing their conversation at a level humans couldn't hear. They knew that Mrs. Goff would ignore them, for the most part. What was the point of calling on students who spoke the language better than the teacher?

"Yes, we're a bunch of mother hens," Jasper rolled his eyes. "Now tell me what you meant."

Edward quickly recounted their discussion, not having to add his feelings regarding their vampire state. Jasper was well aware that Edward considered them damned. For his part, Jasper had made peace with his state long ago, and preferred not to argue with his brother, or even the family, regarding their standing with any possible religious deity.

_Definitely keep your mouth shut. The decision of whether or not we are damned creatures should be one Bella makes on her own. _"She does have a point though," Jasper mused.

"What do you mean?"

"A person's actions do define them. I'm glad she realizes this."

*************

Angela was waiting for Bella outside of the gym doors. Alice had already informed Bella that her friend would be there and needed to speak with her, so it came as no surprise when the other girl hailed her friend.

"Bella! Bella, can I talk to you a minute?" she asked, jogging over to where Bella and Alice were standing.

"Um, sure. What's up, Angela?" Bella cast a quick look at Alice, knowing her sister knew what Angela wanted but refused to say. Instead, Alice indicated she would be waiting in the the car, smiling an angelic smile at her sister's scowl.

"Ben asked me to the prom," her friend rushed out, pulling the other teenager's attention back.

"That's great!"

"Thanks," Angela smiled. "I was wondering if you would like to go to Port Angeles with me to do some dress shopping."

"Um, sure. What day?"

"Would Friday after school work? Mom doesn't work that day, so I could have the car," Angela offered.

"That should work. I just need to check with Esme," Bella replied. Two girls spoke for another minute before Bella said goodbye, stepping out from under the shelter of the building. It had been raining all day, the ground soaked, and the parking lot was full of puddles. Bella was hopping around and over the miniature lakes when Alice's voice cut through the air, fear making her normally melodic voice turn shrill.

"Bella! Look out!"


	22. Chapter 22

Survival of the Soul

Chapter 22

By: Lady Saffir

Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to the Twilight universe. I'm simply playing with S. Meyer's creations for a bit.

My sincerest apologies for taking so long in posting, and a short piece at that. The month of July required me to either be working or to be out of town, so my writing time was severely limited. The month of August is going much the same way, but now that fall is almost upon us, I hope to be back on my usual schedule. I hope to finish this story at the latest of March, and more on that later. Again, sorry for such a long delay, and thanks for sticking with me!

Anyone who worked in the psych field, especially if you have any experience with abuse victims, I ask to please PM me so I can pick your brain. I have a few questions that I need to ask before we progress much further in the story, and I would greatly appreciate any help given.

"Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever." Kerri Russell

"The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry"

Thanks to Megami for betaing!

**************

Edward wasn't quite running through the halls of the hospital, but his pace was quick enough that a human would have had trouble keeping up. He was well aware that running in a hospital tended to make the staff tense, thinking there was a code or other emergent problem that needed immediate medical interventions. Luckily most of the people he passed knew who he was and who he was trying to reach.

He was through the doors of the Surgery Department's suite and almost to Carlisle's door before Anna was aware the door had opened. He ignored her startled thoughts and words, pulling open the door to Carlisle's office without knocking.

"Carlisle!"

His father figure was around the desk and gripping his shoulder before Edward had finished uttering his name.

"Edward? What's wrong?" _Your face, Edward. What happened?_

"It's Bella," Edward spat out, not giving Carlisle a chance to interrupt. "There was an accident at school. She was almost hit by a car. She's in the ER now."

Carlisle was striding out of his office, his lab coat swirling about his legs as he informed Anna that he would be in the ER. Edward continued his story as they traversed the halls, his voice a low murmur so humans wouldn't be able to easily over hear.

"The parking lot was slick and one of the boys wasn't paying attention. I swear the car headed straight for Bella, like she was a magnet."

"You said almost hit by a car," Carlisle spoke. "What saved her?"

"I did."

"Well, if you were with her then she should be fine," the words carried such relief that Edward hated to shatter that illusion, but there was more he needed to say.

"I wasn't with her," Edward admitted. "I was on the other side of the lot with Jasper."

They were almost to the Emergency Room, Carlisle giving his son a sharp look. _Edward, what did you do?_

"I ran." Edward winced at the look he received. "I barely made it in time, and I, I had to throw myself at her."

_Edward! You could have-_

"I know," Edward said, pulling the various images of what could have gone wrong from the older man's head. "I tried to land so she was on top of me, but I think she still hit her head pretty hard on the pavement."

Carlisle shook his head, pushing open the door to the triage area. He quickly saw Bella in the furthest bed space, Alice with her, while a nurse took her vitals. Alice turned and saw the two of them heading across the room, before turning back to inform Bella that Carlisle had arrived.

"Carlisle! Carlisle, I don't have to stay, do I?" Bella asked in a rush. "I can go home with you, right?"

Carlisle took a moment to flip through the chart, quickly noting the initial exam and that Bella hadn't yet had an X-Ray.

"Edward said you hit your head?" he questioned, moving up to gently probe his daughter's scalp. At her wince he stopped, moving her hair aside to view the already good sized knot forming towards the back of her head on the left.

"I'm fine, it doesn't really hurt," Bella insisted, trying to hold back another wince.

"Bella, don't try and be a hero," Edward instructed. "You need to be checked out."

"I'm fine! This is nothing!"

Carlisle held up a hand to stop the argument. "You'll need to get an X-Ray and then we'll see. If it's negative, you can probably go home, but we'll need to check with the doctor that's in charge of your care."

"That would be me," a deep male voice interjected behind the group.

Carlisle turned to see Chris Enders, one of the ER physicians. "Chris, how are you?"

"Good, Carlisle. Yourself?"

"Just fine. Can you tell me what you think?" Carlisle tilted his head in Bella's direction.

"She should be fine, just need that X-Ray series to confirm. I'd be leery about sending her home immediately, but if she's going home with you, there shouldn't be any problems. I'm sure you know what to watch for," he grinned as he said it, pulling the chart up and scribbling discharge orders. "Just see that she gets the films and you can be out of here."

"Thanks, Chris. I'll see that she gets them."

*****************

Bella flushed when Esme fussed over her when they arrived home, squirming uncomfortably when she was settled onto the couch, Tylenol administered and various questions regarding her head answered. Alice had sat with her long enough to pat her hand and tell her she would be the talk of the school tomorrow before disappearing to find Jasper.

Emmett's offer to snack on the careless idiot that had almost killed her was met with a distracted, 'sure', as Bella tried in vain to catch Edward's attention as he rushed through the room. She wanted to thank him for saving her and hadn't had the chance to do so. As soon as he was sure Carlisle was with her he had disappeared, leaving Alice and her to ride home with Carlisle. He was avoiding her, she was sure, but why? Was he mad at her for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

She shook her head, casting the thought out. She knew he wouldn't be angry over something like that. She had been trying very hard, the past few months, to change her way of thinking. It was a slow process, and at times Bella wished she could simply reboot her brain. Most of the thoughts only came when she had to watch the rest of the family change their plans in order to accommodate the human.

Esme's scolding of Emmett for even joking of such a thing pulled Bella back into the conversation as she allowed herself to be distracted.

***********

Edward knew a family meeting would occur just as soon as Bella was asleep. His actions today had come very close to putting the family in danger, and Rosalie, at least, was determined to say something. That he could hear her thoughts didn't matter; she wanted everyone else to hear what she had to say. Alice had already assured him everything would be fine – via text. Something was up, and he intended to push as many of Alice's buttons as it took for her to reveal what she was hiding.

Distracted by trying to figure out what his sister could have seen, he was stopped short when Bella's scent reached him. She was standing just outside her bedroom door, one hand nervously twisting a strand of hair while her teeth worried at her lower lip.

"Bella," he greeted. "Turning in for the night?"

"It's late," she stated, hesitating before pushing on. "I just wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" Edward snorted. "Bella, I could have killed you."

"But you didn't," she refuted, taking two steps so that she was standing just before him. She reached out one hand slowly, lightly touching his arm. "I know what you risked, saving me like that. So thank you."

Bella gave him a quick smile before turning and entering her room. Frowning, Edward raked one hand through his hair before heading downstairs.

********

"How could you have been so irresponsible?" Rosalie hissed. She had barely waited for everyone to gather around the table before starting her diatribe.

"What was I supposed to do, Rosalie, let her be killed?" Edward argued. "Alice saw that she would have life threatening injuries. I couldn't just stand there."

"No one is saying you should have, Edward," Carlisle spoke, raising one hand to stave off Rosalie's next argument. "I'm not saying that something else couldn't have been done, but I think we can all agree that Bella needed saving."

"There's no point in yelling at Edward now, babe," Emmett said, patting his wife's knee. "Alice says everything will be fine, and Edward will be keeping an ear out. It'll be old news in two days."

"And speaking of Alice," Edward turned to his sister. "What are you hiding?"

"I don't have to share my every thought with you. There are some things I'd rather not," Alice's lofty tone did nothing to dissuade Edward.

"You're hiding something," he repeated. "I have a feeling it has something to do with me."

"Drop it, Edward," Alice gritted her teeth, her thoughts full of translating Carlisle's medical text into Russian.

_Leave her alone, Edward_

"Not until she tells me what's going on," Edward answered Jasper's thought, even as he and Alice stared one another down.

"Edward, Alice has a right to her privacy."

"She's been keeping something from me for some time now, Esme, and I'd like very much to know what it is."

"It isn't time, yet, Edward. Just please, give me some time," Alice pleaded, her thoughts starting to waver.

Sensing a victory, Edward only pushed all the harder. "You Saw something in the parking lot today, Alice. And you've been Seeing something for some time now, I imagine. What did you See when I knocked Bella out of the way?"

Her sister's name was enough to crumble Alice's remaining mental blocks, and Edward watched in horrified fascination as Alice's vision of Bella and him together. The visions flashed quickly, each providing short insights into his future. The two of them holding hands, walking down the hallway at school, sitting together, heads close as they reviewed a text, his arm slung lazily about her shoulders as she snuggled into his side, each felt like a punch. The knock out came with the last vision.

Alice's vision from so many months ago, of the two of them dancing beneath the stars, their skin lit by fairy lights. Edward sucked in a breath as he watched himself and Bella kiss before he realized he was able to see a wedding band on his hand.

"No! Are you out of your mind?!" Edward yelled, jumping to his feet.

"Christ, I hate when you two pull this shit," Emmett grumbled. "Is it so hard to have a conversation like normal people?"

"Emmett," Esme warned before turning back to Edward and Alice.

"It won't happen," Edward promised, his eyes narrowing when Alice rolled her own at him.

"It's been fairly solid for months now, Edward," his sister scoffed. "All you did today was cement it."

"No! Absolutely not! I won't do that to her," Edward insisted.

"Do what? Love her? Oh, yes, a fate worse than death."

"Time out," Carlisle ordered. The two siblings turned to look at the older man, Alice flipping ahead to see what Carlisle would say, smirking at Edward when she saw his decision. Edward growled, not liking where this conversation was heading.

"Alice, please explain what you've been seeing," Carlisle ordered, motioning for each to sit down.

"Bella," Alice began promptly, sticking her tongue out at Edward when he snorted. "Bella with Edward, to be precise."

Her statement broke the room in to chaos, everyone speaking at once.

"What? Alice-"

"Ha, good one. Pull the other leg, short stuff."

"Hurt her and you die."

"Together? Bella's the one for Edward?"

The last statement had Edward whipping his head around to stare at Esme. Her thoughts were jumbled, worry overlapping joy, overlaid with a thick blanket of concern.

"She's wrong, Esme," Edward refuted. "She's wrong, I won't let her be right."

Carlisle tapped one finger against the table before speaking. "Edward, I'd like to hear exactly what Alice has been Seeing, regarding the two of you."

"Don't I have a right to my privacy?" Edward was grasping at straws, hoping to keep this conversation at bay. He groaned at Carlisle's thoughts before he spoke them.

"Ordinarily, yes, Edward, this would be between you and Alice. However, given the circumstances I'm afraid we all need to hear what is going to happen."

"It isn't going to happen," Edward insisted.

"Shut up and let Alice talk," Emmett said, grinning. "I for one can't WAIT to hear about you finally having a love life."

"Emmett, this isn't the time for teasing."

Emmett shrugged, unsuccessfully smothering his grin for Esme.

"I Saw it soon after Bella came to live with us," Alice began, her audience rapt. "It was pretty hazy, but it's been growing stronger every time I check. I see Edward and Bella together – and you're happy," she added pointedly to her brother. "Today seems to have cemented the vision. It's rock solid."

"Do you know when, Alice?"

The petite woman frowned, trying to date her vision. "I think within a year. That's the best guess I can give you," she offered apologetically to Carlisle.

"It isn't-"

"Oh, shut up already, Edward," Rosalie snapped, exasperated. "Clearly you've made up your mind, but it isn't changing Alice's visions. Just get over it and accept it." _And understand if you hurt her you're dead_

"I would never do anything to intentionally harm Bella," Edward insisted. "But I won't allow this to happen."

"Why? Is it because she's a rape victim?" By now Rosalie was standing, leaning over the table as she glared at her brother.

Edward jerked back, his knees bumping into his chair. The force knocked the chair to the ground but the crash was ignored as the family watched the shouting match between the two.

"Absolutely not! That wasn't her fault, and only a cad would hold something like that against a woman," Edward insisted, truly insulted Rosalie thought so little of him.

"Then what is it? If it isn't because she was raped, then why are you so adamant not to form a relationship?"

"I-because-Rosalie, it just isn't going to happen!"

Unable to take any more, Edward fled the room, leaving the house and leaping over the river before Esme could call him back. It was just as well, as her thoughts had been steadily growing in happiness, and he couldn't stand to do anything that disappointed her. A relationship with Bella was out of the question. What did he have to offer her, anyway?

**********


End file.
